WARNINGS: Slash, implied major character death, sadness, one strong curse.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SUPERNATURAL. I MAKE NO MONEY, I'M JUST HERE FOR THE THRILLS.
AT THE END OF ALL THINGS
Sam watched Dean watching Cas, and he knew there was something happening between them that he wasn't privy to. Something warm, and sacred and theirs. Something profound. He knew they were having a conversation, even though they'd been standing in silence for the last few minutes. Don't do this, his brother was saying. We can still win. But, Cas' silence was heavy, and his eyes were dark. Though Sam couldn't read the angel as well as he could Dean, he knew Cas was saying no. That it had to be done; that there was no choice. That knowledge was breaking Sam's heart. God only knew what it was doing to Dean.
Sam had known for a while ( really, everyone they met had known ) that Dean had feelings for the angel that went beyond normal friendship. It was whispered in their silent conversations, and written in every worry line Cas had inspired on Dean's face. Sam hadn't known how deep those feelings went until he'd watched Dean lose Cas. Over and over again. Yet, still, at the end of the day, he always brought him back to his side. Even when he had no right to believe in Cas, Dean never gave up on him. At first, Sam didn't realize that the special thing between them was love. The idea that Dean, masculine, womanizing Dean, could be in love with another man was anathema to Sam. But, once it clicked, it clicked hard, and Sam saw it everywhere; mostly, in Dean's eyes. They were lighter when the angel was around, going from hazel to true green, like a freaky hunter mood ring. The tragedy was that Sam didn't think Dean himself knew how he felt for Cas; not even here, at the end of all things, when the possibility of seeing him again was nonexistent.
Sam tore his eyes away from his brother, and glanced at his phone. Time was running out, and as much as he hated the idea of Cas walking himself into a slaughter, it was really the only chance they had. Cas caught the gesture, and inclined his head slightly, as if waiting for Dean's permission to go. Dean shook his head, denying him, but it was too late. Cas, stubborn, flawed, ancient child that he was, had made up his mind to die saving the world. Because only he could. For a moment he looked like he was going to say something, but Dean cut him off before he had the chance.
"I love you, " Dean said quietly, softer than the silence, like the words were punching their way out of his mouth. Sam felt his jaw drop, and he started questioning everything he'd ever known about his brother. Cas inclined his head again, not out of deference this time, but confusion.
"I love you," Dean said again. " I've grieved everyone I've ever loved. Including you, so many times, man. If you do this, and you don't come back, what does that leave me with?"
The air felt heavy, the way it does when a pendulum is swinging, and Sam wished in that moment that he was anywhere but watching his brother bare his soul in the middle of a motel parking lot. He wasn't sure if Cas was going to respond, or simply teleport out of there. Either way, it was going to hurt Dean, and Sam didn't want to see that. For all of his talk about wanting Dean to share his feelings, it didn't feel right to see him so vulnerable.
"Don't," Cas finally responded. "Don't say that, Dean. It's... unkind."
"Unkind? It's friggin' unkind to tell you I love you? Go to hell, Cas. You're giving up, man. You're just walking away, like you always do."
"I never want to leave you, Dean. Anything else in this on this plane, or any other, I can walk away from. You're what I walk away for." Cas paused and looked off into the distance, as if he was looking for guidance from the freeway behind them. "If I don't do this," he finally continued, "the world as you know it will end. People will die, and I don't think either of us could live with that."
"This isn't the only way," Dean said plaintively.
"It's the only sure way," Sam broke in, before he could stop himself. Dean stared at him for a moment, the hurt and betrayal clear on his face.
"Jesus, Sammy" he said, "why don't you just stab him in the back with his angel blade? That's what you two want, right? For Cas to die? Because, that's what's going to happen. And, I don't mean 'die for awhile, and then come back', I mean that these things are going to straight up gank his ass. Is that what you want, Sam?"
"Of course not, but -"
"Then do me a favor, and shut your friggin' mouth. I have a suicidal angel to deal with, he doesn't need a chorus."
Sam shook his head, but did as his brother asked. Of course he didn't want Cas to die. He didn't want Dean to lose him. He didn't want to see his brother get blackout drunk every night, and he didn't want to hear him cry in his sleep. Sometimes, just sobs and moans, but on other nights, nights when there was a big fight followed by a bigger bar tab, it would be Cas' name. Sam knew that, because he'd be there before. He'd seen what losing the angel did to his big brother, and he knew that, this time, if they lost Cas, they'd lose Dean too. But, the entire world was at stake. Castiel's blood, the blood of the fallen angel, was the only thing that would close the portal. Blood spilled through sacrifice. Blood spilled on an angel blade.
"Please," Cas said, breaking Sam's reverie. "Dean, I have to do this. I never knew what true love meant until I met you. You have taught me many things, but that is what I'm most grateful for. The love you've shown me, the kindness... You have taught me how beautiful humanity can be. How forgiving. So, please forgive me this. Forgive me leaving you, one last time."
Dean pulled in a breath to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob. Cas crossed the distance between them so swiftly, Sam thought he might have teleported there. He laid a hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean embraced him, burying his head in the angel's coat.
"I can't," he sobbed against the fabric, and Sam felt his heart shatter for what Dean was going through. "Cas, please. Please, don't. I need you. I need you with me." Cas brought his arms up and stiffly wrapped them around Dean's shoulders. Even now, he's awkward as hell, Sam thought, and swiped at the tears that had started falling.
"I love you, too," Cas whispered, barely loud enough for Sam to hear. "My Righteous Man. Everything, all of this, it's always been for you. If I don't go, what happens then? How many people would die for the sake of our love?"
"What if it doesn't work?" Dean countered. "What if you die, and the war still goes on?"
"Then, you will fight it. We're both soldiers; this is what we do."
They were silent for another moment, and then Dean pulled his head back, and, in one swift motion, pulled Cas into a kiss. Cas went rigid, and then he seemed to almost melt into Dean. Never in any Hollywood production had Sam seen a kiss more passionate or intense. He knew he should avert his eyes, but he wanted to remember this moment. It was one of the few truly beautiful things he'd ever see in this world.
Finally, after what seemed like days, Dean pulled back and clasped Cas' face between his hands. "I've wanted that for too long," he said, with a half smile. "Stay with me. Fight for me. At least we'd be able to do some of the really fun stuff."
Cad looked confused for a moment, and then he chuckled slightly. "You mean sex. Yes, it's a shame I never got to experience carnal pleasures with you, Dean. I think I would have enjoyed your fun stuff."
"You really would. I'm not false advertising, buddy. I'm sexy, and great at sex." Dean had his cocky face on full, and then his expression softened. "Stay with me, and I'll show you. Cas, there has to be another way. And, even if there's not, we can fight, and love, and fuck and die together. I want you by my side when I go down, man. I need you there."
Cas narrowed his eyes and took a hitching breath, and, in the eternity of a second that they waited for him to speak, Sam felt himself hoping, despite the consequences, that he would decide to stay.
A/N: This is my first Supernatural fanfic, so I hope you guys enjoyed it. If so, I'm thinking of continuing the story. Either way, throwing a review my way would be appreciated. Feedback is the only food an author or story can grow on.