Welcome, children. Welcome…to the KARMA CIRCLE.
There's a common saying that has many variations upon it. "What goes around, comes around." Karma, kismet, justice, call it what you like. Whatever you give to others will, in time, come back to you. It's a good sentiment.
It's one that Ms. Gazlene Membrane doesn't buy into.
Her entire life, Gaz has lived a life of self-entitlement. But unbeknownst to her, she's about to go too far. It all comes to down to hubris, ultimately. Not merely hers, but the hubris that so many often show when confronted with the wrongs they've done.
Whenever an argument is made, there's an unmistakable feeling that rises up: the idea that you are being held to a standard, and that if you can't make that standard, there's an excuse. "You PROMISED!" "Look, I made another promise I can't break!" "You said you'd never talk to her again!" "SHE approached ME!"
The idea of the accused: we adhered to the standard. It was someone else who screwed it up for us, not our fault. "It's never my fault" is a common defense of the prideful.
That defense won't hold up in court.
…as Gaz Membrane is about to find out.
The new kid was an obvious dweeb. Gaz rolled her eyes, arms folded across her chest as Mr. Elliot introduced the dork to the class. He quietly waved his hand up, nervously smiling at them all as they parroted back a "Hello, Lars" that Mr. Elliot asked them to say. Gaz, however, didn't do that. She just "hmmphed" and watched him sit next to her at an empty desk as he put his notebook down and began listening to the lesson.
His appearance was positively ridiculous. Striped t-shirt? Big glasses like goggles on his face? Overly large boots? It was as if he'd fallen out of the terrible fashion tree and hit every branch on his way down.
"Why not just throw in a yellow rain coat, you'd make the outfit perfect." She chuckled to herself.
"Oh? Really?" Lars asked, blinking a bit as he looked over at the purple-haired young girl, who gave him a "What are you, stupid" glare that he didn't seem to get at first until her lips became a taunt line. "Oh. Um…hi. I'm Lars."
"I don't care." Gaz remarked. "You'll probably be sent to the Underground Classrooms by the end of the year. So excuse me if I don't feel like getting to know you."
"I've heard from Mr. Elliot you were very scary. Evidently he was right." Lars sighed, hanging his head and continuing to scribble down on his notepad as Gaz just snorted out her nostrils.
Things didn't get better for him at lunch. As the new kid, this meant Torque Smacky was going to immediately pick on him. Luckily for Lars, he'd chosen to sit next to Dib and Gaz, and Torque was in no mood to get anywhere near the creepy goth girl and her lunatic brother. Even if it meant getting ahold of "fresh meat".
"First day in school?" Dib asked, tilting his head to the side, looking Lars over as the greenish-eyed young lad sighed and nodded.
"Yeah, um…I'm kind of nervous about this." He admitted. "I'm from a very…Jewish school originally. There's many rules we need to follow, so if I'm not picking up on-"
"No, no, I understand." Dib said with a sympathetic smile. "I know what it feels like to be the odd one out. Not even my dad being theProfessor Membrane helps. I'm still "Crazy Old Dib"."
"You're THE Professor's Son? Didn't he become your very planet's president just a month ago?" Lars asked, looking astonished as Gaz shrugged, Dib rubbing the back of his neck. "Why are there not more children eager to sit with you?"
"Because we're still too weird." Dib sighed. "Not even my dad winning after being a write-in candidate will fix that, evidently."
"I'm sorry." Lars offered apologetically. "My own father was a big deal where I come from but that didn't mean I was totally off-limits either."
"Well then lemme give you some advice: stay away from Zim. He's an alien. And he'll want to do things to your lungs." Dib suggested.
Lars looked across the cafeteria floor at the obviously green kid who was poking his food with a fork. The food then began to visibly quiver and Zim let out a screech, taking off running.
"Uh…is the food supposed to do this?" Lars asked, looking down at the green stuff on a plate in front of him, poking it with a spoon.
"Ohhh. To die! To sleep, no more!" The meal proclaimed, Lars gaping in surprise as Dib frowned a bit and Gaz just rolled her eyes. "Perchance to dream?"
