EDIT: I have fixed the dialogue in chapter four to make it more in-character as well as added more things to the end of the chapter. A sixth chapter may be written soon- I'm not too sure yet!

Hello! I'd like to start off by saying that this story does not fit into the rest of my B&B fanfics because it doesn't have them as brothers. In this fanfiction, they have no relation. This is mainly because I could find no other way to make them raise a baby without what happens happening. I really liked the idea of the story, though, so I wrote it anyway. :P Of course they'll be OOC at times, you can't really write a romance story with them in it without breaking character. It'll be awkward at times when they're with the baby, too.

Please be nice! Yeah, we all know that Beavis and Butthead aren't "with each other"; that is why it's a fanfiction. Don't be rude in the reviews or it will be removed. However, if the reviews are polite and civil, I will most definitely take writing tips. Note that this is my first romance fic.

Beavis and Butthead are not mine and are copyrighted by Mike Judge. Enjoy!

…

At 4 in the morning, most people in the not-so-sleepy town of Highland, Texas would be laying in their beds or be up getting ready for work at the most. Not two teenage boys whose names were wildly known in the area (which was not a good thing at all). Beavis and Butthead were wide awake, sitting on their red couch that was so old it was beginning to turn pink, their attention focused on a music video of a woman who was rather slutty, most of the shots her chest and rear. They hadn't moved from their spots since the night before.

"Hey," said the blond one- he had a face covered in freckles and big blue eyes that gave you the impression that he was innocent (when he really wasn't). "Um… Uh, like, what happened when Napoleon went to Mount Olive?"

"Don't steal my jokes." His brunet friend bluntly replied, lifting his leg up off the floor and crossing it over the other. He hadn't turned his gaze away from the television to answer Beavis. Beavis grunted in disappointment but he didn't argue, and he decided to watch the video again. Much to his dismay, it had already ended. Butthead just put his tongue in his cheek and held up the remote with his thumb floating over a button in preparation to change the channel in case the next video sucked. But right as the next one was going to come on, there was a knock at the door. Both boys glanced over at the door in sync.

"Not it." Beavis blurted with a laugh, leading Butthead to groan and lift himself off the couch, nearly falling over due to the fact that he hadn't stood in hours.

"Who the hell is even up?" Butthead complained, heading toward the door that was across the room.

"I dunno. It's probably Todd or something."

"Oh yeah. That'd be cool."

Beavis watched the TV for a couple seconds before his concentration was broken by Butthead's "Uhhhhhh"-ing.

"What? Is it Todd?" Beavis stood up, leaning over to try and see past Butthead's frame to the outside, which was lit by the dim rising sun.

"No." Butthead said, taking a step back and crossing his arms. "I don't wanna touch it."

"Dammit, Butthead, what is it?" Beavis walked over to the door, giving his friend a slight shove to get a good view of what the thing is. He clicked his tongue when he realized what is was. "Oh, for cripes sake, it's just a baby." He knelt down and scooped his hand under a small child that was wrapped in a light blue blanket that was just lying there in front of the door with no note or anything. He awkwardly shifted his arms a couple times before complying to hold the infant against his shoulder.

"Yeah. Exactly." Butthead put his tongue in his cheek again and popped his knee, his hands on his hips with an eyebrow raised. "What the hell was it there for?"

"I dunno. Doorstepped, I guess." Beavis shrugged, staring his friend right in the eye, nervous at the fact that the bundle he was holding was not a sack of flour and could indeed die if he dropped it. Some strange part of him that he didn't know existed got really disturbed at that and made him move to the couch.

"Uh, what are you doing, butthole?" Butthead frowned, still standing by the open door. "You obviously can't keep it; are you insane?"

Beavis was silent for a couple of seconds, aside from the grunting laughter he always made. "Why not?" he finally asked.

"You have no idea how to take care of it!" Butthead threw his arms up in frustration. "You're only 16, how the hell are you gonna take care of it? You can barely take care of yourself!"

"The same way the teen moms do it on MTV." For some odd reason, he found himself attached to the thing already. Stop being such a softie, he told himself. You're being a buttknocker, knock it off.

"Well- they have no idea what they're doing! Can't you like, tell that their kids are gonna be dys… dys… … messed up when they're older?" Butthead grit his teeth and crossed his arms again. "You're taking it somewhere else. You can't keep it here."

"Aw, but c'mon, Butthead, it'll be fun!" Beavis begged, moving the kid from his shoulder to his arms. The thing was still sleeping besides the duo's arguing. "How cool would that be to say you have a son? Or daughter? Or whatever?" He realized he didn't know what its gender was. He noted to check later, because he absolutely was not leaving the child at another doorstep. It wasn't gonna be a chain reaction with the poor thing hopping from home to home with no permanent place.

