"It's me again. I just wanted to tell you that I'm heading out now. I should be at Barry's in half an hour tops. I'll call you then. I'll be careful, so don't worry about me."
Sara put her phone down and nodded, smiling.
"I know."
She then grabbed her keys and badge before heading downstairs. Everyone was either at school or at work so Sara had the house to herself during the entire morning and beginning of afternoon. She worked as a private security agent and only worked some days of the week and she only knew which ones the week before.
One of her clients was the famous Oliver Queen, CEO of Queen Consolidate who also happened to be her ex. But like many of her relationships, it ended in less than a year. She understood Oliver to a level that very few people could, mostly because of their shared life experience and traumas, like the scars littering their bodies, both having been cops once upon a time. Sara actually wasn't a cop anymore when she met Ava sometimes during her early twenties.
Oliver was among those rare people she knew from her childhood, one of the few she kept in touch with and especially one of the few still alive. She sadly thought about her sister before she locked the door behind her, instinctively looking at the window from Zari's room. After their third kid, Ava and she had decided to move out of their flat in the center of the city and into a big house that had at least four giant rooms. They brought down some walls and managed to fit three more rooms in there, which explained why the wall between Mick's and John's rooms was so thin. They also had the chimney removed and did other various works on the house to make it look like the home it was now.
But today, she wasn't meeting with Oliver, but rather his wife, Felicity Smoak-Queen, who was also a close friend. Felicity was supposed to attend some meeting out of town and Oliver and his trusted bodyguard and friend John Diggle were away for the week on business. So Sara climbed into her car and drove to be her friend's bodyguard for the afternoon.
As she drove, she remembered a rainy day like that. Rainy days always put her on edge. Maybe it had something to do with the way some of her scars hurt if it was too humid. Maybe it had everything to do with a specific memory.
Three years ago
"I'm telling you, Leo, it's not gonna happen." Sara said, keeping her eyes on the road as it poured from the sky.
Leonard looked through the windshield and straight at the sky as if his glare could make the rain stop.
"Oh I don't know, Ma, I'm an optimist. I think it's going to be sunny this evening."
Sara just smiled. As they arrived at the school, he kissed her cheek.
"At what time are you supposed to study with Barry?" She asked as he climbed out of the car.
"At seven. But I can ride there, you know, you don't have to drive me around, I have my license now."
"It doesn't mean I want you to ride in the rain."
"It's not gonna rain tonight Ma."
"Humor me. Anyway, let's say that if I'm not home on time, you can ride your bike."
"Sure." He waited a couple of seconds before adding "I'll be careful, I promise."
All of the kids had a spare key of the house even if they all came home at the same time, going to the same high school. They usually took the bus, their mothers only driving them if they overslept or they hitched a ride with their neighbors, the Haywoods.
After waving goodbye at Nate and Gary who lived next door and promising to come to play video games over the weekend, all the Lance-Sharpe children piled into the house. Zari had been with them for over a month now, all the adoption papers had been signed and she felt at home again, even if it was with a new family. But despite that, there were still a lot of things she didn't know about her new family, she didn't get along with everyone and she had her own sad moments.
Just last week she had gotten into an argument with Mona over a Disney movie, something with a mermaid. These cartoons were just too silly for Zari and she didn't hesitate to tell Mona that the kind of romance in those films would never happen in real life, that she better stop daydreaming about a knight in shining armor because they didn't exist. Mona had defended her beloved characters and stories with tears streaming down her face. She was fourteen, but she loved those movies and every aspect of them.
Of course, what started as a bitter comment from Zari ended in a brutal argument that had the whole house yelling. Ray and Charlie took sides, Mick made a blunt comment that made everything worse and John simply continued to pretend to be asleep with a magazine literally covering his face. Sara came home when Zari and Mona were both standing in the living room, yelling insults and things they later regretted. Sara was used to her children bickering; she almost bickered as much with them as they bickered amongst themselves. But when Mona made a nasty comment about how Zari couldn't know what real love was because she was a cold-hearted bitch, Zari replied in kind that Mona was a fool who had never been taught the brutal reality of life.
Sara had to physically separate the two of them and ground them to their rooms, thankfully not next to each other, before yelling at the other kids for not preventing this from escalating. In the end, when Ava came home, she found a fuming Sara, a sad Mona, an angry Zari and three ashamed and/or annoyed teens.
