DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters in this story. This takes place after 2x02 "Get My Cigarettes", but includes fiction throughout both seasons. Not sure where this idea came from, but I wanted to get it on here. I intend on writing more for this, but I want to see where it goes as far as feedback first. Thanks loves. Enjoy!
"God damn it, Erin!" He shouted, his voice echoed throughout the small space of the car. He was livid – spitting at her with every word. "I'm so sick of you not listening to anything I say! You act like this is some childish school crush…well newsflash baby, it's a lot more than a little fucking crush." His words darted through her with poison.
Her lips pursed together as she tried to come up with something to retaliate back with – trying to make herself seem strong and independent like she knew she was, but just couldn't find it at the moment.
"You could've fucking died today – do you even realize that? You could've been fucking dead right now and then I would have to live with that." His chest tightened just looking at her – his ager bubbling to the point of in-consolation, not understanding how she could be so careless.
In the last year that he had known her, she had always been the smart one. The one that took charge, and kept him in line. She always knew what was the right thing to do – always taking their lives into the biggest consideration.
He knew she was brilliant. He had no doubts about that. He knew with 100 percent of his being that she was one of the best detectives in their unit. He saw it the first day they worked together when she stopped him from being killed on his first day on the job by Pulpo. The way that he had no idea that what he was doing potentially could have gotten them both killed pained him – but he thanked her to this day for keeping him in line.
With all of that said, he had no doubts about her ability to perform. But today – today he saw something he did not ever think he would. Never did he think she would throw all caution to the wind and be so stupid.
Running after him was possibly the worst idea in the world. Didn't she believe in him? Have confidence in him the way he had in her? Didn't she trust him handle himself? He didn't need her help – and in the end he almost paid the price for her actions.
"You were the one who couldn't swallow his pride and stay where he was instead of chasing the kid onto those tracks, Jay. Don't blame me for your idiocy." As upset, and as hurt as she was that he had decided to take his anger out on her, she did her best not to let him know just how he had affected her.
His fingers tightened around the steering wheel, his knuckles fading to a pale shade of yellow as he stared back at her.
"I can take care of myself." She told him, her eyes tight with his as he blinked quickly before giving a slight laugh.
"It isn't you I'm worried about." He said, glancing down at her torso.
Her eyes twitched at that, her eyelids flashing quickly shut before letting out the breath of air she had been holding.
And there it was, she thought. That one fucking sentence that he had just been waiting to say. That one thing that he had against her – to trap her – to blame her – to stab her.
He didn't think before speaking, letting out the words that he had been thinking for the past twenty minutes. The anger and the frustration getting the better of him – taking out his nerves on her, because really, who else could he take them out on?
Her teeth clenched, her jaw flexing outward as she nodded slightly and ripped her vest off. Tossing it into the backseat of the car, she looked back to him, and rose her hands up into the air, questioning.
"Well, Jay- here it is. Now I can't protect myself. Now it's your job." She sneered, her nose turned up in disgust.
He looked at her, his nostrils flared, his eyes wide and mad. "Screw you, Jay." She said with a final ping as she got out of the car hastily.
He watched her as he brought a hand up to his face, rubbing it over his face quickly before following her actions and getting out of the car after her. He walked quickly behind her before they both reached the top of the stairs to the inside of the complex.
He was about to reach for her shoulder at the same moment that she whipped around, a hand colliding with the side of his face.
"I hate you." Was all she said. His hands gripped onto her arms, pushing her towards the doors before turning her around like he would with a suspect. Once they reached her room, he pushed her through before shutting it with a bang.
She threw her keys onto the side table before flickering on the light, tossing her coat onto the couch. Her hand found her forehead, rubbing it and down her eyes. She fought to hold back the tears that burned and stung – getting past without willingness.
She shook her head before turning back to him, faced with the same position of him with a hand on his face, eyes burning and head shaking.
"I'm sorry, baby – I didn't mean it –" She cut him off, raspy.
