The Spinning Wheel of Fate

by Manoftyr

This is a FFVI fanfic that's been several years in the making. It's in fact a re-write of a fic I did close to a decade ago. It takes place immediately after the fall of Kefka's tower and largely concerns the Returners and the process of finding their place in this new world as well as expound on the already given lore of the world. Hope you enjoy!

1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 (Prologue)

I'm alive? I thought to myself. I had leaped to my death, crashing through rock, earth, steel, and other more unnatural elements that had composed the dreaded tower. My body was battered and broken. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, but I still lived. In spite of myself I still lived; well, for now at least. I could feel the blood pouring from my many wounds, and my internal organs were a mess. I was hoping the fall would kill me quickly, but it seemed that wouldn't be my fate. Whatever. A slow and painful death was more in keeping with what I deserved. I closed my eyes and relaxed, waiting for the inevitable when suddenly I heard it.

"BARK BARK." That distinct sharp canine barking could only mean one thing; Interceptor. Stupid dog I thought to myself as he continued barking, and now pawing at the rubble covering me.

"I'm telling you! I saw him jump!" I now heard voices closing in.

"Then he's dead!"

"We have to be sure. Keep looking!"

"BARK BARK BARK BARK!" Interceptor was more frantic now, as if trying to alert them. I heard footsteps approach closer.

"Look! Interceptor's got something! Help me dig through this." Damn stupid dog, I thought once more.

I heard rustling and digging, the movement of metal plates, the shifting of rock above my form...then a pink clawed hand reached in and pulled up the largest rock resting upon me. Terra Branford. It seemed even with magic currently leaving the world that there was still some esper juice left in her, tough girl.

Her eyes lit up. "He's here! HE'S HERE!" she called out as others rushed over, the first being Sabin Figaro who immediately began helping Terra pull out the rubble above me. Next was Locke Cole, who began clearing the debris surrounding my body. The others followed in time. Soon enough everyone was digging me out.

Why won't these people just let me die? Can't they see that's what I want?

As space was cleared, Terra inched her way through sideways and reached her arm out to grab hold of me. "I've got you," she said in a soft, motherly tone as she dragged me out of my makeshift tomb.

"Oh shit! He's in bad shape," Sabin said aloud as Terra pulled me out to fully support my battered form. As she held me, I felt her furred and tightly muscled form change back into her somewhat softer her human form; apparently that was the last of the esper in her.

"It's gone," Terra sighed as she laid me out on the ground.

Interceptor was immediately at my side and Sabin sat cross legged beside me. "I can keep him alive, but he's too hurt for Mantra to do anything permanent. He needs a doc!"

"Bleurghk!" I coughed up a healthy glob of blood.

"OH SHIT!" Sabin exclaimed. "He's worse than I thought!" he continued as I felt myself blacking out. "Stay with us buddy..." Those were the last words I heard before the blackness took me.

…

I was in her arms again and the world felt perfect. The lavender scent. That was always her smell; lavenders. I held her and laughed with her, spun with her over my head. Behind me were the days of Clyde the Train Bandit. I would spend the rest of my life here with her and we'd have a family, a little girl and a dog and...

"She's dead Clyde." The scene had changed. Now came the glare of hate in the old man's eyes. In his arms he carried the newborn girl protectively. The still-warm corpse rested lifelessly on the bed.

"I did all I could." The aging midwife's platitudes did nothing to heal my shattered heart. "You should hold your daughter," she recommended.

With trepidation I approached the old man. Trembling, I held out my arms to take her. Begrudgingly, he handed the baby girl forward and I accepted her into my arms. But as I looked down at the bundle I saw she had a fully developed face and head. "You killed her," I said accusingly at the baby in my arms.

"No, you killed her," the infant girl with the head of an eleven year old replied.

"That-that's not true!" I shouted in anger and fear. The fear inside was merely a reflection of what I already knew as truth but loathed to accept; she was right, I did kill her. The baby in my arms cackled madly then turned to bone. In shock I dropped her. The dry, dead bones broke apart and scattered across the earth beneath my feet.

The scene had changed once again. Before me stood the mound and gravestone. Rain poured from above and a flash of lightning illuminated the text of the stone.

Here lies Gabrielle Magus.

Beside the stone stood the old man, shovel in hand, that same accusatory glare on his face. "I'll never forgive you Clyde," he rasped.

I fell to my knees. "Please...I'm sorry..."

Suddenly, a bony yet feminine hand poked out from the earth to grip my wrist. Gabrielle rose from the dirt, reeking of putrid lavender. "You promised me we'd always be together," she gurgled. I tried to scream but I couldn't and...I was awake. The dream was over.

My eyes slowly opened as I was in the waking world once more. "I think he's coming to!" I heard Sabin's voice call aloud. I tried to move but the pain froze me.