CHOMP. Gaz stuffed it into her mouth as Lars's mouth hung open like he was trying to catch flies, Gaz swallowing it down and sighing. "I hate it when the Summer Special is served."
"How about you take my pudding cup?" Dib offered to Lars, pushing it over to him as Lars happily took it, Gaz taking Dib's sandwich and biting into it. "Hey!"
"I need it to get the taste of Summer Special out of my mouth."
"Then why didn't you pack your own-"
"Why bother when I can just take yours like you took the last slice?" Gaz remarked.
"You ate all the OTHER slices-" Dib began to complain before Gaz slammed his head into his milk cartoon, making him flop backwards onto the floor, moaning as everyone else who was even remotely close to their table inched away, Lars blinking at that.
"Don't you think you should treat your brother better?" He asked, Dib moaning in agony as he rubbed his head.
"…nnnnope." Gaz remarked, hopping off the table, onto her brother, then walking away.
"MY ORGANS!"
"Whiner."
…
…
…
…it was quickly becoming clear to Lars that something was wrong with Gaz Membrane. She was a horrible, hateful person. She always sat alone in Recess and if you even remotely came close to her, you'd either get glared at or tripped. She would forcibly shove aside people in the hallways. If anybody else was in the bathroom when she wanted it to herself, they'd get kicked out immediately. And she was, not to mention, quite unpleasant towards everyone even in-class. She answered no questions. Didn't turn in her homework, her brother had a tendency to come to school with bruises. Half the time he said he got into a fight with Zim. The other half he "fell". Yeah. Fell. Onto someone's clear and obvious fist marks.
And then it happened. The big mistake.
Gaz turned to see the school's new guidance counselor, Mr. Thildari, was approaching her. She groaned, rolling her eyes as her stopped in place and folded his arms over his chest. "I don't even need to be able to see to tell you just rolled your eyes at me, Gazlene. I got a call from a concerned student who's worried about your home life and that it might be affecting your school performance."
"Was it my stupid brother?!" Gaz demanded to know. "I don't have time for his nonsense. Nor do I have time for your stupid psycho-analysis mumbo-jumbo."
"But your hell dimensions you like invoking, THAT'S hard science?" Mr. Thildari remarked.
Gaz kicked him in the knee. He just flinched. "Bet you didn't think I'd hit a blind guy, would you?" She snapped at him. "Now stay away from me! You probably touch children in your office." The purple-haired girl muttered, stomping off as Mr. Thildari frowned, rubbing his sore knee, his clean white-pants scuffed up from her foot as Dib gulped at the sight of Gaz approaching him, he and Lars standing before Dib's locker. Lars had been showing off some nice sculpted little necklaces that he'd made in art class but he quickly tucked them away in his pocket as Gaz pointed an accusatory finger at Dib. "WELL!?"
"What did I do now?" Dib asked.
"You ratted me out to the guidance counselor, didn't you?" She demanded to know, a fire brimming in her eyes as she poked him in the chest with her finger. "You got ten seconds to tell the guidance counselor you didn't mean anything by it or I'll sic my gummy bear guards on you to eat your flesh when we get-"
"I'm the one who called him." Lars said, Gaz's head whipping over in his direction. "I thought that's why you never do any classwork. Like, maybe your father's been hard on you at home?"
"Dad's not really ever around ever since he became President Man. But I do my homework just fine whenever I can." Dib said with a sigh. "Gaz just…doesn't do the work."
"Well why haven't you been expelled-?"
"Because Professor Membrane is our dad, and he, well…he kinda built the school. He's richer than God." Dib added, rubbing the back of his neck as Gaz smirked proudly. "And that was BEFORE he became President."
"So all you do is just hang out around school, not doing anything but playing video games and beating people up?" Lars asked, evidently mortified as Gaz shrugged.
"School's stupid. Can I walk up to the McDonalds and to the counter and tell them you can make limestone from gunpowder? Well they give me a cheeseburger if I tell them that shit?" She snorted, shaking her head.
"You could just stay home." Lars reasoned. "What are you doing here you don't already do there?"
