Title: Second Chance
Author: Flowerlady
Timeframe: post-DN
Characters: Jaina, Kyp, Jag, Zekk
Genre: Romance, Angst
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: One year after Jaina returns from the unknown regions, she desperately tries to find love. She turns to her best friend, Kyp Durron hoping to find love in his arms. However, a specter from the past looms in to declare his love for her. Which leads to Jaina making more of a mess of her life and the lives of the three very different men who love her..
Author's Notes: I will warn you now that this is not purely K/J, J/J or a J/Z fic. It is all three. It will end with Kyp and Jaina having a second chance (ah—the reason for the title) at love but Jaina needs to deal with her love for Jag first and her relationship with Zekk.
Second Chance
1 year after the Chiss/Killik Conflict
Prologue—Jaina
Jaina Solo walked through the darkened Jedi Temple as she headed back to her small apartment quarters within the Temple. It was late and she was tired but it really had little to do with the lateness of the hour. She was returning from yet another disappointing and frustrating date with yet another complete jerk.
She entered the code for her apartment and entered without ordering up the lights. Enough light was coming through the window of her living area to let her see her way to the small bedroom. She entered the plainly decorated room and turned the lights on low. She pulled off the blouse and threw it over the foot locker that sat at the end of the bed. And sighed, What's wrong with me? Why do I always attract such losers? The thought was bitter as she thought about the latest Mister Wrong, the third one this month.
After the effects of being a Killik Joiner ended about nine months ago she decided to begin dating again. Well, she admitted to herself, when did I ever truly date? As a kid she was head-over-heels for Zekk. Then Jag Fel captured her heart during the Yuuzhan Vong War. Of course, despite the mind meld she and Zekk shared for nearly two years, and despite the fact she tried to kill Jag and he would have killed her, she was still deeply in love with him. There was only one profound problem besides the fact he was her enemy—he was presumed dead.
As she finished undressing and went into the 'fresher to wash her face and take down the twist she had her long brown hair done up in, she thought of the other man in her life—Kyp Durron. He was her best friend and mentor. He had been her guiding light for many, many years. She loved him, if she was completely honest with herself, but she wasn't in love with him. She knew that he had harbored feelings for her since the Vong War even if he never really came right out and admitted them.
She began to brush out her long hair, hair that she often discovered Kyp playing with when he would put his arm around her shoulders while they watched their favorite Holodrama, and she wondered if he still felt anything for her.
Then suddenly she wondered if she could fall in love with Kyp. Could her friendship love become romantic love? Sure, she was attracted to him and she had considered a relationship with him before, but should she actually give their love a chance…
>X
Part One—Kyp
Chapter 1
"Come in," came the reply to the door bell.
Jaina entered the apartment that was only a few doors down from hers. She had been here countless times, in fact, she and Jedi Master Kyp Durron spent a lot of time together in this apartment. But there wasn't anything romantic between them, even if occasionally the Temple rumor mill suggested that there was. Kyp and Jaina were just best friends, plain and simple—however; Jaina was hoping to change that.
She and Kyp got together on the same night every week to watch their favorite Holodrama on the HoloNet. They would sit side by side, often with Kyp's arm draped around her shoulders playing with her hair, eat popped kernel grains and drink Lom Ale and laugh at the characters' stupid romantic entanglements. They began doing this along with their every other morning sparring matches not long after she came back from the unknown regions, and they missed their time together when either one of them would be on a mission away from the Temple.
She stepped over to the couch and Kyp looked up from the food prep area where he was finishing up with the popped grains which she was sure he had smothered with blue butter, just the way she liked them. "So, how was the date?" he asked as he came towards her with the large bowl brimming with blue tinged, yellow-white popped kernels.
She took a handful before he sat it down on the low caf table and plopped herself on the couch, then proceeded to roll her eyes. "Why did I think he was so great?" she responded to his question as she filled her mouth with the grains.
Kyp laughed and turned to go back to the refrigeration unit and get their ale bottles. "I don't know, but I distinctly remember you saying something about him being—" Kyp stopped and handed Jaina her bottle and pretended to be in deep thought, his eyes tinkling with mischief, "Ah! Yes, I remember now—you called him 'dreamy'."
