DISCLAIMER
I don't own Holes at all. I don't even have the book or movie. I own nothing but an annoying cat and my own dorkiness.
Juliana leaned back in her office chair, thinking about life in general and the people at the table with her that had become good friends: Greg, a tall boy with black hair and the epitome of emo glasses, read a newspaper from 1929 across the table from her; Tap, a small girl with hair turning slightly green from her blue dye job, was under the table checking for wiretaps; Adrienne, a lovely, medium sized girl with long, slightly wavy brown hair, was listening to her ipod silently; Giorgio, who had blonde hair and was athletically built, chatted on his cell phone to his boyfriend; Alice, a black girl with the most amazing curly hair, sat with her notebook making new plans; and Trixie flossed her teeth, looking obviously worn and most definitely not a morning person. Gina, a thirty something who was not very bright, but supposed to be the boss, was late. Again. The white ceiling gazed back at Juliana, not thinking much of anything since it was a ceiling. She laughed at the joke in her head, and then gracefully fell over.
"Was that another graceful fall, Evans?" Greg asked over his newspaper.
Tap smiled at Juliana from the floor, "Are you checking with me now?"
"Um… no," Juliana answered, putting her chair back up. "Gina did not wire the table, Tap, and you know it."
"But what if Mr. D did? What about that?" Tap leaned up so that she could give Juliana a questioning look.
"You are loony," Giorgio laughed.
"Am not!" Tap retorted.
Giorgio turned to her and pulled down his phone, "What? Oh, I wasn't talking to you, Tap, I was talking to Glenn."
"Oh," Tap frowned and went back under the table.
Alice glanced at her watch and looked up, "Where is Gina? Shouldn't we have loaded paper by now? And I need to giver her my idea for the next mission!"
Trixie grimaced, "I don't know, but if the bitch does not get here pretty fucking soon, I'm going to cut her open. I woke up early for this shit!"
"We met here at noon," Adrienne said, her eyes closed as she listened to music.
"That means that I had to wake up at eleven thirty! I need three more fucking hours!"
"Right," Adrienne grimaced and turned up her ipod.
Greg put down his paper and folded it up, "So, did you guys do the AP homework yet?"
"No," Adrienne said immediately.
"Fuck no," Trixie said right after. "I'm not even going to do that shit. I'm going to buy a paper because the Declaration of Suckdependence is fucking droll! And I also don't agree with the fucking enlightenment ideas."
"I said it was a conspiracy," Tap said from under the table, crawling under Adrienne who gave a start. "I like for the teachers to think that I am crazy."
"I finished mine long ago," Alice said.
"I started it," Juliana shrugged.
Giorgio chortled loudly, and that was answer enough for him.
"I'm completely stumped on it," Greg leaned his head on his hand. "I can't think of how to start it! I mean, I know John Locke's Second Treatise, and I know the Declaration of Independence, but I don't know how to connect them!"
"Ask Gina. She'll give you something," Alice said, now doodling an escape plan.
"Yes, ask me," A loud pitched voice said as the door to the room slammed.
Every single one of the teenagers at the table turned to the noise, except Giorgio, who was too busy saying, "You're silly!" to notice. A thump even came from under the table from Tap trying to stand up and look.
"Good morning, Gina," Alice smiled. "I have a new plan for…"
"Not listening," Gina said swiftly, walking to the base of the table. "I am more important now, Alice darling. All right, now, you all know that you need to get your first missions, right?"
Everyone nodded and muttered right, except Giorgio, who was saying "No, you hang up first," repeatedly.
"Right, so, I have your first mission," she held up an envelope, "right here."
Everyone's jaws, except Giorgio's, dropped and the room was silent. Giorgio noticed the silence, then Gina and whispered his goodbyes.
"What did I miss?" he asked.
"I have your first mission," Gina pointed to the envelope, "right here."
"Oh, well that's cool," he smiled, having not listened to a word.
"Are you sure we are ready?" Alice asked, still shocked.
Tap came out from under the table, "I haven't even found the wiretaps you hid!"
"Yes and I didn't hide any wire taps," Gina raised an eyebrow. "You all are ready! You are the best interns Spies Incorporated has had for a long time! Well, since those ones that got eaten by alligators on their first mission… that was pretty bloody… and it took a lot of money to erase all of those memories…."
"Can I not do it?" Trixie asked. "I'm only doing this for the fucking dough, which, by the way, I haven't seen yet. Where is my god damn money?"
"It's deposited in a secret account," Adrienne said lazily. "We took you to get money last night, but you didn't do it."
"Oh yeah. I forgot. I can't process this early in the fucking morning."
"It's one thirty."
"I don't wake up for a half an hour usually!"
Gina cleared her throat, "Have I not already said I am more important in this situation? Because I am. All right, I'm handing out your missions now…" she opened the envelope and poured them on the table.
Alice, who was on the end closest to Gina, slid the envelopes to everyone. Each one opened theirs to see a blank piece of paper. Tap probed hers first, however, and decided that it was a bomb and didn't open it.
"Why is it blank?" Adrienne asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Because it's a bomb," Tap said from under the table.
"It's blank because I give you the orders. That was a test. You all passed with flying colors. Except Adrienne, because she sassed me," Gina gave Adrienne the stink eye, though Alice and Juliana held back laughter about it. "Your mission was, if you choose to accept it…."
"We can not accept it? Cause I'm so fucking there!" Trixie exclaimed.
Gina closed her eyes, counted to ten out loud, and then continued, "Your mission, which you must accept, is to do a jail break."
"A jail break?" Adrienne cocked her eyebrow again.
