So this is my first fanfic written in English. I would have never thought that day would come because I never felt confident enough in my language skills to pull off a whole oneshot. But to be honest, I am pretty obsessed with Guilty Crown right now and seeing as the fandom is still kinda small and that I probably wouldn't get many readers if I wrote this in German, I have decided to give it a try. Don't expect too much, though.

This is a fanfic about Shu's thoughts after he got betrayed by Gai, Arisa and the rest in episode 17. What actually made me write this was episode18, though. I loved it. Inori was just awesome. But I thought it revolved far too little around Shu and his thoughts of the betrayal. That's why I decided to write my own version of what I thought episode 18 could have been about.

Shu may be a bit out of character here and I am really sorry for that. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Dethroned

Blood. So much blood.

I can see it clearly. The red liquid pouring out of the hole, where my arm once used to be, and onto the ground before me. My cries of pain and disbelief echoing all over the place while everyone around me pretends to neither see nor hear me. Ungrateful traitors, the whole lot of them. And the king of traitors stands right in front of me. Tsutsugami Gai. Or Triton, if you so please. He used to be my long forgotten friend from the past. Someone I really liked. I think he was my first real friend even, since I had always sucked at making friends. Yeah, he definitely was someone close to me then.

Well, figures that the now and the then are completely different since I am absolutely positive that this guy had chopped off my right arm and last time I checked friends didn't do that to each other, right?

He had done it in a swift motion without showing any signs of hesitation or mercy. His eyes were as cold as was the metal of the blade when it went right through my muscles and bones like a knife through butter.

I couldn't think straight at that time. All I was focusing on was the pain which shot through my severed arm. The closest thing to thoughts my mind was able to process were simple questions like "Is this really happening?" or "Why?"

Yeah, why indeed? Now that I am sitting here in this abandoned warehouse with a lot of time to think, I cannot help but wonder. Why did he do that? Why was he even alive? Have I done something to make him hate me that much? If so, he could have simply killed me if he resented me enough to do THAT to me. Why didn't he do it? Was it because he wanted me to die a slow and painful death? Or did he even think I wasn't even worth the effort to kill now that he had stolen my powers?

I clench my fist in anger and hit the wall behind me with a growl. Was that it? Was it to demonstrate your overwhelming power, Gai? The power you STOLE from me? You damn bastard…!

It's been three days since then, my arm is already treated with some help of a first aid kit me and Inori managed to find in a looted hospital. The wound may be healing but I still can't make myself forget the stench of blood, can't make the red puddle become unseen that had gathered around me back then. I get sick every time I have to think about it, which is pretty often lately.

I am not sure about what happened after Gai's betrayal. I know that there were explosions and screams of students. My consciousness faded soon after that. When I came back to my senses I realized that Inori somehow had dragged me away from the scene. She had also temporally stopped the bleeding of my arm with the help of the pieces of my torn coat. It hadn't been perfect but it helped me to survive and thus I was very grateful that she had been there for me.

Grateful? I don't think that even is the right word. Indepted may be more suitable, 'cause, in fact, my life pretty much depends on her and her actions right now. I realized that when we were assaulted by a small gang of pillagers yesterday, who had somehow managed to survive on their own during the entire time loop seven was isolated from the rest of Tokyo. Although the word 'survived' wasn't quite the right word for them either. They had been highly cancerous and would have dropped dead sooner or later anyway.

Yet, despite or maybe even because the fact that they were soon to be dead and thus had nothing to lose anymore, they had attacked us on sight and without hesitation. What they thought they would gain by that, I do not know as we had nothing worth taking from us aside from our clothes. They might have been after Inori's body and even though the mere thought of them laying a finger on her made me furious at that time, I could do nothing but watch as Inori finished them off all on her own with a gun she had snatched from a fallen student before she had dragged me into safety.

It was then that I first realized how powerless I had become, how much of a burden I now am to Inori. Without the king's power I can't protect anything anymore. Neither me, nor Inori. And not only that…compared to her, I have nearly no skill with firearms. I am completely useless now. If I ever get through all this alive, it will be thanks to her. And I hate me for that. For letting her do everything for me, even now, when she went out to find some food for us.

I should be out there with her. I know that. But I also know that I probably would only slow her down. She wouldn't say that, of course, but I know it's true. If there would have been any mirror around, I wouldn't be able to look at my own reflection. That's how ashamed I am of myself.

