Hi – Hi, Bye – Bye
It was so pointless to even open my eyes
I feel I can't go on, surrounded by lies
And again somehow I feel the time flies
Day and night, from rise till rise
X-X
Hi and Bye, and I'm waiting for your call
And would you mind once for all
Please don't close your eyes, give me a cue
Though I think I know why, and I love you too
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN YGO! I'm too stupid for this, only the poem up there is mine...Though it is not something I can be that proud of...
Summary: My first shounen-ai!...Forever chained to addicting loneliness, he only wishes to love and be loved in return…Even fate has second thoughts sometimes…And he is dreaming…For so many restless nights…PlZ RnR!
Hi – Hi, Bye – Bye
The early morning found him pacing stumblingly down the corridor, almost falling on the innocent edge of the carpet. When it is way early it seems sometimes things are trying to make us lose balance and find ourselves with the face pressed against the tiles. He avoided the impact with the unforgiving ground successfully, and opened the wooden door. This door led to the most important place in the house. No, I don't mean the bathroom. I mean the kitchen.
A hand was sent up, to the face, trying to forcefully open the eyes, but they were left slightly closed – that means partially opened – but not enough to see anything. Searching his way through the shadows of the dawn, he found another door, this time metallic and cool.
He pushed the handle, opening it, and he stayed like this for a moment or two, enjoying the feeling of the cold breeze surrounding him, washing over his exposed arms and bare toes peeking out from his flip-flops. Then he opened his eyes, and a grunt of disappointment echoed through the vacant house.
There is something very poetic in the view of an empty refrigerator, but since Malik wasn't a poet he could only summarize those lofty sensations with "AEH," and another half of yawn. Yes, there was no other way but to visit the supermarket…
Yet since Malik is not the one who opens a day without breakfast, even if the breakfast is sort of…None-breakfast, the guy crawled up to look in the closet, pulling outside a jar of jam. Not so good for the teeth or anything else, and quite not filling for breakfast without anything else…But no other way.
Malik loved being alone like this sometimes, without his sister dancing the 'I-am-your-authority' dance around him, and without Odion's submissiveness, playing the stupid 'Yes-,-everything-for-you-Master-Malik' game over and over again. He wasn't a child anymore, and Odion's attitude only brought back many things he wanted to forget, he was willing to forget every damned thing that had ever happened to him…Yet a bottle of pills stood on the small table near his bed, and the bluish little tablets inside reminded him clearly where the sleep came from.
Yet sometimes being alone meant doing the house chores alone, cooking the meals alone, and having particularly no one to share a funny passage in the book or a dream. When Isis and Odion were home, the meals were always prepared, the house was clean with Isis ordering everything around, and Odion was always there to listen to the stupid little ideas Malik had. And he always nodded, making even the stupidest things that came to Malik's mind seem ingenious.
They were both gone on a vacation, leaving Malik alone. He protested too much to their offer to come with them, and he knew they both needed some quality time together and alone. Without him. He never wanted to be their third wheel and choke them like he had been doing. And that was the reason why he lacked breakfast so awfully on that day.
While riding his motorcycle, Malik was looking to the sides, allowing half of his consciousness to concentrate on the view around him, on the almost empty streets and sleepy houses, the sun blinking in their windows. He passed the park to see the wind playing among the empty swings and slides. And finally, taking the last turn, he saw the glassy shining doors of the supermarket.
He slid off the motorcycle, running a tanned hand in his hair in a strenuous attempt to get it back down. Finally he got into the supermarket, whose shelves held long cherished dreams in the shapes of Cola© bottles, vanilla cream and snacks. All of the major food groups.
And there, in this little heaven of flavors, around the corner of the milky products, he spotted a well-known face, and his heart was slightly widened in his chest. Getting closer to the boy who stood and examined the products as if his life was on stake, Malik gently put a hand over his shoulder, whispering only low "Hi,".
