BROTHERS IN BABYSITTING
Summary: Captain Rex and ARC Trooper Fives. They've been through everything together, but the galaxy is about to throw them their biggest challenge yet. Grab the diaper bag and the sippy cups, Rex and Fives are babysitting Ahsoka's children.
A/N: Unlike everything else I wrote, this is *not* canon in the While Others universe. In fact, it's probably closer to the actual canon.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the fic itself, Tavin, and Kiara.
It started out innocuously enough, with a simple phone call.
Rex had smiled a little as he read the Caller ID from his phone screen. Ahsoka.
Ahsoka had been like a little sister to Torrent Company, not a man could deny it. They had plastered "Missing" posters of her in every corner of the galaxy when she went missing, when she was on trial for her life they bit their nails, and when her name was cleared, they celebrated the occasion with cake and large amounts of Corellian whiskey and beer.
When Ahsoka married Lux Bonteri, the wedding planners had to get a little creative with seating arrangements in the banquet hall. It wasn't easy packing an entire legion in one room.
About six months after the wedding, the legion received a picture message from Ahsoka and Lux.
The picture contained the couple holding a jar of Prego spaghetti sauce.
"What is this even about?" Hardcase had asked of the picture.
"Don't ask me," Appo responded. "They must love spaghetti sauce."
In hindsight, Rex slammed his head against a wall for his legion's collective naiveté.
About, oh, nine months later they got another picture.
This one was of the couple in what appeared to be a hospital. Ahsoka was in bed, looking exhausted, while Lux was standing behind her giving a thumbs-up to the camera.
In Ahsoka's arms was something that looked like a blue football.
It took Rex a full minute before he realized.
"Zoom in on the bundle." He ordered. "ZOOM IN."
Jesse did, and Rex almost choked. Because staring back at him, was a face.
"That's a baby!" Blitz shouted.
"I'm gonna kill Bonteri!" a shiny yelled.
"It's okay, they're married, remember?"
Kix scrolled down to the message attatched to the photo. "Meet Tavin John Bonteri." He said smugly. "He was born this morning. He weighs seven pounds, three ounces."
Rex steadied himself on a wall. "I-I'm an uncle?"
"Well, what did you think that 'prego' picture nine months ago meant?" Kix scoffed.
Rex decided not to answer that one.
Years later, when they got a picture of Lux, Ahsoka, and little Tavin holding a pink onesie, they got the memo.
…
"Hi, Rex."
"Hey, Ahsoka. How have you been?"
"Great! So Rex, I kind of have a huge favor to ask. The ball for the anniversary of the rebellion is tonight, and I need someone to watch the kids."
"You need me to…babysit?"
"Our regular sitter can't, and neither can Lux's little sister. Padme's busy, and Anakin's on meditative leave. Please Rex, you're my only hope." Ahsoka begged.
Rex almost jumped out of his bunk. "Of course! When should Fives and I be there?"
Fives looked up from his magazine. "When will you and I be where?" he demanded.
Rex covered the mouthpiece of the phone. "We get to babysit our niece and nephew!" he hissed.
Fives shot out of bed and started putting on his armor.
"We will be over in five minutes!" Fives yelled into the phone.
"It's a twelve-hour flight."
"Then we will be over in twelve hours and five minutes!"
…..
Rex and Five rang the doorbell to the Bonteri house.
A child's voice shouted "MOMMY! THE DOOR!"
"Lux, will you get it?"
Rex and Fives watched as Lux Bonteri peeked through a window allowing view of the front porch, and waved at them. In an instant, the door was open.
"Hi, guys! Come in," Lux said, stepping aside to let the men in.
"Hello, Lux." Fives said, wiping his feet on the welcome mat. "How are you?"
Lux nodded. "We're all doing very well. We're looking into preschools for Tavin."
"Is he that big already?" Rex hadn't been able to visit until now, the blasted war kept getting in the way.
"His fifth birthday is in a month," Lux said, just as Ahsoka walked in. She held a child in her arms, and a towel was draped over her shoulder to protect her ball gown.
"Ahsoka!" Fives called.
A smile split Ahsoka's face. "Fives! Rex! You made it!"
"We did, in twelve hours and five minutes. You look beautiful."
Ahsoka smiled, and then turned to the side, showcasing the child on her shoulder.
"This is Kiara," She said.
Kiara stuck three chubby fingers in her mouth, releasing drool onto the towel. She took after Ahsoka, with tiny montrals budding on her head and skin only a few shades lighter than her mother's. The only traits of Lux's she seemed to have inherited were soft green eyes.
