This is a story of the Subspace Emissary in another way since the story is without sound I've seen videos of this so I decided to write it.
Disclaimer: I don't own SSBB, it is owned by Nintendo, reader's discretion is advised.
At the SSBB stadium
Narrator: In a world where everyone is a f*cking trophy
Zelda and Peach watch the show from the distance on their thrones
Narrator: Lesbians rule the world
Mario's trophy enters the ring and turns to life
Narrator: and at their wake, they witness their heroes in battle
Mario, Zelda and Peach look up and see another trophy fall
"The legendary Super Mario vs. the notorious KRB" Kirby's trophy falls from the sky and turns to life and then he flashes at the crowd and prepares for battle, then turns to face Mario.
"Let the brawl begin"
Meanwhile at Pit's Temple
"Oh my lord this is good, I mean I didn't think that it's gonna be this good, I mean this is almost as good as Passion of the Christ" Pit said cheering on the competitors from below. "I mean this is just like my mother said, good things would come if you do it in the name of the Lord, Hallelujah!"
Meanwhile back at the fight.
The fight began and the crowd kept cheering, Mario rushed toward Kirby, Kirby floated up into the air and started his blade attack. Mario ran past it and ducked and does a drop kick that knocked Kirby away on impact from the ground and then he grabbed Mario and took him with him. Then Kirby knocked Mario away with a kick of his own and started to charge his blade attack again. Mario stopped himself from flying off the edge with his cape and was weakened so much that he couldn't dodge Kirby blade and it sliced at him and knocked him off the edge. Kirby was so confident he won that he turned his back to the edge and started to raise his hands in victory, big mistake. Mario was actually on the edge holding on for dear life, he gathered on the last bit of his strength and tossed himself back on the ring, lucky for him Kirby didn't notice him. Mario saw a smash ball floated above him and hit it hard enough to break it and his power level raised tenfold. The breakage of the smash ball made Kirby turn around just in time to see a fire blast attack hit him dead on. Had it been a real person it would have obliterated him on contact but instead just turned into trophy. The rainbow lights on Mario vanished and he smiled in victory.
"Okay Kirby, you lost, time to pay up" Mario said reviving Kirby with a touch to his trophy within an instant, Kirby regained consciousness and was pissed.
"Man I just lost $2000, a house and a goldfish, aint this a bitch" Kirby reached into his mouth (since he didn't have pockets) and pulled out his money, his deed and his goldfish Swimmy, and then placed it in Mario's hands. "Here you go"
"Thank you" then he started thanking the crowd
"DON'T GAMBLE, DON'T GAMBLE" Kirby screamed into the audience
"You suck, Mario" ? said.
"WHO SAID THAT"
Then the audience started to scream in fear as the sky turned red and a mysterious ship appeared.
"Oh man, oh no" Kirby
"Uh, what is this" Mario
"S*it, it's the storm of the century"
"Kirby, I never saw the mist"
Kirby then realized what ship it was "Oh, wait a minute that's the Halberd that's my boy Meta Knight's ship" Then the ship's bottom hatch opened and purple egg like stuff started to fall out of its hatch.
"Then why is it dropping stuff out of the base" Mario said reacting
"Oh damn, aerial diarrhea" Kirby announced as annoyed as ever.
"Ma-ma-mia that is the ugliest abomination I've ever seen"
Mario and Kirby are surrounded by the new creatures and they started to grow into green and black monsters and are prepared for battle and the princesses are shocked.
"We are here to restore the natural order, with man as the dominant gender" the creatures announced
"WHAT" Zelda said she teleported to the boys "How dare you use the "M" word in front of me
"Oh, no" Peach said as flew over to the boys with her umbrella. Zelda and Peach appeared in front of Mario and Kirby.
"Oh s*it its man haters" Kirby now more annoyed
"Hi guys" Peach said with a calm happy voice
"Y'all are late bitch" Mario said following Kirby's mood and preparing for battle
""I'm sorry Mario" Peach with a now sad voice sounded
"ENOUGH" Zelda snapped.
