Christmas at Bag End
*Author's Note: In this story, you may notice the hobbits will have modern things like electricity and cell phones, and other things you wouldn't find in Bilbo's time. It's okay, this is supposed to be a funny story. Enjoy!
"No," Bilbo Baggins muttered under his breath. "No, no, no. This…this cannot be."
The emotion that filled his eyes was a mixture of worry, fear, and frustration. Flustered, he wrung his hands together, swearing quietly. His brow furrowed as he stared at the roof of Bag End. A million horrid thoughts flashed through his mind as he beheld the terrible disaster before him.
Yep, that's right. The Christmas lights weren't working.
His young nephew, Frodo, sighed and stuffed his gloved hands into his coat pockets. His breath was like fog in the icy night air. He was standing on a ladder along the side of the house, holding a jumble of electrical cords. "Not again?" he groaned.
"I'm afraid so, Frodo," Bilbo mumbled. It was just like a scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. He was Clark Griswold, trying so hard to impress everyone with his beautiful light display, only to realize the lights were broken. Bilbo's throat swelled tight. He had worked so hard on this display…well, Frodo did much of the assembly.
"Well," Frodo called from his spot. "At least we still have our blowup snowman. And our Santa sleigh with the reindeer. And…"
Bilbo wasn't listening. He had discovered a loose cord that wasn't plugged in! Slowly, he crept to the nearest outlet and ever so gently plugged it in.
There was a loud explosion, and a shriek of "Shi-!" from Frodo, and, by some glorious miracle, every bulb on the house illuminated.
Of course, the explosion had knocked the power out in the rest of the houses in the neighborhood, and it had knocked poor Frodo out, too. A few minutes later, though, he came to. Dazedly, he looked into the night sky, and suddenly the wrinkled face of Bilbo appeared.
"Frodo, lad, it is done!" Bilbo announced proudly, gazing at his glowing home. "We have put together the perfect light display. I am sure that we will win the Annual Christmas Light Contest Award!"
The thought of holding the coveted award made the old hobbit's mouth water. The trophy was something to be proud of, and altogether…precious…
"Awesome," Frodo grunted, wincing. "Now, could you help me up?"
...….
Bilbo and Frodo lounged on the couches inside their cozy home. Bilbo marveled at their gorgeous Christmas tree, while Frodo tended to his slight electrical burns. Both of them sipped warm cocoa with marshmallows, and a blazing fire crackled in the fireplace.
Their comfort, however, was disturbed by a loud knocking at the front door. Sighing, Frodo went to answer it, and who should be standing there but Otho Sackville-Baggins and his wife, Lobelia. Both of them were prone to being extremely snobby.
"Well, well, well," Otho sneered. "If it isn't little Frodo."
"How can I help you, Mr. and Mrs. Sackville-Baggins?" Frodo asked calmly.
"You can get your filthy, no-good jerk of an uncle, that's what," Lobelia snorted.
"Of course," Frodo replied.
But Bilbo had already heard them. He strode over to the door, smiling warmly. "Otho! What a lovely surprise!" he said jovially. "And Miss Lobelia! Why, you're looking fine!"
"Stay away from my wife," Otho snarled.
"Yes, sir. Now, what seems to be the trouble?" Bilbo asked.
"I'll tell you what," Otho shouted. "Your stupid Christmas lights knocked out our power! And pretty much the whole neighborhood's, too!"
"Oh, dear. I didn't realize that," Bilbo murmured.
"We'd like to press charges!" Lobelia shrieked.
"Now, I'm sure we can work something out," Bilbo said, rubbing his forehead.
"Uh, Bilbo?" Frodo whispered nervously.
"What is it, Frodo?"
"Look on the roof."
Frodo, Bilbo, Otho, and Lobelia looked at the roof of Bag End. Several of Bilbo's neighbors were up on it, ripping the lights apart. They dismantled the display and tore down the cords.
"Excuse me," Bilbo called up to them. "But you should really get down from there…you're messing up my lights…"
But it was too late. Bilbo's beautiful display was nothing but pathetic cords and dark bulbs.
Otho smirked. "That's enough for now."
And with that, he and Lobelia turned and went home.
"My lights," Bilbo whimpered. "My award…"
Frodo put an arm around his distraught uncle, and the two of them looked at their ruined Christmas display.
…..
One week later, it was the day before Christmas Eve. Bilbo was going to have a few relatives spend the night at Bag End, and Frodo was helping him make the guest list.
"Alright…so we have the Brandybucks...that's Saradoc, Esmeralda, and Merry…"
Frodo smiled. Merry was his favorite cousin.
"And the Tooks…Paladin, Eglantine, and their kids, Pearl, Pimpernel, Pervinca, and Peregrin."
"Pippin, you mean?" Frodo asked. "How old is he?"
"Only a few years younger than Merry…he's in kindergarten now. And what about the Sackville-Bagginses? Should we invite them?"
Frodo widened his eyes and shook his head.
"Yeah, you're right. I don't think they want to see us. Besides, they've just had their first son, Lotho, so maybe they'll stay at home by themselves."
"Good," Frodo said to himself.
"Right, so let's start preparing the food, shall we?"
The Baggins household offered a wide variety of food. The two bachelors needed to cook dinner and supper for Christmas Eve, and two breakfasts for Christmas Morning. The guests would leave before elevenses.
Bag End's kitchen was bustling with the clanking of pots and pans, and was filled with the aroma of all kinds of treats. Frodo was in charge of baking cookies and cakes and preparing fruit and vegetables. Bilbo was roasting a large hog for dinner, and a fat hen for supper.
After many exhausting hours, the food was all done. It was all shoved in the refrigerator to cool. Finally, Bilbo and Frodo could get some sleep.
