"...Like last night, they are not like tremors, they are worse than tremors,
they are these terrors. And it's like, it feels like as if somebody
was gripping my throat and squeezing and..."
Naminé sat there, listening to the tape, over and over again. Replaying, rewinding. What was it this tape possessed, she wasn't sure, but she knew that this man was in pain. Anyone with insomnia was in pain; she knew that all too well. Going through sleepless nights at the castle with Marluxia, lurking over her, touching her body. It made her sick still, which was the very reason she avoided slumber now. This was why she'd become a psychologist. To help people with the same problems as she had. Nami was willing to help these people, before she could help herself. It was a funny thing, the blond coming into work with a thermos full of coffee. By 10:57, she'd filled that cup more than four times. It wasn't really to keep herself awake; it was to keep her on task. The paperwork she dealt with now, it was horrifying. One of her patients, whose tape she was listening to now, had just been found guilty of killing a man in the city.
Some say, now suffer all the children and walk away a savior, or a madman and polluted from gutter institutions. Don't you breathe for me, undeserving of your sympathy, 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did.
Somehow, the blond was fearing for herself. Was she bound to become what her patient had? Even if Naminé went to medical school and studied all those years, people who knew more about something tended to go crazier. Not that it mattered. She would come in to work tomorrow and the secretary would smile and wave. "Good morning, Miss Zuko." She'd say, the brunette smiling. That smile made Naminé think of Marluxia, and she would scurry to her office, awaiting patients from 9 to 5. Sometimes, she'd work late and stay till 9. Like now, she was in her office at 7 pm, listening to this tape. During the trial, Nami remembered hearing him whisper softly..."She knows the truth, but I ain't sorry for what I did..." Was he referring to his wonderful doctor, or was he referring to someone in the nightmares? Maybe the person causing them. "Ugh, patient confidentiality..." She muttered under her breath. Naminé was terrified to even say her patient's name, because she'd gotten used to being around him. He was more of an acquaintance...until recently.
And through it all how could you cry for me? 'Cause I don't feel bad about it. So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleep. Just sleep.
The hardest part is letting go of your dreams.
Naminé put away his file, sighing. Rubbing her temples, she thought momentarily of the horrible things she'd done and been through. Marluxia telling her to keep drawing and reconstructing Sora's memories. It was like she'd been put in an asylum. He told her he loved her and would give her the best treatment in the world: as long as she complied to what he wanted to do to her. Shaking away the tears and thoughts, Naminé pulled the file back out. She could still hear the trial. She heard everything, and it terrified her more and more as she left the office. Luckily, with no sign of the stupid secretary. Walking outside, she feels the rush of 82 degree heat. Putting on her fake smile, she nods at anyone passing by. Not many people, but it's still a nice gesture.
She got into her car, setting the tape in the passenger's side. Starting up the noisy ignition, another sigh escapes her mouth. Upon backing out of the parking lot, she sees a hooded figure in her rearview mirror. Frantically stopping, she makes sure not to hit them. But when she blinks, they're gone. "No..." She whispers softly, pulling the gear into drive and driving away from the near-crime scene. "No way Marly and the others are here. They're dead now, Naminé." She smiles to herself, this one genuine. She drives for a couple of miles, pulling into her drive way. The garage door opens and she is greeted by her sister and their dogs. "Ugh, really, Larx...why do we need this many dogs?" She giggles as she steps out of the sedan. "Oh, you know you like them Nami. Besides, you know they're my escape..." Of course. That was her sister's excuse. Larxene had also been used by Marluxia. After the castle collapsed, the two ended up in sunny Destiny. "Ah, well, I understand that. But please no more, promise?" Her sister smiled and nodded.
A drink for the horror that I'm in, for the good guys, and the bad guys; for the monsters that I've been. Three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy, 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again.
