Disclaimer: No ownage.
Hematomania - A psychological fixation on blood from which an individual derives satisfaction of a kind of erotic blood lust.
My blood is the color of his hair, and it tastes like melted copper. It feels like silken ribbon on my fingertips and I can't help but rub it on his chest when it drips from my wrists. Axel always tells me to not cut so deep, but I – I can't help it.
It helps me get off.
The blood, I mean.
A lot of our sheets are ruined because of my stupidity, and they have holes and tears in them too. From the knives and pins that I use to slice my skin with; and the stuffing from the pillows is spilling out.
Axel gets scared whenever he comes home and finds small droplets, or even puddles of the red liquid spilt on the tile.
The grout is stained with my blood and I really tried to clean it out and make the color come back, but the pretty blue is discolored to a sickly brown.
I can't say Axel was mad; he was more so worried about me – worried that I would bleed to death and he wouldn't be home to help me. I don't do this because I'm swimming in depression; I do it because I can't come any other way.
Sometimes I find it to be absolutely horrible, because Axel looks at me with a grimace on his face and asks me to please stop.
So I do, because I love him terribly – but I'm not sad or suicidal, I just have an addiction.
I have an addiction of sex and blood and I have pale swirls of scar tissue that litter my arms and legs like branches. They follow my veins with joy and I sometimes like to cut into the scar tissue and the blood flows more freely.
But, my favorite thing to do, oh my favorite – is when my blood comes in contact with his skin. Because it's a large color contrast of white and red; his skin is soft to the touch and goose bumps rise on my skin each time his nails scratch my back.
He tells me that I'm crazy and that I may need to see a doctor – but I won't go unless he comes with me. But Axel also tells me that he loves me forever; which makes my heart flutter in my chest.
Then I found out something that I hadn't even thought of before Axel had asked me about it. He asked me if I could cut him instead – because watching me do that shit to myself was starting to get to him. It was funny, and not in a hysterical piss your pants sort of way.
So, that's what it was – that's when I truly realized that he loved me with everything he had to give. He was willing to fuckin' slash his arm off because I needed a good come.
But of course I refused; of course I wouldn't let him do it because he would be hurting himself. Hurting himself because of me and I – yeah, that just didn't float my fuckin' boat.
He caught me off guard though – the sneaky asshole he is.
Because he was in the kitchen, starting dinner; and our kitchen knives are damn sharp.
So really, one can only guess what Axel did to me. One can only guess that his skin had turned the same color of his fiery crimson hair, and that's because his arms and collarbone was just covered in strawberry gashes.
Guilt ran through me when I saw him, but the second wave of emotion that hit me drove all of my blood, which was usually on the ground by now, to other places on my body.
But, holy shit there's fuckin' somethin' wrong with me and I need help but his blood was sweeter than mine and thicker. I've never come so fast in my life.
It was simply amazing and I just – just didn't know what to do or say to him, really.
My blonde spikes were covered in sticky red stuff and I could smell the blood mixed with the sex. It was getting into my sinuses and driving me absolutely insane with the aroma.
In all honesty, I don't actually think I've been fucked like this before either. It was unlike anything that I've ever experienced and he told me afterwards that his heart was racing with adrenaline the whole time – and even after we were finished.
So maybe I've brought Axel into this whole mess of blood letting, if you will. Someone who likes this shit just as much as I do – but then he uses it to stick it in my ass. Basically, it's become his lube for me, but I didn't say that I care.
He's a fuckin freak anyway.
But if he's the freak, then I don't know what the fuck you would call me.
So really, in a small nutshell – he's the other side of me and I still can't believe that I've found him now. I personally find it confusing how he still looks at me every damn day and tells me how beautiful I am.
I don't understand him, really.
Because this addiction – this fucked up part of me that I can't even begin to stop by myself. He accepted me for who I was, and what I was.
When we had first met until now – the look in his eyes has never changed and he licks my scratches with love, and then kisses me with a darkened crimson colored tongue.
Axel is my everything.
He is the reason why I wake up in the morning and know why my hearts still beating. He's the one that helps me bandage my arms when we're done having our own sadistic sex.
Because his hair is as red as my blood and his eyes are the color of shiny emeralds.
And I will always and forever draw these hearts on his chest with this sticky coagulating liquid.
This addiction that I have of sex and blood – is nothing compared to the other addiction that I've found. Because when I bleed and slice my veins, Axel is always there to catch my red droplets of love on his fingertips.
A/N: Love is an ever bloodied thing.