"Easy there!" said another voice. "Don't try and move around so much."

My vision was hazy at first, but as it cleared I could make out a dirty yellow lab coat and a mustached face. "You're lucky they brought you here so quickly. Had they dallied a moment, you'd be lost to us," Cid explained. "Most of my medical work has been in the more experimental fields. It's been awhile since I've patched anyone up." Cid gave a soft chuckle. "I' m less rusty than I thought, to be perfectly honest."

I looked around the small room. Terra, Celes, Locke, Cyan, and Sabin were present, with the rest presumably waiting outside. I wasn't quite sure where this was exactly, but I could ascertain from my surroundings that I was in the downstairs of a small house. "I'll go inform the others of your progress. They should be quite relieved. We thought we were going to lose you there for a few tense hours."

As Cid left Terra's eyes followed him. "We could have brought him to someone else," she mused aloud once he was out of earshot.

"He was the only doc we knew for sure we'd find. This was the best bet," Locke reasoned, his tone implying he was attempting to reassure Terra or ease a tense situation.

"I don't trust him. He's a butcher." Terra was unconvinced.

"Don't you talk about my Grandad like that!" Celes snapped at her.

Terra remained seated but gave Celes an incredulous glance. "You don't know the things I remember him doing to my father and his friends, all to power those horrible sets of armor and to make that stupid crown."

"He was following orders! He didn't have a choice!" Celes shouted while returning Terra's glance with a hard stare, smacking the back of her left hand into her right palm twice to emphasize her points.

"Aye," Cyan voiced in apparent agreement "akin to how you also had little choice when your superiors ordered your setting Maranda ablaze." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"We didn't come all this way to reopen old wounds," Sabin said aloud, standing up to ensure all eyes were on him. "Regardless of their past actions, both Celes and Cid saw the empire for what it was in the end, and besides; none of this even matters anymore!" he exclaimed passionately, indicating towards Celes and the door through which Cid departed earlier with wide, sweeping gestures as he named them. "The empire is dead and buried. We have bigger concerns ahead of us." Sabin concluded with a fold of his arms and returned to his seat.

Cyan looked somewhat embarrassed and glanced off to the side at Sabin's words. "Forgive me Lady Celes. I...misspoke," he offered an apology.

"It's fine," Celes replied. Terra however remained quiet.

Locke gazed hopefully at Terra, who gazed back at him and sighed before turning to the reformed magitek knight. "I apologize if I hurt your feelings Celes, but I won't take back my words against Cid." She paused. "But he did a good job patching Shadow up."

Celes snorted a little. "Whatever." She dismissed Terra's words. There was an uncomfortable silence that loomed for a few moments before Cid returned. Then something which should have been obvious dawned on me; I was no longer in my shōzoku or mask/hood and ninja garbs; they must have taken it off before they bandaged me up. Somehow this realization made me feel nude and vulnerable.

"Well, there's not much more I can do. You're just gonna need time to heal up somewhere." Cid began. "Setzer said giving you an airlift to the hospital is no trouble. We just gotta get you onto one of the beds, then he'll fly it slow and low so he doesn't jostle you." Cid laughed. "Man, you've got a lot of broken bones, and damn near everything on the inside is bruised up-"

"What were you thinking jumping like that?!" Terra suddenly burst out, interrupting. Her piercing green eyes glared right into my own. I remained silent. "Answer me!" she demanded, very much unlike her; in fact this was the only time I'd ever seen Terra truly angry. Her gaze was fixed and focused, unmoving, her eyes practically spoke: how dare you.

After a pause, I relented. "What do you think?" My voice was cold and devoid of inflexion. "The same reason I told you all to go on without me on the floating continent, the same reason you found me near death in a cave on the Veldt, the same reason you found me throwing myself at all challengers back at the arena. Because I wanted to die. But all of you refuse to let me. You stayed behind for me on the continent, you dragged me to safety from that cave, you convinced me to join you and take down Kefka, and now yet again you've all interceded on my behalf; quite unwelcome I might add." I turned my head away and looked off to the side. "You should've all fucked off and let me die the first time."

There was silence for a few moments after my words, but the kind of silence that typically conceals a pot that's just about ready to boil over. "You selfish bastard," I heard Terra utter, almost choking. "YOU SELFISH BASTARD!" she practically screeched, repeating herself as I kept my head turned, though I heard her leap to her feet. "Don't you DARE look away from me!" she shouted while quickly walking around me to the other side of the bed to maintain my eye contact. Those piercing green eyes glared right through me. Locke and Celes were seated behind where Terra now stood, their expressions quite shocked. I assumed Sabin and Cyan were likewise as such an outburst was very much unlike Terra.

"Or what?" I challenged. "Do whatever you want. I don't care."