"Ugh!" She threw the throw pillow beside her at him; he laughed as he easily caught it and put it beside him as he sat beside her on the couch. "I would never say that about a man. Sure, he was cute, but that was about all he had going for him."
Kyp recovering from his bout of laughter put his arm around her shoulders and asked gently, "Do you want to talk about it?"
She looked at the Jedi Master and shook her head, "No, he's not worth the breath." Their eyes met and not for the first time Jaina found herself getting lost in the stormy depths of Kyp's dark moss green and gold flecked eyes. That was when she made her decision. She took a deep breath and quietly said, "Kyp, can I ask you a question?"
He looked away from her deep brandy eyes and took a sip of the ale before answering, "Of course, you can. Ask away." He turned again to peer at her and grinned, "But, I'll decide if I'll answer or not."
"Fair enough." She swallowed and then plunged, "Why haven't you ever pursued me?" Kyp quickly looked away and Jaina continued, "I know that you had feelings for me more than just friendship, but yet you watch me make a fool out of myself with these losers who want nothing more than a very famous notch on their bedposts." Kyp gave her a sharp look and she added, "Not that any of them ever would get that far." She looked away as she asked very quietly, "Have you ever wondered if we could be more than friends?"
Kyp moved his arm from around Jaina and bent forward to sit his ale bottle down as he considered his answer. After swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, he looked at her and solemnly said, "I have never pursued you because I know you don't feel the same way for me and because I finally put any notion of an 'us' behind me." He leaned back and after a moment he continued. He wondered why she was asking him this and for a moment he thought maybe she finally felt something for him. He decided he couldn't afford less that candidness with her. "I loved you, Jaina, I guess I still do but I've come to terms that we were just never meant to be. Maybe if I was younger or you older, maybe then I'd felt more inclined to fight for you. But I know I'm too old for you, that your parents think me too old for you. And there is the fact that many still see me as nothing more than a mass-murder." He shook his head and put his arm around her shoulders again before adding, "I'm not right for you, Jaina, you deserve so much better. I want you to have better."
Jaina stared at him. She never thought he'd be this honest with her. "Kyp, you're not that old. And I should be the one deciding who I deserve. Do you think I deserve one of these cocky fighter pilots or senator's sons I've been going out with? Not a single one of them care about me. They only see me as an oddity, as something to brag about with their friends. Kyp, I want to give 'us' a try. "
"Jaina, I know you are still in love with Jag," Kyp's voice took on a husky quality as they found themselves gazing into each others eyes.
"No, I don't. How can I love him? He tried to kill me and my family and friends, remember? Not to mention that he is probably dead shot down by my own mother," she said more determined than she should have, as if she was trying to convince herself as much as Kyp.
They were quiet for a few moments, neither one quite knowing what to say next. Finally, Jaina smiled and broke the unusually awkward silence, "Let's give us a chance, Kyp, and see where it goes. Let's go out on a real date and do all of the crazy things people do on first dates."
Kyp studied her, there would have been a time those words from Jaina Solo would have had him jumping for joy, but he had spent too many years trying to get her out of his soul. He had finally become content with only having friendship with her and never expecting more. However, he knew that the deep love he had felt for her was there just under the surface, and if he did what she was suggesting and things didn't work out it would break his heart. Besides, he needed Jaina's friendship as much as she needed his.
"You do realize that if things don't work out our friendship may not survive," he said very softly.
She slowly nodded and whispered, "I know."
After spending several more moments lost in each others eyes, Kyp broke the magic by asking instead of kissing her, "Okay, where do you want to go?"
She swallowed, they were suddenly very close. And although, his scent was not a new thing for her, she found herself drowning in its spiciness. "I know this great Corelian place that also has a live band every night. The food is good and the music is awesome."
"Okay, how about tomorrow night?"
"Pick me up around 1800?" She smiled as she said it and finally Kyp's constraint fled him. He pulled her into his arms kissed her gently, when she retuned the kiss his passion took over. The need for air pulled them apart and Kyp suddenly felt as if he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.
