Sometimes she sees them during the day. Its rare, but it happens. On rainy days with the umbrella raised high she can see them splashing in puddles, running through the rain drops like little mad men. On sunny days they play in the yard, running to and fro chasing one another. Some mornings they sit patiently and quietly while she applies her make up or brushes her hair.
Mostly she sees them at night. She sees them dart between the shadows, hears them whisper in the darkness. Hears him whispering to them. He never speaks to her, not directly but she can still hear it. Those voices shatter her chances of sleeping and leave her staring into the ceiling late at night. They bring her fear at night, they take on different shapes. Much darker forms, sharper and menacing. Some nights she wonders if she'll ever be able to sleep again. She lies awake stuck in what feels like sleep paralysis as these goblins dance around her hair, playing sick games of hide and seek with her. There yellow eyes burning through her green ones, pulling at whats left of her sanity.
Some times she points them out to Toby. He's five, he likes to play pretend with his big sister. Not that anyone else in the house does. No, she learned that the hard way. No one but Toby wants to listen to her ramblings. Now its a secret.
"If you want big sister to play with you you must be quiet, Toby. Is that alright? Mom can't know, she wouldn't let us play together. You must keep this between us, alright?"
She feels terrible for it, she feels as if shes the one to blame if he turns out like her but what can she do? If Karen knew Sarah was still 'Talking like a mad woman' she'd send her back to the hospital. She couldn't go back there, there they would go rampant.
The goblins that is. The ones that Sarah sees. That no one else can see. Except Toby. Sarah needs him, she needed Toby to make her feel grounded. Make her feel like she wasn't crazy. It was real! They were all real! She wasn't crazy. She just saw creatures that haunt her every waking moment.
She heard the voice of a man who offered her everything. She ran a labyrinth for God's sake. She was a champion she wasn't crazy.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Sarah slammed her palms against the sides of her head. "Its not real." She scrunched her eyes shut, and took a few steadying breaths. Its not real. None of it was real. Pushing those unpleasant thoughts from her mind she thought back to all the doctors she saw, listed everything they told her. She went over the mantra, again and again.
'My name is Sarah Williams. Im 19 years old. I'm a student at NYU and I don't believe in Goblins.'
"I don't believe. I don't believe."
After a few moments she breathed in steady and stood straight. She popped open one, two, three pill bottles. Taking one from each, she added it to the already impressive cocktail before her. She said a silent prayer before cupping her hand full of pills and throwing them back. Quickly she swigged the water in her mouth before swallowing with somewhat of a struggle. Letting out a sigh Sarah took a moment to look in the mirror.
Her brown hair hung in loose tendrils around her shoulders, the longest point reaching just below her bust. Her eyes were slightly blood shot but the red tones just helped pop her green iris. She looked healthy to the untrained eye. Her skin was a healthy tone and she was clean cut. Her nails were filed and every hair seemed to be in place. Make up was a good friend of hers in hiding those bags and dark spots under her eyes from the lack of sleep. That was all she needed though. She had always been told she was beautiful, and she could see it... kind of. The societal standards of beauty fit her, but beneath the surface she knew she was ugly. She was cracked and broken and rusted. She was far from any sort of beautiful creature. She was fractured and wanted to hide away. But she couldn't do that today.
"Sarah? Are we almost ready!?"
Karen was calling up the stairs.
"Yeah! Yes! We'll be right down!" She called out her confirmation before rushing out of the bathroom and striding right over to Toby's door. She knocked once and opened the door. He was standing there in the middle of the room with his shirt buttoned but his pants on backwards.
"Done!" He cried out happily. Sarah smiled before shaking her head.
"Alright. Now, lets get you dressed for real." Approaching him quickly she made sure to lift the hem of her salmon gown before kneeling down. Karen would kill her if she got anything on the dress.
Today was the big day. Finally, Karen was getting everything she wanted. Her father too, but he didn't seem quite as excited as his soon to be wife. For years Sarah's mother would go under the radar, ignore the divorce papers and just live her lavish life style with money her dad was forced to give her. She would drink away his money and land small parts off Broadway claiming she was just waiting for her big break. She'd call when she needed something and hang up before you could even ask her where she was staying this time. It was like a giant game of where's waldo.
It finally happened though. To everyone's surprise. Robert had cornered Sarah's mother at her latest show in New York City and got her to sign the separation papers. He never told Sarah the details. The next day she claimed she was too drunk to sign but of course the court went above that and granted the divorce. It was a long hard battle and it somewhat hurt Sarah to finally see her parents be legally divorced, but the idea of seeing him happy with Karen over shadowed it quickly. After all Toby was five, she knew the looks they got at the grocery store was enough to send shivers up Karen's perfect spine.
To have a child with a man you're not married to? The scandal.
"All set!" Sarah exclaimed happily, ushering Toby to the mirror on his closet door. Toby smiled wide, taking in the mini tux he was wearing. The salmon bow tie matched her dress perfectly. He beamed up at his sister and she beamed right back.