Terra's expression was fixed into a scowl, but at the same time I saw tears beginning to well up under her eyes. "I waited for you on that continent!" She shouted at me. Now I could see the streams running down her cheeks. "Setzer and everyone on the airship were motioning us over to jump and I refused." Terra ended that statement with a sharp horizontal cutting of the air with her arm. "I refused because I knew what you told me on that boat was a lie." She pointed at me, her finger directly in my face. "You haven't killed your emotions." Her tone was accusatory "Someone who has wouldn't have done something so noble-"

"Shut up!" I interrupted.

That seemed to raise Locke's ire. He prepared to stand up but Celes stopped him by putting her arm across his lap. She looked towards him and shook her head, prompting him to settle back into his seat.

I continued my speech regardless. "I never asked for you to give a shit. I never asked for you to wait for me. I never asked you to-"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS SHADOW!" Terra now interrupted me, screaming and bringing her arms upward and then down again sharply, with her palms open in a clear display of frustration. "Heavens above are you THAT self-centered?!" Terra exclaimed in disbelief, raising her left hand to her temple before shaking her head at me. "You don't get to pick and choose who does and who doesn't care about you-"

"What part of 'shut up' do you not understand?"

"SCREW YOU!" Terra shouted directly in my face, followed by stomping the ground with her foot before storming off, giving the door a loud and clearly audible SLAM on her way out.

Locke scowled at me once Terra was gone. "I knew it was a waste of time dragging your carcass out of the rubble; you're the same ungrateful prick you always were." Locke's tone of voice was saturated with contempt.

"Eat a dick, thief," I rasped.

Locke gave me a hard stare. His scowl intensified and I saw the side of his lip quiver and twitch in building rage. "I'm going to go see if she's okay," he said lowly, almost growling. Locke rose from his seat and exited the door, following Terra upstairs.

. . . . Change in character perspective . . . .

"Terra. There you are!" I heard a call from behind. I had pushed past the door and exited onto the beachhead of the Solitary Island to try and calm down. I turned around to see Locke walking towards me. "How're you doing? You okay?" he asked sincerely.

I turned round to face him and sighed gently. "Yeah, I' m okay." I answered. "Just some of what Shadow said got to me, that's all." I smiled "I'll be fine" I assured him.

"Good." Locke affirmed while coolly leaning on his side. A single hand on his hip. "Besides, you shouldn't sweat anything that asshole says. He's garbage." Locke dismissed.

My smile turned to a frown. "I really don't understand how you can say that about someone who, no less than half a day ago, you fought alongside, shoulder to shoulder." I shook my head.

Locke stared back at me with surprise. "You're honestly going to defend him now? After he spoke to you like that?" Locke was incredulous.

"It's not about that." I paused. To be honest, I didn't fully understand myself what my reaction earlier and even my words right now were about, at least not entirely. "That man down there fought with a ferocity and bravery that rivaled any of us up on the Floating Continent. We wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for him." I completed my thought.

Locke shook his head. "He fought well, yes, and I'll admit he did save our asses back there. But," Locke paused for emphasis. "He didn't fight with 'bravery.' He fought with suicidal abandon. There's a difference. Shadow threw himself at Kefka back there, partially to save our behinds, but mostly because he was expecting to die. He wants to die Terra. It's the same reason he jumped before and I say," Locke shrugged "if he wants to die we should let him."

My frown now progressed further into an expression of pure disgust. "How can you even say that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Because men like him are only good at one thing Terra; hurting people." Locke spoke plainly. "With Kefka gone he can do no more potential good for this world. If Shadow were to remain he'd only do harm. The best thing for everybody is if he offs himself."

My expression only intensified as I kinked my head at Locke. "Sometimes I think you're from another planet." I spoke with scorn.

"Dammit Terra!" Locke shouted. "You have to understand what I'm saying!" He slapped his palm with the back of his hand as he completed his sentence. "I've been around and I know what guys like him do, how they think, how they operate; no good can come of him!" Locke was almost pleading with me.

"How do you know?!" I demanded. "You talk like you know everything." I spoke dismissively.

"I know because I've been in this world longer than you have!" Locke shouted back at me. "Terra," Locke closed his eyes and twitched slightly in frustration. "What is this all about?" Locke's hazel eyes popped back open and he gestured at me with his vertically-outstretched palm.

I thought for a moment before I answered. "I just think I'm the only one here who gets him."

Locke's mouth hung agape and he stared at me with disbelief. He was about to speak.

"Don't interrupt me!" I cut him off before he could. "Remember the boat ride we took to Thamasa before the world collapsed?"

Locke nodded. His expression still betraying his incredulous attitude.

I payed it no mind as I continued. "He told me he overheard my talking with Leo about love, and specifically came out to warn me of people who've killed their emotions, including himself. Locke, if he was truly emotionless he wouldn't have even bothered. Then later, when we got trapped in that burning house, he came for us. He said it was just to save Interceptor, but I know that's a lie!"