But it's not my fault for ending up like this, is it? Of course not. Everything went according to plan. Everything…except for one tiny thing.

Kouhin Arisa.

That's right. It's her fault. She set the whole thing up, didn't she? And I didn't even realize anything. I can do nothing but smile bitterly at my own naiveté. How could I have been so blind? I should have realized the rising tension among the students, should have relieved the stress somehow. Yet I played right into Arisa's hands. I've let her use me to free them all only to let them toss me away like a broken toy.

I frown in anger as I recall her standing on the top of that hill, looking down on me after Gai had slashed at me. She did nothing but look at me…and what pisses me off the most. She ENJOYED what she saw. I can't believe that! She actually had fun in the sight of me screaming in agony. The students blamed me to be the bad guy while following a girl twisted enough to like seeing other people bleed? Well, they got what they had coming to them.

I had heard from Inori that although some students were able to escape, a lot were caught and killed by the GHQ units Gai brought with him when he arrived. She sounded somewhat sad when she told me that but I couldn't help but feel kind of relieved about it. Is that so bad? After all it was me who worked so hard to free them all with minimal casualties, yet they tossed me away as soon as they felt like they didn't have a need for me anymore.

Isn't it ironic? They accused me of using them to free myself while all they did was using ME to free THEMSELVES. Have they forgotten that I never even asked to be their leader? It was their idea to begin with! I just did what I thought was right. I would have liked to see them do better. Especially Arisa. At least half of the students would have died under her leadership, that I am sure of. Would that have been better than my actions? Who knows…

I sigh heavily while shaking my head. No use thinking about what might have happened if things had went different. No one can change the past…unless there is a void like that somewhere. If there is, I would like to use it once. That's all I would need. One shot to make it all better again.

I chuckle because of my foolishness. There I go again, thinking about What-Ifs and Why-Nots. There IS no way to change the past. That's a fact. As well as the fact that Gai returned from the dead and betrayed me together with Arisa and everyone else. And I mean everyone. I can't believe that not a single person would stand up to defend me. No one.

I didn't really expect Yahiro to stand up for me after the fight we had. Argo's decision to remain silent didn't come with a big surprise either. He opposed me since the very beginning. But what really shocked me was the fact that neither Tsumugi nor Ayase felt the need to help me. What had I done to them that they would abandon me like that? Wasn't it me who saved them a couple of weeks ago in the gymnasium when the people went on a rampage and planned to sell them out just because they were former Funeral Parlor members? Wasn't it me who believed in Ayase and gave her legs when she was in desperate need of them? Did they already forget that? How selfish.

It is times like these when I miss Hare most. Hare would have never betrayed me like that. She would have also tried to defend me. Not that it would have solved the conflict…but it at least would have eased the pain in my heart. I still can't believe she had to die. Of all the people in my school that could have died instead, it must have been her. Why her? Why take away one of the few people who could understand what I feel? It isn't fair. But then again, life never was fair to begin with.

After all, I never chose to get the Void Genome, I never wanted to be a part of Funeral Parlor. I never asked to be the leader of a group of students who would betray me in the end. And I certainly never wanted to be in the situation I am right now. Yet no one understands that. No one aside from…

Yuzuha Inori

Of all the things I regret, meeting her isn't part of that. In fact, I being able to meet her is the only reason I am actually happy that I acquired the Void Genome instead of Gai, because otherwise, our paths would probably have only crossed once and never again. Inori is the only person in the world I can trust with all my heart. And that means a lot out of my mouth, since after all the betrayals I have had to endure, I will hardly put trust into anyone anymore from now on.

That's right. If I have learned anything out of this whole mess that calls itself my life, it is that you shouldn't trust anyone blindly, no matter how much you think this person is on your side. That might also be true for Inori but to be honest, if she ever decides to betray me as well I simply will give up living, because in a world in which you can't even trust a single person, what's there to live for?

I hear a sound coming from my right and I get to my feet immediately to hide. Inori and I are targeted by GHQ for some reason we don't know so we always have to be aware of the slightest possibility of danger. You might think after robbing me off my power they would leave us alone but no, apparently GHQ would rather kill off everyone than letting two powerless teens get away with their lives.

