Ichigo Has a Chill Day, by Dickfart
One day Ichigo sat around in his underwear all day playing Tekken and smoking marijuana.
"Ichigo, Ichigo. You have a greater purpose," said the ghost of a business man.
"You know what? You're right," said Ichigo. He took Tekken out of his PlayStation, and put in Soul Caliber instead.
"No, Ichigo. Listen. You must free us," said the ghost of a mom who drowned at sea.
"Umm, hey," said Ichigo, calling Pizza Hut. "Silver, could you give me an extra cheese pizza with mushrooms and cheesy garlic bread."
"Who is this? Stop calling me!" said the voice on the other line. Then Ichigo belched and scratched his nuts.
"Please! Help us!" said an old woman.
"Uh. Hey," said Ichigo, digging through his laundry stuff. He found a bottle of Clorox Bleach. "Drink this and be set free, or something. Shut the fuck up. I'm about to play Final Fantasy VII. I don't need you cockadoodle dingdongs talking at me while I'm staring at Tifa's jugs."
And that is how Ichigo really lived his life. All that Soul Society shit was just a bad trip. And gas. Mostly gas.