Locke sighed condescendingly and shook his head.

I continued to ignore him. "Then on the Floating Continent! If Shadow was just seeking his own death he could've just taken a leap at any moment, but he didn't!" I gestured sharply with my extended index finger to emphasize my point. "Not only that but he fought with us all the way to ATMA. And you saw that thing Locke! We all thought we were going to die. We threw our everything at that monster; you, me, Sabin, and Shadow" I counted them off on my hand as I named them.

Locke was frowning and clearly unmoved.

I pushed onward regardless. "Then he skulked away from us in shame, said he didn't have a right to fight beside us. Those aren't the words of someone who has 'murdered their feelings' as he claims. Then he threw himself at Kefka and saved us all. Locke, even if he was seeking his own death he was seeking an honorable one. Doesn't that count for anything? You're damned right I wasn't getting on that airship without him! Without at least waiting for him!" My rising voiced betrayed my passionate and intense emotions.

Locke raised an eyebrow but remained quiet.

I continued. "Then the world collapsed and we find him near death in a cave. Then he's throwing himself at all challengers in the arena. And now this. Why can't you understand that he pushes people away because he loathes himself? You of all people should be able to empathize with that-"

"DON'T YOU EVER COMPARE ME TO HIM!" Locke stepped forward roaring in anger, interrupting me. His eyes blazed with an indignant fury. "That man is an assassin. That is a man who will end someone's life because you toss him a purse of Gil. Such an act is beneath contempt. Don't you dare ever cast my lot with his or compare anything I may feel inside with his well deserved self loathing!"

"Oh and what you did was so different?!" I shouted back, stepping in closer to get directly in his face. "You stole for a living! Times were shitty for a lot of people! How can you hold him in contempt for doing what was necessary to eat when you were perfectly willing to do the same?!" I continued in condemnation of Locke's superior attitude.

Locke's face contorted and his nostrils tensed. His right eye twitched and the side of his mouth quivered. "First of all," Locke said in a strained tone as though he was holding back furious rage "I never 'stole'. I treasure hunted, and that you would even attempt to compare the two things is evidence of just how little you really understand about the world."

"Oh because you know sooooooo much more than I do!" I spoke with bitter sarcasm as I threw my hands up in disgust.

"OF COURSE I DO TERRA!" Locke shouted in frustration at me. "I've been in the world for twenty six years! You've only been conscious of the world for two! AND you have the body, hormones and desires of a fully grown woman at that! I'm sorry Terra, but when it boils down to it you don't know shit!"

My furious scowl and silence were all Locke needed to comprehend my thoughts.

Locke took a deep breath and stepped backwards to resume a more normal, less threatening stance. "I'm sorry. That was out of line." He offered an apology then sighed. "Look Terra I honestly think it's sweet that you're trying to see the good in Shadow like this, but you're thinking with your heart and not your head. You have to understand that you're projecting things onto him that simply are not there. He's an evil man and if you keep trying to show him empathy he will only hurt you. Mark my words on that Terra."

Locke shrugged. "And you're right. I did stand shoulder to shoulder with him. but I did so for a reason. That reason being he's one of the best at what he does; hurting and killing things. And that is all he knows how to do Terra, I've seen people like him before and I know how they operate. All of your empathy is wasted on him, which is a shame really because you have so much of it."

I'd had enough of Locke's crap and pushed my way past him and back towards the house.

"What are you doing?" Locke asked, his tone demanding.

"Going back inside," I answered coldly without looking back at him.

. . . .Change in character perspective. . . .

Celes gazed at me. An odd look of sympathy blanketed her face "I know what it's like to feel as though killing yourself is the only way out Shadow. I had every intention of killing myself before Locke found me-"

"Save your platitudes you town-burning ice bitch," I said to her coldly and dismissively.

Celes gave a fake laugh. "See, it's funny you bring that up Shadow as it also," Celes gave Cyan something of a condemning look before turning back to face me "gives me the opportunity to explain something."

Celes paused briefly before she began speaking again. "'Burn them all'. Those where Gestahl's exact orders when Maranda refused what was called 'peaceful integration' into The Empire. I still remember the cold detachment with which I received the order. 'Burn them all', a single phrase on the carrier pigeon's parchment written there as though it were some inconsequential thing."

Not a sound was heard as Celes spoke. You could've heard a pin drop. "I gave the order as any good general would. 'Burn them all' I said with the same calloused detachment I had read the order not fifteen minutes before speaking it."

Celes frowned and there was another short pause before she continued her story. "I could say that I gave the order from the rear and then bore witness to my soldiers sacking the town with an utter savagery, taking no direct part myself. But that would be a lie. I lead from the front and slew soldier and civilian alike with equal abandon, as Magi-Tek armor bombardments obliterated homes and fortifications in an absolutely one sided slaughter. It wasn't long before they surrendered."

