One shot of what was going on when Jacob was talking to Carlisle on the porch in Breaking Dawn inside the house.
Bella's POV
I sucked in a breath, careful not to stretch anything too far. I was more exhausted than I'd ever felt in my entire life, worse than on the plane on the way back from Italy. But just like then, I had a reason to keep my eyes open.
"Bella," Edward groaned, barely caressing my face with the back of his cold hand. I made a grab for his hand, but I was especially slow, so he waited till I took his in mine, and held it against my cheek.
"Don't," I whispered, "Don't think about it." He groaned again as I kissed the palm of his stone hand.
"How can I not? This is killing you, Bella! Please, grasp that!" he said
"No," I said defiantly. "I love him, Edward. I love him every bit as much as I love you. I couldn't… I couldn't hurt him." I used my free hand to run over my stomach with. He turned his face away from mine for a long moment. "Edward," he didn't turn, "Edward, please, look at me."
It took another second, but he turned his neck stiffly in my direction. "Come closer," I whispered. I could hear Rose growling from behind me about the close contact, but I shook it off. He inched closer, a pained look on his face that I hated to see. "I will live through this, Edward. I promise you, I will keep my heart beating."
"You can't promise me that, Bella. There is no guarantee…" his voice sounded like the echo of a person, like a ghost.
"I can, and I will. I'm strong enough," I encouraged him. He shook his head again.
"I know you're strong, Bella. If you weren't, you wouldn't have lived through half of what you have. You amaze me, but this… this is different. Everything that has come at you, has come from the outside, it has been something you could fight off, or that I could protect you from. Now… its attacking you from the inside, and you won't, let me protect you,"
"He's not attacking me," I argued weakly. I could tell that he was only a third way here. Part of him was dealing with this in his own way, and the other was outside, listening to Jacob and Carlisle on the porch. I stayed silent for a moment… wondering. I'd thought about this a couple times since I'd realized that I was pregnant. I wondered which time... had it been the first night? Had it been the night I'd woken up from my dream? Which night had I been blessed with something so far out of my wildest dreams?
"What are you thinking?" he asked after another silent moment.
"Isle Esme," I whispered carefully. If I told him the whole truth, he would surely be upset. He nodded once, and turned his face to the front door. "Please, look at me," I begged. I couldn't bear to be without his face. It was so vital to me now. He turned to me, and took his hand from my face, taking my hands with it, and kissed it once.
I sucked in a breath as the nudger inside of me stretched a little. "What is it?" Edward asked frantically.
"It's nothing," I breathed, "He's just moving a little," Edward and Rosalie were over me at once as they helped me shift into a more comfortable position. "I'm fine, I'm fine," Edward growled at my term, but took a seat by my head again, my hand still in his. I sighed and closed my eyes, mostly content for the moment.
I didn't hear him move, all I could feel was the cool, sweet smell of his breath on my face before his lips touched mine for the slightest of moments. It could hardly be called a kiss, but it was the most he'd touched me since the plane ride home. Rosalie hissed again in the background, "Please, Rose," I mumbled as a smile crept across my face. I started closed my eyes again, not certain I'd last another minute before crashing, but I heard him stand up. My eyes snapped right back open and my heart pounded a little harder in my chest, he couldn't leave. But his face wasn't the mask of horror it had been only a moment ago… there was something there. Not quite hope, but something close?
"I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment." Rosalie took a step closer to me, hunching over casting a shadow in response, "Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"
"What is it, Edward?" I asked quietly as he placed my hand on my chest, careful not to touch my stomach. I grimaced a little.
"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second." He turned to Rosalie, "Please, Rose?"
I waited curiously for her response. "Esme? Could you mind Bella for me?" I suppose I deserved it, but I didn't like feeling like the child who liked to play with fire a little too much. Esme was next to me in a flash, placing her hand on the one Edward had dropped.
"Of course," she said. I watched Edward nod and turn toward the door, with Rosalie close behind. I turned my head and huffed. "It's alright, sweetheart," Esme soothed.
"I'm fine,"
She chuckled once, "You don't have to be so brave, darling. This is harder than anything any of us have imagined. And I thought pregnancy was hard when I went through it," she rolled her eyes. "You have a way of putting things into perspective."
"That's right," I paused for a moment. "What was it… like? For you?" I couldn't stop my voice from quivering just a tiny bit. As much as I tried to hide any bit of pain from Edward, I wouldn't deny that giving birth was not something I was looking forward to.
"It was very difficult, but not nearly as difficult as I am guessing it will be for you. The spinal tap hadn't been invented yet, so it was a completely natural birth. Of course it was painful, but the contractions were much, much worse. When you're in the moment, all you are thinking about getting the baby safely out, and everything seems to speed up once you've made it that far."
I nodded in understanding, and closed my eyes. I wondered what Edward had left about, and concentrated on breathing evenly. After thirty seconds it was clear that I failed at that task. I opened my eyes again, too curious to sleep now, and watched as Edward, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jacob all walked in. Edward reached me first, taking Esme's place and touching my hand. I was able to breathe again.