I hear footsteps coming closer and I grab a rusty iron rod I prepared for emergency situations like this. The cold staff feels heavy in my left hand which I am not used to fight with. Surely I will not put up much of a fight but if I have to die anyway I won't go down without resistance, that's for sure. My body may be somewhat broken but my will to survive sure as hell wasn't.

As the footsteps grow louder I cannot help but to wonder if Inori is alright or if she already got caught while searching food for us. For a brief second I wish she was here with me to help me, but I dismiss this thought right away whilst shaking my head rapidly. No, it's good that she isn't here. Hopefully, she won't come back until this intruder has already left after taking me or killing me, whatever suits them more. That way she will remain safe and I wouldn't be a burden for her anymore. It was better this way. I tighten my grip on the rod, ready to strike.

The footsteps grow louder. The intruder is now right around the corner. Now, the second he turns around it I will…

"Shu?" I hear a soft voice call my name. I immediately release the breath I didn't know I was holding in. Relaxing, I come out of my hiding place to see Inori looking at me with a confused look.

"Phew, you scared the heck out of me, you know that?" I smile at her awkwardly.

Feeling bad about that, she looks down sadly. "I am sorry."

"N-no, don't apologize. It's my fault for making such a big deal out of it." I try to change the mood but all I cause is an awkward silence and neither of us looking in the other's eyes.

Finally having enough of the silence I scratch the back of my head while trying to build up a conversation.

"So, did you find anything?"

"Mh-hm." She nods and presents me a plastic bag with some soda-cans and food in it. I can't tell what kind of food but anything is fine as long as it keeps us from starving.

"Good job, Inori." She shows me a small smile and together we sit down to eat. "Ikadakimasu~."

The meal passed by rather quietly as Inori wasn't much of a talk active person and I didn't really have much to talk about at the moment. We just ate our portions and I made sure that she got enough of food as she tends to sometimes give me extra big rations in order for me "to recover faster", which would mean she gets less to eat. Of course I can't accept that seeing as I am already a burden as it is.

Usually she accepts if I politely refuse her offerings of food but today she decided to narrow her eyes on me and play the role of the defiant one.

"You need to eat more." she says.

"No, thanks. I am already full."

"That's not true."

"And how would you know that?"

"Because you even ate less than me again."

"So?"

"You can't be full if you ate less than me and I am not quite full myself."

"So you are still hungry?"

"So are you."

"I can bear it. Eat the rest."

"I won't."

We stare at each other, neither of us wanting to lose the childish contest we are having. It wasn't long, though, until I averted my gaze and looked down in shame.

"I am sorry, Inori." I finally say after a long silence.

Tilting her head in a confused manner, she asks: "Shu?"

"All I do lately is causing you trouble. Even now. I am sorry for being such a burden to you…ever since I lost my power, I…" I couldn't quite finish the sentence, afraid of admitting my weakness even though I am well aware of it.

She doesn't reply to that. Instead she crawls up to my side and takes my face in her soft hands to make me look at her.

"Look at me, Shu. What do you see?"

I am not sure what she is trying to do, so it is my turn to be the confused one. "I…I see you, Inori."

"Are you sure? Aren't you seeing my void instead?"

That got me rather angry. How could she even think that of me?

"What are you talking about! I would never reduce you to your void. You are you!"

That's the truth. I never saw her as merely a weapon to fight my enemies with. Not even once. Even after I introduced the ranking system at my school and started to assign everyone ranks according to the powers of their void, never did the thought cross my mind that Inori might just be a tool to me. I hated the thought of that. I wouldn't even have done it with the rest of the students either, if the circumstances hadn't forced me to. I thought she knew that.

"Exactly. I am me, just as you are you. Do you think I only liked you because of your void power? You are wrong. I like you because of the way you are. With or without your powers, you are still the same person, Shu."

She lets go of my face and embraces me instead. I can't do nothing but stare at her in awe. I wonder why I hadn't thought about that myself. I would never reduce Inori to her powers, so why didn't the thought cross my mind that she actually thinks the same way? I feel like the biggest moron in the world now for letting all the betrayals of the past affect the way I had viewed Inori. She isn't like the rest of the people I had to deal with in the past. She is special. Even thought almost every other human being in her position would have thought of me as a burden to them, Inori would never do that. And for that I am very grateful.

"Inori…" I realize that I had started crying. No wonder, I guess, since all the pain and sadness I had gathered and locked away in my heart over the last couple of days finally seemed to have broken through. I had known that it was only a matter of time before it would happen eventually, as did Inori. She just holds me close as I let the tears drop, relieved that I finally get to release them all at once.