The boy jerked on his place, turning his head fearfully. His face wore a worried expression, but there were no words to describe how much this expression softened when his brown creamy eyes met the sweet violet ones. And the smile that crept to his lips…It was sweeter than any berry jam. "Hi," was his answer.
Malik smiled back, talking quietly when he asked "Ryou, what are you doing here so early?"
Ryou never looked cuter in his eyes when he shook his head lightly, making his long white hair flung back swiftly "I…Well, we were…Out of breakfast…" he stuttered turning his head away from Malik, avoiding his soft eyes. Malik glanced at him questioningly, trying to get Ryou look at him once again. "I'm here for the same reason…" he said, and then he let the words fly freely into the air, finally letting the idea he had for some time out "Wanna buy everything now and then come to my place? I'll make us proper breakfast!" he suggested.
Now Ryou was looking at him. His smile was kind and apologizing "I would like to, Malik, but unfortunately I have something I…I need to go back home," he explained softly, turning his attention to the milky products. He chose some, putting them in his small bag. Malik's eyes followed his movements, tracing every delicate line in Ryou's thin arms, and how much grace was in his hand gently holding the groceries to himself.
The boys paid for their lost heavens of breakfast sealed in glassy bottles and plastic flasks, and made their way out of the supermarket. Malik led Ryou to his parking place, and they both were talking about some old movies they had seen some time ago. Malik smiled kindly at Ryou and said "Well, since you don't want to come to my place, I'll drive you home then." and even though Ryou's face wore a light, almost invisible frown of protest, he couldn't refuse this offer.
The ride to Ryou's house wasn't long enough, and Malik felt slight bitterness of sadness crawling into his heart when Ryou abandoned his hold into Malik and got his grocery bag. "Bye," he said, smiling gratefully and walking toward the door.
"Bye," whispered Malik, watching him disappearing into the shadowed hall of his house. He rode away, and that was the minute when the thought appeared in his mind.
Something was wrong.
Ryou's house was…Almost completely darkened, as if the windows were black holes that sucked away all the sunlight. And the door…The door that closed Ryou inside those gloomy spaces of his home with a horrible squeak…
/He was too busy to talk with me…He was hurrying to get home…I wonder why? I wonder what is wrong with him, why he looked so overstressed when I met him in the store? And why was he up so early?.../ Malik shook his head, concentrating on the road again. That was none of his business. Ryou had the right to do whatever was on his mind /But I care for him. I care for him too much to ignore his strange behavior. And I care too much to just forget everything…I only hope he is fine…/
After Malik's second breakfast, he had nothing interesting to busy himself with. He watched some ANIME on TV, but the morning programs were over. He read one of his favorite books again. He was preparing dinner when the phone rang in the living room.
He was thinking about Ryou, and the annoying ringing only reminded him how much he wanted Ryou to call him. He picked up the receiver and listened carefully. No, it wasn't the one he wished so badly to hear. It wasn't the soft angelic voice of his long beloved friend. It was cold, formal and disturbing.
Malik put the phone down and went back to the kitchen. Turning the stove off, he glanced at the dishes he prepared. There was plenty of food. Too much for him, but if only…/Well, I know what I want. If only Ryou came and ate this along with me…I wish I could call him, just pick up the phone and say everything there is on my heart…But what if Ryou doesn't believe me? What if he's still in that damned hurry? What if something indeed happened to him, and he just can't tell me?.../
Malik was worried when he got out of the house and locked the door. His destination wasn't far away from home, and he was about to walk. Pacing on the heated pavement, Malik took a little shortcut to Domino's promenade, where a light breeze blew his bright hair into his face.
He received the package in the post office, and got out of the suffocating crowded place. He decided to take the riverside again, so that the heat wouldn't bother him so much. He was looking into the blue of the water somewhere beneath him while walking, admiring the sunny crown on each and every wave. Returning his attention to the road, he was almost run over by someone who wore long grey coat and his eyes were lost under familiar rain of white hair…"Ryou," whispered Malik in amazement "What are you doing here? Where are you running so fast?"
