Title: Making the world go round. (1/3)
Rating: Nothing bad here. Unless you would count a little bit of angst.
Feedback: Yeah, like I would ever say no to that! Of course, send it over!
Summary: I can't really think of a good summary to put here other than its George and Izzie being George and Izzie. Does anything else matter after that?
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, unfortunately. It would be cooler if I did though.
Spoilers: All the way through season 3.
>>
Izzie turned onto her street and wondered how she had arrived there with out having a major accident. She didn't remember the short drive it took to get to her house. She must have set herself on autopilot because before she knew it she was passing familiar houses and landmarks and coming up on their house.
She had waited for hours at the church for George but the moment Callie had told her about them trying to have kids a small part of her finally broke.
Callie's confession was the light she needed to show her that George wasn't coming, but the optimistic side of her waited for him anyways. She hated that side of herself. It only led her to heartbreak these days.
Now as she sat in her car still in the beautiful brides-maid dress for the wedding that didn't happen, she felt empty and numb. After the first year of their internship, she was tired. Too much had happened in too little of time and it had taken its toll on her. It was hard to believe that it had only been a year since she had met her fellow interns that she now called family.
While she was waiting for George, she could feel Callie's eyes on her. She realized they were both waiting to see if he would ever show up. But as each agonizing minute passed she realized he wasn't coming. Not for her at least. At some point, Callie must have slipped out quietly, presumably to go home to her husband who had made his choice and picked her.
Izzie wanted to hate Callie but she couldn't. She was too tired to hate anymore. To tired to feel guilty. To tired to feel anything other than the exhaustion that surrounded her.
She pulled into her driveway and killed the engine. Another rainy front had settled over Seattle, so she automatically looked around for an umbrella to keep her dress dry. Unfortunately, none could be found. It didn't matter to her though, because she couldn't find it in herself to care anymore. It wasn't like she was going to be using the dress anytime soon anyways. The wedding had been a disaster, just another notch on the whipping tree that was known as their long year.
Izzie climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut as she slowly walked towards the house. The rain was drenching her but she kept her slow pace.
The cold downpour gave her something to focus on. She felt that it was strangely appropriate for her current state of life. The clouds above her had given up on holding in on all of the building moisture and finally let it all fall. For her the rain felt cleansing to her soul. But she also knew the rain would cause many difficulties for others. For some it would even prove to be deadly.
As she made the corner, she noticed a familiar figure sitting on the swing on the small landing leading to the door.
He was sitting there still in his suit from before but now the tie she had so carefully helped him with while she confessed her feelings was hanging loosely down.
His head was down even though she knew he could feel her presence. She noticed he was soaked from head to toe and looking cold and lost, a state that she was familiar with.
She stopped at the entranceway of the small terrace and sighed heavily. She didn't know what this meant. She thought he was at home with his wife trying to make babies. Why was he here when he told her he would meet her at the church? So many questions burned through her mind but she didn't have the strength anymore to ask them.
"It's late, George," she said, sadly.
George didn't move from his perch on the swing. Izzie moved passed him and made her way towards the door.
"Why did you come to me?" George whispered.
Izzie almost didn't hear his quiet question over the rain, but turned around in confusion after making the words out in her mind.
"What?"
"When you were going to cut Denny's LVAD cord… you only came to me for help. Why?" He asked, still keeping his head down.
Izzie sighed sadly at the memories his question brought up.
"I dunno… cause you're George," she said, quietly
Her answer must have suited him because he fell back into silence. She turned back around and unlocked her door.
"George, you should probably go home to your wife," she said, keeping her body faced towards the door. She didn't want him to see the tears that came to her eyes as she said that, but she had a feeling he heard them in her voice anyways. "I'm sure she's worried."
"I failed my exams," he said, softly.
Izzie slowly turned around and stared at him in shock.
"What?"
He looked up for the first time since she walked around the corner and found him on the swing. Izzie could see the lost look in his eyes.
"I failed," He said, simply.
"Oh," Izzie replied. She didn't know what else to say to that.
For a moment neither one said anything. They both took in the revelation he had just made and what it meant for him.
Izzie looked down for a moment before turning around and opening the door. She stepped into the warm house and turned around to her friend.
"Well?" She said, holding the door open for him.
George just stared at her for a moment. Suddenly he stood up and Izzie wasn't sure if he was going to turn and leave or turn and come in with her. She could tell he wasn't quite sure himself.
Finally, George turned towards her and made the few steps inside and closed the door behind him.