Celes took a deep inhale and closed her eyes for a few moments before relating the following part. "One particularly gruesome thing I remember was when a heat beam fired from a Magi-Tek armor set a large house ablaze, and the force of the explosion propelled a man from the top story window. He rose from the ground with miraculously little harm, though in an absolute panic ran back into the house. We only discovered why he did something that suicidal much later. When clearing the rubble, soldiers pulled out his charred corpse cradling a dead infant girl; the smoke likely suffocated her immediately."

Celes suddenly turned her attention away from me and towards Cyan. "Tell me Cyan, what was the Gestahlian Empire's penalty for high treason?"

"Death," Cyan answered after a pause, his voice hardly above a whisper.

"Correct." Celes answered. "When I committed treason against The Empire, I knew exactly what that meant and what lay in store for me. And I wanted it. After what The Empire would later dub 'The Maranda Incident', I couldn't live with myself."

Celes shook her head and frowned. It was as though even just by speaking this tale she was, on some level, reliving it. I could relate to such an experience. "Every morning I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror and spoke the same words again and again. They were the words I truly felt in the pit of my soul directed with the utmost bile and viciousness at the cold and clearly evil thing gazing back at me. 'I hate you'."

Celes paused, as though taking a moment to compose herself before resuming. "Sometimes it was a whisper, other times I screamed it at the tops of my lungs. But it was the pure reflective truth of everything I thought of the person I had become; the 'Ice Queen' of the Imperial Army."

Cid, who had simply been observing quietly up until this moment, was now staring aghast. "Celes I..." He trailed off before resuming. "...I never knew." He hung his head. "I'm sorry."

Celes turned a loving glance towards Cid. "It's fine Grandad. I was keeping it hidden on purpose," she reassured him. Celes turned back to me. "So ultimately," she continued "I did what I thought most appropriate, and when the Empire seized Figaro, I waited for my most opportune moment before turning my sword and spells on my own soldiers in an act of rebellious suicide. In retrospect there were smarter things I could've done, but at the time I was far from thinking clearly."

Celes gave a light shrug "I'm somewhat impressed with myself at how many I took down before they apprehended me; eight soldiers, two officers and a Magi-Tek armor. I was hoping to die with a sword in my hand, but, they were aiming to apprehend and not kill. They tossed me in a cell and waited on Gestahl to give the execution order, so it could be all nice and official. Most likely they'd have hauled me back to Vector to do it all as publicly and dramatically as possible. Either a drawing and quartering or perhaps flaying me alive; something appropriately gruesome."

Though I was, to be honest, somewhat surprised by Celes' sudden revelations, I was also master at disguising then killing my feelings before they so much as got off the ground. My expression remained blank and unimpressed.

"I wasn't about to give the Empire the satisfaction of executing me, of course. I had every intention of killing myself the very instant I was unshackled, which they'd have inevitably done if only to transport me. Point being, if Locke never found me in that cell when he did, I'd be long dead by now. Either by falling on a sword I wrestled from a scabbard, or even just casting ice on myself a few times, I wasn't making it to that execution alive. I would be the one to take my own life. Not them."

Celes focused her gaze upon me. It was different than Terra's. Celes' ice blue eyes were colder and more detached; less piercing, but at the same time carried a sort of empathy that, while different than Terra's, was no less present. "So, with that all out of the way; why exactly did you try to kill yourself Shadow?" Celes inquired.

As I had zero interest in playing this little game of You-Tell-Yours-And-I'll-Tell-Mine that Celes was attempting with me, I simply turned my gaze away and looked up at the ceiling, resuming my silence.

"I guess you're done talking then?" Celes asked.

My silence and continued gaze above answered her question for me.

Celes shrugged. "Okay, whatever. Regardless of whether or not you're grateful for it at the end of the day, we're not letting you die. If after all this you decide to go jump off the nearest cliff you see, oh well, we honestly can't stop you if you're that dead set on it. Regardless, we'll know we did everything we could. It bares repeating though Shadow, Terra's right, you don't get to pick and choose who decides to care about you; life doesn't work that way."

Celes quietly exited the room and there was an extended silence, followed by more footsteps and more creaks of the swinging door. I turned my head back upright to see that I was now alone in the room with Cyan who was peering down at me, a perplexed look on his face. "Clyde the Train Bandit" he said aloud. "I would'st narry have guessed" I glared up at the aged Doman "Thou were'st wanted throughout the entirety of the old Doman territories; did'st thou truly believe I would'st not recognize thee?"

I smiled a toothy grin. "Gonna finish the job then?" I tilted my neck to the side, giving him a clean spot to strike. "You guys got Baram after all, might as well complete the set."