>X
Chapter 2
Kyp was nervous and no amount of Jedi tricks seemed quail the feeling. It had been a long time since he had been on a date. He really didn't socialize much outside the Order and his small group of friends. But that wasn't what was making him feel like he just swallowed a swarm of flutterwings. What was scaring him was that this date was the date he had spent years dreaming about and yet something profoundly worried him about it.
He hadn't lied to Jaina when he said he had put his romantic ideas about her behind him. At nearly forty-three years old he was quite willing to spend his life alone. But he also knew how thinly veiled that notion was. He still would wake at night after dreaming of the Goddess that held his heart and never really knew it. As he finished lacing up the dark green shirt he finally decided upon wearing, he had to push back the vivid memory of the dream he had the night before, spurred by his reawakened desire.
Finally, satisfied with himself he glanced at the chrono on the wall beside the 'fresher mirror and sighed. He really hoped he and Jaina knew what they were doing, because he knew for him there would be no turning back.
X
He rang her bell at exactly 1800 and impatiently waited to be left in. Several moments later she appeared at the door and all of his impatience was suddenly replaced. He allowed his eyes to drift from hers of deep brown to take in the rest of her. She was wearing a shear red blouse that was low cut to reveal the lace top of the black corset she wore under it. The long sleeves belled out at the elbows and the bodice was fitted over her breasts to fall loosely from there. The fitted long black skirt and heeled boots completed the outfit. He brought his eyes back up to her face and noticed her slight blush as she nervously pushed her long hair back behind her ear. He realized she had left it loose, not done up as she usually did when she went out. She knew he liked it when she left long and flowing.
"Goddess," he smiled as he handed her a bouquet of red Hapen roses and white Corellian lilies, "you look fetching tonight."
She smiled as she took the flowers and smelled them. "They're beautiful, Kyp," she quietly said as she moved to let him in. She seemed to glide to the food prep area where she found a vase in a cupboard and put the bouquet in after filing it with water. She threw over her shoulder, "But I told you many times before, I fetch nothing."
He chuckled, over the years the complement he had given her way back before the attack on the Sernpidal worldship had become a joke with them—well, only slightly, he meant every word and from her blush every time, she believed that he did.
She turned with the vase of flowers and placed them in the center of the small dinning table. She idly arranged them thinking that Kyp had been one of the few who actually ever gave her flowers—especially such expensive ones which happened to be her favorites. It totally thrilled her that he'd even think to do that.
She smiled at him and finally looked him over. He was wearing a dark green laced up shirt which he hadn't laced the whole way and tight fitting black pants. His silver streaked black curly hair was pulled back and tailed at the nape of his neck which only highlighted his sharp chiseled features. She had to admit he was rather dashing in a roughish sort of way. "Well, Master Durron, you are looking rather dashing tonight," she blushed again as she said very formally, realizing she had never really complemented her former Master in such a way.
He laughed nervously and turned away slightly with his head down; she smiled to herself when she saw his high cheeks pink up. But he recovered quickly and looked back at her saying, "And I still say you are fetching, Miss Solo."
She mockingly glared at him but couldn't hold it for very long, a smile fell over her expression. In that moment Kyp knew his heart was gone. After years of trying to salvage it and take it back, with that one breathtaking smile she had stolen it again.
Suddenly, she asked, "You ready?"
"Yeah," he quietly replied his voice shaky.
X
The service droid showed them to their table and took their drink order of a bottle of Corellian red wine. After a few moments it was delivered and served, the droid took their food order. They found themselves suddenly caught in an awkward silence where neither of them quite knew what to say.
It was Kyp who finally broke it after he looked around the restaurant, "This is a nice place—romantic even." The dining room was darkened with the only light being small glow lamps on the individual small tables. The band was coming on the stage that was in a corner to one side with a wood dance floor before it to begin their first set.
"Yeah, one of the losers brought me here. It was the best thing about the entire evening." Then Jaina chuckled, "I guess that's not very appropriate to say while on a first date with someone, is it?"