>>
George sat on the couch with his legs lazily spread out in front of him with his head resting on the back of the couch. He probably looked about as defeated as he felt. The TV was on but he wasn't watching it. He just needed the noise.
Izzie had gone up to change into warmer clothes and left him behind in the living room. He should probably dry off himself. He knew where the towels where in the house, a spot he had designated as the linen closet when he first moved in. A spot he was sure was still there even though he had moved out quite some time ago.
But he didn't want to want to dry off just yet. He had gotten use to the coldness and he didn't feel like he deserved to be warm yet.
He heard Izzie come down the stairs and stop in front of the doorway of the living room. Her eyes were on him, a sensation he had become acutely aware of lately.
Suddenly, he felt the smack of heavy towels on his head, obstructing his despondent stare into the air.
Annoyed, he pulled the towels off of his face just in time to see Izzie walking away.
"Meredith will be pissed if she comes home to a sour couch," she said, nonchalantly on her way to the kitchen.
He glared after her and knew she was walking away with a smile from her direct hit. He couldn't help but feel his lips twitch into the same reaction.
He threw the towel on his head and started hand drying his dripping wet hair. It was then that he noticed she had left behind an old t-shirt of his and a pair of Alex's sweatpants.
He looked towards the kitchen where he could hear Izzie rummaging around. He should have known it would be Izzie who would force him to warm up even if he wasn't ready too yet.
He shook his head as he finished drying off and changed into the new set of dry clothes.
When he walked into the kitchen with one of the towels draped around his neck, Izzie was looking into the refrigerator.
She was in an old pair of PJ's and the sweater she had made Denny, a combination he had seen her wear a million times. But it wasn't until this night that he realized the sight took his breath away.
"I think I'm gonna make a sandwich," she said, casually. Still rummaging around in the fridge. "Want one?"
"Nah, not that hungry," he said, looking down at his shirt.
"'Kay," she said, turning around with a few ingredients in her arms. She placed the mayo, mustard, and pickles on the counter behind her.
George sat at the kitchen table and watched her make her sandwich.
"I thought this had been lost," George exclaimed, suddenly.
Izzie looked up at him while she used a butter knife to spread her mayo on the bread.
"My shirt, I mean," he explained after her look of uncertainty. "I've been looking everywhere for it. Have you been keeping it hostage this whole time?"
"Can't keep it hostage if you left it behind," She said, carefully placing the turkey sandwich meat across her bread.
"Funny, I think I remember loosing this before I ever moved out," He tried to joke.
"Okay, so maybe it was a hostage situation," Izzie said, a small smile spreading across her face as she poured herself a glass of juice from the refrigerator. "Finders keepers, losers weepers."
Izzie walked around the kitchen island with her sandwich and juice in hand and sat across the table from her friend. They both sat in silence for a few moments as Izzie started eating her sandwich.
"Didn't eat at the reception?" George asked.
Izzie looked up at him surprised.
"Yeah, mostly because there wasn't one."
After George confused look she continued.
"Burke ran. Called it off right before Cristina walked down the aisle."
"Woah," George breathed out.
"Yeah, seriously," Izzie said, taking another bite of her sandwich and thinking of their friend who had been left at the alter just hours before.
George reached over and grabbed her glass of juice and took a sip for himself. Izzie's eyes flicked momentarily towards him as he did but she didn't stop him.
"Think Cristina is going to kill him?"
Izzie shrugged.
"I dunno, my money's on Meredith doing it," she said around another bite of her sandwich. "You don't mess with best friends. They'll go down fighting for you."
George nodded his understanding as he eyed the other half of her sandwich sitting in front of him. He finally gave in and pulled the plate towards him. He took a bite of the sandwich and tried not to groan from the delicious taste he hadn't realized he was starving for.
Izzie looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. He thought she was going to call him out on his thievery, but she must have let it go as she took another bite from her half.
They sat in silence for a long while both content on enjoying the sandwich and each other's company. Finally, after both halves of the sandwich were long gone, Izzie broke the silence.
"What are you going to do?'
George's shoulders slumped at the question he had been dreading hearing her ask.
"Not much I can do," he said, keeping his eyes focused on the magnets on the refrigerator door. He felt Izzie gaze turn towards him and he knew what was coming.
"George you're not…" She started, "I mean, I'm sure there's something we can do."
George turned towards her with a raised eyebrow. "We?"
Izzie sighed, annoyed. "I mean… Meredith freaked when taking hers and they let her re-take them. Surely something can be done for you."
"It was different for Meredith," George said, simply. "She had a good excuse to freak. Besides she didn't fail, she just didn't do anything at all. You can't fail if you don't take them."
