She woke up feeling weak and nauseous. The nights weren't exactly as forgiving as the days. The prominent half moons under her eyes were the indication that she hasn't been sleeping soundly for a long time. She sat up, breathing steadily.
In and out.
When she managed to condition herself, she stood up and headed to the bathroom. The sink had been her sanctuary for the past eleven months, and the mirror, her constant reminder of the past along with those tired, brown eyes, and disheveled, red hair. She took a moment to soak her face into the cold, biting water. As she raised her head once more to meet her reflection, she frowned.
Disgusted at the woman staring back at her, she ran her wet hand to the smooth surface of the mirror, hoping to erase the existence of it all along with the unpleasant memories.
"Murderer." she told herself for the millionth time.
"You're up." A yawn followed by a generous stretch greeted the redhead. She was a young lady with blonde hair and big eyes brimming with optimism.
"Lucy," She was almost done preparing breakfast. It wasn't anything fancy, but the blonde would always compliment her cooking.
"Looks good." Lucy hummed, peeking over the shoulder of the taller woman as she busied herself with flipping the eggs on one pan, and tossing fried rice on the other. The comment made the redhead smile.
At least, there was one person who appreciated her presence.
"Something smells amazing."
Or two.
"I'm hungry already."
Make that three.
Lucy placed her hands on her hips.
"Natsu, try washing your face for once. And Gray, how many times do I have to remind you to put on some god damn clothes." It wasn't exactly the best of morning greetings, but this was downright the best way to start their day.
"What's for breakfast, Erza?" Natsu ignored the outburst of the blonde and proceeded to set up the table.
"The usual."
"Erza," Gray was already in the middle of getting dressed when he called her attention. "I swear, I've never seen you sleep in. Not even once. What's your secret?"
She felt herself go rigid at the question, but recovered by replying quickly.
"Early to bed, early to rise."
Lucy planted her chin on the palm of her hand, watching as Erza placed the food on the table. The redhead had only been with them for no more than three months. Their meeting, no less than ordinary, as she helped them fight off thugs who tried to steal their goods for trade. As a result, she was hired as the merchants' personal guard.
"By the way," Lucy started. "Our next stop's Hargeon Port."
Everyone nearly jumped off their seats when the plate crashed to the floor.
"Erza! Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" Lucy immediately searched for possible wounds where she gladly found none.
"Whuf hafuned?" Natsu gulped down his food before continuing. "You aren't usually the clumsy type. I'd understand if it was Lucy—"
"Just help us pick up the broken pieces." Lucy swore she was going to hit him hard this time. How come he'd always find a way to bring the topic to center around her anyway?
Gray also joined them on the floor, his eyes darting curiously to the redhead who still seemed to be out of sorts for the moment.
"Hey, Erza," he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulders. "You sure you're okay?"
A slight nod, then she cleared her throat. "Sorry about the mess. Guess I'm still only just half-awake. Anyway, Hargeon Port?"
"Mm. Isn't it great?"
"I thought you only engage in trading from within Bosco." Erza pointed out.
"True, but we're also planning on, you know, quality vacation time." Gray shrugged.
"Right. So we planned to head off to Crocus to relax for...I don't know. One week?"
Erza felt her blood freezing in her veins. There was no way she could go back there. Not to that place. Anywhere but there.
Then the three of them burst out laughing.
"Look at the expression she's making! She even broke a plate!" Natsu nearly choked on his drink as he pointed at the flabbergasted woman.
"We're messing with you." Lucy wiped a tear off one shut eye. "There's no way we could ever get the permission to trade on other routes, especially the blooming Kingdom of Fiore. We're not exactly big time merchants. And we don't have the funds to sustain a one week vacation in Crocus."
"Yeah, but for now we can settle for this god forsaken country until we get the rights and permit to go into foreign trade." Gray shoved a spoonful of rice into his mouth and started chewing.
Erza felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She silently thanked the gods they were only joking. Her heartbeat soon returned to its steady rhythm and she noticed her hands weren't shaking anymore. Being suddenly reminded of Fiore got her agitated. But she wasn't there now, and there's no way she's going back. She liked Bosco. Liked her new friends, new life.
