A/N: I don't own Steven Universe, Ed Edd n Eddy, or Cartoon Network, Anyway, the following contains language, violence, nudity, a few shit jokes and some politically incorrect stuff.

Water-Gems and Sock-Hats

Chapter 1: Introductions

CN City was hustling and bustling, numerous Cartoon Network characters were clocking in/out of work, doing errands, celebrating that Stuart Snyder got the boot (Toonami's back) and having more adventures. To celebrate Snyder's firing, a huge statue of Snyder was toppled, and a massive festival was launched that promoted new animated (fuck you CN REAL) shows and Steven Universe was one of them with a 5-part variety special directed by Rebecca Sugar herself and held in a massive colosseum-sized theater complete with a roof. Like Cartoon Cartoon Fridays, all CN characters would attend the spectacular event including the Eds.

"It's so delightful that new cartoons will be unveiled at this new show!" Double Dee said joyfully as he sat in his seat.

"NEW FRIENDS FOR ED!" Added the dim Ed.

"So long as they don't take my stuff, I'm fine." Replied Eddy as he pulled out a "Bible-Black" hentai he snuck in to read and or look at the pictures.

A/N: Whatever you guys do, DON'T LOOK UP BIBLE BLACK!

"Come to think of it, one of my old friends is in this show!" Said Double Dee.

(GASP) "DOUBLE DEE HAS FRIEND IN SHOW? ED IS HAPPY!" Ed said as he hugged Eddy and Ed.

"HEY TAKE IT EASY! This comic cost me a lot of quarters!" Eddy said as he made sure Ed didn't ruin it.

"Say what is that manga about anyway?" Edd asked.

"Uggghhhhhhh….Woman's Rights and Equality!" Eddy pulled out of his ass.

"Okay then." Edd said.

"Can I read it to?" Ed asked, completely unaware of the evil contained within Eddy's manga.

"NO! I uh…..it's boring and you have to read the other books to understand. Plus, it's really SCARY." Eddy replied.

Ed asked. "Scarier than the Werewolves from the Valley of Hades with The Robot Bounty Hunters and…?"

"Uh Yeah yeah…..MORE SCARY!" Eddy said.

"OKEY-DOKEY!" Ed said.

"So Sock-Head, you met a girl in this show?" Eddy asked.

"Yes, I met this girl before moving to Peach Creek, I wonder how she's doing?" Edd wondered.

*Outside Lapis' dressing room*

A/N: Even though Lapis and Steven are close on the show, this is more of a behind the scenes scenario where the characters don't get along. Also this scene does contain a sad part. Anyway on with the show.

A huge scream (Lapis) is heard as Steven (while holding a video camera) gets sent through Lapis' changing room door via a powerful stream of water and into a bunch of props with a painful thud.

"YOU FUCKING PERVERT!" Lapis shrieked while wearing a towel.

"Aw come on Lapis, can't we just let it slide like old friends? Have some compassion." Steven asked completely missing the mark of how the thing he tried to do could be worthy of any compassion to begin with.

"I'll show you some "compassion" you little SHIT!" Replied Lapis as she turned one of her water arms into a blade ready to strike. (A/N: I made a new power for Lapis)

"LAPIS!" Came a voice from down the hall.

Lapis turned to find that it was Rebecca Sugar, accompanied by Jasper, Steven's Dad, Peridot along with the main 3 Gems Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl.

"What is the meaning of this?" Rebecca demanded to know.

"I was getting out of the shower when I heard this "fapping" noise from my closet so when I went to check it out, STEVEN WAS JACKING OFF WHILE RECORDING ME!" Lapis explained.

(everyone gasps)

"Is this true Steven?" Rebecca asked, very concerned.

"Yes, and the worst thing is that my camera is broken." Steven said sadly.

"You film my naked body without consent, and the one thing you're sorry about is me breaking you goddamn camera?!" Lapis questioned angrily.

"It was a good camera with great shots as well, even one where you fingered yourself to…" Steven added.

Lapis wanted to castrate, nay, completely "redesign" Steven's genitals but before she could…

"IDIOT!" Came from Jasper as he (it'll all make sense later as to why I labeled Jasper as a guy) walked through the small crown and towards Steven all pissed off. "DIDN'T I SPECIFICALLY TELL YOU TO USE A WATERPROOF CAMERA WHEN FILMING LAP…(pauses and looks at Lapis, anger replaced by fear) Oh shit…" Jasper said realizing his mistake.

Lapis aimed her water-blade arm for Jasper's junk, only to be stopped by Sugar.

"Lapis that's enough." Sugar ordered.

"But they filmed me…" Lapis said.

"I don't care if Steven and Jasper filmed you naked 100 times, they are still vital for the show. You need to realize that Jasper and Steven matter." Sugar Answered.

"I MATTER TO!" Lapis Blurted.

Sugar then slapped Lapis right across the face, sending her to the floor. Still reeling in pain, Lapis was lifted by her hair from Garnet as she struggled to hold one hand onto Garnet's arm while holding her towel up with the other.

"BLASPHEMY." Said Garnet who was also accompanied by Amethyst and Pearl as they circled the frightened Water Gem.

Lapis looked to the other Gems for support.

"YOU OTHER GEMS STAY OUT OF THIS!" Ordered Sugar as she walked towards Lapis.

Sugar was inches away from Lapis' face.

"Does La-La want a "time-out." Rebecca asked dementedly.

Lapis shook her head.

"Does La-La wanna be a "good girl?" Rebecca asked.

Lapis nodded nervously, she knew what was coming.

"Here, let Mama help La-La." Rebecca said as she stuck her tongue out and licked Lapis' burning cheek.

Despite not being a stranger to this abuse, Lapis could never fully get used to it.

"Good girl, now..." Sugar paused before ripping Lapis' towel off with a mischievous smile.

"HEY!" Lapis tried to protest but Pearl grabbed her other arm, Amethyst used her whip to wrap around both of Lapis' ankles putting her full nude body on display.

"Enjoying the view Jasper?" Sugar asked.

"YUP! THANKS!" Was all Jasper could say as he had a hand in his pants.

The main Gems all laughed at Lapis while Peridot, Steven's Dad and other lesser gems decided to leave.

Tears were welling up in Lapis' eyes as her nude body was on display.

(iPhone alarm goes off) "Groan…Sorry but it looks like we're on stage in 40, and Lapis, (appears to hand towel over to Lapis but instead tosses it to Jasper who sniffs and runs to his room with said towel like the perverted loser he is.) remember to stick to that song I gave you, or you'll be a bad La-La. (To main Gems) Release her." Sugar said.

Upon being released, the naked Lapis sprinted to her room, locked the door and sobbed profusely into one of her pillows on her bed. Still naked, she curled into a ball and reached for the photo she was using earlier.

(Sniff) "Sugar thinks she can control me, but not only I will break free from her, I will leave this fucking show and will find someone who loves me…... and it's you…...Double Dee." Lapis said as she traced her finders down the picture of Double Dee and kissed it.

The two were friends for a brief time before Edd had to move to Peach Creek. Years later she was overjoyed about being on the same station with Double Dee. Calmed down, Lapis looked at the clock and realized that she has some time on her hands (or fingers) before her act started.

"Soon Double Dee…. SOON." Lapis said to herself.

A/N: Yeah the first Chapter was pretty sad but will upload chapter 2 later today and it will contain way more humor and numerous CN cameos! See you later!