I... I don't know what made me do this. So, essentially this is the TV show 'Friends', but with Harry Potter characters. The first chapter contains quotes and the same plotline (i.e: the majority of dialogue is similar, and I only claim to own some). Further chapters will be of original thought unless specifically stated otherwise.

Ross - Ron
Phoebe - Luna
Chandler - Harry
Monica - Ginny
Rachel - Hermione
Joey - Neville

The One With Ginny's New Roomate

When Harry Potter had graduated from high school at the age of seventeen, he assumed that he would know precisely what he wanted to do. He had thought that everything would be simple; he assumed that he would be able to understand what was going on. He did not think that he would take some stupid job as a processing agent, and most certainly did not think that he would end up living with an awkward school teacher living in an apartment next to his best friend's little sister.

Now, it wasn't that he thought too highly of himself. He just didn't expect to be spending his days endlessly inputting numbers. He saw himself doing more important things. Hell, he wanted to be a police officer when he grew up- not a cubicle worker.

And yet, that was what occurred. He worked in an office, he was hopelessly single, and he was twenty-seven.

And he had weird dreams that he shared with his friends.

"So," Harry said, leaning back into the comfy coffee house chair. Central Perk had become his second home after it replaced his favorite bar. No, third home. Ginny's apartment had probably become his second place to live. "I'm on the stage of Wicked, painted completely green."

Ginny and Neville, who are lounging on the couch beside him, squint. The latter manages to crack a little grin, but frowns and nods a moment later. "Yeah, I've totally been there before."

"And then what?" The redhead was clearly attempting to be interested in the story, but a little smile is betrayed as she shoves part of her muffin into her mouth. Luna Lovegood, who is nestled on the floor, laughs.

Harry waved a hand. "But I'm completely naked. And there's a puppet... There."

There's a rise in amusement.

"You mean?" asks Neville. Clearly, he wants Harry to say it again.

"Yes. There." He gestures again, frowning. "And it looked like my aunt, which is strange, 'cause I haven't seen her in years. Why would it be her?"

Luna popped up from where she was sitting on the ground, her radish earrings bobbing rapidly. "Oh! Oh! Maybe it's an omen!"

Harry tilted his head slightly, looking at Luna with furrowed brows and a confused air. He doesn't question it, though. Luna is generally like this, all whimsical and flighty. Of course, it's part of her charm. They'd all likely explode without her.

She's a masseuse, as well as extremely spiritual, and goes on to explain something about omens. The three pay attention to her as much as they can, but she goes on to explain something about 'chakras', and everyone is confused.

What the hell is a chakra?

Ginny breaks the confusion in order to lighten up the conversation, 'cause nobody wants to hurt Luna by telling her that they have no idea what she's talking about. "So, I'm going out with a guy later tonight."

She regrets it as soon as she says it, because Neville opens his eyes really wide, cracking a grin. "So, tell us what's wrong with him!"

"There's nothing to tell!" she exclaims. "He's just some guy I work with!"

Her eyes flash dangerously, but nobody seems to care. They continue to heckle her in the way that friends tend to do, grinning from ear to ear. "Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!"

"All right, Nev, be nice. So, does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?" Harry joked.

Ginny aimed a kick towards Neville, who was the only one that she could reach. He didn't exactly budge, but did stop laughing hysterically. Even Harry's smile froze.

It seemed it was the end of it. Then, Luna spoke.

"Wait. Does he eat chalk?"

Everybody stared at her in confusion.

"What? I don't want her to go through what I did with Michael Corner."

There's a rush to get out the words, everyone's coffee cups dropped onto their respective coasters. Harry seemed about to burst with questions and jokes, but fails, as Ron comes grumbling in.

He had had a really bad couple of weeks, Ron had. Harry always felt really bad when it was brought up, but his relationship with his wife, Lavender, had kinda sucked. They were on the rocks for months, and had ended in a divorce.

Apparently, lesbians weren't that fond of staying married to men.

Ron managed to mope over to them in record time, his pout practically drooping off his face. "Hi," he mumbled out. Ginny scooted onto the arm of the couch, draping an arm over her brother's shoulders.