This was her reality now.
"Is this the last one?" Natsu raised a jar filled with black pepper as Gray attended to his side.
"Quite possibly. Hey, Lucy! We're wrapping things up on our end!"
"Okay!" Lucy faced the redhead who was engrossed with arranging bottles of different medicinal herbs. "What are you doing?" she asked, mildly amused.
"Ah, I'm still fascinated by this country's exotic plants." Erza mentally chided herself after realizing what she had just said. Usually, this was followed by a probing question she'd been avoiding for the previous months. She'd been careful about it before, but she slipped this time.
Lucy raised a brow at this, "I've assumed before you were a resident in Bosco so I never asked. And I've known for quite some time now that you aren't, but I just didn't ask out of respect. So, can I ask now? Where your homeland is?"
As expected, compared to the other two, the blonde was sharper. Erza gave her question much of a thought. Lucy wasn't demanding an answer from her, she was just asking. She could choose to answer or not.
"Not exactly a happy place." was her vague reply.
She met her inquisitive eyes with anxious ones.
"And you always wear a cloak whenever we're outside."
She gulped. Lucy was just stating facts she noticed yet she felt like they were questions that needed answers.
"M-Ma—"
"Oi, what's taking you guys so long?"
Thank you, Natsu! she gloriously celebrated inside.
Lucy pouted when she didn't get the response she wanted. At this, Erza offered a smile.
"In time." she promised. "For now, I need to buy dinner. Anything you guys want in particular?"
"Noodles!" They all yelled in unison.
"That makes four of us then." Erza pocketed the money they've earned and went on her way to accomplish the errand.
She took the route with the longer route. There was still some minutes before sunset, and that gave her the time she needed to ponder on the sleepless nights bothering her to the core. It had been almost a year, yet why couldn't she get one, satisfactory shuteye? Was that too much to ask? She stopped at the noodle shop and gazed into the crowd.
Perhaps, she thought, forgetting was too great of a sin and forgiveness was nothing more than a miracle.
"Ah, you're a sight for sore eyes!" The shop's owner, Simon Mikazuchi, immediately recognized the hooded figure. The redhead placed a finger on her lips to tell him to avoid drawing attention.
Erza returned the gesture with a hug and a small whimper was heard from not too far.
"Ah, Kagura. It's good to see you too." Undmindful of her surroundings, she pecked the younger woman's cheek, earning a stutter and causing Kagura to blush furiously.
"Yeah, I'm jealous of my sister already. So the usual I take it?"
Erza gave a curt nod.
"What'll take for you to stay longer?" Simon was pressing his luck with this mysterious woman. One day she just appeared in his shop without a hint of who she was and where she came from. All he knew about her was her name. Even his regulars have a hard time identifying her.
She was like mist.
Fleeting and mysterious.
Still, that didn't stop him from taking an interest in her.
The redhead rolled her eyes. "I don't date."
"You sure I can't change your mind?" he asked, his tone a bit serious.
She had no time for him. For this. There was still so much to do to redeem herself and another person to invest time and energy was a headache she didn't need. So as to shut him off without any chances of a comeback, she put on her best stoic face before saying, "I'm not interested in men." Erza then winked at the owner's sister and the woman shrunk to the floor, all hot and bothered.
"Wha—The—Oh! Oh..."
The redhead picked up her order and left without another word.
"Glad that's over." As she walked outside the shop, she noticed an old lady closing down her own store. She gave a subtle bow before moving along.
"Ah, Titania."
Caught by surprise, she felt her stomach plummet to her feet. She hadn't heard that name in a long time. Nobody has called her like that since—panicked, she turned to face the one who called out to her.
No one was there however, apart from a familiar and neatly written message stuck on the paper bag of their dinner.
It read: Meet me at the bridge, right now.
She crumpled the note and grit her teeth. Even though she had distanced and detached herself from her past, she couldn't find the courage to move on.
With heavy steps thundering in the night, Erza's feet betrayed her by bringing her exactly to the place where she was told.
