AN: Hello! This story is a part of my Secret Prince series, although this particular fic could be read on its own. Thank you for reading!
The room is dark when Merlin screams himself awake.
There is no moon tonight, and the candle they keep by the bed has gone out. Everything is shrouded in blackness and silence, too dark for anything to be seen, to quiet for Merlin to be sure there's anything there but him.
Merlin screams again even before the first one has finished. He thrashes into a sitting position and his scream dies into harsh, desperate gulps of air. His chest heaves, and the ragged sound fills the room.
It's dark, so very dark. His senses are scattered. He can't quite make sense of the feeling of the fabric clutched tight in his fists or the sound of his own panicked breaths. He feels upside down, he feels like he's drowning.
"Merlin?"
Then there's an arm settling down around Merlin's shoulders and another wrapping around his stomach.
"You're safe, Merlin, you're alright," a voice says into Merlin's ear, so close he can feel lips moving in his hair.
The arms begin to rock him gently back and forth, and Merlin's senses begin to clear. His heaving quiets, his thrashing stills.
"You're free, you're in Camelot, you're home," Arthur whispers, softer now that Merlin is no longer breathing so hard. The words come steadily even through the sleepy grog, routine by now, whispered so often in the night that Arthur can speak them with ease, yet with no less sincerity.
Merlin's fists are still tightly clutching at the blanket. As his eyes adjust he can see that his knuckles are a ghostly white. Arthur's hand comes up to cup Merlin's jaw, turn his head so that Merlin's wide, frightened eyes can meet Arthur's.
"You're free, you're not in that dungeon anymore," Arthur continues to say, "This is Camelot. I am here with you. Our son is here, he's in his own chambers down the corridor, you'll see him in the morning. He's safe."
Merlin stares into Arthur's eyes and as he does so his heartbeat slows, his fingers loosen and the blanket falls into his lap. His eyes adjust to the darkness and Merlin can see better now, the outline of Arthur's jaw, the stitches on his tunic, the motion of his lips as he whispers soothing things.
"The candle went out, that's all. We'll relight it. You're safe."
He is safe, Merlin can see that now. He sees it in the pieces of furniture he can see all the way on the other side of the room, the windows with the curtains thrown wide to let in as much moonlight as possible.
"Here," Arthur whispers. One arm unfolds from around Merlin to reach for something on the end table. Merlin sucks in a breath at the loss of contact, but then Arthur is holding an unlit candle before him.
"Light it," Arthur says, and Merlin does. With a rush of magic, a tiny flame appears and the space around them is illuminated with soft golden light.
Arthur kisses the top of Merlin's cheek.
"Better now."
He reaches back to place the candle on the table. Merlin drinks in the sight of Arthur's body glowing from the light of the candle, profile outlined in gold. Merlin traces the strong lines and curves with his eyes as Arthur turns back, replaces his arm around Merlin. His eyes search Merlin's for any sign that he's alright now.
Touch me, Merlin trembles, mouthing the words as he thinks them.
This is not the first time Merlin has made this request, so Arthur does not hesitate to obey. He kisses Merlin's lips, just a touch, to remind Merlin of Arthur's promise to take care of him.
Arthur envelops Merlin into his arms and Merlin shudders into the embrace. Arthur's hands roam over Merlin's back, steadily up and down and then underneath his tunic to reach the skin. Merlin shivers as Arthur's hands gently massage his shoulders, then smooth down his spine to fondle at his hips. Arthur massages him there, then travels back up again to the shoulders.
Merlin shuts his eyes and grounds himself in the feeling of Arthur's skin on his own. Where his head is pressed against Arthur's chest, Merlin can hear his heartbeat, steady and strong. It's evidence that Arthur is here and so close to him, and Merlin could weep for it. Arthur's arms tighten as his hands continue to roam up and down Merlin's back.
Merlin is calm now, but he needs Arthur touching him anyway. He needs to know that he has his freedom still, has his family still. There have been so many nights like tonight when Merlin couldn't be convinced he was still free until dawn, when the sun began to touch the world with its light and Merlin could see all of Camelot from his window. There were times, especially in those first few weeks of freedom, when Merlin would set fire to all the furniture in his panic, so desperate for light that his magic would explode from him without his control.
It's Merlin's dreams that keep waking him in the night. He dreams that he's back in the dungeon cell in Doria and all of this was simply an illusion created by his mind gone mad at last. In his dream he would shake the bars and smash the walls with his fists until his bones broke. He would wail and scream and tear at his skin until he woke. Most of the time the candle is there to calm him, flickering peacefully on the bedside table. It reminds Merlin that he is free and that the dungeon cell is a part of his past now- he has his family back, he has his magic, he has his freedom.
On some of those nights Merlin will creep out of bed instead of going back to sleep, and Arthur will open his eyes to see his husband standing by the window with his arms huddled around himself, staring out over the sprawling citadel and the woods and mountains beyond. Merlin will bask in the moon's comforting glow until Arthur sleepily calls him back to bed.
Merlin sighs against Arthur's skin. Taking that as a sign that Merlin has calmed, Arthur guides them until they're both lying down again, wrapped up in each other.
"I love you," Arthur whispers. Merlin makes a sound in the back of his throat and snuggles in closer.
I love you too, he says. He touches his lips to the exposed part of Arthur's collarbone. Thank you.
With the candle lit and with Arthur embracing him so tightly, Merlin feels tiredness creep over him again. His muscles loosen as he relaxes into Arthur's hold, and he listens to the steady beating of Arthur's heart. Thus reassured that he and his family are free, Merlin lets sleep take over him once more.