"Rough day?" Neville asked. He looks concerned, and nobody can blame him. Ron looks like he's about to start sobbing again.

"I feel like somebody played 'Operation' on me."

Ginny rolls her eyes, at least attempting to help. "Lavender moved her stuff out today."

"Oh," Harry stated. "Is she still a lesbian, then?"

Luna smacked him, then promptly stole the muffin he had been hoarding. "Don't be an idiot."

He placed his hands in the air, frowning. "It was a joke, Luna."

She stands, blatantly ignoring him, and moves towards Ron. It looks like she's about to hug him for a moment, until she starts plucking at the air near his face.

"Stop, Luna, stop! Stop cleansing my aura."

Her face crumpled slightly as she wrapped her arms around him in apology. The hug was accepted gratefully, and Ron pulled close one of his best friends, sighing. "Sorry," he mumbled into her blonde hair.

"It's okay. You're hurting. Your ex-wife is a lesbian."

There was a pause, and you could practically sense the little thoughts working in everyone's heads.

Luna was a kind soul. Sadly, Harry still needed some lessons in the tact-department. "Wait. How come you didn't...?"

Since Luna was now too far away to smack him, it was Neville who had to do the deed. His foot shot out, knocking the man over the bridge of his chair. Everyone laughed, even Ron.

"You know, she didn't have a target on her head that announced her sexuality, idiot."

Neville, without missing a beat, muttered, "Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian." Then, he looked around in shock. "Did I say that out loud?"

The laughter grew, and Neville blushed grandly. His cheeks were still red as Harry stood from the ground, brushing himself off. "Sorry, Ron. Anyway, why did she get all the stuff?"

"I guess I didn't want to fight her. It's just... I dunno. I'm twenty-six, and I'm divorced! These were the best four years of my life! I just want to be married again," Ron complained.

And, of course, a woman in full bride's apparel practically leaps into Central Perk, flailing about.

Harry took that moment to tactfully shout, "And I want a million dollars!"

Ten minutes later, the bride's name is Hermione, she left her fiance at the alter, and she's suddenly best friends with Ginny, who she claims to know from high school. According to Neville, she looks way to pretty to hang out with them, and Ron can only flounder as he says 'Hello'.

All in all, it's a typical day in their lives.

They take her back to Ginny's apartment, and she gets a spare set of clothes, then collapses on the couch, sobbing. Apparently, she left the alter because she didn't love him, and now feels extremely guilty.

Luna pats her hand sympathetically, and Ginny starts in on her for not inviting her to the wedding.

"I thought we were best friends in high school. Am I the only person you didn't invite?"

Hermione bit her lip, then nodded. "I was hoping we could move past that. I'm sorry, Ginny, really! But we grew apart, we didn't keep touch... You can't be too mad at me for that!"

"No, I guess I can't."

There's an awkward silence that stretches, broken only by Neville turning on the television. The black screen lights up with a Spanish soap opera, which causes Harry and Ron to enter from the kitchen.

They all collapse on the couch with a sigh, and Hermione stands reluctantly. "Can I use your phone, Gin? I gotta call my parents."

"Yeah, go ahead."

She moved from the couch, tugging awkwardly on her borrowed grey sweatshirt. Ron's eyes followed her for a moment, but he stops when he is kicked by Luna. He turns back to the television, and Harry crinkles his nose at his best friend.

There's a bit of a silence as they attempt to register what is going on, then Ginny begins to dramatically gesticulate. "Oh! Oh! She found out that he cheated on her with her step-mom!"

"Nahh," Neville insisted. "She's yelling at him for wearing her shirt."

Harry, the only one that spoke Spanish, laughed. "No, no... No, see, she's yelling at him for getting her sister pregnant."

Everyone turned to him with true disgust in their eyes.

"What?"

Luna, nestled in the left corner of the couch, tossed a cushion over Ron's head in order to hit Harry. "You ruined the gaaame!"

Meanwhile, Hermione was chattering incessantly to an unknown entity on the phone. "Daddy... No! I didn't love him! I don't care that he's a big soccer player! It doesn't matter to me! Well, I don't care that... May I speak? May I speak? May..."