Thinking about eating, Namine decides randomly on a shot of pure whiskey. "Probably not the best medicine, but it's worth it!" She mumbles, hoping Larxene doesn't hear. Opening the fridge door, she gets out the last of her salad from dinner yesterday and then a fork. After this, she goes to the cabinet, searching desperately for the shot glasses. Grabbing herself one, she goes on upstairs to her room. Opening the door, she finds the room in complete chaos. "This isn't normal..." She blinked and the room was neat again. "Huh...stupid sleep deprivation…" She laughed a bit and sat on the bed, putting her dinner on the nightstand. She still clung to the glass, searching under the bed for the whiskey. After mindless searching, she finds it and pours herself some. Drinking slowly, instead of her usual fast paced gulps, she thinks upon every little cringe. "It's a shame I did all that, just so someone would love me." She said quietly. She also remembered Larxy went through the exact same incident. Larxene wasn't Nami's real sister. She'd naturally adopted her after the collapse, because she knew Naminé was a minor. Even after letting the girl go into the open world, they stayed together.
It was a funny thing how Marluxia made the girls hate each other. Their constant envy for the other. But now they were two beautiful blond girls, hoping to get rid of their fears and problems. Larxene through dogs, Naminé through her patients.
And through it all how could you cry for me? 'Cause I don't feel bad about it. So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleep. Just sleep.
The hardest part's the awful things that I've seen.
Naminé pulls a section of her hair, unable to tell if she's ok or not. Her lips are trembling, but she's not sure whether or not it's from the alcohol or the fear. Either way, her stomach is nauseated and she has trouble breathing. By now, Nami knows what's wrong. She knows that all her memories with Marluxia are suddenly causing more problems than before. The exact same problem her patient had. "But he wasn't sane, dear…he had been through much worse than you…" Although coincidentally he was in a fire. And he saw hooded figures, just as she had seen earlier in the parking lot. Was this a figment of their imagination? She referred to her patient's tape once more to infer.
"...Sometimes I see flames. And sometimes I see people that I love dying and... it's always..."
That was a problem he suffered. He saw the flames, his friends dying. He claimed he had no family, except for a twin brother. His friends were looking for him and hoping to have the two reunite. But then the fire happened. He made it out. But the others did not. Then, Naminé had the realization hit her. Could it be that he was in the same fire? After all, Sora was documented for some time, and the Organization was monitoring him so they could get the hearts necessary for Kingdom Hearts. And Sora's heart had created a Nobody, just as Kairi had created Nami. "I should've known. The way he looked at me…." She buried her face in her hands curling herself in a small ball. She laid on her bed, the whiskey on the bed stand now.
"I wish I'd known sooner," the psychologist whispered softly.
Just sleep.
"After all, I knew you looked at me funny and all, just like Marly did. Of course, all of you guys liked me and Larxy…no surprise…" Naminé was now talking to herself, not caring if Larxene came in and saw her in this condition.
Just sleep.
"And I wanted to help you. You were going through such great progress…"
Just sleep.
Naminé takes the tape and fast forwards it, listening to the gurgling of the machine.
Just sleep.
"The same nightmares, but mine are from that awful man. I loved him, but I hate him now…"
Just sleep.
"And you can't get any rest now, from Axel dying…and you killing that boy…"
Just sleep.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you Roxas…" Nami couldn't control all the tears rolling down her pale face. She was so tired and emotional now. Unable to help herself, she laid there creating illusions in her mind to help her cope with the pain of reality. But even a psychologist knows when it's all fun and games.
Wake up!
Listening to the tape once more, she sighs and gives up on trying to keep her eyelids open. With each bat of an eyelash, sleep threatens to take hold. Clutching the sheets and the pillow, Naminé bawls herself to sleep. The tape continues to go on, despite her shallow breathing and tear-stained face showing definite signs of sleep. Yet, it didn't matter. Nami had that tape memorized, and even in her sleep she could recite the last words of the nightmare Roxas, Larxene, and herself faced…
"And I can't... I can't ever wake up."