"But... but you have a good excuse too," she tried, desperately trying to find a way to help him. "This year has been really messed up for you. With your Dad dying and getting married... and moving out… and…"
She stopped short of adding her name to the list of things he had been dealing with that year.
George met her eyes and saw the words she couldn't say.
"I don't think a sob story about my love life is going to win any points for me."
"There has to be something though," Izzie said, pleadingly.
"I can repeat my internship or quit the program," He said, calmly.
Izzie sat there in silence, thinking about both options.
"No... I don't like either of those options," She said, stubbornly.
George smiled at her conclusion to the obvious.
"Yeah, I had the same reaction myself," George said, leaning back in his chair.
"So which one are you going to do?"
George just looked at her.
Izzie's eyes widened.
"George…" She breathed out, shaking her head. "You can't…"
George suddenly found the table between them very interesting. He could feel her concerned look.
"What would you even do? You're a surgeon." Izzie said, determinedly.
"I hear pediatrics is pretty laid back. Lots of vacation time," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I could use some of that."
"To do what?" She asked, incredulously. "We don't take vacations, we don't take sick time, we don't do laid back…we're surgeons."
"You're a surgeon," he corrected her. "In fact, you're a resident now. Congrats on all of that."
"Shut up," She said, knowing he was trying to change the subject. "You're a surgeon, George."
He smiled sadly at her resolution on the subject.
"Okay, so you'll repeat your internship…"
"Iz… I can't. I can't do this year over… its just too much," he said, getting up and moving out of the kitchen, leaving the topic behind with Izzie staring after him in shock.
>>
Izzie and George were both sitting on the couch now with their heads leaning against the back, staring up at the ceiling.
They had been sitting shoulder-to-shoulder staring into the void for the last past hour. Neither one said anything, not knowing the words to say to begin with.
This time it was George who broke the silence between them.
"Meredith needs to repaint the place," he said, simply while staring up at the ceiling. "There are patchy spots on the ceiling."
Izzie looked over at the spot in the corner she knew he was talking about but then turned back to looking at the spot above her.
"She's too cheap," she explained "For a girl who grew up in a well off family, she can pinch a pretty penny. Besides you know how she feels about making changes to this place."
"Momma issues," He said, knowingly.
"Momma issues," She agreed.
Silence once again rung out between them. Another half hour went by before Izzie decided to test the waters again.
"Callie made chief resident," She said, carefully. It was a subject that could lead to dangerous territory for both of them.
George looked at her surprised.
"Really?"
"Yup, she told me herself at the church… among other things," she said, cringing at the memory.
"Huh," George grunted, turning back to look at the ceiling.
"Just, Huh?" Izzie asked, trying not to laugh at his simple reaction.
"Just, Huh," he said again. "It's all I got."
Izzie held in her smile.
"I can't believe she beat out Bailey. I thought she was a for sure shoe in," Izzie said, her head still leaning against the back of the couch.
"Yeah, that's surprising. That explains why she looked so disappointed earlier."
Izzie didn't say anything and let him continued on.
"I saw her when I was just kinda wondering around. She was… sad. Not Bailey-like. Kinda scary really," he said, thinking back to their conversation on the bench. "But I just thought she was upset that I had failed her."
Izzie turned to her friend. He kept his gaze on the ceiling above him.
"George…" she whispered out but he kept his eyes locked above him.
"Look at me, George."
After a moment he complied and slowly turned his head towards her. She met his eyes with determination.
"You're not a failure. You didn't fail her," she stated, firmly.
"She said the same thing," he said, finally.
"Of course she did. She always knows what to say because she's Bailey. She's always right," she said, smiling. "Like me."
George turned back smiling as Izzie laid her head on the couch again.
"My wife is your boss now," he said, thinking out loud.
Izzie tensed up at the words he chose to use to describe her new supervisor. She grumbled her frustrations.
"Don't remind me," she said, not exactly sure if she meant that about the other woman's new job title or her new marital title.
After a moment she added, "You know, she's got some power now. She could probably pull some strings with her new position."
"Walked right into that one didn't I?" George said, shaking his head.
"Couldn't set it up any better myself," She teased.
He found his spot on the ceiling again. "We'll see."
Even though he wasn't looking at her, she knew he could see her bright smile as she kept her eyes focused above them.
They sat on the couch for a long while in silence, the muted television's flickering light giving away the only light in the room.
"Where's Alex?" George asked.
"I dunno. Hospital I guess."
