Tears coursed down her face, leaving angry red marks that gleamed harshly against her skin in the light. She sucked in a gasping breath as if she was about to let out a sob, but instead, stayed silent as another wave of tears made their way down her cheeks. Her thoughts were just a whirlwind that zipped past her, so fast that she couldn't quite grasp anything coherent. Nor did she want to; she wanted this bliss-pain, the pure loss of mind, the feather-lightness of her thoughts. It felt so much better than the heavy weight of her mind, of her memories, flashes of past times; of smiles and tears, of laughs and sobs. Of the weeping angry red lines that had lined up his arms. Blood that had mixed with the water in swirls.
She cast away the images, flinging them back into the wind of her mind until she couldn't have brought them back if she wanted to. She tipped her head back, wondering why she felt so dizzy; then she remembered her need to breathe. The gasping breath tore free of her mouth and the dizziness died mutely, allowing her to sober slightly, just enough to make resurrect her hearing. But there was nothing, just the quiet teardrops on the pillow she was hugging tightly and the occasional gasp of breath.
Another image slammed into her skull, so clear and vivid that for a fraction of a split second, she was stone cold sober; it was his face, his laugh, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges, the way his shoulders shook and how his eyes had glittered and sparkled with so much life. The memory had a warm glow about it, which probably meant the memory had once given her joy, but now, it just tugged at her heart, at the powder left of it; which she couldn't quite bring herself to scatter to the wind just yet.
She flung the memory back into the wind, but the wind wasn't as strong as it had once been, and it was only carried a short way away from her, so it was left at the corner of her mind. She knew that she wasn't going to be like this for much longer, and the weight was going to try and crush her again, only this time it would be heavier. Guilt would nag at her, telling her how she shouldn't be ruining her life like this, how he would never have wished this upon her. And then she would go back to holding her pillow, and the blissful nothingness would take over once again. Feeling had started to come back, and she could feel the tips of her fingers, they were freezing. So were her hands, and her feet. She was shivering hard by the time the wing that blew away the weight was completely gone. And she was once again left alone with her mind and the images that continued to plague her and destroy her, one smile at a time.
Ok, so that was my first Fanfiction...
Please review!