"Well, not a jail break, per say, but a juvenile-camp break. You see, there is this camp in some place or another called Camp Green Lake. We want the camp for a new headquarters, but the lady who owns it will not let us make an underground facility because she is a stingy loser, whom I hate. So, we need to do a mass break out to make the place look irresponsible and have it closed down."
"I have heard of that place," Greg frowned. "It was in some crime story I read. Apparently, the place was where Kissing Kate Barlow buried her treasure. It's in Texas somewhere. How do we get there?"
"As I was about to say before I was rudely interrupted, Camp Green Lake is in Texas and apparently Kissing Kate Barlow buried her treasure there. The thing about it is that it is on a first-come-first-serve basis and it is full. Also, it isn't really for girls, but we have gotten that sorted out."
"So, how do we get there if it is full?" Adrienne asked.
"Well, we infected the boys in one of the tents, tent C or B or nine, with smallpox," Gina said regally. "We should be getting a call at anytime for you all to be sent there."
"You infected them with smallpox?" Alice asked, again shocked. "What if it kills them!"
"There is a vaccine, stupid. We will just give them the shot and presto!"
"What if it is a different form of it! It's like Influenza and it mutates!"
"Shut up, I'm not concerned," Gina growled, and then checked her pager on her side. "Yep, you guys were accepted in. So, tomorrow you will be leaving at um…" she calculated with her fingers, "two tomorrow."
"Fucking yes!" Trixie exclaimed happily.
"Two in the morning, yes," Gina said, not noticing Trixie.
"Fucking no!" Trixie exclaimed angrily.
"All right, so, we need to give out your identities. We will start with Greg first. Greg, you are the flamboyantly gay friend. Here is your flamboyant pink shirt to arrive in and be sure to tie your work shirt up like a belly shirt."
"I'm what?" Greg asked, processing it. "Don't you think it would be better if Giorgio were…"
"I'm not flamboyantly gay, dude. You didn't know I was gay when you met me," Giorgio responded.
"But you are gay! I'm straight!"
"But you look gay. Giorgio, however, looks like the jock, so he is the jock. Here is your letterman's jacket, Giorgio," Gina dropped a package on the table and Alice passed it down with Greg's package.
"How do I look gay?" Greg asked, not looking at his package at all.
"You are feminine looking. Case closed. Moving on, we have Tap, who will be the rebel who drinks and does drugs and that."
"Wait, I didn't dye my hair to rebel against the system. I dyed my hair because it was a dare and I don't have the money to change it. I am a scientist who embraces laws, not breaks them!" Tap argued. "And I would never, ever do drugs in my life!"
"Then you shouldn't have been sent to Camp Green Lake for Cocaine possession, missy! Here are your clothes. I got them from a thrift store," Gina retorted. "Back to subject. Juliana, speak Spanish. Learn it quick, huh?"
"I was born in Ohio, Gina. I speak English. Why would I do that?" Juliana asked politely.
"Because you are Mexican."
"My parents were born in America too!"
"So you know no Spanish at all?"
"Um… taco."
"That's not good for me. You can be the tomboy then. That one was the back up."
"Juliana is the girliest girl ever though," Adrienne had her eyebrow cocked to the fullest degree. "There is no way she could be the tomboy."
"Shut up. No more discussion on Juliana. Alice, you are the feisty black friend who says, 'gggiiiirrrlll' and all of those kind of things. Learn the 'z snap,' all right?"
"If that's what you think is best," Alice sighed, obviously upset.
"That is so demeaning, Gina!" Adrienne almost stood up. "Alice is better than that!"
"Must I always be rudely interrupted? It seems I must! Trixie, you will be the blonde. You know, stupid and moronic, which actually isn't much of a stretch."
"Fuck no! There is no fucking way I will be the moron blonde because I'm not fucking stupid! I'm practically valedictorian! I'm not fucking doing it!"
"You can't curse, also, because you are the naïve blonde who says really stupid but funny things. You are the stupid blonde who is full of chastity and niceness," Gina gave a far away smile.
"Oh. Fuck. No," Trixie said shocked.
"Right. The cursing needs to stop, okay? Thanks. So, that is it, right?"
"I don't have an identity," Adrienne piped up, crossing her arms over her chest. "What am I? The cheerleader? The teacher's pet? The rich girl?"
"You're the slut," Gina said simply, setting down a very small package.
Giorgio burst out laughing, but quickly quieted with the glare he got, "Coughing fit. I tend to do that. Cough… you know… coughing and making it sound like a laugh… and uh… oh forget it."
Adrienne was obviously pissed, "What?"
"You are the slut. All you have to do is make out with a bunch of guys and the girls here. Maybe screw one of the counselors… you know… slutty things," Gina shuffled some papers she produced out of nowhere, acting nonchalant.
"This is ridiculous! I mean, why do we have to be stereotypes anyway?"
"Because then it won't be like a teenage comedy flick where, in the end, the main character learns a valuable lesson from his or her wacky friends."
"But it's not a teenage comedy flick or some stupid fan fiction where everyone is stereotypes. We are real people who can't be packaged!"
"Don't make me make you the rebel!"
"Wouldn't the rebel be a slut?" Tap asked, still searching for wires around the room.
"Or the blonde?" Trixie queried, fighting back her urge to cuss.
Gina sighed aggravatedly, "Not to the degree that Adrienne is supposed to be. She makes lewd jokes, hangs out with the bad guys and sleeps around. You should wear your uniform like a belly shirt too."
"This is ludicrous! I'm not doing this!" Adrienne stood up, picking up her bag and ipod.
"You will all get a gun," Gina added.
Adrienne sat back down, "So, when do we get to Camp Green Lake then?"