I put my one arm around her, not wanting to ever let her go. I know that I probably don't deserve someone like her at my side after all the things I have done but I couldn't help but to be a little selfish. If every person in the world deserved at least SOME happiness, why shouldn't that apply for me as well? Granted, I had done some mistakes in the past. Things I am not proud of in the least, but no one is perfect. Not me, not Arisa, not even Gai.

I don't ask for forgiveness. No one would forgive me anyway. All I need is to be at Inori's side like this. I know that I can keep on moving forward as long as I have her. Nothing else matters anymore.

-.-.-.-

Later that day we finally are able to get some rest after we had looked for a new hiding place for a couple of hours. GHQ units were getting too close to our former hideout so we had decided to abandon it and look for a new one to be on the safe side. Darkness embraces us as the sun sets in the distance, marking the end of the day.

We lie down on a blanket we had previously put on the floor to give us at least SOME protection from the cold floor. Afterwards we used a second blanked to cover ourselves with it in order to keep the cold of the night out. It did little to help as it was still freezing cold. The run down building we found had a lot of broken windows through which the freezing air found its way in and we couldn't really do anything about it other than lying close together to share each other's warmth and bear the cold.

It didn't take long for Inori to fall asleep. I am not really surprised about that since I am sure that running around town in order to find useful stuff for us wasn't easy at all. She never said anything about it but I know for a fact that she must be very tired every time she returns from her scavenging trips. I realize her shivering in her sleep and instantly shifting closer to me for warmth. I instinctively want to put an arm around her only to be reminded that my right arm wasn't there anymore.

I frown upon this realization. Leaning back onto my back I gaze up to the ceiling, once again lost in thoughts about Gai and Arisa. I wonder what the future might hold for everyone of us and what I would do should our paths ever cross again. I would like to believe that we will never meet again since I really wouldn't mind taking a pass on a reunion with these damn traitors. But deep down I know that it is Gai who actually ordered GHQ to hunt me and Inori down, so I will eventually meet up with him and the rest of his allies sooner or later…It's only a matter of being captured or bringing the fight to him.

I honestly have no idea how I should react when meeting them again. Although I wouldn't mind cutting off Arisa's and Gai's limbs and asking them how they actually liked that for a change, I am not really in the position to do that anymore. Aside from that I start to doubt that I really would enjoy the sight of them bleeding and screaming like banshees, even though they very well deserve it.

I sigh heavily. Couldn't they just both disappear? Or die? I wouldn't mind, really. Gai wasn't Gai anymore and even died once. His death would finally set things right again. And Arisa…well, she could join him for all I care. I think Hell wouldn't be such a bad place for someone like her.

As for everybody else…I am kind of amazed by that thought as well but…I kind of hope they are alright. Yeah, they took part in Arisa's plot, I know. And I can't really forgive them for that. But I also know that I didn't treat them too good either. It might be my naiveté again, but I like the idea of having a restart someday. To begin our friendship anew, because I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the old days…before all of this madness happened.

I know that's just wishful thinking, though. People can't put aside their differences that easily. And thus I will have to prepare myself for everything they might have planned against me. I might even have to fight them. And as much as I dislike the idea of killing them, I will do anything to survive. Gai always used to say something about the survival of the fittest back in the days he still used to be himself. Well, I don't plan to be the one selected out. Not by him, not by Arisa, not by anyone.

If Gai thinks that taking my powers will break me, he thinks wrong. I will overcome this trial of his, like I have had overcome all the hardships in the past. And it will make me stronger. So what if he took my void power? I will just have to find something else to beat him. I won't let him get away with this, that's for sure.

I kind of feel the urge to stretch my right arm out and reach for something above me. I am about to discard this foolish thought when I suddenly see a silhouette of an arm exactly where my right arm once used to be. But only for a split second before it vanishes again. Blinking repeatedly I stare at the spot I just saw some ghostly version of my arm, but there is nothing to be seen anymore. I decide to disregard this matter as it probably just was my imagination. I may be more tired than I actually thought I am.

True enough my eyelids become heavier with every second I start to relax and moments later I can feel my consciousness drifting off to sleep. Now I hope I won't be dreaming of more ghost-arms. That surely won't make getting over the loss of my actual arm any easier, right?