"How old is she?" Fives cooed, leaning to get a better look at the baby.
"Seven months," Ahsoka replied, smiling at her daughter. "She said her first words about a month ago."
"What were they?"
Ahsoka blushed. "'Juice'."
Kiara Padme Bonteri's first word was "juice."
"'Juice?'" Rex echoed.
Ahsoka nodded. "It's better than Tavin's. Tavin's was 'no'."
The sound of footsteps approached. Some were heavy, like Lux's. The others were light, like a child's.
"But I already met Aunt Sierra, Daddy!"
"Aunt Sierra isn't babysitting you." Lux explained as he and a little boy rounded the corner.
The little boy, Tavin, was mostly human. He had blond hair and blue eyes, with a faint shadow of markings on his face.
Lux put a hand on his son's back. "This is Uncle Rex and Uncle Fives, Mommy's brothers. They're going to be babysitting you. Be good, Tavin."
Ahsoka handed Kiara over to Fives, giving him the towel as well. "There are diapers for Kiara below the bathroom sink. Make whatever you want for dinner, but it's got to have some kind of vegetable in it. They can have ice cream for dessert. Bedtime is at eight, Lux and I will be back in the morning…"
Lux took his wife's elbow and started to lead her out the door, knowing they would never get out if she didn't.
"There's a note on the fridge. They can watch a movie after supper!" he called over his shoulder after helping Ahsoka into the car and shutting the door.
Rex and Fives watched as the car drove off.
Kiara looked up at Fives. He looked back down at her.
"Hi, sweetie."
As if on cue, Kiara started screaming.
"Better check that note!" Rex suggested.
…
Dear Rex and Fives,
Thanks for watching Tavin and Kiara. When I get home, I want my kids to be perfectly fine. I did not suffer for nine months apiece for you to get them killed.
"She doesn't mess around." Rex noticed.
If Kiara cries, give her the pacifier with teddy bears on it and she'll calm down.
Fives looked around in panic until he spotted a faded pacifier with teddies. The second he stuck it in Kiara's mouth, the crying stopped.
Do not - I repeat DO NOT let Tavin eat nothing but chicken nuggets for dinner. He's in that stage where he won't eat anything but. Try offering peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese as alternatives.
Speaking of Tavin, he is only allowed to watch the movies in the bottom shelf of the cupboard below the TV. The ones on the top shelf are mine and Lux's.
His bedtime is at eight, seven for Kiara. Do whatever you want while they're asleep.
I'm sure you'll do fine. Thank you for babysitting!
Love, Ahsoka.
"Thank Force for Ahsoka's foresight." Fives muttered, gently bouncing Kiara in his arms.
Just then, Tavin appeared in the doorway.
"I'm hungry." He announced.
"All right," Rex replied, opening the fridge. "What do you want to eat?"
Tavin didn't even waste time thinking. "Chicken nuggets."
"How about grilled cheese?" Rex offered.
"I want chicken nuggets."
"Peanut butter and jelly?" Fives croaked.
"That's gross."
Fives threw up his hands. "Okay. How about chicken nuggets and vegetables?"
Tavin shrugged. "Okay."
"Good. What's your favorite vegetable?"
"Chicken nuggets."
It was then that both men knew that this was going to be a lot harder than they imagined.
"Chicken nuggets are not vegetables. They're meats." Rex reasoned.
"My friend Ezra says they're vegetables!" Tavin protested.
"They are not."
"Are too!"
"Kid, I took nutrition classes on Kamino and trust me, chicken nuggets are not a vegetable."
"They are too!"
It only took the clones ten minutes to realize that arguing with a five-year-old was like arguing with a brick wall.
Finally fed up, Rex trudged over to the freezer and ripped out two bags of frozen vegetables.
"You can have chicken nuggets and carrots or chicken nuggets and green beans. Pick."
Tavin gave him a look which could scare a Sith Lord.
"Carrots." He says finally.
…..
When Rex put Tavin's plate in front of him, the little boy looked up at him quizzically.
"Where's the ketchup?"
"For what?"
"For the chicken nuggets."
Fives placed the bottle in front of him, and Tavin drowned his entire plate in ketchup.
"Kid…" Rex started, before he realized he didn't want to start a "Is not, is too" battle again.
…..
After dinner, Rex was giving Kiara a bath while Fives was stuck watching Tavin.
"I'm bored." Tavin whined. "I wanna watch a movie."
Fives fumbled around the TV. Where did Ahsoka say those movies were again?
Luckily for him, there was a movie resting on the top. On the case was a picture of a shark.
"Here's a fishing movie." He said, popping it in the disk player and hitting START.