Today was a big day. The much anticipated wedding. Toby got to play the most adorable ring bearer while Sarah got to play the part of maid of honor. She was shocked honestly when Karen had offered it to her. They still didnt see eye to eye much, and Sarah still sort of resented her for sending her away in the first place but she knew she had to grow up.
Thinking on it now, Sarah would have sent herself away if given the chance.
She would talk to imaginary creatures all night and stare into her vanity mirror for hours, claiming she could see this magical other world. She would talk to these goblins and play with them. She would tell whacky stories of an adventure she had saving toby from gobins and a certain king. She'd talk about a vast land of make believe and how she always went there in her dreams. Karen thought it was a wildly outlandish way to play with Toby but it became too much. She stopped eating, claiming the food was enchanted. Urging a depression was raging in her about never being able to return to such a beautiful haunting place. Sarah would sleep walk and start screaming in her sleep. Twisted nightmares of the lovely little goblins she once called her friends flooded her mind. They'd lash out and scratch her arms up and ruin her things. Or so that's how it seemed to her.
One night Sarah had awoke in a panic, clutching at her arms she scratched at her skin till it turned red and burned. She felt like spiders, or goblins, were crawling up her body trying to get into her. She screamed and smashed the music box she kept in the vanity draw and just kept going. She trashed her bedroom, breaking most of her belongings and ended up with cuts and gashes all along her arms as she clawed at the mirror with her bare hands, smashing it to pieces in a fit.
Robert had ran into the room and tried to restrain the girl. She kept on screaming, yelling about a man with duel colored eyes that watched her every move. The Goblins were his spies and she was just a pawn in some big game. He was coming for her. He was coming and he was going to take her away. She had an idea of where too, he was going to throw her into an oubliette. He was going to throw her somewhere and forget about her. She was going to die at his hands one day and no one could save her.
"He's coming! Let me go! GET OFF AHHH!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. She could hear Karen on the phone which only made her scream louder. "No! No! Please stop!" Karen was selling her out, she was calling him. Her own step mother was selling her out to the merciless King.
"No ones hurting you!" Robert called back, arms wrapped tight around his daughters waist, her arms pinned down as well. He hoisted her in the air before crashing her down onto the bed, crushing her between the mattress and himself. "Fairy, please! Stop! You're going to hurt yourself!" But Sarah continued to thrash about. She wasn't screaming at this point as she was grunting and heaving, trying like a mad woman to break from the hold. She had to run. She had to get far away from here. Far away from his watchful eyes.
That's when Sarah saw him. Toby was standing in the door way, silent tears streaming down his little face.
"Sarah?" He choked out. Oh, God. How could she do this to him?
"Time to go!" Sarah snapped out of her memories, staring expectantly at the bedroom door. Amanda, one of Karens long time friends, came into the room adjusting one perfect diamond ear ring.
"Mom!" Toby ran out of the room with a yelp and Sarah could hear his little shoes clamoring down the steps. Amanda smiled at Sarah before holding her hand out to the younger woman.
"Ready, kid?"
Sarah smiled before taking her hand.
"As ready as I'll ever be." She ignored the little black creature sitting on Toby's dresser. He'd been there the whole time.
That was six months ago. She was better now. Kind of. She was getting better at ignoring the little creatures. She got better at ignoring the paranoia and the constant nagging in the back of her head. She started rationalizing her fears and writing them down. She wrote down the nightmares, she wrote down the images she couldn't shake from her brain. She was on the track to recovery. Finally.
The ceremony was beautiful, Karen looked like a queen in her gown and Sarah had walked down the aisle without tripping once. Everything was going well. So, of course something would go wrong.
"How did you ripe it?!"
"I don't know!"
"Karen, I swear-"
"Is everything ok?" Sarah stepped out into the hallway of the banquet hall. Amanda and Karen were standing around, the hem of Karen's intricate beaded ball gown in Amanda's hands. It was ripped, almost perfectly right at the edge. Sarah gasped and reached out. "Oh my God, Karen. What are we going to do?"
"I was hoping you'd have an idea." Karen let out a soft laugh, looking at her step daughter with almost what looked like tears in her eyes. Sarah felt a pang of sympathy hit her hard. Karen had been waiting years for this day and her dream dress was torn. Life really wasn't fair.
Just then an idea hit her.
"Grandma Williams should have her emergency kit!" Sarah exclaimed before squeezing her step mothers hand and running back into the hall. She searched over the crowd of people, saw Toby dancing out on the center floor with her father, before her eyes landed on the frail looking old woman sat in the back of the room. She was smiling as she watched the party. The hall was beautifully decorated with ornate lace table runners on every table, white satin chairs and white tulle strung around the room like lavish streamers. Big bowls of fruit and flowers were used as the center pieces and beautiful plants decorated most of the surrounding areas. It looked like a dreamy garden party in doors. The scene was almost familiar. Sarah thanked the high heavens her grandmother wasn't too far away before politely making her way through the crowd.
