written; 2015

Disclaimers: all characters belong to Hiro Mashima

{you look sad when you think no one is looking at you}

4th, January X791

Dear Natsu,

It's been over a month since your disappearance. You left before the guild spilt, so I guess you don't know about it. I wish you did. And I want you to know I miss you. And I need to tell you something… But I'll only tell you when you come back. So please stop hurting me and return, Natsu! Please…

Things have been alright here. I'm in Crocus right now. everyone has gone their separate ways, but I've been keeping watch. I'll be ready when the guild gets back together. Please come back, Natsu. I'm waiting for you and Happy. It's only been a few months and… /*noticeable water marks, smeared ink*/ Come on Natsu. You're my fire dragon slayer and we're partners, remember?

Lucy picked up her pen from the paper, not bothering to sign the letter. She folded the note up and placed it neatly inside an envelope, closing it with a red seal. She stuffed it into a box on her desk, different from the one she sent letters to her mother to… This one was just for Natsu.

2nd, February X791

Hey Natsu,

I've decided to write to you more frequently (even though I have no idea where you are and you can't read my letters) but, I'll say it again: Please come back. I better see you soon alight, Natsu? I have something very important to say to you when you get here!

Sorry it's short,

Lucy H.

9th, February X791

Hello again Natsu,

I got a job today as a reporter. With that Jason guy. Remember? The one who always screams "coooooool" all the time. yeah, him. He got so excited when I walked in and made me summon four spirits at once! Hah, not many stellar spirit mages can do that huh? Come home soon! Or some serious ass kicking will go down. I've been training too, even if I am in the city. I can even re-quip like Erza... Come on Dragneel. Ever heard of "home is where the heart is"?

Lucy

Lucy woke up every morning and stretched. She felt so cold, waking to air like ice and shivered. She didn't know why, but she always had to turn the heater up, or get a thicker blanket. And she awoke, eyes downcast, but today she might find more news on any of her guild mates, so she willed herself to get up. And every day she said to herself before she left her house "Today, I'm going to give it my all!" Lucy didn't really know why she said it, but, she felt she just needed to say something aloud to keep her going. When she went out, doing her job, interviewing, reporting; her eyes were always clouded and dull, thinking about something else. Even when she was working, or even alone, Lucy rarely smiled. She wasn't cheerful, and when she thought no one was looking, her mouth was usually bent in a frown. Every night, she'd open her bag and spill the contents onto the floor, spreading out news she had found that day to discover what her friends were doing, and hopefully find they location of Natsu and Happy, but for those two nothing ever came up. When she went to bed, she always felt tears run down her face, but she never remembered starting to cry.

17th, May X791

I bet you'll be glad to know I've been keeping track on the rest of the guild. Besides you of course... you're untrackable. That's all for today...

-Lucy

As the months past, she was afraid. Whenever she glanced down at the crest on her hand, she feared it would disappear; shimmer and fade away in a sparkle, like she remembered Wendy's Cait Shelter emblem fading. So Lucy found herself constantly looking down at it, reminding herself, that as long as it was there, Fairy Tail hadn't truly disbanded.

But that became harder and harder to believe as the months wore on. She'd sink into the bath in a flood of tears and yell at herself for being so weak and helpless. Why couldn't she do something about it? Why couldn't she go out and find her friends? The reason was, deep down, Lucy had convinced herself that they didn't need the bond of their old guild any longer, that they had moved on. That thought horrified her.

14th, July X791

Natsu,

It's officially been 6 months since you left. Thanks for the freaking note you left for me.

Honestly, what truly hit her hardest was Natsu and Happy leaving. It was so sudden and abrupt. She'd held their crummy letter with quivering hands and sprinted out of her apartment at full speed. By the time she'd made it to their house, the two were already gone. Lucy had sunken to her knees, eyes wide. They wouldn't really leave her like that… would they?

When she was alone, she'd stare at the news paper clippings of her nakama on her wall. She had stopped writing her novel long ago, keeping it hidden deep in her desk drawer gathering dust. Levy wasn't there to read it anymore anyway, and it's not like she could get the piece of junk published. She tried to practice her magic as much as possible, and even though seeing her spirits eyeing her sympathetically caused an ache in her chest, she wanted to grow stronger and train like Natsu and taught herself how to requip like Erza into different star dresses. She grew her hair long, nearly to her waist, because she didn't have the strength to get it cut. It grew one inch a month. 12 months, 12 inches. But she always maintained hope; with every step or breath or movement, she told herself that there was still something to look forward to. After all, they'd never said goodbye. That had to mean that she'd see them again.

It was about after seven months since the guild disbanded, when Lucy found it hard to tell herself that. But she smiled, even if it was fake and shouted "I'm gonna give it my all!" even though she knew… she was lying.

29th, December X792

Dear mother,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you in so long. I don't want to bother you, but I just had to get something off my chest... About Natsu...

"I love him..."

He's not coming back.

Your daughter,
Lucy