"Aye," Cyan answered with no clear inflection or indication of tone to his voice. "His execution was particularly gruesome from what I recall; a full drawing and quartering, grizzly stuff that." Cyan gave a sigh. "T'was a far graver penalty than would'st typically be imposed, but given the circumstances, I think we both know why that was."

"Guess it's my turn now then, eh?" I locked eyes with Cyan. "C'mon Samurai, do it" Cyan however remained motionless. "I bet the king died nice and slow from Kefka's poison. I also bet his fat ass stunk the joint up real bad once he started rotting. My only regret is I don't know where the son of a bitch got laid out, so I can't piss on his grave!" I snarled.

Cyan's face contorted into anger but still he did not make a move.

"COME ON!" I summoned up what little strength was left in me to shout. "DO IT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!"

"Do what?" Cyan asked, annoyed.

"KILL ME!" I choked and rasped with the last of my strength, spittle raining out from my mouth.

Cyan just shook his head. "Why on earth would'st I do that?" he asked rhetorically, as though the answer to why he wasn't should be obvious, before turning his back to me. I turned my head back towards the ceiling and heard his footsteps grow fainter and fainter followed by a final creek and shut of the door. I was alone again.

. . . .Change in character perspective. . . .

"Terra!" Locke called from behind me but I ignored him as I re-entered the house. "Terra!" Locke repeated as I continued to ignore him. Locke's footsteps approached quicker "Damn it Terra." He grabbed my arm.

I pulled away from him. Pivoted on my foot, turned, and gave him a stiff shove. "Don't touch me!" I snapped.

Locke got knocked back a considerable distance. He looked at me with bemused confusion. "I'm just trying to protect you!"

"MAYBE I DON'T WANT PROTECTING RIGHT NOW LOCKE!" I snapped at him.

Locke was shaken slightly by that, almost as though I'd hurt his feelings in some way. Slowly, his face contorted into a snarl "FINE!" he shouted back at me. "GET YOURSELF HURT! SEE IF I CARE!-"

"Locke! Calm down!" came another voice. It belonged to Celes, who'd just exited the basement door and was rapidly ascending the staircase. Sabin was in tow.

Celes threw me an odd glance. I assumed she was still cross with me over my comments concerning that villain she calls 'Granddad'. She then faced Locke a second time. "I'm guessing you two are at odds about Shadow?" she inquired rhetorically. It was fairly obvious given the current situation.

"You could say that," I answered, nodding over at Locke. "He seems to be threatened by the idea that I might see some good in Shadow-"

"Because there isn't any!" Locke interrupted

"Locke. Shush!" Celes shut him up quickly then turned back to me. "What do you mean Terra?"

I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts before I answered. "Shadow's clearly hurting and he's pushing us away. I think if we leave him alone he's going to try killing himself again, and..." I shook my head and sighed "I just can't let that happen." Sabin had now fully ascended behind Celes and seemed to be taking in the situation as I continued speaking. "I love and care about all of you," I gestured towards the stairs "Shadow included. He's a good man." I gave Locke a condemning look. "But you would rather we let him kill himself."

Sabin's expression went alarmed as I said that. "Is that true?" he turned to Locke, shocked.

Locke groaned in frustration. "Sabin you studied martial arts! You're an expert! You of all people should know what ninja are like! Shadow is only good for one thing; killing. And now with Kefka dead, there's no good in the world left for him to do. He'll only go back to doing bad shit from here on out, so it's better for everyone if he just dies, and if he's willing to do the job himself, all the better!" Locke pleaded his case.

"I see Locke's point," Celes acknowledged before Sabin even had a chance to respond.

Sabin turned to Celes, aghast. "You can't be serious," he said in disbelief. I was about to say the same exact thing.

"I'm not condoning it," Celes pointed out "nor condemning it."

"How can you not condemn an attitude like that?!" I exclaimed at Celes.

"Because I understand where it's coming from." Celes answered calmly. "Locke has a point, Shadow was a ninja, an assassin. He has one set of skills and I don't get the impression that he's willing to learn a new trade. If Shadow indeed decides against killing himself, it's damn near certain that he'll go back to killing people for money."

"He can go to the arena then," Sabin pointed out the obvious with a half-smirk.

"And for how long would that satisfy him?!" Locke exclaimed with wild hand gestures. "Seriously, sometimes I think I'm the only one here who has a brain-" Locke's tirade was interrupted by the timely entrance of Relm and Strago, of all people.

"Don't mean to be interrupting anything. I just have some business that needs to be taken care of." Strago said in a tone that was oddly glum for him.

"Why are we going to see the Shadowguy, Gramps?" Relm asked him.

Strago's response was strangely cryptic. "This will only take a moment my dear..."

. . . .Change in character perspective. . . .

With solitude, the dark feelings came flooding back to me; depression, self-loathing, general misanthropy. In times like this I usually retreated to the comfort of strong drink; I could've gone for a stiff vodka and tonic right about now...maybe for a last drink before I tried this shit again, only this time far away from meddlesome idiots.