So Zari was still looking for how she fit in this weird mismatched group. As all teens passed the living room to reach the kitchen, seeking various refreshments or hiding in the garden for who knows what like John was currently doing, the latest addition to the family stopped in front of the pictures framed on a cabinet. She had once looked at them when she arrived, trying to remember who was who and trying to familiarize herself with the place but she had never dared to ask about who some of the people in the pictures were.
"Hey Charlie," she called and Charlie's dark face appeared from the kitchen, a popsicle in her mouth and her dark hair braided on the side of her face in a way that almost made Zari jealous it was so gorgeous. "Who's this?" she asked while holding a specific picture frame.
Charlie grabbed another popsicle before she joined Zari in the living room. The picture her sister was holding represented Sara and Ava up-close and smiling with two young boys between them, one around twelve years old that looked like a mini-Mick and another one who seemed a little older.
"That's Ma and Mom with Mick and Leonard the day of their adoption. This picture dates way back, I wasn't even here yet when it happened." She pointed at another picture on the cabinet with her wooden stick, sticking the other popsicle in her mouth but still somehow managing to talk clearly. "Here's one of Leonard a few years later." That picture was hidden by the others as if to make sure nobody looked at it. It showed slightly older Leonard proudly standing next to a black bike holding what looked like a diploma or license of some kind.
"What happened to him?" Zari asked after she put the pictures back where she found them, making sure they were in the exact same place before following Charlie in the kitchen. John appeared, grabbed a soda and went into his room while pulling at the red tie he insisted on loosely wearing most days. Zari often found his fashion sense peculiar, but didn't comment on it.
Charlie seemed to hesitate for a moment before whispering "He died." She grabbed a box of crackers and handed some to Zari who wasn't hungry all of a sudden. "Look, mate, I'm sure Ma and Mom want to tell you about it someday, give you the same story they gave us, but not now. These things need time. Just like Mick needed time and doesn't like to talk about him."
Zari just nodded.
A couple of weeks later, Zari got suspended for a day. When Sara received the call from Principle Gideon, she was pissed and promised to get there as soon as she could. Luckily, she wasn't working that day and a half hour later she parked in front of the high school, slamming her car door a little too harshly.
She didn't have to knock on the Principle's door since it was open. Inside, Zari sat in the chair in front of the desk while Principle Gideon was filling some documents. They both raised their heads when Sara entered, her car keys still in hand.
"I am so sorry Principle," was the first thing Sara said as she glared at Zari and made her way towards Gideon.
Gideon simply smiled before her face regained her seriousness. "I am aware Ms Lance that your situation at home isn't one easy to handle and since it's Zari's first suspension, I will go easy on her and just give her one day."
"What has she done?" Sara asked and she saw Zari flinch in the corner of her eye. She had seen that body language enough times with her other children to know that she felt guilty and didn't want to disappoint her and Ava. Unfortunately what was done could not be undone.
"Zari and her fellow student Sanjay decided it would be a good idea to try his scooter inside the school grounds instead of going to Mr Hunter's History class."
Sara paled and Zari tried to look as small as possible.
"You what?" Sara asked drily while turning towards Zari and even Gideon flinched slightly.
"No one got hurt and no property was damaged, fortunately," Gideon informed her.
Sara nodded to show that she heard the Principle, but she couldn't take her eyes off of Zari. She also knew it wasn't the time to explode, which is why she tried to calm her boiling anger, thanked the Principle with tight lips, signed whatever she had to sign to get her daughter out of there and promised the Principle she would handle it. Zari had never heard Sara say those words before but she didn't like the sound of them.
She was afraid Sara would grab her wrist and drag her like the stereotype of an angry and shamed parent but instead Sara simply walked out of the office without looking back. Zari followed quickly and climbed into the passenger seat of the car, watching Sara the whole time.
It's only when they were both seated that Sara slapped the wheel so hard Zari jumped.
"Dammit Zari!" She yelled. "Why the hell did you do that? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"
Zari didn't say anything, simply stared at Sara.
"Why did you do it?"
When Zari didn't say anything, Sara repeated the question, louder this time.