Everyone turned so that they could hear the argument, but they could only make out a muffled shout on the other end of the phone. The young woman had pulled the thing away from her ear and was now toying with the cord. Apparently, her father didn't agree with the logical explanation just given.

"Dad! It's my life! This was my decision! Well, maybe I'll just stay with Ginny!"

Their heads all turned to the redhead. "I guess we've established that she's staying with Ginny," she repeated in a mix of surprise and frustration.

"Daddy... No! You need to stop! Well, maybe I don't need your money! Wait! I said 'maybe'!"

Her face paled as she pulled back the telephone, the only response being a dial tone.

"So..." Harry stalled from the couch. "How about Ginny's hump-backed date?"

Although he meant well, it didn't do much as a conversation starter. Hermione had dissolved into tears, and was quickly led to the couch, where she began to hyperventilate.

She took the seat of Neville and the talkative Harry, who escaped to raid the well-stocked refrigerator. Her feet were tucked into her chest, and Luna rubbed at her back kindly. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..."

The more helpful statements came from Ron, who was still settled in his seat on the couch. "Just breathe," he suggested. "Breathe. That's it. Think calm, relaxing thoughts."

Ginny nodded, her freckly face beaming. "Yeah! We've all done fine without money from our parents. You can do it."

Hermione furrowed her brows, then nodded towards the trio. "You're right. You're right! I might not have lived on my own before, but I can do it. It's not gonna be that hard."

From the kitchen, Neville added, "Oh, it's gonna be impossible. But totally worth it."

As Luna turned to lecture him, her voice was cut off by the buzz of the intercom. Harry, who was closest, leaped from his chair.

"Harrryyy!"

He grinned wickedly, then leaned on the button. "Hi, welcome to Ginevra Weasley's Hot Biscuit Shop. May I take your order? I recommend the hot buns."

There was a pause. Then, "Uh... It's Paul."

"Oh, buzz him up, won't you?" Ginny hissed, then turned to Hermione. "I totally forgot. I'm going out with this guy tonight. Want me to cancel?"

The dark-haired girl shook her head seriously. "No, no. Go! I'll be fine. I'll hang around here!"

Ginny then turned to Ron. "And you'll be okay?"

"Well..." he murmured, then grinned. "Nah, go ahead. Have a blast, Gin."

She stood up with a grin, then practically bounced towards her room. Before she grabbed her jacket, there was a knock on the door. Her head poked out of the door, and she shouted, "It's open!" before Neville or Harry could do something ridiculous.

He opened the door, looking sheepish. The guys looked him over in vague interest, while Luna grinned a bit. They were all waiting for Ginny to say something.

"Hey. C'mon in. Paul, this is everyone. Everyone, Paul."

There was a chorus of greeting, save for Neville, who smiled brightly and exclaimed, "Hi. Paul, was it?"

Harry snickered, then turned to Ginny, offering a raised thumb of approval when Paul turned his back. She rolled her eyes at him, and strode towards the door, waving her date to follow. "Ignore them; they're pigs."

As they exited, Ron leaned on the arm of the couch. "So... Do you have any plans tonight?"

Hermione arched a brow at him, comfortable enough in the apartment to snap. "Well, I won't be headed to Paris on my honeymoon anymore, will I?"

"Oh, right. Sure. Well, if you don't feel like sitting here alone, Harry and Neville are coming over to help me put together furniture."

Harry grinned from his perch in his kitchen. "Doesn't our night sound fantastic?"

"You just wish you were us," Neville added.

Hermione grinned at the pair, then turned to Ron with a little frown. "Thanks, but I'm just gonna hang here. It's been a long day."

"Sure, sure. Luna, you wanna help?"

The blonde looked over from where she had been spacing out. "No. 'Cause I really don't want to. And I've got to help my dad finish the newsletter."

Ron frowned, looking down at the pile of instructions balanced in his palm, then towards the half-finished bookshelf positioned in the corner of the unadorned apartment. Originally, the apartment had been furnished delightfully, but Lavender had taken all of the furniture.

"Uh... This says to attach a bracket here..." He pointed towards an end. "Using one of the squiggly worms... But I have no brackets, or worms, and my legs hurt."