There weren't many people in the area, but one glance and she knew who she was supposed to be meeting. Away from the prying eyes of the public, she stealthily swooped down from under the bridge. The soles of her feet perfectly landed on the rock jutting out of the water.
The redhead let out a relieved sigh.
"Still as skilled as ever."
Erza's eyes still haven't adjusted properly in the dark but she knew that voice all too well. Before she could make a move, two delicate arms circled around her neck, the sudden weight toppling her back and causing her to lose her balance.
Two tangled figures fell sloppily to the shallow river. It took two full seconds for her to realize the contents of the paper bag had spilled and whatever was left of the noodles were all but carried away by the water.
"Great," the redhead muttered.
A giggle erupted from the person on top of her.
"And now I'm wet as well." Erza continued to complain.
"I guess you may have gotten a little rusty." Erza had missed that voice with silky, smooth tone. Missed this woman.
Silver hair cascaded between the sides of their faces, and with the moonlight streaming from the strands of the woman's hair, Erza couldn't begin to describe how nostalgic the position she was in.
The woman helped them both to their feet. "I used to pin you before like that as well." Her angelic features seemed to soften some more as she recalled the memory. She kept on talking, but the redhead wasn't paying much of an attention. Her mind still grasping the event unfolding before her.
Erza cautiously reached out, cutting the words out of the fair woman and lately returning the hug.
"I've missed you, Mira." she softly whispered.
"Hmmm. And I too, Erza." she smiled warmly before continuing. "And so have the rest of the Royal Army."
Two words were all it took to turn the mood sour. Erza slightly pushed the woman away. What was she even thinking? A reunion without any hidden agenda? This was, afterall, Mirajane Strauss, her fellow Commander-in-Chief along with the other two-Laxus Dreyar and Gildarts Clive. Her service first and foremost belongs to the throne. And who was she, but a comrade and fellow officer?
"What happened before—"
"Don't, Mira," The pain in her voice nearly made the silver-haired woman cry.
Erza ran a reckless hand through her wet locks, gathering the strands on top of her head before tying them into place.
"Why have you come here, Mira?"
Mirajane did the same with her hair and faced her with an expression the redhead couldn't quite make out of.
"The kingdom needs you."
Erza turned her back on her and started walking away.
"I'm not going back." she seethed, anger getting the best of her. Of course Mira wasn't there for her. She was there for the interest of the kingdom. Has anyone else stopped and asked how she felt at all?
"The kingdom has you, Laxus and Gildarts. I'm sure you're all doing well without me."
Mira followed her. "No we're not and the truth is, Her Majesty's...requesting your presence."
That made the redhead stop.
Silence soon lingered. Mira's gaze dropped to the ground. "She's young and her rule is questioned by the people, but she's brave and determined. Though she isn't faring well in her duties, she believes it has something to do with...unfinished business with you and the late king."
"I can't face her." Erza choked out, back still turned on her friend. "Nor the Royal Army, nor the people."
"Yes you can," Mira firmly told her. "But you're choosing not to by running away from us and hiding outside some god forsaken country!"
"I'm not running away!"
"Yes you are!"
Erza didn't like arguing with people, nor did she like Mira getting upset with her. So she turned on her heel and finally let out what she had been holding in all those months.
"I failed the kingdom! Our troops! The people, the royal family! I couldn't protect the king! And it was my fault that he died! I killed him!"
Erza expected silence or even pity, a hug, comforting words, and all those that soothe the soul but she wasn't expecting a solid slap on the face that sent her reeling backwards. The side of her lip bleeding and her cheek stinging.
"This isn't a sin only you bear." Mira wasn't shouting anymore. In fact, she was calm and composed and the redhead knew that was a bad sign. "You think you're the only one at fault? We failed too. It was hard on us. All of us, but you didn't have to go as far as quitting and excommunicating yourself. You think you're atoning for all that's happened but you're not."
Mira walked towards Erza.
"I'll be at Bosco's Port within a fortnight. Use the time before that to decide whether to stay here or leave with me."
Contrary to her previously violent behavior, she hugged the redhead one final time, planting a soft kiss on her cheek before finally taking her leave.