"No, probably not," Kyp agreed, smiling, "but then, I've already heard all the details."
Her eyes twinkled in the light from the lamp on their table as she looked at her best friend, "True."
Their food was served and they eat and chatted about the latest events and other small talk, but even though at times they would be at a loss for words, they enjoyed themselves immensely. Finally, after their dishes were cleared, Kyp asked, "Would you like to dance? I'll admit I'm not that good but I think I can manage without breaking your toes."
She smiled and nodded, "I'd love to."
Kyp led her out onto the dance floor and they easily fell into the soft romantic rhythm and music of the ballad the human female lead was singing. They danced for what seemed like forever both the slow and the fast pieces until the band stopped to take a break.
They made it back to their table and sat down, breathing hard from the last fast dance. Their eyes locked and Jaina huskily asked, "Do you want to get out of here?"
Kyp could feel her desire for him and it suddenly unnerved him a little but it excited him more. "Yeah," was his quiet response.
>X
Chapter 3
Jaina punched the door code, the door slid open and Jaina stepped in. She turned to Kyp, her hand in his, smiled and asked, "Would you like to come in?"
It was late, very late, after leaving the restaurant they spent two hours walking Green Park. Kyp had suggested the walk hoping to calm them both down. The last thing he wanted was to do something they would only regret later. But from the sound of Jaina's voice and the seductive tilt of her head, the walk did little to calm her down. If anything it only added to her desire.
Kyp knew he should just peck her cheek with a little friendly kiss and leave, but her eyes kept him glued to where he was. He said, his voice soft with his own want, "Jaina, you do know if I go in there with you tonight, everything will change forever?"
Her brandy brown eyes burned into his as she said, "I know. I want that change."
Kyp wanted her, there was no doubting that; so, he swallowed his misgivings and nodded and stepped over the threshold.
As the door slid shut behind him, he pulled her to him. Their eyes locked for span of a few heartbeats. Then he began to slide his eyes over her face, her head was tilted back, extending her neck, he could see her pulse quicken. Her hands were fisted into the fabric of his shirt, kneading the hard chest muscle beneath. When his hand moved around her to the small of her back pulling her even closer and his other hand began to stroke the side of her face; her lips parted and she licked them. He instantly crushed them, pushing his tongue between them, tasting her, ravaging her mouth. Jaina's sigh and moan of surrender as she tried to keep up with him only made him deepen the kiss further.
The need for air broke the kiss that punished her lips as much as kissed them. Jaina's head swam. She had never been kissed like that by anyone. Kyp's dark green eyes seemed darker with the passion that she could feel radiate off him. She swallowed and suddenly wondered what being with him would be like if his kiss could elicit such a feeling of pleasure. She suddenly wanted him more than she ever thought possible. Her voice was pitched low with desire as she said, "Stay with me tonight, Kyp. Make love with me."
Kyp's heart thundered in his chest, his body responding to her closeness and their kiss. He knew he couldn't turn now and walk away, especially knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He couldn't say no to her even if he wanted to, but then when could he ever say no to his Goddess. His response to her request was to pick her up and carry her into her room.
X
The passion they shared was nearly blinding in its intensity. As Kyp held himself above her trying to catch his breath, his head swam and his ears buzzed as he gazed deeply into her eyes and whispered, his voice husky, "I love you, Goddess."
Jaina lay beneath him, her arms wrapped around his neck and her fingers tangled into his black and silver long curls as she tried to regain her breath and her sanity. He had taken her to a height she had never been before. She met his passion clouded green eyes and responded, her voice raspy, "I know." Although, he had awakened feelings in her she never known were there; she couldn't say the words she knew he wanted her to say because she didn't love him the way he loved her.
Kyp moved to lie beside her and pulled her into his arms, he felt her hesitation and her lack of reciprocating his declaration of love disappointed him. However, he decided not to let it ruin the most blissful event of his life. She had awakened a passion he didn't even know he had. So, he took a different tack as his breathing and heart rate slowed, "That was wonderful, Jaina."
She looked up at him from where she laid her head on his shoulder but did not look into his eyes, "Yes, it was. I never felt like that before, Kyp," she said quietly, almost shyly.
