Harry sunk down against the wall of his flat. Gone. He couldn't believe it; he had lost his one true love. Actually lost her this time, not like last time when he had broken up with her to keep her safe. No, this time she wouldn't ever come back. He would never again see her smile or hear her laugh. He was going to miss that familiar twinkle in her eyes that she got when she saw him.

Still filled with regret, he wished he had told her no. That he had stopped her from rushing into battle. He knew that the Weasley's still blame him for the death of their only daughter, but they don't understand the effect it had on HIM. Why can't they see, how much this hurts him. That they aren't the only ones who lost someone they loved in that battle. Harry couldn't believe his luck. The only girl he ever truly loved died. Not to mention all his other friends that he lost that day. And it was all his fault.

Screaming, he threw the dining room chair into the wall and watched as it broke into pieces. He had stopped using magic as soon as the war had ended, and never gone back. All his friends he had made at Hogwarts soon realized not to contact him, since he was literally dying of a broken heart. Instead of doing anything about the chair, he headed into the bathroom, picking up his razor blade. Gripping it tightly, he placed the tip on the already scarred arm and began to write Ginny yet again. Deeper this time than he had ever cut before. He relished the feel of the blood leaving his body and knew he was going to die while trying to get better. He felt the warmth as tears rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto the bathroom sink.

Shaking, he finally dropped the razor and fell to the floor, grabbing his arm as he remembered what his grief counselor had told him. "If you don't stop, I'm going to kick you out. You won't ever get better that way. You need to let her, and the razors go, no matter how much it hurts." She had put a hand on his arm before asking him to leave her office. Harry knew he had screwed up… again. There was no fixing this, but he needed to. He just needed help! No. What he needed was Ginny back.

Instead of cleaning the bathroom, he left the razor on the floor and wrapped his arm in gauze. Not caring how his house looked, he grabbed the journal he was writing to Ginny. He needed to keep up on it. He had written an entry every day since she died, and was going to give it to her on the one year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. He knew she wouldn't read it, but it helped him so much more than anything else. It was almost as if he could still talk to her, through this journal.

Dear Ginny,

I love you so much. I just wish you were here with me again. Why did it have to be you? I know, you've heard this so many times but I still miss you more than you could ever believe. I'm going to go visit you again tomorrow. Since it's the year anniversary, I need to give you this. Then work on next years'. I just can't believe I've made almost made it through a year. And I still feel like it happened yesterday. I even expect to wake up and see you sitting in the front room or in the kitchen making breakfast. Every time, my heart skips a beat when I think I hear your voice but then… I realize it's not you. You've been gone almost a year. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, and remember what it was like when you were here with me. I don't understand. Why me? Would things have been different if Voldemort decided to go after the Longbottoms, not us? Or would he have succeeded there, but not felt satisfied? I don't know, but I think about this all the time. I wish life were easy, because then I would be set. Everything would be perfect; no one would be sick or feel grief. Oh well… I can't wait until I see you again. I miss you so much more than words can describe. I'm running out of room, and I need some for tomorrow. I can't wait to give this to you, I love you. I will always love you, and you will be in my heart. Stay safe my dear, be strong.

With so much love,

Harry Potter

Every letter to her went about the same. He just needed to let her know how much he loves her, and how much she means to him. Nothing would ever be the same, and Harry knew that. Even after a year, people still bowed to him and wanted to meet him. They all knew he had dropped magic out of his life, but they couldn't help it. They just loved him so much, that they couldn't believe he just left. Seeing that it was approaching two in the morning, Harry turned out the light and attempted to sleep.

Not an hour later, he was jolted awake by the same night mare. Harry knew why he was having it, but he couldn't stop it. It was always the same. Red and green bolts of light separating him from his future wife. Her falling and hitting the ground never to breathe again. Everything ending in his life, all color and purpose fading away. But yet he had to keep going, keep fighting. The scariest part wasn't seeing Ginny die over and over again, night after night, it was knowing that he wouldn't see her alive once he woke up. Not sleeping for the rest of the night, he got up at 7 as usual. Even though it was his day off, he had things to do.

Harry sat in the last remaining chair as he pulled out the journal.

Dear Ginny,

This is the last entry. Today is the day that you died. I can't believe I last a year without you… this just doesn't seem real. I hope you can feel the love through all of these letters. I just… don't want to let you go yet. I still have you old things and I thought maybe I would give some back to you. How about a picture of you and your brothers first, so you can remember what they looked like. I'm sure you see Fred wherever you're at. And yes, I do believe you two made it somewhere like heaven, because I don't think anyone so good could be punished. But then again, the world works in strange ways that no one understands. I just wish that nothing had happened. I know, you've heard this a thousand times and it must be boring now, but there is nothing else I want right now. I would give anything to just see you one more time. Not like I see you every day now. But really see you, touch you and show you how much I love you. I don't know how to make you believe that I will love you no matter what, but I hope this journal has helped. Please keep my heart safe for me up there. I miss you more than words could ever explain and I hope you know that. I can't wait to see you, as I know it will come soon enough. All I can hope is that you're happy, and that you will love and remember me.

Forever and always,

Harry.

Tears ran from his eyes and landed on the journal, creating small circles of water. Harry knew, deep in his hear that he wouldn't ever get his Ginny back but he could still hope, couldn't he? Sighing, he pushed back from the table and snatched up the journal as well as Ginny's old sweater. Rushing out the door, he made sure it was locked before getting into his car. Not sure he was ready for this; Harry turned the key and began to head toward the cemetery.