Suddenly George got up, surprising Izzie by his unexpected movement. She looked up at him and thought he had suddenly decided it was time to leave. She felt her heart drop, a reaction that must have shown clearly on her face because George quickly calmed her fears.
"He's in my room right?" George said, heading out of the living room.
Izzie's eyes widen when she realized where he was heading. She jumped up and bounded for the door he had just gone through. She caught him at the stairs and jumped in front of him to block him.
"No, George!" She tried, laughing. "You don't want to go there."
George laughed and gave her a strange look. "Why not?"
"It's a scary, scary place." She explained, smiling. "You don't want to see it, trust me."
George shook his head disbelievingly as he tried to step past her but she put her hands on his shoulders.
"Izzie!" he tried, laughing. "Come on, it can't be that bad. He's only been here a few months."
"Exactly!" She giggled. "What's behind that door is only badness, again you don't want to go there."
George sighed and looked at her for a moment.
"Fine," he said, turning away and walking back towards the living room.
Izzie let her guard down and started down the stairs herself. Once she was beside him, she saw him glance her way momentarily before turning around and bolting towards the stairs.
"Noo! You faker!!" She yelled, laughing as she followed him in hot pursuit.
She tried to race him up the stairs but he was using his body to block her path. She could hear him laughing as she tried to edge her way past him only to be pushed back down a few steps by him moving from side to side as he made his way up the stairs.
Finally, she tried tripping his feet up from behind. He yelped and stumbled a few steps, a move that the made her stumble over him. They slide down the stairs and came to a halt about half way down the staircase. George chuckled as he popped back up and finished the few steps left to the top floor. Izzie stayed behind, lying on the floor, knowing what was about to come.
"Oh my god!" George's muffled yell came from his once upstairs bedroom
Izzie smiled at his dramatic reaction. She pulled herself up and made her way up to second floor.
Once she made it to his old room, she leaned against the doorway as she watched him stand in the middle of the room gawking.
"I tried to spare you of this pain. But nooo," she teased, crossing her arms. "You had to be all curious George."
She laughed at her own pun.
"What the hell happened to my room!" George said, frantically. He looked in astonishment around at the room he used to call his.
He looked down at the floor that was hidden by all the discarded clothes that were strewn across the room. He looked over to his old desk and noticed all the papers, books, pizza boxes and dirty dishes that were covering up the area.
"What the hell is that?!" He said, pointing to one of the many posters hanging on his walls now.
Izzie looked at the poster in question and shook her head. "I think it some kind of team thing for wrestling or football or some other form of an egotistical sporting event that he loves."
George shuffled through the clothes on the floor and made his way towards the bed where he heavily sat down. Izzie watched him from her spot at the door before deciding to make her way to sit beside him.
"I tried to stop him, you know." She said, quietly.
"Stop this madness," George said, still looking around in shock at all of the mess. "I can see why."
"No, not this," she said, looking around herself. "You can't stop Alex from being Alex. I tried to stop him from moving in."
That got George's attention.
"I tried to convince Meredith from letting him move in." She explained.
"Really? Did you foresee not getting a security check back because of him?" He tried, joking.
"No I think that was a given," She snorted.
"Then what? Did you think it would be awkward with him because… well… you know… you and him…" he asked, trailing of at the end. He found it surprising at how hard it was for him to ask that question.
Izzie lay back on the bed and thought about his half formed question for a moment but then shook her head.
"No. Well I told myself that was it at first, but it wasn't."
"Then what was it?"
"He wasn't you," She laughed out, nervously. "I mean nothing against Alex. Even though we've had our differences in the past, I don't hold anything against him now, he's a good guy and all but when he moved in I hated it. It was just another reminder that you were gone."
George decided to lay back on the bed too. Now they were both lying side by side with their shoulders touching. He let her continue on.
"I missed you and the last thing I wanted to see was him taking up your room. This is your room. The place I came to when life was getting too hard. The place I came to when I was bored. The place I came to when I wanted to steal clothes to sleep in. The place I came to, to see you. But I've found that with you no longer in this room, all of those things I use to do, those simple things that I never thought much of before… I miss them terribly."
She looked over at him and saw that he had his eyes closed. For a second she had thought he had fallen asleep but then he whispered out.
"I missed those things too."
Izzie studied his face for a moment before turning back and closing her eyes as well. In the darkness, she could say the truth with out the fear of the consequences coming to light.
"George, I'm sorry…" She whispered. "I'm sorry for being a part of the reason you failed. I'm sorry I failed you..."
George reached out for her hand in the dark and carefully slid it over hers.