Kyp looked down at her and he couldn't help the lopsided grin that crept into his features, "Good, glad the old man still has it in him." Jaina snickered and rolled her eyes. Kyp suddenly couldn't help himself; he flipped her onto her back and kissed her, feeling his passion smolder again .
X
Jaina awoke early and found her back snuggled against Kyp's chest and his hand was resting on her bare hip. She laid there for a long moment glorying in the feel of his deep rhythmic breathing. She hadn't felt so protected, so content in a long time, but she wondered what consequences would be brought by what they did last night. She wondered what Kyp would expect of her and what exactly did she expect of him.
Suddenly, they weren't just best friend any longer, they had become lovers.
She rolled over onto her belly and turned her head to watch him. He looked younger as he slept; the tiny lines around his eyes and mouth evened out, making him almost look like the boy she remembered from her early childhood. She wondered wryly how many of those lines and silver hairs that gave him such a roguish air had been caused by her.
She remembered their passion as she slid her eyes down his lean muscular chest and abdomen. Her view of him stopped by the coverlet that draped over his hips. She shuddered as she thought about what he made her feel and she was glad he was sleeping because she knew she was blushing. How pathetic, she thought, I'm almost twenty-nine and I've only ever been with one other—
Jag—
The memory of him still hurt. She had loved him for so many years and she still did. She wondered how long it would be before she got over the man who would have killed her if she and her mother hadn't shot him out of the sky first. The memory still haunted her sleep at night. She hoped that he had survived; that he had went EV when she warned him but she wasn't sure if he did. Maybe he didn't think she'd actually try to kill him. She hoped he could forgive her wherever he was.
Realizing that thinking about another while waking up beside some else was probably not the ideal situation, especially when it was a Jedi Master who always seemed to know her thoughts, she got up being careful not to awaken Kyp. She really didn't want to have to fend him off, especially if he was anything like Jag. It wasn't because she didn't enjoy being with Kyp, it was that she knew it wouldn't be fair to him if she thought of Jag while Kyp made love to her. After the night they had one thing was true, Kyp Durron was an ardent lover—fiery passion that demanded fiery passion in return and made sure he got it. She smiled as she stood and looked down at him, not so unlike the man himself.
She went into the 'fresher and grabbed her robe on the way out. Kyp was still sound asleep and she smiled as she wondered about how many years he had waited for last night to happen. She hoped he wasn't disappointed because she sure wasn't.
>X
Chapter 4
She went to the food prep area and proceeded to make some caf. She yawned and knew they both would want some. She was headed to the couch when the comm unit began beeping. She sent it an evil glare wondering who would be calling this early. Then she caught sight of the chrono above the unit—it wasn't all that early. She smiled, they had slept in. In fact, Kyp would soon need to be getting ready for his Council meeting. So much for their usual lightsaber sparring match that had been postponed from yesterday, she thought as a mischievous grin spread over her face. Then again we probably did enough saber sparring last night, she thought as she winced from the aches she felt as she moved.
She stepped over to the unit and looked down at her robe as the comm beeped again. She keyed the voice only receiver and rubbing a hand over her slightly swollen lips. "Solo, here," she said impassively.
"Jaina?"
She froze and starred at the comm holoplate. Hope, fear, joy and a thousand other emotions suddenly caused her head to swim and her vision to blur. She immediately slammed down her shields.
"Jaina? Are you there?" The clipped, precise, slightly accented voice of her dreams spoke again.
"Jag?" she could barely choke out his name.
"Yes, Jaina, it is I," he confirmed, "Jaina, turn the visual on. I know it is early but I want to see you."
Jaina reached a trembling hand over and hit the appropriate button. Within seconds Jag's twelve centimeter torso and head took shape over the holoplate. Jaina gasped. He looked as handsome as she remembered.
"Jag, is it really you?" her voice was trembling and tears began to sting her eyes as she dropped into the chair to stare into the startling blue-green eyes of the man she loved. "I thought—I thought you were dead." She gasped in an emotional whisper as her tears began falling unbidden.
