Shrek: NCIS Style
By Twilight Trekky
Rating: T
Pairings: Jibbs and Tiva, with very, very SMALL hints of McAbby and Kari if you squint.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Shrek belongs to DreamWorks and NCIS belongs to Don Bellisario and a bunch of other people.
A/N: This idea came to me while I was watching Shrek. I love that movie. Anyway, I thought of how perfect the story is for Jenny and Gibbs, and then I decided to write it out, so here it is. Please Review after! Oh, and this is TOTAL AU!!!!! TRUST ME ON THAT ONE! s
Chapter One: Wanted Agents
Once upon a time there was a lovely director, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a warehouse, guarded by a terrible fierce Mossad assassin. Many brave agents attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the Assassin keep, in the highest room of the warehouse, for true love and true love's first kiss.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs picked up the piece of paper lying by his small hut. It read, "Wanted: Government Agents. Reward!" He sighed and threw it away. "Ridiculous," he muttered.
"All right, this one's full. Take it away," a man said, signaling the driver to go. The van was filled up with as many agents that could possibly fit in there.
"And what have we got here?" Eli David asked.
"This NCIS employee," the man said.
"I'm not an NCIS employee! I'm a coroner!" Jimmy Palmer said.
"Do you not work at NCIS?" Eli David asked.
"Yes, but—"
"Good enough," Eli said. "Twenty dollars for the NCIS coroner. Take him away!" he ordered, giving the man his money. A couple of guards came over and took Palmer away.
"No, please, don't do this!"
"Next," Eli said.
A man walked up and started talking to Eli.
"I''m sorry, Jeanne," Tony said. "I can't help it if I'm so annoying. Look, I can change. Please, give me another chance!"
"Oh, shut up!" Jeanne said, obviously annoyed with him.
Tony shut up, wishing he had taken up a career in basketball.
"Next!" Eli said.
Jeanne and Tony walked up.
"Well," Jeanne said. "I've got an annoying NCIS agent." She shoved Tony forward.
"That's good for forty bucks… if you can prove it," Eli said.
Jeanne smiled. "Of course. Go ahead, Tony, show him your badge."
Tony stood there, not doing anything. Eli stared at him, waiting for him to show him the badge.
"Well?" Eli asked.
"He's just… he doesn't want to leave. He really is quite the agent." She turned to Tony. "Show him your badge, you boneheaded dumb—"
"I've heard enough. Take her away," Eli said.
"What? No! You're making a big mistake!" Jeanne said as the guards took her off the lot.
Tony quickly flashed his badge in Eli's face. "Tata, loser!" He ran off while Eli shouted at the guards to go and catch him.
Tony ran through the woods. He looked behind him and suddenly ran into something — or more of someone. That someone turned around as Tony gazed up at him. The guy gave Tony a hard glare when shouting was heard right behind Tony. He quickly hid behind the man.
Eli quickly stopped in his tracks when he saw the man. "You there, Special Agent," he said.
"Yes?" the man asked.
"By the order of Director Vance, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated facility."
"Really?" the man asked, showing mock concern. "You and what army?"
Eli ran off when he noticed no one was with him.
Tony started laughing. "We showed them." He noticed that the man was walking off. "Hey, wait up!" He quickly caught up with the man. "That was really cool back there. Wonderful! I mean, those guys were
all tough and cool until you showed up, then they were screaming like little girls through the woods."
"Uh… yeah," the man said.
The two continued walking through the woods.
"It's so good to be away from that woman," Tony said, sighing.
"Why don't you go commemorate this with your own friends?"
"I don't have any friends. Man, I have a great idea! I'll stick with you! I mean, you're an agent, too, and together we can get anybody that tries to even get us."
The man turned around, putting a gun to Tony's forehead.
"Wow!" Tony said. "That was so cool! The way you handled that thing so silently!"
"You mean you're not scared?"
"No, not really," Tony said. "Hey, I never caught your name."
"Uh.. Gibbs," the man said.
"Gibbs?" Tony repeated. "Well, I'm Tony DiNozzo, nice to meet you. You know what I like about you? You've got that kind of attitude where you don't care about what anybody says. That's just so righteous."
They walked up to a small hut. "What is that?" Tony asked. "This barely even qualifies as a house!"
"This is where I live," Gibbs said.
"Oh, well, it's really quite nice," Tony said.
Gibbs slapped the back of his head, smirking slightly.
"I mean, you're the only one living here. You don't look like the partying type or anything like that."
"I like to keep things private," Gibbs said, walking up to the door.
"Can I.. uh.. stay with you?" Tony asked. "Please?"
"No," Gibbs stated simply, opening up the door and walking inside. Tony followed him in.
"Oh, c'mon, I don't want to go anywhere! They're hunting down agents! I can't defend myself like you! Please, let me stay, please, please!"
"Fine! But only tonight!"
"Oh, thank you so much!" Tony said, running into the bedroom and sprawling across the bed. "We can talk about all kinds of things! You know, I used to be a basketball player, but then I switched to the Baltimore Police Department, and then I went on to become the NCIS agent I am today. What about you, what's your life story?"
Gibbs stared at him hard. Tony started to shrink back. "You," Gibbs said, "couch!" He pointed towards the living room.
"Right.. uh… sorry," Tony said, heading into the living room. "I guess I'll, uh, see you tomorrow morning. 'Night." Gibbs slammed the living room door behind him.
Later, Gibbs heard a noise outside his bedroom. He sighed, figuring it was Tony. He grabbed the gun and slowly opened the door to see three people walking around. Each of them had a pair of sunglasses on and a walking stick. Gibbs figured that they were blind.
"Well, then," one of them said in a Scottish accent. "I believe this is the right place, but do we have a choice?"
"It's not the same as our home, but I think it'll do," the woman said, running into the wall. She had dark brown hair.
The other man, an African-American by the looks of it, knocked over an umbrella. "Oh, dear," he said.
"Gerald, is that you?" the woman asked when he ran into her.
"Jordan, how did you know?" Gerald asked.
"Hey!" Gibbs shouted, his gun armed and ready. "What are you doing in my house?"
The three of them jumped and ran around the house, bumping into each other and bumping into seven men carrying a casket with some chick lying in it. They placed it on the counter.
"What are you doing?" Gibbs asked.
"We were going to put her in the bed," one of them explained, "but Mr. Kort got there first."
Gibbs gave them a confused look before rushing into his bedroom. A man, Mr. Kort, was lying in the bed and flipping through a book. "What?" he asked.
Gibbs growled and back to the kitchen. He looked outside his window and noticed there was over a hundred agents standing around and in his house. "What are you doing in my house?" he screamed, loud enough for everyone to hear him and quiet down.
"Director Vance," an Asian woman said. "He ordered us to go here."
Gibbs sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time today. "Who knows where this… Vance guy is? Anyone?"
"Oh, I do!" Tony said.
"Does anyone else know where he is? C'mon, don't be shy!"
"I do, I do!"
Gibbs groaned. "All right, fine. Attention all government agents. Do not get cozy! You will not be staying here long. I'm going to go see this Vance guy right now and get you all out of my life and back to your lifestyles!"
The crowd of agents erupted in cheer. "Hey, Tony," Gibbs said. Tony straightened up and looked at him. "You're with me."
Tony smiled. "Yeah!"
Gibbs and Tony set off on the way to find Vance.
A/N: Well, I hate the ending, but I like the chapter itself. Please review! ^_^