He stood up from the squat he had crouched in, grimacing. Harry and Neville look at him with a bit of pity, then opened their palms to display a few brackets, though none of them are the exact one needed.

"Right. None of those?" Neville asked. "Then where does this go?"

Ron flopped to the ground melodramatically, throwing his legs out. "Who cares? Life is futile. Everything is futile."

Harry rolled his eyes, moving to the empty kitchen to grab a beer. "Ron, I know that it sucks, but I have a question to ask you." He tosses a beer to both of his friends, wincing when it seems that Neville will drop his.

"Yeah?" he asks, sniffling. Clearly the beer has set off some emotions that neither Harry nor Neville are able to offset. Both of them exchange looks instead of offering meaningless advice.

After taking a swig of his drink, Harry continues. "If Lavender got the furniture, stereo, and good TV... What did you get?"

"You guys."

Neville winced, raising his glass. "You got screwed."

"Oh, shit!"

Paul looked towards Ginny, grinning widely. "I know, I know. I'm such an idiot. I guess I should've assumed when she went to the dentist four or five times a week."

She extends a hand, resting it on his arm. There's a slight smile on her lips, but it seems apologetic. Her other hand rests on her wine, which isn't drained, but pleasantly full.

All in all, it was a good date. He hadn't started talking about diseased feet or anything. That was a plus.

"My brother's going through that right now, and he's such a mess. How did you get through it?" she asks. Her hand slips away, back to her fork. He looks almost sorry to see the light pressure of her fingers disappear, but she's already chewing on her shrimp with gusto.

Paul blushed, looking down at his plate. "Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-"

"Leg?"

Her foot scraped his gently, and he lifted his glass of wine. "That's one way. Me, I... I went for the watch."

He laughed gently, but had the grace to look embarrassed. Ginny widens her eyes slightly, leaning closer. "You actually broke her watch?" She shook her head, a bit of respect in her gaze.

"I'm divorced!" Ron complained, while his friends flicked the remaining brackets at his head. "I'm twenty-six and divorced!"

Neville bellowed at him from the bathroom, "Shut up!"

Harry shook his head, banging a hammer against a nail hopelessly. "Seriously, man. You gotta stop!" He slammed the hammer again. His shelving unit decided to quit living.

"Well, that only took us an hour."

There wasn't a response. The hammer hit the ground, which prompted an answer. "Ron, I mean it. I know you're upset, but you gotta stop moping about it!"

"I'm going to be single for the first time in four years. I mean, what if there's only one woman for everyone? What if this is it?"

Harry groaned and promptly finished his beer.

Ginny took another sip of her drink, grinning. "What? Wanna spell it out with your linguine?"

"No... Uh, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation." He blushed again, looking down into his noodles. She beams at the redness; he's both sensitive and cute. And he thinks that there'll be a fifth date!

The wine glass is put down, and she pauses.

"Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?" Ginny asks, tilting her head.

"Isn't there?"

She chews on her lip briefly. "Yeah. Yeah, I think there is. What were you gonna say?"

"Well, ever... Ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to perform..."

The woman took a large sip as he paused. "Yeah?"

"Sexually."

Ginny spat out her drink, gaping. She rapidly changed her expression to sympathy as she wiped up the mess, wincing. "Oh Gosh. I am sorry, I am so sorry."

"It's okay," Paul murmured. He stared at his food.

"Uh. How long?"

"Two..." He drew out the next word. "Years."

She frowned. "Wow. I'm glad you smashed her watch!"

"So... You still think you might want that fifth date?"

"So, first time I've ever made coffee in a real pot. Why don't you guys have a Keurig? They aren't that much."

Neville and Harry shrugged at Hermione. "No clue. Congrats, though. Such a wonderful feat, coffee-making."

"Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, I can do anything," she muttered, dropping two cups in front of the boys, then dropping into the free seat between them.

Neville yawned. "Hey, while you're doing all this, how about a Western omelet or something?"

He took a swig of the coffee, then restrained a little gag. Harry, who had assumed there was nothing wrong with the drink, took a huge gulp.

