I know wat i'm doing is very wrong. Konan knows this as well as i. but she does not care, nor do i. she deserves this. she told me i deserve it more. we are only 15 yet we feel we are ready. after wat has happened over the past 2 and a half days...we need this. but there is a twang of regret in my heart. if Sensei knew about this...he would have us both thrown in jail. but he is no longer here to tell us how to live our lives. and i still fear that my Brother will never fight from a day ago keeps playing through my mind. it does not cease for a second. every motion...ever blow exchanged...every injury...every word for wen i fought my brother flickers in my brain. it haunts me. Konan tells me, whispering, to forget it just for tonight. she wants me to relax...but i just cannot. i'm at a crossroads in my life. i have, well had, a brother at 1 side and a girlfriend at the other. my world, which was normally bleak, seemed to be looking up just a bit. but then Yahiko Otouto ran away. I gave chase yet he fought back and we both nearly died. Tonight is meant to be special. but it seems just so sad to me. my brother is gone, but at least Konan is still here. she means everything to me. but i know very well i shouldn't love her. after tonight, my Clan will hound me about this. that is why i have decided that using protection THIS TIME is a wise choice. but that won't keep Karu, Nizaku, and Tobikara from nagging me. I know Tou-San must be watching me from Hagsmire and shaking his head in utter disgust. nobody wants me to love this girl i'm with. they say that i need to find love within the Clan. but i want nobody else. As i hesitate yet again, i ask her if we should trully do this. i tell her that we are now stuck with each other until our deaths. she says it must be done, that she wants nobody except me. i can't fully believe it. almost everyone else has called me a useless, worthless mistake/failure. but i'm glad to have found the 1 person who can see past it all. but i know'll she'll come to resent me in time. I bite my lip once more in deep thought, cautious about my actions. My cheek is met with a hard slap. I stare down at her and wonder why she struck me. She tells me to stop regretting everything i do. but how could i not regret this? this is serious...unlike most of the mistakes i've made in the past. this will affect my entire future. do i wish to put my Clan's burden on my closest friend, the person i love with my whole being? tears leak from my eyes and she hugs me close. i feel so weak. sometimes i question why i was born into such a miserable clan in such a miserable village. my father always hated me. and i can barely remember my mother, although i know she loved me dearly. she even feared father. i do not blame her. everyone feared him. we were no different from anybody else. how mother and father got together will forever elude me. but now, i had found somebody to love me. and she was so sweet yet strong, fierce, and very loyal. it's all i could ever ask for. just thinking about father enrages me. it fuels me and drives me foward. thinking about how he mistreated me and mother has given me new vigor. i vow to never be a tyrant like him. someday...wen i have my own family...i will treat them right. i'll be a great father to my children and a great husband to my wife. i'll prove everyone wrong. they say i will never be as strong as father. they are right...because i'll be STRONGER than that the night is filled with passion, love, lust, and memories. i feel as if i'm in Glaumora. this is as close as i'll ever get, i suppose. the Great Glaux must be watching right now. he may or may not approve of this but i still feel his protection. this is divinity, not the title of Clan Leader like father always said. the love of a woman is stronger than the hate of any enemy. it is a force stronger than all 9 Bijuu combined. it is a sheild thicker than adamantine. I wake up the next morning with Konan sleeping, cuddled up close to me. it fees so strange...almost as if everything in my life is near-perfect. but that is not the case. we are still young yet we are far from free. being Ninja, whether you're a Kunoichi or Shinobi, is no easy task. we've learned that the hard way.