"Because I wanted to make friends! I… I wanted to ride his bike, I never did that before! And I didn't think he would drive inside the school grounds, I thought he'd stick to the parking lot!"
"That's one lousy way to make friends, Zari."
At that, Zari crossed her arms on her chest and looked anywhere but at Sara.
"Yeah, well I've got a lousy family, so…"
Sara didn't say anything at that, her lips in a tight line. She looked at the side of Zari's face for a couple long seconds, before bringing the engine to life. "You're grounded for at least a month. No nights out, no favors, no nothing. I'll talk to Ava and we'll see if we punish you further."
Zari was about to protest, to say that it was just a stupid bike but seeing the resolved look on Sara's face, she knew she wasn't getting out of this one easy. And all of that just to become friends with a guy she found cute.
When Ava came home that day, the house was awfully quiet. She checked her watch, but it was late enough that everyone was already home. She found most kids in the living room watching Netflix. Charlie had a bowl of popcorn on her lap and wasn't trying to balance it on her knees as she sometimes did. The kitchen isle was pristine and so were the floors. Mick was reading in a corner and John was sketching in silence. Mona seemed absorbed by the show on the TV but the sound was surprisingly low.
Ava took off her coat and shoes before looking at all five of them. There was no mess lying around, everyone seemed strangely quiet, on edge even. John coughed a little but no one made any other sound. "Okay, what's going on?" She asked as she unbuttoned her suit jacket before taking her hair out of her bun, letting the golden waves cascade on her right side like she knew Sara liked.
"Where are Zari and Sara?" She asked after a bit.
"Zari's grounded," Mona answered without taking her eyes off the TV screen. "When we came home, Mama was in her room. When I knocked she asked to be left alone and said we could order pizza. She also asked we keep it down. We waited for you though for dinner."
"Why is Zari grounded?" Ava asked, sitting on the couch next to John and giving him the thumbs up when he showed her the portrait he was drawing of Mick reading.
"Mama didn't say and Zari almost ripped my bloody head off when I walked into her room," Charlie answered this time, pausing the show, to which Mona weakly protested before remembering to be quiet. "I don't know what's going on, but it's bad, Mom. I've never heard Mama so upset. Even when I broke Aunt Laurel's tea set gift she wasn't this upset."
Ava smiled reassuringly and caressed her daughter's cheek. "I'll check it out. In the meantime, why don't you order some pizza? Do you know what Zari likes?" Mona nodded and Charlie went to grab the phone while Ava climbed the stairs. She decided to check on Sara first and went to their bedroom.
She found Sara rolled in a ball lying on her side of their queen sized bed. That's never a good sign, Ava thought. She made sure she was walking loudly enough for Sara to hear her, the last thing she wanted to do was make her panic. But Sara didn't stir. When Ava got to Sara's side, she went to her knees, gently stroking her wife's cheek. Ava looked around for a bottle and was relieved when she couldn't find any.
"Hey babe, what's wrong?" she asked softly.
Sara opened her eyes at the sound of her voice and leaned into her touch. Ava immediately noticed Sara had been crying. "Tell me what's wrong," Ava tried again. For a short second, Sara whipped her eyes and tried to put on a brave face but as soon as her gaze fell on the phone she was clutching in her hand, she broke down in Ava's arms.
"Shhh, it's okay, I got you." Ava stroked her hair and held her close, holding her as if she was the most precious thing in the world while trying to protect her at the same time, ground her in the here and now and not in the then and there that she knew Sara had returned to. "It's okay, honey. Let it out."
Sara gently pried herself from Ava's arms, just enough to see her face and told her about Zari's suspension. As soon as she mentioned the bike, Ava's face went white and tears started brimming in her eyes. It's only then that she noticed that a message was about to be played on Sara's phone. As she sat next to her wife on their bed, holding her closer, she whispered "Do you want to play it over?" Sara simply nodded and pressed play.
"It's me again. I just wanted to tell you that I'm heading out now. I should be at Barry's in half an hour tops. I'll call you then. I'll be careful, so don't worry about me."
Both women cried for a long time after that, their children leaving them a few slices on a plate in front of the door to their bedroom.
Three years ago
"I'm so sorry Leo. I'm stuck in traffic, I won't be there on time," Sara said in her phone while she waited for the light to turn green. She hated using her phone while driving but she needed to tell Leonard.