Gaz's eyes narrowed slightly, Mr. Thildari suddenly realizing what she intended to do. "Gaz?" He began to say.
"You got something to say to me?" She asked, taking a step forward, getting right in Lars's face as he squirmed a bit under her gaze, feeling her hot breath on his face before taking in a breath.
"You're really mean to everyone here in school, everyone's too afraid of you to tell you to stop. So I'm saying it now. Stop it." He said.
"Oooooh! Help, help, Gaz is being mean to me!" Gaz snorted, waving her hands in the air.
"You're a bully, pure and simple. And you think you can coast by just because of your dad. Thirty years from now when you can't get a job because you didn't pay any attention in class, I hope you think back to these years and realize how it all went wrong." Lars said.
"Pssht. I'll just become a trust fund baby with billions to burn." Gaz laughed.
"Then I hope your brother is the one who inherits the estate, and not you." Lars said. "Cuz you don't deserve anything."
That. Got through to her. THAT ticked her off, and she slapped Lars across the face, making him cringe as his goggles went flying off. She stomped down on them, growling in his face before heading off down the hallway, kids peeking out from behind corners as Mr. Thildari helped Lars up, Dib sighing as he picked the goggle/glasses up, looking them over.
"I'm really sorry, Lars. They look pretty bad. But I do have a spare pair, you want to borrow my glasses, see if they-"
"I'll…just go home." Lars mumbled darkly, and Dib was sure he could hear a new, furious, baleful tone in the new student's words. "I'll see you later, Dibbun." He added, Thildari escorting him away, Lars looking like he was about to explode.
That was the first mistake. The big one. But it wasn't the final straw. No, no. That came that night.
Dib had been back at home and was in the bathroom, about to turn on the shower when his ears perked up, and he put his head to the wall. He listened in, eyes narrowing slightly as he heard his sister speaking in her room.
More importantly, he heard ZIM.
"How'd you get this number?!" Zim demanded to know on the other end of the Skype conference call.
"I'd like to know how an idiot like you figured out "Skype"."
Zim blushed on the other end. "Well, um…it's none of your business. I just happened to find a very lovely young meatbag who is quite eager to hear of Zim's exploits. And she's most interested in helping me in close quarters! COMBAT. Close quarters combat. Yes, I've, ah…much to show her, since I'm…so amazing."
"Oh, you're incredible alright, Zim." Gaz snorted. "Look. I need a favor. Do this for me, and I'll do one for you. And I'm sure you'd looooove a favor from me. Especially in regards to my brother."
Dib's eyes went wide. He knew Zim was going to pounce at this, but he had to hear more closely. He carefully eased the bathroom door open, wrapping a towel around his waist as he inched towards her room, putting his ear to the door.
"What are your terms?"
"I know Dib's first in line in Dad's will. Dad keeps hoping he'll go into "real science" and carry on the name. I want it all to myself. Can you make up some mind-wiping thing to help out?"
Dib inwardly growled. He couldn't believe Gaz was being so selfish she'd be willing to hurt their father just to keep her own lifestyle.
"Of course! I AM ZIM! But I'd want something from you, little Gaz." He said with a big smirk. "It pertains to your brother. You must get me a lock of his hair as proof of-"
Dib didn't even try to stick around. He bolted down the steps, out the front door and barreled as fast as he could down the sidewalk, Gaz poking her head outside her door and frowning. "Damn. He's really booking it. All those years of chasing after you have really done wonders for his glutes." She realized aloud as Zim blushed a bit more.
Dib, meanwhile, was now panting heavily as he raced along the sidewalk, trying to get to the police station. But fate would intervene, for instead he could see Lars on the sidewalk up ahead, speaking to Mr. Thildari.
"Thank you again for dropping me off at my home-oh." He turned, seeing Dib standing there, hair unkempt and wet, heavily heaving as he struggled to stay up, eyes filled with terror. "What is it?"
"My sister and Zim were plotting to mind-wipe my dad into leaving me out of his will and Zim wanted a lock of my hair and she's-she's-AGH!" Dib held his head and shook it back and forth. "I need help! You two are, like, the only people who seem to realize how awful she gets! Can you help me talk to my dad about this?"