X
Kyp awoke to the sound of beeping. He was confused at first not knowing where he was as bright light entering the window caused him to squint against the strong Corescant sun. As he propped himself up and became accustomed to the light he looked around and smiled. So, it was real after all.
The soft beeping sounded again and he recognized it as the comm unit in Jaina's living area.
"Jaina?" he called softly in the direction of the open 'fresher door then he suddenly felt a surge in the Force from her but almost as quickly as he felt it, it was gone replaced by joy and happiness. But he couldn't get anything else from her, she had her shields down.
He sat up and ran his had through his hair. He needed a shower but right now he needed to talk to Jaina and make sure she was okay. He looked around and found his clothes scattered and chuckled as he picked them up and started to get dressed. Jaina couldn't get him undressed fast enough. Of course, her clothes were just as scattered, she wasn't he only one who couldn't wait, he thought as he shook his head grinning.
He thought about the passion that flared between them. He always knew it would be good between them, he just never realized it would be that unbelievable.
Finally, he palmed the pad and the bedroom door slid open.
And Kyp's world tilted as he heard the very familiar male voice say, "I went EV right before your mother hit my clawcraft. I was actually out of it for a while. But I'm fine now."
"But," Jaina's voice was shaky, emotional, "I tried to find out what happened to you. Even Wedge tried and no one would tell us anything."
"And they wouldn't. You are the enemy," Jag said but there was no malice in his tone.
Kyp grabbed hold of the door frame and slammed down his own shields. He realized she must have been too distracted or she would have felt his anguish by now. Why couldn't he just stay dead? A ghost is always easier to fight than the real thing. He couldn't kid himself, he knew that even though they had shared an incredible night together, Jaina's heart still belonged to Jagged Fel.
Shocked and upset he missed most of the conversation but he tuned back in time to hear Jag say, "Jaina, I want to see you. I'm at the Imperial Embassy on some Chiss-GFFA business I can't discuss but my evenings are mine. I need to see you. I need to talk to you."
"Yes, I want to see you too. Force, Jag, I can't believe you want to see me," Kyp cringed; Jaina sounded almost giddy, "Do you remember that nice Ithorian place not far from the Embassy? I can meet you there."
"I remember the place. I'll see you about 1900?"
Jaina nodded and happily said, "I'll see you then." Then she grew serious, "Jag, I meant what I said at Tenupe." Kyp closed his eyes against the pain he suddenly felt stab his heart and he gripped the doorframe harder. He knew what she was about to say.
"Jag, I love you. I never stopped loving you." Kyp could hear the tears in her voice.
Jag's voice was filled with as much emotion as Jaina's as he said, "Jaina, I tried to hate you. But I can not. I love you too much." There was a long pause, and then he said stronger, "I'll see you later."
"Until then I'll be thinking of you, Lover." Kyp nearly felt nauseous at hearing Jaina use the pet name she privately used for Jag. He wanted to get away. He didn't want to hear any more or see her face when she turned around. But he couldn't make himself move, out of some morbid curiosity he stood there eavesdropping on a conversation that just broke his heart.
And would cost him his best friend.
X
The comm went blank and Jaina sat there still stunned. Jag was alive and he wanted to see her. But most important, he still loved her. It was more than she could have dreamed for.
Then his sharp, pain filled, but too calm voice filled the void, "So, I guess last night didn't mean anything to you."
She slowly turned to meet angry green eyes and she gasped realizing he probably heard the entire conversation. "Kyp, it's not…"
"What I think?" he cut her off as he approached her. She stood to meet his opposing presence. "Then, tell me Jaina, what was that all about?"
She swallowed and set her jaw defiantly, "Jag asked to meet with me for dinner and I accepted."
"Yeah, I caught that part." He challenged her, his voice harsh, "But I want to know why."
Jaina pushed past him this was not how she wanted to handle this. She turned saying, "Because he asked me and because the last time I checked we weren't married."
"Well, maybe I'm a bit on the old fashioned, conservative side, but I thought after last night we were exclusive and a couple now," he snapped sarcastically.