"It's okay, Ma. I can take the bike."
"Leo, it's raining…"
"I'll be careful. I'll call you when I get there, I promise."
Sara remained silent for a moment, before she caved. "Alright, but be careful."
"I will. I love you."
"I love you too."
Five minutes later as she was stuck at another traffic light still miles from home she didn't have the time to pick up her phone when it rang as the light suddenly turned green and she had the reflex of pressing on the gas pedal. By the time she could stop again to reach for her phone that had slid to the far end of the passenger seat, Leo's call had gone to voicemail.
"It's me again. I just wanted to tell you that I'm heading out now. I should be at Barry's in half an hour tops. I'll call you then. I'll be careful, so don't worry about me."
Sara smiled and put her phone down and calmly drove home. The rain was pouring even harder when she pulled into the driveway some fifteen minutes later. Ava was supposed to pick up Mick from football practice therefore Sara didn't expect them for another hour. The pounding rain only made her more restless and when her phone finally rang, she didn't even look at the number, immediately picking up.
So almost dropped it when they told her her son was on his way to a hospital because he was in a road accident. Some guy in a fancy car rammed into Leonard's bike. They didn't say who slipped because of the rain, whose fault it was but Sara was already out the door.
By the time she reached the hospital, she was ready to punch anyone who would get in her way. Luckily, seeing how distressed she was –and maybe recognizing her as the infamous female Lance former cop who had been admitted in said hospital more than a couple of times- a nurse led her to the emergency wing and asked her to wait a minute until she fetched the right doctor.
But Sara was done waiting. The car ride had been a nightmare and she was surprised she didn't get into any accidents herself. So she started loudly asking who the fuck could tell her where her son was. She had managed to scare a dozen nurses and twice as many patients when the doctor in charge walked towards her. He seemed to hesitate, looking for the right way to say this, but ended up being bluntly honest.
"I am so sorry, but your son didn't make it."
It took all of Sara's energy and willpower not to crumple into a sobbing mess right there on the hospital floor. Her gaze became blurry as tears streamed silently down her face and she repeated "it can't be… my son… my son…" over and over until the doctor pulled her towards an empty waiting room.
"I'm so sorry ma'am. If there's anything I can do to help…"
"Take me to him."
The doctor nodded and showed her to a room, allowing her to enter the operations' room alone and closing the door behind him, telling her to take her time. Slowly Sara approached the body lying lifeless on the slab, the body wearing her son's clothes, the body the exact size her son was, the body looking exactly like her son. The closer she got, the harder it became to make even the smallest steps. When she reached his head, she simply let out a strangled "my boy!" before collapsing on her knees, her forehead hitting the slab so hard she saw stars, but nothing could distract her from the ache that was burrowing a hole in her heart and breaking her more than she thought was possible.
She stroked his hair, implored her to come back to him, kissed his forehead and wet his calm features with all the tears of her body. She didn't know how long she was there until she remembered that she needed to call Ava. Mick should be finished soon with training and she was certain Ava was already there, waiting.
With shaking hands, she called her number. "Hey babe, what's up?" Ava's cheerful voice greeted her.
"Aves…" Sara chocked.
"Babe, what's wrong?" Ava immediately asked, worry settling in her voice. "What happened?"
Ava did her best to remain calm and let Sara explain. "Aves, we lost our boy…" Sara whispered, her cries becoming so loud she had to physically restrain herself from bawling into the phone.
"What?" Ava asked, not understanding.
"Leo, he's gone Ava. He… he was in an accident… took his fucking bike and got killed… I'm at the hospital… He's… he's really gone Aves…"
Sara could hear Ava crying on the other side of the line. "Are you with him?" Ava asked weakly.
"Yes. I'm sorry Aves… I wish I could have done something. I should have done something… I need you here…"
"We're coming. Hold on tight."
It didn't take Ava and Mick too long to get there and as soon as they joined Sara in the operations' room, they all hugged and cried. Sara had never heard Ava cry so loudly in her entire life. It was also the last time she saw Mick cry.
Ava and Sara took their time in their room that evening, simply holding onto each other, crying and mourning their son again. Neither got up when Charlie gently knocked on the door to let them know that everyone had eaten, even Zari. Ava cleared her throat to thank her and told her they would be coming in a little while.