Ryou got up into his legs, glancing fearfully at Malik "Hi, Malik," he said, and then he added shakily "Are you alright? I'm sorry, I'm really sorry…"
"That's nothing, but where…"
"Oh, I have to get going! Sorry Malik," Ryou said and turned around.
"Wait, Ryou – do you want to eat lunch? I have…"
But Ryou only smiled, and his smile was gentle and warm, it silenced Malik instantly "Thank you, Malik-kun, but I really have to go now. I'll call you! Bye!" he said, and ran again, getting away.
"Ryou…"
Malik stood on his place and lamented Ryou's disappearing figure. Then he went back home, but he remembered nothing from the river or the curb. All he could think about was Ryou's face, his soft hair flying behind his back, the kind smile on his face…The long grey sleeves that covered his arms, "I'll call you…"
The thing that was in Ryou's hand. The letter. At that moment Ryou sent the letter away in the post office. A letter without address. A letter to someone who would never open it and read it. A letter to a long lost soul.
And Malik went back home, closing the door silently behind him, like Isis was there ready to yell at him for slamming the door and cracking the plaster on the ceiling. But there was no one, only the hovering smell of the fresh lunch he had prepared. No one but himself. And the ghosts in his mind. And a silent phone.
Slowly sealing its graceful half circle, the sun set down, painting a burning path on the cloudless sky. Malik sat in the living room, and pretend to be reading. But he never saw the words printed black on white in his book. He was slightly tensed, like a sportsman on the starting line, ready to begin. And the phone was still, never ringing, its annoying voice never chiming through the house. Gravely silent.
First stars were appearing, lighting like little candles in the darkened sky, sending the zodiac glow into Malik's half opened window. He was sitting near it, and watching the sky, the starts that formed a pattern of forgotten phone. Ryou didn't call him back. And the time was pretty late.
Malik got up, sighing and stretching. He was tired of sitting on his place, tired of thinking about the phone, and Ryou, and how much he wanted to say the things that were on his heart for so long. He wanted to sit Ryou beside him, and let the words slip into the air of the day, that special day, the day he would finally reveal all the secrets that clouded his mind. And then he could drown forever in the depths of Ryou eyes, while Ryou will whisper those three desirable words back…
Malik got out for a walk. Usually he would ride, but today he felt like walking. Some of the streets were already darkened, the streetlamps slowly fading into halos of light, then to dark. The park was quiet and empty, shadows playing on the swings and slides. Malik stood in the middle of the path, sensing something strange. A shadow on the swing moved a little, stifling soft breathes.
Malik got closer to see who was the shadow sitting on the swing. He couldn't see much in the dark, yet the full moon chose the right moment to rise, clearing the night with pale slicing rays. The shadow moved to cover its face with a pale hand, and its silvery hair gleamed like corona around its head.
"Ryou…" whispered Malik, astonished "But what are you doing here? Ryou…" he quickly got closer to the other boy sitting on the swing. Ryou raised his head to face Malik, two beads of stars running down his cheeks.
"Ma-Malik," he stuttered, unable to say a word.
"Why are you crying, Ryou?" said Malik, taking the other boy's hand "What is so wrong? Tell me, please…"
"I-…I…" Ryou let out, shudder passing through his body. Malik wasn't really looking at him. He looked down, at the hand he was holding. The arm was covered with long grey sleeve despite of the heat outside, and something was tainting its delicate features, something that was now spread on Malik's fingers, warm and dusky.