"We'll do you one better." Lars said, giving Dib a small smile as Mr. Thildari put a hand on Dib's shoulder. "There's something we'd like to show you…"
A few minutes later, a knock came to Gaz's door. She rolled her eyes, opening it up, finding Lars standing there with Mr. Thildari as they stepped inside, quickly closing the door. Gaz's eyes narrowed darkly, pointing at them. "Get out of here or I will send you to a nightmare-"
Thildari extended a hand, and Gaz went FLYING through the air, pinned to the wall as he pressed the green gem in the middle of his silver necklace. Lars pressed a small belt buckle he had on, and both their appearances shifted. Now what stood before her was unmistakably another Irken like Zim, but taller, with balled antennae, a big, white set of robes and pale, blind eyes as his form glowed with psychic power. And what stood next to him was a horned, grey-skinned alien with slightly bent legs and taloned feet, sharp teeth and a dark glare to his goggle-wearing eyes.
"What the…aliens?! MORE of you?" Gaz asked.
"Not just any aliens. I am Darithil. Head assistant to the Prince here." The blind irken said, gesturing at the blue-robed horned alien Lars was. "Lard Nar here is the head of Vort, a well-known planet in the Galactic Federal Alliance. We're going to be integrating species like your own race in time. But you, well…you broke Intergalactic Law. Several times over. And now you pay the price."
"You attacking me? I'd call that the last straw. And I WOULD ask they go easy on you because you're a child, but…" Lard Nar shook his head. "As you might say…nnnnnope."
His fist shot forward. And Gaz remembered nothing more.
…
…
…
…head…hurt. Vision…fuzzy. Bells ringing her head.
What…? Huh?!
Gaz Membrane moaned in agony. She scratched her head before a burning light flashed in her eyes, and then, slowly, her vision began to adjust. She was now in the middle of an enormous, circular hall that had thousands of people looking right at her. They appeared to be two representatives of some kind in every single booth that ran up and down the sloping walls of the hall, the vastness of space apparent in the clear windows above and below, whilst a hovering desk-chair combo floated about in front of her, emerging from a long hallway off in the distance. And next to that desk-chair combo, that little combination of office normalcy and throne, came two floating boxes with two rotating chairs each in them. One had a surprised-looking Dib who was standing by the transformed Mr. Thildari. The other had Lard Nar, who was standing by a very noble and regal-looking alien being.
It appeared angelic, with wings like the rainbow and soft black eyes that had a green tint at the bottom. It's skin was really a type of white fur, from the looks of it, with metallic silver scales upon it's chest and claws to match. It had little "horns" jutting up from its draconic head as it folded its arms over its chest and gave everyone in the room a small, solemn bow of its head, all immediately bowing back as Gaz realized Zim was right next to her. And pale as can be.
"Bow your head. NOW." He whispered, bowing deeply before the being before them, Gaz just snorting as Zim bowed his head. "Gaz?! What is wrong with you? Do you not know a deity when you see it?"
"What?" Gaz asked.
"This is the Honorable Sude. He is the Judge of our Council, head of the mighty Patronage that governs intergalactic law." Lard Nar proclaimed at Gaz, gesturing to the draconic being as it floated up and sat down in the throne. "Bow in the presence of the Seraphi."
"I'll stand." Gaz remarked.
"You're in rather a spot of trouble, young lady, I hate to admit it." Sude spoke up. His tone was loving, kindly, with unmistakable paternal warmth, but Gaz wasn't going to let this thing with a giant white heart insignia on his scaly chest talk down to her in any way.
"My NAME. Is GAZ MEMBRANE. Now you let me out of here or I will send you into an unending nightmare from which there is no end!" She proclaimed, holding her fist up and shaking it as Sude sighed slightly.
"Gazlene Membrane, your powers shan't work here. I've instituted heavy vortex disruptors that negate all abilities AND created a nonviolence spell that ensures there will be no attempts on anyone's life. You could try to strangle your fellow accused right now and nothing would happen."
