HOST
Summary: AT between season 3 and 4, spoilers for 4.09. I feel like Sam was way too easily persuaded to the demon blood business. There has to be more than what he told his brother. What would Ruby do to get in his head? What would it take for Sam to be that 'easy'? A standalone piece; but can be a companion to Pure and Impurities.
A/N: I'm continuing the Pure series but this story was bothering me for a while. I just wanted it to get out of the way.
"Why do you trust her so much?" Dean asked; his eyes trained on his brother.
"I told you."
"You got to do better than that. Hey, and I'm not trying to pick a fight here. I mean, I really want to understand. But I need to know more." Dean was nearly pleading. "I mean, I deserve to know more."
Yes, he did deserve more. But how was Sam going to explain? Telling the truth was not an option.
"Because... She saved my life."
XXX
Six months earlier
Sam was angry. Angry at everything. Angry at himself, even angry at Dean. This damned demon had managed to find her way out of the pit, but not his brother. If it was something doable, Dean fucking Winchester should have been the one doing it. Not this demon skank! It did not help that Ruby was incredibly happy, literally chirping as if everything was just fine. She was talking about French fries for god's sake! Sam could just throttle her.
Finally she got the memo that her driver was not sharing her mood.
"I'm a fugitive... For you, Sam. I took all of this risk to get back to you, so, yeah, I deserve a damn 'thank you'."
"Who asked you to save me?" He meant it. He did not want to be saved. He just wanted everything to be over.
"I'm just trying to help."
"Can you help me save Dean?" Before he could stop himself he asked that damn question again. He knew there was no chance whatsoever; but the hope always found its way into his bleeding heart. Small, tiny, faint… but always there. After all that had happened, there was still that hope, desperately waiting for a positive answer.
"No... Nothing I know of is powerful enough to do that."
Of course... the same answer as always. Expecting it never helped the pain though. One would think after all the times his hopes had shattered, he should have gotten used to it by now. But, no; every single time it was as if a blunt blade pushing inside his heart.
"Then I have no use for you."
He did not need any more reminder of where his brother was, that he was suffering because of him, that Sam could do nothing… That he had not saved him when he had a chance. That he had not done what Ruby offered back then. He could not live with the poster of lost opportunity hanging around.
But Ruby was nothing if not persistent. Probably that's how she made it out of hell. How come she did not realize the pain she was causing? How her presence was torture on Sam?
"Whose body are you riding, Ruby?"
"What do you care? You've never asked me that before."
"I'm asking now."
If he only had known it was that easy to get rid of her. Sam was sure he saw some guilt in those eyes when she mentioned who was the girl she was wearing. Maybe she did remember something about being a human after all.
XXX
Sam was almost oblivious to his surroundings, lost in the memories while cleaning the guns. It was actually Dean's job. Blades were Sam's thing, guns were... had been Dean's. There was nothing Sam did these days that not made him remember his older brother; but cleaning the guns was right at the top of the list. It had to be the smell, he thought; the oil he was using had that distinct smell. It was literally a part of Dean's personal essence. He drank a big gulp from the whiskey again; knowing very well how angry Dean would have been if he could see him right now: Drunk and lost.
A faint knock on the door brought him back to the real world. He was in the hunter mode in less than a second. He opened the door cautiously with a shotgun on hand.
XXX
Present Day
"And it was Ruby."
"So?" Dean asked. "She changed the meat suit."
"Yeah. Got something from a fresh dead coma patient." Sam looked at Dean's eyes; was afraid that he could catch the epic lie.
"And?"
And now was the time to use his charms and tell the most believable story to his brother.
XXX
Six months ago
Seeing the body in front of him, Sam's mind stopped for a second.
"Dean?" his response was reflexive.
"Sorry sugar."
"Ruby?" OK, it was not Dean's body; Sam could see better now. But God, he looked so much like him.
"Yep. You asked me to stop riding unwilling bodies, so I found a willing one." Ruby, in a male body, oblivious to Sam's utterly shocked gaze, passed him into the cabin.
"What?" Sam being totally confused with the sight could not acknowledge what Ruby had said.
"I thought, why not choose someone easy on your eyes." Ruby smirked.
God! That was Dean's patented smirk. How she could do that? No one else was supposed to do that.
"Ruby… Who…who's this?" Sam, finally pulling himself together, gestured the body who was shamelessly grinning.
"He is whoever you want him to be. I paid him in front and he agreed for anything. Quite a cheap lad too; poor thing."
"You're wearing… a whore?"
"Tsk, tsk… no name calling now." She responded, quite amused by her new meat-suit.
"And it's a total coincidence that he looks so much like…" he could complete after a deep breath "Dean?"
"Of course not. I chose him for you. I thought you'd like it." She turned on her heels, opening her arms to exhibit her new body.
"Yeah? You can't be more wrong. How could you think seeing a constant reminder of him around would be something I'd enjoy?" He was angry at the demon, but he could not take his eyes from the body in front of him. He was just too beautiful not to watch.
"It's not for too long. Just…" Ruby got closer, place her hands on Sam's shoulder softly. "Just for a little while. I wanted to do something nice for you." She caught his gaze with her -now green- eyes; somewhat pleading that her gift would be well received.