I looked around the room searching for something, anything, to catch my attention and distract myself from the rising darkness. But there was nothing, literally. This was one of the most boring rooms I'd ever had the misfortune of finding myself confined within. The walls were a bland wood paneling, there was nothing decorative on the walls or anywhere else, and the cement below was stained, unpainted and ugly.

I closed my eyes and focused myself on the idea of my suicide, to keep the thoughts and feelings at bay. I'm still going to kill myself, I repeated over and over in my head. The thought, the anticipation of it, it silenced the bantering demons in my head with the knowledge that this was only a temporary reprieve from the inevitable.

Even now I could still hear the fools arguing in the room above me, an irritating distraction. But suddenly I heard her voice and what she said made my eyes pop open in abject horror.

"Why are we going to see the Shadowguy, Gramps?" I heard the girl say from above.

He wouldn't...

"This will only take a moment my dear." I heard the old man reply as footsteps descended the stairs.

It wasn't long before the two entered. "Hello Clyde," Strago said, and even after all these years, I could still hear it in his voice. He blamed me. "You realize the only reason I'm doing this is because of your little stunt back there," Strago went on, a condescending inflexion to his tone. I remained absolutely quiet. To be quite honest I was petrified. Relm knowing that I was her father. I'm not a man who's given to fear, but that prospect alone managed to stir some feeling in me.

Strago sighed and shook his head. "I always promised myself I'd let her know before I passed on, probably as a secret I'd hold close unto my death bed." Strago paused and looked me over then shook his head once more. "But after seeing that you're prepared to take the cowards way out like that, well, I couldn't wait any longer."

"What's this all about?" Relm asked, quite confused.

"Strago, don't," I rasped, my voice was still weak from shouting at Cyan earlier. Then, as if on cue to make this entire situation worse, the idiots all re-entered the room at this exact moment. The thief, the ex-general, the bodybuilder and the child with a woman's body.

Strago payed me, and them, absolutely no mind. "Relm, do you remember daddy?"

Relm peered at me with her inquisitive perceptive eyes, then looked back to Strago. "No way," she uttered with a shake of her head.

"Yeah." Strago nodded in my direction. "That's him. I'm surprised you still remember his face, you were three years old when he abandoned you," Strago continued.

Relm looked down at Interceptor whom was laying on the ground adjacent to the bed. "I knew this dog was familiar," she said to herself before turning back to me.

I was dead quiet. I didn't know what to say. Moreover there was nothing I could say. Relm stared at me for a solid minute, her expression running the gamut from perplexed, to hurt, to angry, to finally a blank stare. Relm closed her eyes and took a deep breathe before bellowing at the top of her lungs. "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!" She glared right at me, her expression now one of intense rage. She was taking deep breaths, almost hyperventilating. Her rage was well justified. Growing up without a mother my impact as a role model and protective figure was doubly important. And I fucked it up. Probably fucked her head up too in ways I didn't even realize.

The other four were just standing like spectators, but each had their own reaction to it all. Sabin was looking on completely dumbfounded, Locke had a smug, self-satisfied grin, Celes looked somewhat sad, and Terra...her expression was entirely blank. It was almost like she had no idea how to internalize what she just witnessed, and had no frame of reference to draw upon.

"You have no idea how much it hurt her when you left Clyde," Strago lectured. "For weeks on end I tried to console her. 'Why did daddy leave?' she would ask. 'Is it my fault? Did I do something to make daddy not love me anymore? Is it because mommy is gone?'"

"DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!" Relm screamed again now interrupting Strago, stamping her foot with each utterance of the word 'dead'. "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH WE LEFT YOU FOR DEAD!" she continued shouting.

"She's a sweet girl, sensitive, but she keeps much locked inside. I think that's where she draws the inspiration for her art to be honest," Strago continued.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Relm shrieked one final time before bolting out of the room and tearing up the stairs.

Sabin looked around at everyone in a panic until he realized no one else was moving, and then tore back up the stairs after Relm.

Celes looked over at Locke and Terra respectively, seemingly not knowing what to do. "Dammit" she muttered lowly to herself then took off through the door after Relm as well.

Strago waited for her to be fully out of earshot before going on. "Gabrielle was all I had left," he said bitterly. He continued talking as though it were only the two of us in the room.

I began speaking likewise. "You talk as though I killed her intentionally-"

"I WARNED YOU SHE WAS TOO FRAIL TO HAVE A CHILD!" he roared, interrupting. Strago's face was no more than a foot from mine, his aging features contorting, his eyes bulging, the vein in his forehead was throbbing. He was filled with so much rage.