"We'll see about-" Gaz began to say, trying to throw a punch back, only to find her fist was bouncing off an invisible shield just an inch away from Zim's face as he sighed, Gaz trying to smack him again…and again…and again. Finally, after about a good five straight minutes of failures to throttle him, she groaned and threw her hands in the air. "What's this all about?"
"You're accused of assaulting a member of the Galactic Federal Alliance's Senate body, the Representative from the Planet Vort, who was on Earth, hiding away from a possible assassination attempt. We've managed to find the assassin and were going to pick him up after our contact, Darth of Irk, told us he'd found him. But what should we find instead but you?" Sude informed her, spreading his hands wide as the GFA's senate body murmured and whispered amongst each other. "You not only assaulted him and our envoy, which is a slightly more minor offense but an offense nonetheless, you are accused of attempting to overthrow a planet's head of state, as is your Irken comrade who is accussed of attempting to overthrow a planet. Period. How do you plead?"
"AWESOME!" Zim proclaimed, Gaz really wishing she could smack him as she stuck her tongue out.
"Not guilty. This is a farce. You've no authority over the hick backwater dirt ball my planet-"
"We're the Galactic Federal Alliance. We have the right. But you see, the problem is, we wanted to go easy on you since you're a child. But the more I observed you, the more I came to realize you are a terrible, terrible person. As such, to help determine how lenient we really should be with your sentence, we're going to call upon witness testimony and evidence to demonstrate just what kind of person you are." Lard Nar interjected, waving a hand in the air as his booth floated over to Dib. "Dib Membrane! You're to take the stand. As in…stand up."
Dib looked over at Gaz. He gulped a bit as she glared at him, but he knew she couldn't exactly hurt him, so he stood.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" Sude asked of the young boy, Dib nodding as Sude gave him a small smile. "Tell me then, Dib. What is your home life like? I'm willing to be open to mercy if you're honest."
"Well, our father Matthew Membrane's always been so concerned with "REAL SCIENCE"-" Dib remarked, waving his hands dramatically in the air. "That he's not ever really been around. And our mother died in a freak lab accident when we were young. Dad couldn't have kids normally so he used Mom and his's DNA to make us, and I think when Mom went he sort of…wasn't exactly good at connecting anymore." Dib admitted. "And becoming President of the Planet kind of made him spending time with us even harder." The glasses-wearing youth sighed, rubbing his black-haired head.
"Yet you don't seem to have turned out so bad." Lard Nar remarked, circling around Dib as Gaz frowned as she sat in her seat.
"Look, me and Gaz had it hard." Dib insisted. "Really!"
"I'm sure you both did, but…well, it would seem you had it harder."
Dib turned, seeing Lard Nar gesturing at a floating holo-vid screen as it blipped into existence before everyone, growing in immense size, showing multiple screens on different sides as images began to play out of a young Dib playing with blocks only for Gaz to just knock them over. Then another scene where Dib was drawing on the floor…only for Gaz to kick him away and sit down, taking the paper and the crayons. Then a scene that made Dib cringe. Dib had taken a slice of pizza and Gaz immediately swore vengeance.
"Ohhhh boy." Dib gulped, everyone watching as Gaz continuously sabotaged poor Dib's efforts to just try and get his evidence to the Swollen Eyeballs, getting Dib beaten up several times over in the process, then finally thrown out, losing the evidence he'd had. Evidence that would have proven that Zim was, in fact, an alien.
"Now that hardly seems fair for you to do that to your brother for taking what he assumed was an offered slice of pizza." Lard Nar said, floating over to Gaz as she stuck her head in his face and growled.
"It was MY pizza!"
"He could have been seriously burnt due to-"
"What part of "It was my pizza" don't you get?"
"What part of "You can't hurt someone because they inconvenience you" don't you get?" Lard Nar asked with a frown.
"You don't understand! His voice fills me with an indescribable rage!" Gaz snarled, clenching her fists tightly.
Well. That got the senate body whispering more fluidly amongst each other, glares coming from several booths in the senate as a comet passed by overhead.