The next day was Christmas Eve. The two hobbits did everything they could to make sure their Christmas would be perfect: made the guest beds, set the table, laid out hors d'oeuvres , wrapped the presents, and put in Christmas DVDs for the kids.
At six o'clock, the Brandybucks showed up. Uncle Saradoc and Aunt Esmeralda placed their things in one of the guest rooms, but Merry insisted he sleep in Frodo's room. Frodo smiled and led his younger cousin to his bedroom. Merry rolled out his sleeping bag and put his backpack down next to it.
"This is my favorite holiday, Fro! Know why?"
"Why?"
"'Cause people don't really say 'Happy Christmas'. They say 'Merry Christmas'! Get it? That's my name!"
"Oh, I never noticed that!" Frodo laughed.
Merry laughed, too. "Also, I like getting presents."
Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and the Tooks came in. Pearl was older than Frodo, and in human years she would be about seventeen. (Frodo would be fifteen.) Pimpernel would be thirteen, Pervinca would be eight, and little Pippin would be about five or six.
Master and Mrs. Took would sleep in the other guest room, with Pearl and Pervinca on little cots. Pimpernel would sleep on the couch, and Pippin would sleep in Frodo's room, next to Merry.
The guests began to settle in. Saradoc and Paladin chatted on the couches. Esmeralda and Eglantine helped Bilbo in the kitchen. Pearl got out her phone and didn't say much. Frodo put in Frosty the Snowman for Pippin, Merry, and Pervinca, who laughed and cheered. Pimpernel had brought his football, and he asked Frodo if he wanted to play in the backyard. Frodo didn't really like football, and he and Pimpernel weren't that close. But he said yes, and the two of them played for about ten minutes. By the end of the game, Frodo had four bruises from being tackled. He decided he'd rather watch the movie with the little ones.
Bilbo brought out the hors d'oeuvres and set them on the coffee table. The snacks included a vegetable platter, apple slices, grapes, small cookies, Godiva chocolates, chips and dip, and crackers with cheese. The adults sipped champagne in pretty glasses.
The cousins played for a while longer, when suddenly it was time for dinner. Mr. Baggins and his nephew had done an excellent job setting the table. But even more marvelous was what they had cooked up.
The juicy roast ham sat on a platter in the middle of the table. Around it were bowls of crispy Caesar salad, mashed potatoes, corn, and cranberry sauce. There was a large plate of warm, soft bread, and beside it a stick of golden butter.
"Well," Bilbo announced. "Let's eat!"
Jolly talk spread about as the hobbits feasted on the delicious food. The adults had their glasses of red wine, while the children drank milk, egg nog, and apple cider. Frodo, though he was young, tried a glass of cabernet himself. After all, hobbits could drink anything. But just that one glass was enough to make Frodo a little tipsy by the end of dinner. He hiccupped frequently and felt a bit dizzy, so he drank some water to clear his head.
After dinner was through, the guests stayed at the table, because supper would be coming next. Supper included more sweets (besides the plump hen), such as peaches drenched in sugar, a Jell-O mold, pies with whipped cream, a magnificent cake, and, for the kids, sugar cookies shaped like Santa and reindeer.
Merry and Pippin used their cookies as action figures, and made the reindeer attack each other. But Pippin got upset when his reindeer's antler broke off, and his mother got him a new cookie.
Pretty soon, it was bedtime for the little ones. Merry, Pippin, and Pervinca whined, but Bilbo stepped in and told them that if they didn't go to sleep, Santa Claus wouldn't come. Their eyes widened, and they ran to their bedrooms.
Frodo was torn between watching Merry and Pippin, or staying out with the adults. He was so full, his stomach was about to explode. He was also very tired from all the commotion. So, he bid his relatives good-night and went into his bedroom.
Merry and Pippin were on the floor in tiny sleeping bags, whispering and giggling. Frodo stepped into the room and smiled.
"I can't sleep, Pip. Can you?" Merry whispered.
"No! I want to see Santa!" Pippin squeaked.
"Me, too! How come we've gotta go to bed so early?"
"Well, you don't want to be tired on Christmas morning, do you? Too tired to open your presents?"
Merry and Pippin thought for a moment. Then they shook their heads.
"No. We'll go to sleep," Merry said.
"Yeah," Pippin agreed.
"Well, good night," Frodo said.
The boys pulled the covers up and drifted asleep, with visions of sugar-plums dancing in their heads.
…
"Wake up, Cousin Fro! Wake up!"
Frodo awoke to a start. Pippin was bouncing on his bed and squealing. "Santa came! Santa came!"
Merry was already tearing through the halls, yelling and shouting. Pervinca stepped out of her bed and ran after Merry.
"Come on, guys!" they shouted.
Pippin kept bouncing. "Fro! C'mon!"
Frodo laughed. "Okay, okay! Let's see what Santa brought."
Pippin called for the rest of his family. "Mommy! Daddy! Pearl! Pimper! Wake up!"
Talking and laughing, the adults all filed into the living room. The younger children tore open their presents, while the older ones opened them one by one.
"A Thomas train set!" Pippin screamed with delight.
"Look at all my Legos!" Merry shouted.
"A Barbie Dream House! Yay!" Pervinca squealed.
Pearl got a new iPhone, Pimpernel got a Wii, and Frodo got a Kindle Fire HDX. Frodo did love to read.
After the wrapping paper was cleared and the adults got their morning coffee, the kids began to play with their presents. Pippin and Merry had a special treat for everyone. Giggling, they stood at the front of the room and began to sing:
"We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
We wish you a Merry Christmas,
And a Pippin New Year!"
That was one of the most memorable Baggins Christmases ever.