A flash of blonde hair caught her eye for a second as a familiar tune filled her ears.
Sarah shook her head and pushed on.
"Grandma!" She called out coming to stand just in front of the woman. "Karen's dress ripped!"
The old woman looked up at her with a twinkle in her eye.
"And let me guess, none of you girls thought to bring a needle and some thread?" Sarah smiled before shaking her head.
"No, sorry. Do you have your emergency kit?" The woman regarded Sarah for several moments before waving her hand for Sarah to take. She helped her grand mother stand and grabbed her pocket book. The two made their way through the crowd, shooing Robert away when he tried to help his mother.
Back out in the hallway Karen smiled at her mother in law.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Alice, we should have brought one." Karen said with a sigh. The eldest woman just shook her head.
"It's what I'm here for; and call me Mom for heavens sake, Karen. You just married my son!" Alice teased with a smirk. Sarah laughed at the blush on Karen's cheek.
In five minutes Alice had her daughter in law's dress stitched up and ready to party once more.
"One crisis avoided." Sarah sighed, leaning against the back of her chair. Her grandmother chuckled before patting her on the shoulder.
"One day you'll understand, Sarah."
"I hope so." Sarah sighed again, running a hand through her loose locks.
"Don't frown, my dear." Alice lightly gripped Sarah's chin giving it a gentle shake. "You don't know who could be falling in love with your smile." Sarah did smile, ever so slightly. "You never know who may be watching." The younger woman's smile quickly faded as her eyes shot to the other woman. A knowing look was etched into her grandmothers features. A knowing look Sarah didn't understand.
"Grandma..."
"Don't listen to everything they tell you, Sarah. If you believe in it it must be true." Sarah felt like she'd been slapped in the face. What kind of-? What was her grandmother trying to do? "Don't give up fighting them."
"I think that's enough." Sarah stood on shaky legs and all but ran out of the hall again nearly breaking her ankle in her heels. She walked outside into the crisp autumn air, breathing in deeply. She fumbled around in her clutch, yanking out the pack of cigarettes. Quickly she pulled one out and brought it to her lips, flicking the lighter to life. She breathed in deep again feeling how the smoke filled her lungs. She held it in for a few seconds, relishing in the way the nicotine calmed her shaking hands.
She stood in silence, puffing on her cigarette occasionally, eyes trained on the shadows of the car park. She was relieved to find nothing dancing between them. Everything seemed calm and quiet. For once. It was kind of nice.
Doing her best to push away the conversation with her Grandma, Sarah started humming a well known tune to herself. Something she had heard in a dream once. She blinked roughly a few times before hitting her palm to her forehead once, twice.
"C'mon, Sarah. Get it together girl." She hyped herself up, swinging her arms in an attempt to loosen her shoulders up. Of course it was then a white owl swooped through the sky above her head. Sarah glared at it, furiously pulling from her cigarette as the bird flew away before finding its home on a branch not 20 yards away.
She continued to stare at it, her mind now screaming at her. It's him, its him, its him, its him! She balled her hands into fists before throwing the cigarette in the direction with a loud grunt. The bird didn't even flinch.
"Get out of here! Go! You mangy thing, get!" She waved her arms at the bird attempting to frighten it.
"Sarah?"
Sarah whirled around on the spot, staring at her father as he walked down the path towards her. In a flash she was able to school her expression, lying was becoming an every day thing for her.
"Damn thing tried to steal my cigarette." She lied with a chuckle, pulling the pack from her clutch again and pulling one out before offering the pack to her father. Robert regarded the pack before accepting one with a sigh.
"I should be yelling at you for this." He said, lighting the thing with some matches from his pocket.
"You'd be nothing more than a hypocrite." She chastised with a small smile.
"Exactly." He laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Ah, kid." He paused, staring down at her with a smile. "Things are starting to finally look up for us, huh?" Sarah never tore her eyes from that white owl, flicking the ashes from her second cigarette.
"I hope so, Dad." Finally she pulled away her gaze, everything in her screaming to never let the damned thing out of her sights, and looked up at her father with hesitancy. "I really hope the best for you and Karen." Robert's eyes softened as he placed a kiss on his daughters forehead before rubbing her bicep slightly. Maybe things were starting to look up for them.
Finally her father got his real happily ever after, as did Karen. They could be a title family now. No more backwards glances or strange looks from the people in town. People would forget about it all and things would even out.
Sarah was on her way to recovery and Toby, well not much changes for Toby. He gets to attend an awesome party. Maybe one day these visions of goblins will leave her. Perhaps she'll be able to live the life of peace her family always hopes for her. And maybe, just maybe she'll find someone to teach her why a wedding day is so important like her Grandmother wants. One day she'll be able to ignore the little white owl in the tree. Today though, today she kept staring.