"What an awful bitch."
"Wow. What a bitch."
"She is, like, the QUEEN Bitch, huh?"
Zim gulped a bit, realizing now that quite a few alien races who despised Irkens were present, and holding up tiny signs that read "I'm gonna kill you" and "U R Dead" and, interestingly enough, "Rack City".
"So you hate your brother just because of his voice?" Lard Nar quietly inquired. "Do you remember this?"
Lard Nar snapped his fingers and the vid-screen showed Gaz now shaking up a can. A very special can. A can of beans her father had warned her not to shake because overshaking it could destroy "all human life".
"You just attempted to commit genocide. That is a heavy galactic offense. The fact you failed to do so is irrelevant." Lard Nar said coldly. "Things like that are reserved for scum like…" He sighed. "I'm sorry, Darithil, I know it isn't fair to be so angry at your kind. But in many ways, you can't help it. Your PAKS regulate how you act. This girl has no excuse."
"Now, now, it's my duty to defend her and I would argue that she treats others this way because bad behavior is unconsciously encouraged by her classmates." Darth interjected, hovering over to her and gesturing at the purple-haired girl, waving a clawed digit in the air. "Behold. Look at how they are constantly treating Dib." He said, Dib sinking lower and lower into his chair as the vid-screen displayed a large plethora of humiliating acts.
"The wetness! The wetness!"
"If we sit over there, we'll be uncool."
"Dib is so crazy!"
"Everybody at school hates me!"
"Can you, like…move on to something else?" Dib groaned, holding his head in his hands as Sude gave him a sympathetic smile and clapped his hands, the holo-vid screen vanishing as Darth cleared his throat.
"I call Zim to the stand." He proclaimed, Zim standing up as Darth hovered over to him and circled about. "You no doubt wonder how I can "see" you when I'm blind? I assure you, nobody would mistake YOUR voice." He remarked. "So tell me, in your own voice and own words…is it not true that Gaz Membrane called upon you just half a day ago to assist her in harming her father so that she could be named sole heir to the Membrane legacy?"
"Oh, yes, that's what she wanted." Zim remarked. "If she got me a lock of Dib's hair, I said I'd do it."
"Why do you want his HAIR?"
"Because Zim must always stay one step ahead."
"…but why his hair?" Darth repeated as Zim visibly blushed.
"Zimmustalwaystayonestepahead."
"I see. And did you, in fact, witness her striking the new student you knew as "Lars" in the hallway?"
"Everyone saw it. His head made a delightful coconut-conk noise as it snapped to the side." Zim proclaimed, giving a small little giggle. "Hee-hee-hee. Vortians make funny sounds when you hit them! You know, one time-"
"That'll be enough of that." Lard Nar hissed out, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Thanks to Dib, I've documented a long, long list of attempts on your behalf to try and destroy the Earth." The Vortian said, his booth wooshing and wooshing around the senate floor. "The Irken War Machine rolling along again. And this girl was willing to let her brother be experimented on by this freak."
"Hey, I intervened. Dad would never let me go to Bloaty's if Dib's organs were on the outside." Gaz insisted, Darth groaning as he tugged down on his antennae.
"That's not a good thing to say aloud-" He mumbled.
"You were going to let your brother be experimented on by a well-known lunatic and you only stepped in…to make sure your father would let you go to a pizza place!?" Lard Nar asked, sounding horrified. "What about stepping in because he's your BROTHER and you should try and help him? Where's your sense of shame?!"
"I don't care! I didn't ASK for him to be my brother."
"I don't recall him asking you to be his sister, or for you to beat him up for minor offenses like speaking out against taking his lunch." Lard Nar snapped back. "Something I witnessed firsthand. Your character is terrible."
"The WORLD is terrible. I'm just being the way I need to be to get what I need from it. It's like the saying goes: you say "bitch" like it's a bad thing."
"That's not how life actually is." Lard Nar remarked. "It isn't going to get you everything. But let me tell you what might help. Your brother." He said, gesturing over at Dib. "You see…I'm willing to let him speak up on your behalf. And I'll work out the terms with him before we begin the second half of this hearing. For now, you and Zim are going to separate holding cells until it's time to begin anew. I'll let you think about what you've done."