"I'm sorry, Kyp, if I gave you that impression," she angrily retorted and crossed her arms as she stared at him. But his intense gaze forced her to turn away; she could feel his pain and anger burn her to her soul.
Kyp swallowed some of his pain and viciously replied as he glared at her back, "I'm sorry I was so wrong about you too. What was I, Jaina, just another 'notch on the bedpost'?" he used her words from the other night against her.
She spun around and glared at him fisting her hands at her sides, her voice low, "How dare you."
"What the truth hurt? Let's face it, Jaina, you only wanted a good screw. And you knew that I would be more than willing to provide. You used me, Jaina, and I was a fool to fall for it." He stopped, his voice shook from her betrayal.
She tried to keep her voice steady as she said, "Kyp, I didn't mean to hurt you. I honestly wanted to see what could happen between us."
He stared at her incredulously, "That, Goddess, is exactly my point. You knew how I felt about you and used that to get what you wanted. You had no intention of ever trying to actually fall in love with me, Jaina. If you did, you would have told Jag Fel to go straight to one of the nine Corellian Hells where he belongs, not run into his arms and," Kyp paused and gave her sardonic grin, "his bed."
She stared at him, hurt by his tone and accusing vicious words, but she couldn't completely deign them either, quietly she said, "I thought he was dead, Kyp. I wanted to move on and I thought if you loved me then somehow I could one day love you. But, Jag's not dead. I have to make things right with him. I love him, Kyp," she nearly cringed at his expression. "Kyp, you even said so yourself, you were unsure about a relationship with me because I still have feelings for him."
"And I should have listened to my gut instead of my heart." He took a deep breath and continued quietly, "I also said that if things didn't work out between us it would cost us our friendship."
Suddenly, Jaina looked paler than she had been, "Kyp, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, goodbye, Jaina. I gave you too much of me already. I can't sit back and pretend nothing ever happened between us and watch you with Jag Fel. It about killed me the first time around. But now I know what I'll never have and I can't go back to being just 'partners.'" He turned to leave; he had to get away from her.
"Kyp," she reached out and grabbed his arm. He looked down at her trembling hand but refused to look at her face. "Please, don't leave me. I need you, you are my best friend."
He finally looked up at her, his eyes glazed with the tears that burned them but he forbade to fall, he would not cry in front of her. "No, Jaina, that relationship ended and became an entangled mess the moment I stepped over that threshold last night and became your one time lover." With that he pulled his arm away and headed out the door.
As the door slid shut Jaina's tears began to fall in earnest as her heart broke over the loss of her best friend's love. Love she never realized meant so much to her.
>X
Chapter 5
Kyp made it back to his apartment before the first tears fell. He opened the door and rushed in and leaned heavily against the door after it slid closed. He had never felt so betrayed in all of his life, well, at least not because of a woman. But then, he thought bitterly, he'd never loved another woman as much as he did Jaina Solo. He felt the wetness on his cheeks and it disgusted him. He pushed away from the door and angrily wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. He couldn't believe he was crying over her—again.
Kyp remembered the last time he shed tears over Jaina Solo and it only served to make him more frustrated because it only caused him to produce more of the weakness. He didn't see anything wrong with crying but just not for him. He considered it a sigh of vulnerability which was precisely what Jaina Solo was to him.
That memory of another overheard conversation came rushing back like it had happened yesterday—
X
He didn't like it; he only wanted to keep her safe. Jaina needed some sense talked into her and he also decided it was time they stopped playing games with each other. He loved her and, even if she had never admitted feelings for him, he felt she had some for him. They still had the Force bond and, although it had weakened, he still felt her appreciation and concern for him through it. And he had caught her more than once staring at him, as if she was admiring the way he looked.
After the meeting with Admiral Kre'fey concerning the attack on Ylesia, he had gone back to his quarters and got cleaned up. He had on a clean flight suit and tied back his usually unruly, thick, black, long curls. He wasn't expecting anything to happen, and, if he was honest, he didn't want anything to happen. He wanted her to love him first. But he wanted to make a good impression on her too. He really was hoping to get that much overdue first kiss, though.