After the battle, the four heroes emerged victorious. Then they saw a mysterious figure in a cape and mask and robe fly down on a pedestal that has a mini dome underneath that appears to look like a bomb. The four looked up.
Peach "Huh"
Kirby "Who dat"
Mario "Is that a pimp"
Kirby (annoyed) "Man that aint no pimp that's Anakin Skywalker"
The mysterious man looked down at them. Kirby looked annoyed "Sure is a small ass death star, yet that thing won't even destroy a damn country" the man dropped the bomb, everyone gasps. Then two R. appear and stick their arms into the sides of the bombs to and extend it out exposing a static core and 3:00 time limit.
"Are you ready to do this broham" asked R.O.B #1
"Yes, let's do this thing" answered R.O.B #2
Mario reacted as soon as the bomb started opening "Wait a minute, observing in text, Microsoft spam" Mario gasped "could it be!"
"You guessed it" said the mysterious figure and everyone turned to face him "I'm Bill Gates" and everyone except Mario gasped "I knew it"
"Yes, and XBOX will own the Super Smash Bros. Franchise" and he left as he flew back to the Halberd. The bomb had 2:25 and counting
"The bomb just jumped 30 seconds I knew I couldn't trust…" Just before he finished reaching the bomb everyone turned around to a noise and a light speed cannon ball was shot through the smoke and hit Mario smack dab in the face and sent him flying into the distance. *insert super mario bros death music* Zelda and Peach gasped and Kirby smirked
"Well, that's what you get you bitch ass mother" Kirby said smirking to himself as he watched the other direction seeing Mario fly off into the distance and supposedly dying into a trophy. He heard a scream and turn around to see Peach and Zelda trapped in cages swinging from Petey Piranha's arms and he roared.
"Pussy in a can, Grade A, 100% Pure, going for $5.99, GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!" he roared.
After battle he exploded, and Kirby escaped with Zelda which he only got for a 0% discount.
"OH YEAH, NOTORIOUS K.R.B in the his house, yeah" Kirby shouted as he emerged from the smoke victorious with Zelda but with no Peach. "What's goin on?"
"Well since I ran bankruptcy, it's BACK TO CRIME" someone said when a gelatinous figure leaped from the distance with a strange looking gun, it was Wario, "now stick um up."
"Oh, hideous" Zelda said, with offense
"Oh s*it" Kirby said backing away
"Ha, you will never smell, so you're ugly to" Wario said to Kirby causing him to get pissed, "oh" Wario said as he looked around and noticed Peach climb out of her cage. Wario turned his gun to her and charged it "I think it's time for me to capture the princess for a change" Kirby thought it was time to strike but Zelda refused.
"Come on, let's get him"
"Humph, I will not approach such a grotesque creature"
The blast was near and Peach couldn't move she was paralyzed on the arena floor all she could do is beg. "Please be gentle" but it was too late; the blast hit her directly in the chest and turned her into a trophy.
"Peach, no"
"See, now look what you started Zelda" Kirby blamed Zelda for everything. Wario hopped toward Peach and grabbed her trophy and held it in hand. "Hah, it's time for the Mexican Jumping bean getaway, boing" and he jumped up and escaped. Zelda chased after him. "You monster" Kirby chased after Zelda"
"Hey, man hater wait up" then Kirby turned to see the bomb at 0:05 seconds in counting, "Oh s*it, we forgot about the BOMB" Too late the bomb exploded and its purple aura seemingly obliterated everyone including Kirby and Zelda. THE END.
Yeah right!
In the distance in the destroyed stadium we see a spark of light, Kirby and Zelda who barely escaped on the warp star.
"That was close" Zelda said
"Yeah, good thing I have 1-800- Save a Life on my cell phone, hell yeah, we're out this bitch let's go Zelda" Kirby said. Zelda was relieved but then remembered something. "Wait what about the audience"
"Who gives a s*it" Kirby said as they fly away into the distance
End of Chapter 1
Troten: Yeah first fanfic going well, hopefully