"Don't be sorry, Jay – I know you meant it. You don't think before you say anything and thank god for that because how else would I ever know that you don't think I'm capable of this." Tears burned down her cheeks, past her lips.
For the last year – since they had started working together – unbeknownst to everybody else, they had been sleeping together. They liked to consider it just a comfort, but in recent months – they had both realized that it had gone way too far.
They had both dug themselves so deeply into this, that it wasn't any longer just comfort. It was love. Now, three months along – Erin was pregnant. Her doctor told her it wasn't uncommon to have the first trimester slip by without knowing. But the moment she found out, she couldn't speak – couldn't move – couldn't see him. She didn't talk to him, and she sure as hell didn't let him talk to her.
He had found out from a voicemail on her answering machine from her pharmacy letting her know that her prenatals were filled. He glared at her and waited, expecting an answer. He shook his head at her and grabbed his keys, slamming her door shut behind him.
After two days of not speaking, with Jay staying at his own apartment – something he hadn't done in almost six months, she told him she didn't want to keep it.
The words burned through him, and shock mortified his face. He stared at her for what felt like an eternity before cursing at her and walking away. She hung her head, and poured a cup of coffee – moving on to the next case in her file.
He didn't speak to her for three days after that, avoiding any and all contact with her. He told Voight to let Atwater take his place for a few days, claiming he "wasn't feeling up to par". Without much struggle, Voight agreed.
That was yesterday.
"Erin – don't go there. I am so sick of this. Of this bullshit. It's way fucking over what we thought it would be and I can't do it anymore. I'm so tired. I'm not up for this pretending anymore – I don't care what anyone else thinks or wants. I will fucking transfer if I have to – if it means that you and I can have this baby I will do anything. Please, Erin." His eyes pooled with their own set of tears, red stained as he stared at her.
Her eyes searched him, falling to every part of his face – right down to the space between his eyebrows. That crevice that told her that he wasn't fibbing. That this way real – and that he was in pain – emotional pain that she had caused.
She cried to him, not afraid of letting him break her – see her – hold her. In her entire twenty nine years of living, she lived for other people and never for herself. She did what was best for the people she loved and never ever kept anything that she wanted.
In reality, she didn't want this taken away from her – this thing that suddenly was there and needy. Never in her life had she been willing to die rather than live without something. A part of him was there, and never would she ever give that up.
Without knowing, they both made something so special and sacred together. Two people who truly were such fire and passion together. This beautiful man with sea colored eyes, with arms like steel, with hair like waves – all hers – put a person inside of her.
This fear that she was harboring would one day be gone, and then what would she have? Then what would she be left with? A man that hates her for taking his baby from him – and an eternity of guilt, along with loneliness of never being able to have the two people she truly needed in her life. Because she needed it. Him, or her – she needed them. She needed to be able to bring life into the world, and to hear somebody call her mommy. To see the man she loved hold the child they made together.
"Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you, Jay? Do you have any clue as to how much I care about you and would do anything to protect you? To keep you here with me on the same ground I walk on? I can't be without you – ever. I need you so much…more than you can ever know – and more then even I can understand. I don't know why…I just…I just do." Her voice was crackled, spattered, broken. Tears streamed down her face in hot streams, droplets falling onto her laminate wood flooring that she had paid a pretty penny for.
Thoughts coursed through her mind – from now – to birth – to crawling – to saying daddy – to kindergarten – to everything.
"I fucking want this." He told her, walking towards her before taking her face into both of his hands, tilting it up to his. His eyes bore into hers as they cried together.
She grabbed onto his arms holding her face, and nodded her head lightly before parting her lips and crashing them onto his. His hold on her face tightened as he drove his tongue into her mouth, wet tears moistening his face as he mashed their skin together. Their tongues battled fiery, her arms hooking around his neck before he let her go, and hoisted her up around his waist, both her ankles locking together as he walked into the bedroom.
I hope this was a quick peek into what can come from this - I DON'T DO STORIES! I only do one-shots, so whether its another one-shot, or a continuation chapter on this, let me know what you would like to see go down between these two! Love you guys.