Musing Too

I'm not asleep. I'm just thinking with my eyes shut. There's nothing really to look at except trees anyway. That's if it was light enough to see trees. I hate sleeping in the forest in a sleeping bag. I want a nice king-sized bed, with big fluffy pillows. And piles of doughnuts on demand. That's not too much to ask for, is it?

Well…perhaps now it is. At one time I could have ordered a thousand king-sized beds and still had change to spare. At least, my father could. But that's all in the past. Yet it seems so recent sometimes. Long sunny days playing in the grounds of our mansion, with Growly. Ah, my beloved Growly. I miss him a lot. Jess wondered why I didn't bring him with us after the commotion at my home. It was because I felt Growly was better off where he was - he was too used to the pampered life. And I truly believe he can protect my parents from Jessiebelle. I don't know how, but I just know he can.

Jessiebelle. That name sends shivers down my spine and brings a sick feeling into my stomach. Everything was fine until she came along. I was quite happy, eating ice cream sandwiches and swimming in our Olympic-sized pool. What on earth possessed my parents to agree to have Jessiebelle betrothed to me I don't think I'll ever know. It can't have been money – we were richer than her family. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't followed me around all the time. It would have been better if that hadn't lead to all the "training" she kept trying to give me. I was ten years old for heaven's sake! I didn't care about the "correct" way to eat spaghetti then and I still don't now. On the other hand – and I say this through clenched teeth - I could say she was a blessing in disguise. She forced me out of my home, which forced me to learn that not everyone lived like I did. And in the end fate would have it I met Jessie. The resemblance between her and Jessiebelle is so striking I must admit I screamed at her to stop following me when I first saw her. It was only when she opened her mouth I realised that she wasn't Jessiebelle at all.

Now I suppose I'm the one doing the following.

But I'm happy to do that. Jessie and Meowth are streetwise. I'm not. It makes sense for them to decide on a lot of things. I can't get a word in edgeways anyway. And the ideas I do come up with Jessie and Meowth think are great…until they fail. Then again, their ideas fail a lot as well, so I guess that makes us all equal. Equal losers.

I prefer the term "top of the bottom". It makes the three of us sound as if we have some redeeming feature as the Boss's worst employees. That man is terrifying when you're on the wrong side of him. He can make you feel an inch tall then step on you as well. Rumour has it that he has people who cross him killed. I wouldn't put it past him, but then again, we're all still here. He probably can't be bothered to waste the time to have it done, we're so pathetic. Mind you, he's probably expecting us to die whilst chasing the Twerp's Pikachu. I'm surprised we haven't actually.

Why did I have to open my big mouth and say that the stupid thing was worth capturing? The longer we chase it, the more I think that it's above average, yes, but not spectacular. And the Twerp did give it a power boost during our first encounter…

His idealism does remind me a little of myself at that age. I thought I could change the world somehow. I was going to come back a grown man one day and show my parents how great I was and make them proud of me. Instead I've only made myself look a bigger fool in their eyes. I think they've practically disowned me now they know I've joined Team Rocket. I confided this to Jessie and she said it was their loss. I do love my parents in a way – else I wouldn't have left Growly – but I think I have to let go. Jessie and Meowth are my family now. At least I had parents and nice things when growing up. Jessie had nothing, as she keeps reminding me when I forget and idiotically open my mouth to recall something in my childhood like the swimming pool. Actually now I think about it, I don't know anything about her parents. Jessie's somewhat evasive about aspects of her past. The only thing I truly do know about her is that she grew up very poor. I understand why she's mean a lot.

Well if I had to wear a bra every day I'd be bad tempered too. Those things are so very uncomfortable and fiddly!

Seriously though, I don't think Jessie's had a lot of love in her life. Well it's up to Meowth and I to make up for it. I know Meowth cares about her even though he makes out he's completely selfish. And me? I feel as if I have known her forever. Probably something to do with her looking like Jessiebelle, which makes it all the more strange.

Why do I love someone who looks like my worst enemy?

Why does the universe exist? I don't know, it just does. Some things can't be explained. Maybe it's just fate. I do believe in such things. We all have a purpose, and we all follow a path to get there. It just takes some people longer than others to find it. I haven't found my purpose yet, and I'm pretty sure it's not to slum it in Team Rocket forever. We'll get out one day. Actually sometimes we have a good laugh setting up traps and stuff for the Twerps. Part of me always wanted to be an actor, though of course my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor or something like that. And here, in a criminal organisation of all places, I get to be one! I don't know why I have to dress up as a woman so much though. I think I make a pretty good one – but that doesn't mean I necessarily enjoy it all of the time. All part of the job at the end of the day I suppose.

I hate stealing. That never gets any easier, especially from little kids. One of the few things that I was taught and actually agree with is that stealing is wrong. Jessie and Meowth don't like it either, but they can block their feelings better than I can. Their lives have meant that they can keep themselves desensitised about such things during the event. The only time I've seen Jessie crack was with her Blissey friend. Poor Jess…I didn't know she wanted to be a nurse. Another one of her dreams down the drain I guess. But it's not too late for her. I wish I were a leader like her then maybe I could encourage her to see that she can do better for herself.

Then again, she probably knows that already. Jess isn't stupid. Unlike me.

I used to feel quite clever, but since being in Team Rocket…I just feel…dumb. Maybe it's the monotony of doing the same thing day in day out. Or maybe it's the constant humiliation. Act dumb, become dumb. Or maybe it's the constant criticisms from Jessie and Meowth. I know I just said I didn't mind them because they were just as bad as me, but…sometimes it stings, worse than that mallet Jessie carries around. I should be used to it, shouldn't I? All my life I've had people telling me I'm not good enough. Well that's all going to change. Today I, James Stanley Edward Kojiro-Rochet III, will go and show the world that I am not some silly idiot.

Easier said than done. Admit it James, you're a coward. You should have known it was too good to be true that Moltres was your sign. You shouldn't have fallen for that Magikarp salesman's talk.

Magikarp. Ugh.

Weezing might not be much to look at but he's worth a million Magikarps. Grudgingly, I would say the same about Victreebell…when it's not trying to eat me it does okay. Silly thing. Maybe in another life I'm a Pokemon Master, earning millions. That would be nice…but I know only too well how money can corrupt. Maybe in some ways it is better to be poor. But I'm not poor. I have Jessie and Meowth, Weezing and Victreebell. I might have no money, but at least I'm not alone in the big bad world.

Perhaps life isn't so bad after all.