Title: Bulletproof
Author: Mika Kashii Haine
Band: The Gazette
Pairing: Ruki x ?
Rating: PG13
Genre: Angst
Chapters: One shot
Warning: Cursing, not beta'ed
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone.
Summary: It's going beautifully in my head.
Comment: I just found this. I have written it some time ago. It was written originally in Norwegian, but I translated it to see if it was any better. It's not a happy one I guess. But that is me from some time ago. Oh, and pairing, no one in particularly came to mind for me, you can decided yourself, tell me who you thought of, nee?! Comments are always loved. Oh, also, it's Ruki's POV. Until the last thing.

I'm stumbling and I'm falling. I am crying and I am shouting. But no sound comes out. As I was weak and confused, they did the surgery. And now, now I have nothing left to give. I don't have anymore words with meaning that I can speak. I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired now. Whatever I do, how ever fast I may run, nothing will ever change. I will still be me, and you will still hate me.

These crazy thoughts swirling around inside my head tricked me to do it. They led me here. Here, where I lay on the cold ground, in the frozen rain. Maybe it's snowing? Maybe it's only cold because I am dying? When I think about it, I've always felt a little cold. But who cares about that now?! The gun is beside me. What other way out is there? If you know, be as kind to tell me. Cause all hope has left me, and belief betrayed me. Who am I trying to fool, there never was a belief.

Once I had a brother. He was a little older than me. I didn't hate him, and I didn't like him either, my eyes looked at him, my head thought about him, with indifference. Like he was a total stranger. But he discovered something. So everything about him got a tragic ending. One day he looked at me and said:

"Little brother, why do you never smile?"

Standing there, frozen. Didn't know quite what to do. How could he find out? No one had found out. Once again, I only found one way out.

Hey, I trusted you. You said you would protect me, so why did you let them do it? I would rather die than to lose my voice. You of all knew. So why? Even her. It's actually your own fault, you know. But that's how I am, always finding someone else to put the blame on. Too bad it ended with her like it ended with brother. How shall I yell for him now? I can't scream his name, so now he will never turn around again. He will run, further and farther away from me. There's no one who can show me the way anymore. It can all be the same now. I am prepared to die. There's one bullet left. It's going beautifully in my head. It's okay. I have lived long enough. For a long time now, I've actually been very tired. But now I'm going to get some sleep.

Hey, goodbye and good night. Is what I want to tell you. But there's no need to. I don't deserve to say anything to you.

Who is coming? I can hear something coming among the bushes. Who is there? Please don't tell me you've found me? Oh, I guess you have.

"Go away.."

Words so weak. No way had you heard them.

"What are you going to do with that gun? It wasn't your fault it happened. You weren't yourself. You had no idea. You were confused. Put away the gun now..!"

I didn't get what he was saying, but it's something about me not being me. Were I not me? If I wasn't, then who was I? Are you trying to tell me I'm a non-existing being? Stop talking bullshit. I was myself more than ever before. You know it, I know it, and they all know it. Accept it. When I shot your beloved who had done the surgery to remove my throat cancer, I lost my voice, my heart cold as ice, just as the night I shot my brother. Pissed off too. But I don't care anymore. This is enough. I don't want to kill anymore. No matter the pleasure.

"Hey, goodbye and good night.."

The shot could be heard miles away. A pretty shot, right in the head. As I pointed the gun to my head, silence was all around. I could see your mouth moving as if screaming. How your body dashed towards me, but however late you were. That's how the winter I turned 19 ended.

Never in his live, had he smiled. It's just the way it is. No one knows why. Alone he was standing. Tears in his eyes, but it was hidden in that freezing rain. Matsumoto Takanori's whole life was hidden in that rain.