"She was the one who pushed for it-"

"AND YOU WERE THE MAN! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR JOB TO TALK HER OUT OF SUCH NONSENSE!" Strago interrupted again, still roaring with rage. His expression turned sour and he sharply looked away from me "But you gave in, and now because of your weakness she's dead-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU OLD BASTARD!" Terra suddenly broke her silent blank stare and screamed at the top of her lungs.

There was a stunned gaze from Locke. Strago slowly turned his head towards Terra. "Girl, there is much here you fail to understand. I would suggest you-"

"I SAID SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Terra bellowed, her face contorted into an expression of pure rage. The volume of her shout was quite impressive considering her light voice and petite frame.

I turned my head to face her. "Stay out of this. I don't want you to defen-"

"You! Shush!" Terra gestured sharply at my face with her outstretched hand as though to stifle me. I decided it would be more energy than it was worth to argue her down, so I did as she instructed and 'shushed', returning my gaze to the ceiling.

Strago began to rise. "Now listen here-"

"No! You listen!" Terra snapped at him before he could finish, she was absolutely incensed. "I really don't care what in your senility-addled brain you think Clyde has done to you, but I'm not going to let you talk to him like that. Who the fuck do you think you are? I may not know much about this kind of thing, but I know enough to realize you're absolutely full of it with this 'man's responsibility' crap! All you're trying to do is be hurtful! He just tried to kill himself! Hasn't he been through enough?!" Terra ranted with her hands gesturing wildly all throughout.

Locke chuckled. Terra slowly turned her furious gaze towards him. "Told you he was a piece of shit," he said matter of fact. "If I'm following this right he knocked up Strago's daughter, while knowing full well she was a weak and sickly sort, causing her to die during childbirth, and then abandoned his kid; Relm."

Terra looked away from Locke and lowered her head. Her arms straightened out at her sides. Her hands balled into fists.

Strago nodded at Locke. "Yes. That's precisely correct," Strago answered him. "I'm glad we're on the same page at least."

"It's not difficult to be," Locke affirmed. "It's as though every bit of information I learn about him just re-affirms how much garbage he-"

"If you both don't leave, now," Terra growled, "I'm going to do something unpleasant for all of us, which I'll probably regret later." Her head raised sharply. Her eyes burned with furious anger. "So I'd suggest you both get out," she practically hissed.

Strago glared at her, but I'll be darned she glared right back. The child had balls, I had to give her that. "You said and did what you came here for; leave!" Terra declared with a sharp wave of her arm.

Strago was shaking angrily. "Why you foolish young-"

"Strago, let's just get out of here," Locke interjected. He looked over at me. "Your words are wasted on him anyway." I remained silent. Locke then faced Terra, who was intentionally not looking at him. Locke just shook his head. His expression was one of intense disappointment.

"Yes." Strago paused. "You're right Locke." Slowly Strago made his way back towards the exit and headed out. Locke followed shortly after giving Terra one more disappointed glance.

"So, Clyde is it?" Terra asked once their footsteps had fully ascended the staircase.

"Please. Don't call me that." I answered while still staring at the ceiling.

"But it's your name." Terra answered plainly.

I began to speak. "Child-"

"Don't call me that Clyde!" Terra interrupted.

"But you are," I answered. "You are a child and I am a shade; a shadow of a man. Perhaps that man whom I shadow was once known as Clyde, but Clyde is dead. I am what remains. Emotionless. Purposeless. A vague essence devoid of-"

"Oh just stop it!" Terra interrupted me again. "Just stop it with your self-pitying melodramatic nonsense!" Terra took a deep breath. "I've decided that you're coming back to Mobliz with me."

I took my eyes from the ceiling and looked right at Terra. "You can't make me do that-"

"And you're not in any position to argue, Clyde!" Terra emphasized my name. "You're injured, need care, and I don't trust any hospital to keep a close enough eye on you."

Her green eyes blazed with anger. They were so piercing. It felt like they were burrowing into the back of my skull.

"I'm not letting you kill yourself," Terra stated as though it were something she had power to prevent. "Because you don't get to do that!" Terra's eyes began forming tear wells that dripped down her cheeks. "You don't get to just drop into somebody's life while they're at their most confused and then disappear forever! You don't get to lie to my face about how your feelings are dead then save me, TWICE, only to jump off the top of Kefka's tower and die!" At this point tears were covering Terra's face. She was struggling to keep ranting between snobs and sniffles.

"You don't get to do any of that! And I'm not going to let you!" Terra cried. There was a level of innocence in her logic to be honest. She was free of preconceived notions and saw these matters in such purely emotional, simplistic terms. Naivety? Maybe; but at the same time there was certain kind of genuineness that was refreshing, even endearing.

Admittedly, I saw little harm in the prospect of allowing myself to receive care from her if she was to be so insistent. In the end it wouldn't change anything.

"If you say so. Child." I answered. Cryptically by intent.