"It's all my fault," Sara said after a moment, looking at something in front of her.
"No, Sara. No," Ava told her, holding her closer, both her hands around her wife's face.
"I should have known, I should have forbidden him from riding his bike, I should have done something!"
Ava shook her slightly. "Sara, look at me." Ava waited for Sara's gaze to meet her own. "There was nothing you could have done. It's not your fault." This was the main difference between Ava and Sara's reaction to Leonard's death: while they both cried and mourned their son, Sara was the one blaming herself.
After their son's passing, they had a hard time putting themselves back together and so did Mick. But instead of drifting away, like Sara's parents had after Laurel's death, Sara, Ava and Mick got through their grief together. There were a lot of dark days in the beginning, Mick got in a lot more trouble at school than he did now and Ava almost lost her job while Sara took a liking to drinking. But Sara kept blaming herself for months and she still sometimes did. John's arrival later that year was some kind of blessing because it gave her a new purpose since the young man needed her the most back then, he was such a mess.
Sara finally smiled at her wife and kissed her tenderly to remind herself that Ava was there, that she would always be there. "The next couple days are going to be rough. I need you."
It was Ava's turn to smile. "And you got me. I'm not going anywhere. If you want, I can take a day off tomorrow."
"You wouldn't mind?"
"Not at all. I've got quite a lot of them to take actually."
"Okay. If I let the guilt take over, please remind me."
"Always," Ava promised before kissing her wife like she meant it, strong and pure before they both got up.
"Ready to face the munchkins?" Ava's hand was strong around Sara's, gently squeezing to ground her.
"Yeah. We've worried them enough. But I need to talk to Zari first."
So they grabbed the plate and made their way downstairs just as John was coming inside, waving at the air as if a fly had followed him. Ava gave him a surprised look but decided to keep it to herself for now, focusing all her attention on Sara. Charlie for once wasn't watching TV and was instead working on her music sheets, apparently seeking Mick's advice for some lyrics that he seemed to find really amusing. Knowing Mick and Charlie's humor and vocabulary, it didn't seem like a good idea, but Ava didn't have the heart to check and left them to their shenanigans. Zari seemed to have mended things up with Mona and they were actually discussing what seemed like the latest Disney movie but without yelling and arguing. Ava was proud.
Sara then let go of her hand and went into the kitchen to make some tea. Every single time either of them had a breakdown about Leonard, Mick was able to sense it, almost like a sixth sense, and that day was no different. He told Charlie he'll check up with her for the song later and walked towards the kitchen. On his way there, he gently squeezed Ava's arm and she smiled and squeezed back before letting him go hug Sara in the kitchen. It had always amazed them how tuned Mick and Leonard were and Mick's ability to sense when his moms were sad about his brother's passing.
"Zari, could you come with me please?" Ava asked after she hugged Mona and waved at Charlie. John had gone to his room and Ava was surprised to smell tobacco near the entrance door. She did her best to ignore her urges to go after John and ask him about it, instead walking to the kitchen, Zari in tow.
Ava smiled when she saw Sara hugging Mick as if hanging onto dear life. When Sara saw them come though, she pulled back, whipped her tears and patted Mick on the shoulder, thanking him silently. He simply nodded, smiled and went back to the living room. Sara motioned for the chairs behind the kitchen isle and Zari sat in one of them while Sara stirred her tea and Ava poured herself a cup.
Sara didn't spare any detail and told Zari the whole story. How Leonard and Mick were adopted, how great it had been and how Leonard had died. As soon as Zari heart about the bike she paled. She let Sara finish her story, with Ava occasionally adding some things and always standing by her wife's side.
"I am so sorry, I didn't know," Zari said, tears brimming in her eyes. She tried to keep them back because she promised herself she would cry no more, she hadn't cried since her family had been killed, since she saw her brother take his last breath right in front of her.
"I am not mad because you got suspended," Sara finally said. "Hell, I did my fair share of pranks and stupid things as a teenager and you gotta learn from your own mistakes. Don't repeat that to Principle Gideon though." Ava laughed. "But we have already lost a child in a bike accident. We don't want to lose you too, Zari."
For the first time since she arrived in the Lance-Sharpe household, Zari hugged her two moms and cried.