"You didn't." He said, keeping his hold on her hand. "Don't be sorry…"
He opened his eyes and looked over at her. He squeezed her hand to get her to look at him. She understood his silent request as she looked over at him.
"… for anything," he finished his sentenced.
He saw tears shine in her eyes as well as the confusion his statement brought on. When he saw a lone tear slip out and make its way slowly down her cheek he reached out and caught it with his other hand.
He sighed heavily and turned back closing his eyes again.
"After the whole fiasco with Meredith, everything was so tense, so very complicated. Then Callie came a long and it was like a breath of fresh air. She was everything that Meredith wasn't. She was the one who actually saw me, she was the one who gave me the confidence to believe in myself during a time when I had very little confidence to believe in, she was so different and new."
Izzie turned back and tried to swallow back the lump that was forming in her throat.
"But soon the complicated crept back in and things got tense again. Soon we were having problems and things got so hard between us. Then my Dad got sick and my world just stopped. Everything in my life from my complicated relationship with Callie to my challenging internship to my strange but important friendships just fell away. It was my Dad..."
She heard his voice crack and she squeezed his hand to say the words she couldn't form. After a moment, he squeezed her hand back and continued on.
"Even though my world had stopped, the rest of the world had continued on with out me. After he… after everything that happened… I was numb and I kept waiting for my world to start again. Kept waiting for the fog that I was caught up in to lift. I tried to find my way through it, but it was like I was hitting brick walls."
Izzie listened to him intently. She didn't dare look at him though; she was afraid of what she might or might not see on his face.
"Then suddenly Callie was beside me and we were at this ugly, cheap looking wedding chapel. And as I was marrying her all I could think of was that this had to jump-start my life again. This had to make this fog I was so lost in go away. I thought it was going to be the answer…"
"…But.." Izzie said, urging him to continue.
"… but things only got more complicated. Now she was Callie O'Malley and the problems we were having before were still as fresh and still just as ugly as ever before. Now everything in my life was falling in on me and I was right back at the beginning. I was drowning…"
Izzie wanted him to continue on but she knew this was his story to tell. She was only here to listen and let him get things off his chest. Something she should have done long ago. After a while he started again.
"…then there was this one night. A night that involved an ungodly amount of alcohol and bad judgment but for this one night… I wasn't drowning anymore. For this one night, I felt more alive and more like myself than I had in a long time. This one night of shameful sin came easier to me than any night I had spent with my wife. And the next day, when the memories came rushing back in… all I could see was you. All I could feel… was you…"
George's words took Izzie's breath away. They were both laying in the dark, holding hands and letting his words wash over them.
"… Suddenly where I was numb before I could feel all of these feelings. Complicated, confusing feelings. Things that I hated myself for. Things that shouldn't make sense but somehow did. But I had made this commitment with this beautiful woman who loved me… and my Dad… all I could think about was how disappointed he would be if he knew me now… then one day you came in and you said all these things about that one night not meaning anything…"
He snorted a laugh that was anything but happy. Izzie cringed at the memory.
"I hated those words you were saying. I hated that it was suppose to make things right… but it didn't feel like it. It was all just so wrong, but every thing has been so wrong since the very beginning and I just didn't know how to change that. So I just gave in…"
Izzie now had a trail of tears streaming down her face. She hated the defeated sound of his voice.
"Then came your admission of love and my test results. Both coming almost in one bang…"
He trailed off and opened his eyes. He looked over at her, waiting until she got the cue from his silent plea to look at him.
"..And.." Izzie said for him.
"…And then… Somehow… my world started spinning again."
Izzie smiled in the dark. She couldn't stand it anymore, so she slowly scooted over and closed the space between them. She turned on her side and looked down at him. He bit his lip as he lifted his hand to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. Izzie laid down and tucked her head under his neck. She felt his arm come up around her and held her closer to him.
He kissed the top of her head and breathed her in. Izzie closed her eyes and let the peaceful feeling she found in his arms sink in.
She could feel herself getting sleepy and from the even breathing she could tell sleep was creeping in on him as well. But before she could let herself fall away she had to know one thing.
"So... after everything. You came here tonight… to me… why?"
"I dunno… cause you're Izzie." He smiled, repeating her answer to him from before.
Izzie smiled at his familiar answer and she knew that they were going to be okay. Tomorrow would be a new day, one that she would stand by him and support him in whatever decision he made. But in her heart, she knew his choice already. It was the only choice that was left. After all of the struggles and hardships the year had brought on, in the end it was just them. And it always would be, because simply, they were George and Izzie.
The End.