With that, Zim and Gaz's sections of the booth split, Dib following off after her, floating through the long, loooong hallway as Gaz was put into a clear-glass cell, Dib on the other end as he sighed and put his hand on the glass before turning. Lard Nar had come over as well and was murmuring something, but the glass was heavily soundproofed, it was hard for Gaz to hear anything he said. Then, at last, Lard Nar pressed a button on the side of the cell, and a green glow phased over the cell.
"You may speak now." He said, giving Dib a small nod, exiting the room as Dib rubbed his neck.
"Look, Gaz…they're gonna have me talk about the times you beat me up and stuff…and the time I got turned into a vampire and you kicked me out of the house…they really want me to hit you hard unless I can come up with something that excuses it."
"Well?!" Gaz snapped, folding her arms over her chest, her face looking annoyed and irritated. "Why not?"
"Gaz, you…" Dib sighed, hanging his head. "They're gonna throw you in jail. You know that, right?" He asked her, his tone quiet and somber. "This isn't a game. You need to take this seriously. And I really wanna help you, honest, I do, but…" He hesitated. "After all the awful things you've done to me over the years-"
"Yeah, well, you always seem to interrupt my game and your voice fills me with a horrible rage!" Gaz hissed.
Dib groaned and tugged his face down. This was getting him nowhere. "Alright, fine. I've tried to be nice, Gaz. Despite everything you did to me. But I'll speak up for you if you just say you're sorry for all the nasty things you did to me and try to be nicer."
Gaz froze in place. All of time seemed to come to a halt.
"…what?"
"If you say you're sorry and you'll be nicer to me, I'll speak up for you in the hearing and get you a better sentence. Maybe something like community service? What do they do for community service anyway in space?" He wondered aloud, scratching his head.
Gaz opened, then closed her mouth, then opened it again, gaping a bit. Then, after several long, long minutes, she sighed.
"Alright…alright."
"Come to your senses?" Lard Nar asked, entering the room as Darth stood by him.
"Yep." Gaz said, holding her arms out. "Throw the book at me."
"Wait, WHAT?!"
THREE DAYS LATER…
Dib nonchalantly opened up the letter, looking it over as he chewed on his lip. His dad would probably eventually ask and he wasn't sure what he was going to say, but…he'd think of something. Probably. Eventually.
"You would not believe how hard it is to get a good night's sleep in here when your toilet is in the middle of the cell. Especially since I have to share it with Zim. Needless to say I've come up with a simple solution that satisfied both parties. I stick his head in the toilet and flush, and in return, he stops using said toilet in the middle of the night. Hearing his horrific screams is like a lullaby to my ears. Almost makes me forget that I have to shower with ten other women. Five of which have tentacles for faces. Two of which have tentacles in places I didn't know you could HAVE them.
On the other hand, the likelihood of me dropping the soap and being horribly violated, though high, is STILL preferable to having admit I'm sorry.
Since I'm not.
Like, at all.
And if you're eating my pizza, I promise, I WILL doom you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and bite Zim's hand off because he just touched my shoulder. AGAIN."
Dib just snorted through his nostrils, tossed the letter into a crumbled ball that flopped into his trash can, and happily chewed away at another piece of delicious Bloaty's Take-Home Pizza. "This would go great with some soda." He remarked
Hey. Gaz sure wasn't going to need it. Besides. They didn't let you have sodas in space-prison.
"…alright, alright."
Gaz grunted angrily, the white cone around her head now keeping her from biting anyone for a while as she stood in the shower and glowered darkly behind the cone, waiting for her turn. And, unfortunately, for her current captor, who was now holding up a rolled-up towel, to get her shot over with.
"I make this one, we all get laid." The tentacled being proclaimed, her blue skin shooting forth the towel as it landed squarely in the cone and on Gaz's head. "YYYYYES! Score! Score!"
Gaz just grunted.
"This is STILL preferable to apologizing to Dib."