Was it Dean's cologne he… she was wearing? It had to be more than the cologne; she… he smelled just like Dean. It was Dean's scent. If he closed his eyes, there would be no way telling it was not his brother standing in front of him.
Ruby continued, encouraged by the silence. "I can make him look a lot more like him, you know."
When she got closer to his body, Sam closed his eyes tight. He was not sure whether it was Ruby's new voice that suddenly became so seductive or it was the offer itself.
"See it yourself." Ruby whispered into his ear.
Sam felt fingers ghosted over his face. The god damn scent was going to kill him. Finally he managed to shrug himself from Ruby's insistent touch.
"Stop it Ruby!"
When he opened his eyes it was not the poor rent boy standing right in front of him anymore; it was Dean. He lost his breath looking at those dark green eyes... the light freckles covering that beautiful face… and that sinful line just in the middle of the full bottom lip… Fuck! It was Dean.
"I told you that I can make it more like him." Not!Dean explained with his new, very Dean, voice.
"How… did.. how…?" blubbered Sam, completely forgot the whole English vocabulary.
"It's a simple spell; just changed the way he looks. Nothing permanent, only for couple of days. Don't think too much on it, just enjoy the view and…" She stopped very suggestively.
Sam was determined to not fall into this, but the look, the smell, the voice… the god damn, freaking, husky voice… It was just too much. He was fully aware that the body –standing way too close now- was not his brother; but could not help it when the scent was so freaking intoxicating. He was literally fighting to resist the urge to hug him; hug him so tight and never let go… With an incredible willpower that he did not know he possessed, he could pull himself back to reality; the couple of steps he took back helped with the effect of the scent too.
"Are you insane? What are you trying to do? Why are you here, Ruby? For once answer me straight!"
"I can't bring Dean back. But I can get you something else that you want."
"And you think that's a cheap copy of my brother."
Ruby rolled her eyes. God! It was just like Dean.
"Lilith, you stupid. I can help you to have revenge"
Sam knew what Ruby was asking. She had asked that before and Sam –by Dean's strict enforcement- had refused it. 'Look how well that worked out' he mocked in his head.
"You're gonna show me how to use my psychic whatever?... Let's do it."
"Really?"
"I want that bitch to suffer." And of course –although he did not want to confess even to himself- there was a tiny little hope that by using his powers he might manipulate Lilith to save Dean. "Just tell me what I have to do."
"Slow down cowboy. You're weak."
"What?"
"You heard me. At this state you cannot even tickle Lilith."
"What do I have to do?"
Not!Dean raised one eyebrow just like the original and watched the younger man in front of him for a while.
"You know why you have these powers, right?"
Sam was taken aback by the question. Yes, he did know; Azazel showed him the reason. When he was just a little baby he was exposed to- Wait a minute!
"What are you sayin'? "
"You know what I'm saying. It's the only way. You need your special powers to hurt the bitch and there isn't a power plant to fill you up… I mean other than me." She got really close to Sam with the last sentence.
Sam knew he was not supposed to even think about it. But, not!Dean was too close again. His distinct scent -reminding him the nights spent in the impala or spent tending each other's wounds in cheap hotel rooms- was playing with his head; messing with the terrible longing he was suffering for so long.
"Ruby…"
"Let not talk about business right now, huh? You're tired, don't you?"
He was tired, suddenly more than ever.
"Come here." She gingerly pulled the larger body into her arms; hugged him kindly.
Sam felt weak. He knew he was not supposed to get that close. But… He missed him so fucking much. And although he knew it was not his brother, the warmness was nice. It was not much different than looking for comfort from a dream, he argued with himself. A harmless act. He hugged the smaller body a little bit tighter, indulging the scent. He let the warmness spread into his body, let it heat up his frozen heart.
"Shhh.. I know Sam. I knew it all along. You can have it now. You don't have to fight it." Ruby tried to console him with Dean's voice.
"What? What are you talking about?"
Sam snatched himself from the warmness. She could not know, right? She must have meant something else. Sam himself had not realized his feelings until the night he had lost his brother. There was no way she would have. No way.
"I know how much you want it. I want it too, Sam. Hell, even the rent boy wants it. Actually, he'd love it. For once he is gonna fuck someone gorgeous. It's all him getting hard down there, not me. He wants you inside-"
"Shut up, Ruby! Just shut up. You're insane." He had to run away. He had to. He should not even acknowledge these sick thoughts. Fuck! He was lusting for his brother! For his dead brother for fuck's sake! If only Dean knew such a sick person his 'baby' brother was…
"Come on Sam. I'm the devil in this room. You don't have to hide it from me." replied, not!Dean. "I'm not here to judge. You can even blame me if you want." She/he was talking right into Sam's mouth now; lips were almost touching his.
"Dean…" he could not help but murmured.
He was weak and sliding down; probably into a trap, but he could not care any less. He could blame Ruby or the liquor he was drowning in or … Fuck no! He was not going to-
"Sammy."
That was when his last strong hold collapsed. He grabbed the so familiar face between his hands and claimed the very mouth he had wanted since he could not remember when. The taste was familiar, just as he had expected. It reminded him that old, innocent big brother kisses which had been given plenty when he was young, when he had been hurt or scared or sad… or just because.
Ruby was right, he needed this. God, how he needed this!