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The sun set the moment you left this earth. The moment your heart stopped beating, the birds stopped singing, the flowers stopped growing, children stopped laughing and the sun set below the horizon never to rise again. Everything that was good in the world was gone.
They say, that every time a door shuts in your life, two others open, but when your eyes shut for the last time all the doors that were open for me slammed shut, and the keys turned. The world went dark and I could see no options left open to me. No doors.
Your body remained, an empty vessel, your soul gone. Everytime I saw your face, despair ripped through my whole body. It wasn't you. In life you smiled, and laughed. You showed your emotions on your face. In death you face was angular and harsh, your eyes cold, the only glint caused by the flicker of a candle flame. In death.
The sun set when your eyes closed. The sun set and my heart broke. And I never told you how I felt. I never uttered those words and now I will never be able to. The sun set on your life and will never rise again in this world. And the world is cold, so very cold.
Sorrow drowns those who feel it. It smothers and chokes its carrier and it kills the one who bears it. And we bear it. We both do. We bear it for each other, for the one who was taken and for the one who was left behind. And we both drown.
Your image remains. Printed in this life, engraved on my mind, so that when I close my eyes I can see you, standing before me, smiling, reaching out your hand. Alive. I don't close my eyes, for when I open them, I loose you all over again. Until the day when I close my eyes never to open them again, I will not shut them.
The sun set on everything when you died. Never again to rise on this world, never again to show its ace amoung the darkness caused by your passing. The sun, the representation of life, of hope, of goodness, tumbled out of the sky and landed, broken, never to roll up to its perch once more.
I now wait for that moment when I will see the sun once more, when time is over for me and my eyes may finally close and I may finally sleep. And I can rise, and see you, and be with you once more, two outlines agaisnt a bright sun, together as we always should have been.
We had little time, and what time we had together was precious, but we did not realise it, treating life as if it would go on forever, and we would always be around the corner from each other, within reaching distance. We could lean forward and be in each others presence. But no more.
Cruely ripped apart. I must carry on our work and you must wait for me. Wait with the sun, until time runs out and I too may walk the staircase to heaven and meet with you before the gates.
The sun set before I could say 'I love you Marian' and as it set the words were torn from my heart. But I will say it one day, when we meet in the stars.