I am Sleep, by Dickfart
Jeff the Killer picked at the scabs on the sides of his mouth, itchy as they never seemed to heal quite right. Also, he was a felon, so he couldn't just go to the store and buy chapstick even if he wanted to.
To hide from the po po, Jeff escaped into another dimension. A portal to a new world ripped open beneath his feet, and he landed in a box. It was a clean landing, directly on his feet, but when he looked down he noticed something was off.
"My feet are made of pixels," he tried to say, but he had no control over his mouth, or his actions. All he could see in front of him was red, and all he could hear was static and ambient background music. It gave him the creeps.
"How do I get out of here?" he could have said, had he a mouth or a voice box. Rest assured, it was what he was thinking. He noticed a transparent padlock in front of him, and after several minutes of staring at the offensive thing he heard a blood-curdling scream. It gave him a giant boner, despite being a 16-bit pixel person with no control over his body. The lock suddenly disappeared, and in one beep and glow Jeff was transported into yet another dimension.
The casino dimension! A land of failure, broken dreams, and debauchery.
Jeff's boner grew more.
"Hey, nice digs," said Jeff. "Oh hey, I can talk again."
He could talk, but he still had no control over his body. Step by step he went right in a straight line through the casino dimension, where everything smelled like hyperrealistic pee, cigarettes, and blood.
Blood?
Boner check on isle Jeff, am I right?
"I want to gamble," said Jeff, and his sprite hopped at once into a slot machine.
He got three Sonic . exe's, and was confronted the beast himself. He had black eyes that were red in the middle, tears of blood pouring down his face.
"So we finally meet," said Sonic . exe, licking his chops and laughing that Kefka from Final Fantasy VI laugh. "Wanna play?"
"Play what?" said Jeff the Killer, waggling his eyebrows seductively.
Sonic . exe's 16-bit blood cock erupted from between his legs, and he told Jeff to bend over. Jeff couldn't, because he had no control over his body, so Sonic . exe had to bend him over for him.
"Say I am GOD," said Sonic . exe, his pixel dong plowing Jeff's killer pixel anus. Jeff just smiled and didn't blink, because he didn't have any eyelids silly.
"I am GOD," said Jeff.
"No, you're supposed to say I am God."
"I am God," said Jeff again.
"OK, so say You are GOD."
"I am GOD," said Jeff.
This time, Sonic . exe knocked him out with a brick.
"Go. To. Sleep," he said, plowing Jeff's unconscious ass relentlessly with fervor.
Except the joke's on him, because Jeff can't be knocked unconscious because he doesn't have any eyelids.
The End