Butthead became flustered, giving Beavis a fake, agitated smile. "Ohhhhhhh no, there's no "we" in this! I'm not gonna care for it, this is all you!"

"So we can keep it?" Beavis yelled excitedly, waking up the infant, who then began to cry. Beavis's mouth twitched into a quick frown that he hoped Butthead didn't catch, but of course he did.

"No. Come on, we'll just leave it at Anderson's or something." Butthead walked over to Beavis and went to tug on his arm, but Beavis turned his back to him and hugged the crying baby into his chest.

"But it doesn't have a home!" He turned his head and made his eyes all big, which he had a tendency of doing when he wanted things his way. "You know what it's like to be an orphan! Do you really wanna put the thing through all that stuff? It's bad enough he can't be with his real mom anyway…"

Butthead swallowed and made this growling noise in his throat. He glared at Beavis, who still kept the stare strong. Finally, Butthead blew out a sigh, pointing a finger at the kid's red tear-streaked face.

"Shut it up." He said, coasting over to the door to close it.

"We're keeping it?" Beavis beamed. His routine laughing sounded less like his usual grunts and more like an actual laugh.

"Shut it up, bunghole," Butthead said again, sitting back down. He nonchalantly cast a glance down at the kid, who was still bawling its eyes out with his fingers curled. Beavis smirked at his friend, who knew damn well he was being looked at while he tried his best to keep his attention on the TV.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Your baby's upset, make it happy or something." Butthead leant back and changed the channel. Beavis realized that for once the brunet was right and held the child about a foot outwards from him to get a better look at it.

The thing must not have been more than a week old, small and lightweight. It had what appeared to be curly brown hair and gray eyes, and held its arms close to its chest. Beavis set it in his lap but still kept his hands under its arms and gave a nervous chuckle.

"I uh, I like, don't know what's wrong with it."

"Uh huh, exactly."

"No, I mean- there's obviously a few things it could be. It could be hungry, it could be tired, it could've pissed itself; I don't know what it is! Do we even have the things to help it?"

"No, we don't. That's what I mean, Beavis, you can't raise a baby, I'm sorry, but you're probably gonna kill it."

Beavis flared up and hugged the thing again, its crying still going strong. "I won't kill it! Why would you say that, Butthead?"

"Uh, because we failed the flour baby project."

"The only reason we failed that project is because you drowned it! I let you have it, and for less than a minute, too, and you drowned it. That was your fault!"

"You shouldn't have given it to me."

One of Beavis's rats crawled up to his foot and walked over it to signal that he wanted to be picked up. He was one of the babies that were born in the Burger World joint. The rat that asked for attention was named Horatio, and his mother, Honey, was about the size of a small dog. It made sense, because all they were fed with was nachos (and hey, they were fine with that). All eleven of the rats had names that began with H's.

"Not now, Horatio," Beavis said softly, shaking his foot a little to get the rat off. Horatio chattered his teeth in disappointment and fled to the kitchen. Beavis shifted the infant from his lap into the crook of his left arm again, holding his elbow up so that the kid's head was propped.

"…Butthead."

"For the love of- what, Beavis?"

"What time does MaxiMart open?"

Butthead looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Uhhhhh, ten, I think."

"How much money do we have?"

"We can go and buy diapers and crap for this thing when it opens. For now you're just gonna have to 'supervise', or something."

Beavis nodded, biting his bottom lip to hold back a smile, looking down at the baby. Then he remembered that he still had no idea what gender it was.

He left the living room, leaving Butthead there, and went to the bathroom cabinets with the kid still in his arms. Scavenging around the mess that somebody seriously needed to clean up, he found a rag that was beat up and seldom used. Carefully easing the infant onto the floor, he laid out the rag and set the kid on top of it. He sat upright, not sure what to do next. He saw mothers change the diapers of babies on TV all the time, so his best bet would be to imitate what they did.

The baby wasn't wrapped in the blanket it came with anymore and its face was beet red from the crying it was doing. A white cloth was pinned to him, which was kinda confusing being as the people on TV always had Velcro diapers, but whatever. He managed to get the pin off after struggling with it for about two minutes, and the cloth unfolded itself.

Of course, Beavis laughed at the baby's genitalia, which was of the male kind.

"Hey Butthead," Beavis called out, still laughing, "It has a schlong."

"Great." Butthead replied sarcastically, his voice quiet since he spoke at room level and was all the way downstairs.