That thought brought a grin to his usual serious features. Grinning was something that few people ever saw him do before he began thinking of Jaina as more that a little sister. He was nervous, he was about to lay his heart out for her lightsaber, something the Jedi Master had never done before. But yet he couldn't help but be happy. If for no other reason then the expectation of what her expression will be when he admitted to loving her.
Kyp finally came to her door and stopped dead in his tracks, something wasn't right. He quickly reached out into the Force and suddenly wished he hadn't. He felt two presences in the room; one was Jaina's but the other—
"Sithspawn!" he cursed under his breath as he leaned against the metal door frame. Jag, he thought, when in the nine Corellian Hells did he get here?
Kyp was about to turn away when he felt Jaina's rush of emotion. It didn't really come from their bond but rather because she let her shields slip a little. Out of his damned morbid curiosity he used a trick to enhance his hearing and heard the muffled voice of Jag say, "I'm afraid that you don't understand. I want you, Jaina. If I stay it will go beyond just kissing."
Kyp knew then that he should just turn and go, but he couldn't, he seemed to be glued to the floor. Then after some shuffling that he couldn't immediately identify, he heard Jaina say in a huskier voice than normal, "I certainly hope so, Lover."
Another few seconds, Kyp heard Jag say in a voice filled with desire, "Oh, Gods, Jaina, you are beautiful."
Finally, Kyp understood what was happening or, at least, what was about to happen behind that door. He closed his eyes and his ears. He definitely did not want to hear any more. But Kyp wasn't prepared for the sudden feeling of regret and loss that filled his heart. He nearly gasped at the sharpness of it. He heart actually hurt, as did his stomach as if he had been punched, then he realized what was going on, his heart just broke.
X
That was the second time. The first broken heart had been on Borleias after that sham of a "picnic" but he didn't cry that time. He did cry the second time and swore there would never be a third. So much for self promises. He turned and fisted his hands, leaning them and his forehead against the cold metal of the door of his quarters, he let out an anguished sob and then punched the door frame, blooding his right hand and surly fracturing the bones.
"There won't be a forth time, Goddess," he said bitterly after the worse of the sobbing was over. "How could you do this to me?"
He headed into the bedroom without even looking around the living room. He shook out his hand and relished the pain in his fractured knuckles. It helped relieve some of the pain in his heart. After entering the room he headed straight for the 'fresher. He suddenly felt dirty, used. He quickly showered, dressed and made his decision.
Sucking at the swelling knuckles that were still oozing blood, he pulled his old duffel bag from the closet and began to throw clothes into it. He needed to get away and he knew it. He actually was afraid of what he might do if he ever saw Jaina Solo again. He had to get her out of his heart and out of his blood—a task he realized had been made nearly impossible with one night of the most incredible sex he had ever experienced.
He had a meeting with the Council to discuss some budgeting issues for Ossus. It would be the perfect time to announce his sabbatical; he was going to take a leave of absence from the Council and from the Order. He would return, eventually, but right now he needed to be alone and he knew the perfect place. No one would ever think of looking for him there, which was exactly what he wanted.
He glanced at the chrono on the bedside table; he had a little less than an hour before his meeting. As his eyes began to move away from the chronometer, he caught sight of a holograph. He picked it up and stared at it. It depicted him with his arm loosely draped around Jaina's shoulders while they sat at a table in the Temple common dining room and both of them were smiling brightly. The picture had been taken a few months before by Ben Skywalker with the holocam Jaina had given him for his lifeday.
Kyp snorted as he looked at the holo and with a rueful chuckle he threw it across the room, smashing it against the wall. The last thing he needed were physical reminders of what he lost, his memories and heart could provide more than enough.
Finally, satisfied that he had enough to get him through, he grabbed his cape and left the room, not caring about the rest of his belongings. Hopefully, they would be here when he returned but, if not, it wasn't the first time he had to start over.
Three hours later after the meeting that shocked his fellow masters and Cilghal's setting the fractures of his hand, Kyp Durron was breaking the atmosphere of Corescant and headed for Dreyer. Hoping the abandoned planet that he was born on could help heal his broken heart.