If Fives had taken one second to actually read the case, he would have noticed that the movie he put into the player was Jaws.
Or that when Lux and Saw had watched it, they couldn't so much dip a toe in a bathtub for three days.
…
After Kiara had put on her pajamas, Rex tucked her into bed and let her pick out a story to read that night.
"The Paper Bag Princess." He read.
As he showed the pictures to Kiara, Rex found himself oddly pleased with the story of the princess who was forced to wear a paper bag, and went out to go save her one true love from a dragon. He was especially happy at the ending, where the prince was revealed to be shallow, and undeserving of the princess' love.
"And they didn't get married after all," he read, closing the book only seconds before a terrified "AAAAH!" ripped through the house.
Rex jumped up, grabbed Kiara in one arm, took his pistol from the holster with the other, and stormed into the living room in an attack position. (Which was strangely off-balance, since he was holding a baby.)
"Where is the enemy?" he shouted, waving his aim and trying to make sense of what was going on.
Tavin was clutching a pillow to his chest and screaming that he wanted his mommy.
Fives was sitting ramrod straight on the couch, his eyes like moons.
On the TV, Rex watched as a humongous shark ripped a swimmer to bits.
"Fives, what is this?" he asked.
Tavin started crying, not even breaking his gaze at the screen. "He said it was a fishing movie! I'm scared! I want Mr. Bunny! I want my mommy!"
Rex sighed, took the five-year-old by the hand, and led him to his room.
"Put your PJs on, kid. I'll be back in to read you a story before bed."
…..
Fives was recovering from the gory images he'd just watched when his holodisk went off. When he answered it, an image of Lux popped up.
"Hi, Fives. How's everything going."
"Great!" Fives lied, trying not to look as terrified as he was. "Everything's great! The kids just went to bed."
Lux looked visibly relieved. "Oh, that's good. Ahsoka swore up and down that she could sense fear in Tavin."
Fives tried not to sweat. "He must have been surprised when the microwave went off."
"Oh, okay. Well, we'll see you in the morning!" Lux chirped and shut off the holodisk.
Fives almost collapsed in relief.
On Lux's end of the transmission, he shifted his gaze over to Sierra.
"The verdict, sis?"
"It's not going well." She said.
Lux looked onto the dance floor, where Saw and Ahsoka were dancing. He had asked his best friend to distract Ahsoka with a dance so he could call the babysitters in relative peace.
With the way things were going, he was glad she didn't see it.
…..
The next morning, Ahsoka and Lux walked into their house smiling.
"You know what? We should get out more," Ahsoka said. "That was really nice."
"It was," Lux agreed, and opened the door. "Hi, everybody, we're-."
"DADDDEEEEE!"
Both parents were completely unprepared for the ball of five-year-old tears racing at them.
"The shark is gonna eat me!" Tavin sobbed, plastering himself to Lux's legs like Gumby.
"What shark?" Lux asked, trying to hug his son in their awkward position.
"The one in the movie!"
Ahsoka cocked an eye marking. "What movie? We don't have any shark movies except…Rex and Fives?"
Fives shifted to one foot, then the other. "It was an accident, Ahsoka."
"You showed my child Jaws? That movie is far too mature for a five-year-old!"
"I thought it was a fishing movie." Fives defended himself.
"Where is Kiara?" Ahsoka demanded.
Rex spoke up. "She's still sleeping. I swear, she didn't see anything. I read her a bedtime story and she went right to sleep."
Ahsoka tiptoed into Kiara's room. To her utter relief, she found her daughter sleeping peacefully in her bed.
Meanwhile, Lux took two twenty credit chips out of his wallet, gave one each to Rex and Fives, and advised them to hit the road before Ahsoka got back.
Captain Rex and Arc Trooper Fives do not take orders from civilians. Except when an angry Ahsoka Tano is concerned. They took off like a shot.
Lux managed to sit Tavin on the couch and started to calm him down when Ahsoka walked back in.
The first thing Lux asked was "Does Katooni babysit?"
"If we pay her enough, she probably will." Ahsoka grumbled.
Lux decided to choose his next words carefully.
"You realize we're turning into my parents, right?"
Ahsoka looked up from the phone.
"Your mom was a lovely person. If I turn into her, I do not care a twig." She announced as she picked up the phone to call Katooni.
A/N: Yes, I know I am evil for not posting, but school started and it's essentially thrown my writing time off a cliff.
"The Paper Bag Princess" is a real book, by Robert Munsch. It was my favorite story when I was a child.
Please drop a review on your way out! I'm excited to see what you all think of this little story.