The kid wasn't dirty or anything, so Beavis awkwardly patted him – unsure of what else to do – and then sat there staring at the rag and the baby. He called for Butthead again.

"What?" Butthead spat from downstairs. He muted the TV to hear the blond better.

"Come up here."

"No." The TV was unmuted.

Beavis frowned at Butthead's ignorance toward the whole situation and basically bunched up the rag so it protected the boy's front and back and pinned it at random, hurrying up and wrapping him back up in the blanket so the rag wouldn't undo itself.

The baby wasn't crying anymore (which didn't make sense because it didn't soil itself) but instead was staring right at Beavis, his tiny fingers still curled. His eyes were wide with wonder.

"Hey," Beavis said to the boy, who still looked him over, "How's it going?"

Just then, a rat waddled across the bathroom floor, it being way too overweight and large for its kind. It came over to Beavis and licked his elbow before turning to look at the boy, who was now looking at it.

"Hi, Honey," Beavis greeted, rubbing the giant rat behind her ears much to her delight, "This is…" He frowned. The boy didn't have a name. He decided to introduce the boy to the rat instead.

"This is Honey. She's my pet rat." The boy still stared at the animal in wonder, who sniffed his face in curiosity. Honey's whiskers tickled his face and he giggled, squinting his eyes in happiness. "I have a lot of rats, but this one was my very first one." The rat licked the boy's cheek, making him laugh harder. Beavis just watched as the boy whooped at the rat's kisses that it kept giving him. Honey had to have realized that the baby liked what she was doing, right? After all, she had ten babies of her own.

Honey scurried out of the bathroom and the boy's laughing subsided, so Beavis went back downstairs.

"The baby doesn't have a name," Beavis hugged the boy close while Butthead groaned at him for some reason. His eyebrow twitched in what he assumed was anger but he continued anyway. "What should we name him? Obviously we aren't gonna name him something like our names. Our parents just didn't care, did they?" Beavis was making himself laugh. Having the boy around was really lightening his mood and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because of when he was secretly disappointed that he wasn't pregnant all those years ago when he was really just constipated. Babies were fun, dammit, and he wanted one.

"Quit saying 'we'." Butthead scowled, changing the channel again. "I told you a million times, this is all you. You wanna be a wuss and act like a lady and mother this thing, you go ahead and be my guest. I'm not helping you at all."

Somewhere in his chest, Beavis felt this slight crack. He didn't know what it meant and where it came from, but it left him feeling somewhat hurt. But, it was so deep that he was able to push it aside. "At least help me come up with a name…" he pleaded.

Butthead sighed and shook his head, his braces glinting off the light from the TV. "Um… what were you thinking?"

"I don't know. I didn't really have any names in mind, that's why I was asking you."

Butthead tapped his fingertips against his thigh in thought. "How about Flint or some shit?" he finally suggested.

Beavis lit up. The boy looked like he could be a Flint, with the perfect curls in his brown hair and his smiling gray eyes. "Okay then." He tried to shrug off his excitement, although he assumed it was probably impossible. He held the baby up to look him right in the eyes. Of course, his fingers were curled. "From now on, your name is Flint!" Flint squealed, kicking his legs in laughter. A smile quickly spread across Beavis's face as he hugged the child close.

Butthead just watched the TV, blocking out the whole thing. Beavis was a wuss.

…

It didn't take very long for Flint to fall asleep in Beavis's arms, with Beavis falling asleep shortly thereafter. He was sunken into the couch with his back almost completely on the cushion. Flint's blanket had unraveled and was now covering his back and a part of Beavis's stomach, which is what he was laying on. Butthead was still sitting there watching TV, now able to look at the baby for a long period of time without getting teased for it by Beavis. He was confused as to how Flint could imprint on the blond so quickly, and why, out of all people, a distressed mother would doorstep a baby to them, or why Beavis just totally completely switched faces and was acting awfully motherly and girly.

He stared at the two sleeping boys, taking note of the way their breathing was in sync and how peaceful they both looked. Butthead suddenly felt his face grow hot and he turned away, putting a hand to his cheek. Bashfully, he lifted up the remote and turned the volume up a couple notches. Nope, he wasn't gonna help them at all.

...

Hi! This is the end of the first chapter, which you already knew, but I just wanted to point that out to save the confusion of thinking that the story was over (which it indeed is not; there will be five chapters). I've noticed that this is just raking in views, so I'd like to say first off thanks so much! :D and then that I would really appreciate it if you guys left reviews! I hadn't expected this to be so popular!

Thank you guys, and enjoy the rest of the story!