Ryou let out a gasp of surprise when Malik pushed the sleeve up, revealing rows and columns of bruises, cuts and gashes. /No…Ryou would…Ryou never could…It can't be…/
Ryou stood up, tears glowing in his eyes, trying to pull his arm away from Malik. But Malik wouldn't let go. "No…" was all he could say "Ryou…"
"I have to…" Ryou whimpered "Let go of me…"
Malik's hand found its way to Ryou's face, gently cupping one cheek in his hand "Why Ryou? Why?" he whispered fearfully "I don't want this to happen to you, I don't want to lose you, Ryou, not after all that I've lost. Don't go back, please stay with me…Ryou…"
Ryou closed his eyes, shreds of tears merging into the air when he shook his head hesitatingly.
"…I wanted to tell you this for so long," Malik said softly, making Ryou look deeply into his violet eyes. Ryou's eyes held so much pain, sorrow, and little hints of regret, yet there was something above them all in his heart. A connection that could never be broken or torn.
"I love you…"
Malik was so astonished to see the pain blinking in Ryou's eyes. His tanned hand was left free in the air, and Malik stood there, glancing wearily at him. Ryou closed his eyes, lowering his head.
"Malik…I'm sorry," he let out "But…You can never understand me…I-I promised…I promised him…He can't live, Malik, he can't go on without me…"
The rejection struck Malik across the face. It was painful. Really painful. Yet nothing comparing to the bitterness in his throat. The shudder that went through his body. The beats his heart lost.
"I won't leave him, Malik…I can't…And I'm sorry…" Ryou reopened his eyes to glance firmly at Malik. He just stood there, stoned on his place. And Ryou couldn't take it. He couldn't stay there and keep talking, because every word melted a hole inside Malik's soul. And Malik was standing still, letting his soul rot inside himself.
"I have to go…" Ryou said, turning around and pacing away. And when the wind carried him back into the arms of his yami, he whispered one last word to Malik
"Bye,"
Malik stood there for a long time, watching the sand glowing, the light filling the valleys that were Ryou's footsteps. And Ryou was gone.
Finally cold night breeze woke him up. And blindly he made his way back home.
This time he slammed the door.
The house was empty. No one was there to yell at him, to listen to him, to look at him. No one was there, and it made no difference to him.
Malik collapsed into his bed in his clothes, closing his eyes and trying to forget /I want to sleep…I want to sleep and erase everything I've seen, everything Ryou said to me…He doesn't love me, and he can never love me…It's Bakura who now holds his heart…/
Malik sat in his bed, sending a quick glance at the little bottle that stood on the small table. He crawled to take it into his palm, the same hand that was still stained with blood. Ryou's blood. Ryou's blood that Bakura let out.
The moonlight was shining through the bottle, surrounding the pills till they gleamed. And Malik opened it, yearning to let them take over, let their invisible kisses soothe him, their mute voices fill his mind with sweet foolish lies.
The window was opened, and Malik went to the pool of pale light under the curtains. The pills made little 'click' sounds while knocking inside the bottle.
/Ryou…You can never be mine…/ he thought, looking into the moon and seeing Ryou's form getting away from him, out of the light and into the dim.
Malik hesitated for a moment, Ryou's weak word echoing in his mind
"Bye…"
/Yes…/ thought Malik /I think that's enough…Enough living this way, enough believing everything is fine, and that I'm fine…Coz I'm not. And I have to do this…/
Looking down on the ground below his window on the second floor, Malik erased every chip of regret inside his heart. Then a soft smirk crept over his lips.
The bottle was smooth and slippery in his hands from Ryou's blood…And the pills were 'click'ing madly within their glassy prison…
A shattering sound broke the stillness of the night, but no one was there to jump, and throw the newspaper and go to check what had happened. Shards of sweet illusions, little lies dwelling in white cover of artificiality were lying smashed on the ground.
And there, on the second floor, among the soft sheets of his bed, Malik lay motionlessly. He hadn't been sleeping so peacefully for thousand restless nights.
FAB: …Well, I tried…This is the first time I've written something like this, so if you read this and have some time, PLEASE REVIEW NOW and tell me what you think.
Thank you very much!
Ja-Ne, and have a nice summer vacation!