"On second thought, I'm not hungry."

Hermione shrugged, dumping the coffee in her own cup, mumbling about preferring tea, anyway. While her back was turned, Harry and Neville poured the rest of their cups into the potted plant resting innocently on the kitchen table.

She nearly caught them as she turned around, but spotted Ginny instead, who strode from her room with confidence. "Mornin', Hermione. And Stooges."

"Goood morning, Ginny," Harry chirped, while Neville waved a hand.

A moment later, Paul walked out of Ginny's room, running a hand through his hair. "Morning."

"Hey, Paul."

Harry smirked. "Good morning, Paul. I see you took up my recommendation of the hot buns."

"Hi, Paul, is it?" Neville asked.

Ginny rolled her eyes, dragging the well-dressed man towards the door. The trio promptly scooted the kitchen table towards the door, grinning. "We'll talk later," she promises, and kisses him on the cheek.

He turns his head at the last second. They don't part for a few more seconds.

As he leaves, Ginny turns around, jabbing a finger at the trio. "Say nothing. And put back my table!"

"Okayyy," Neville whined for the three of them.

After they shift back the round table, Harry stands, shoving in his chair. "Well, kiddies, I've work to get to. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference..."

Hermione furrowed her brows. "So, you guys all have jobs?"

"Uh, yeah. See, that's how we buy stuff," Ginny said.

Neville grinned. "Yeah. I'm a teacher."

"Oh, wow. Okay."

Ginny, still standing behind Harry and Neville, smacks the top of their heads. "Okay, that's it. Get out. Go make money to pay me back for all the times I've fed you."

They roll their eyes at her, practically monkey-ing out of the room. Both girls let out a light sigh, and Ginny drops into the chair that Harry just vacated. "So, how you doing today? Did you sleep well? Call Victor? I can't stop smiling."

"I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth."

She grinned, then realized what she had just done. "I know, he's just so... Do you remember you and Cormac McLaggen?

"Oh, yeah," Hermione murmured.

"Well, it's like that. With feelings."

"Wow. You are in trouble."

A moment passes, and Ginny stands, brushing herself off. "Okay, okay. I'm just gonna go to work and not think about him. No, wait. I'm just gonna go to work."

"Oh! Wish me luck!"

"Why?"

Hermione smiled. "I'm gonna go get myself a proper job today."

Ginny dropped a paper onto her editor's desk, still retaining the wide smile on her cheeks. "Hey, Laura! How was Florida?"

The woman looked up, grinning. "You had sex, didn't you?"

"How did you do that?"

Laura grinned, leaning back in her large chair. She scoots the papers into a pile, shaking her head. "Oh, I hate you. So? Who?"

"You know Paul?" Ginny asked, leaning forward conspiratorially.

A nod confirmed it. "Oh yeah, I know Paul."

Red brows scrunched up, and a finger pointed towards herself. "You mean that you know Paul like I know Paul?"

"Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years!"

Neville, settled on the arm of one of the coffee house's chairs, rolled his eyes. "Of course it was a line!"

"Why?" Ginny wailed. Luna shook her head, and Ron snorted.

They all looked towards him. "What? Do you want a better answer than 'To get you into bed'?"

"Alright, come here," the blonde girl murmured, her hands outstretched. "Gimme your feet."

Ginny layed down, her head in her brother's lap, depositing her toes into Luna's waiting lap. "I just thought he was nice, you know?"

"I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!" Harry exclaimed. Ron happily shoved him from the couch, just as Hermione enters with a scowl.

"Guess what?" she asked.

Ron smiled up at her from where he sat. "Uh, you got a job?"

"Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! Sure, I've got great grades! I've volunteered my ass off and started organizations! But I have no experience!"

The round-faced Neville smiled tentatively. "And yet you're surprisingly upbeat."

"Shut up. I'm never going to be able to do this!"

Ginny sighed, her gaze travelling towards the 'Help Wanted' sign. She knew that Hermione could get a job there, but was certain that she'd hate it. Well, it was money. A little flicker of her eyes sent the woman over, and an awkward pause falls through the group.

"Okay," Harry began, ever reliable. "Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minelli."