This is a story about a few of my favourite things: FanFiction, Reid, Morgan, Reid/Morgan, Garcia, slash in general….

You get the idea.

This story starts with a dirty secret. This secret belongs to one innocent seeming Dr. Spencer Reid. Is that a gasp I hear? No I'm not lying, there's no mistake Reid has a dirty secret. The secret is that at his house he has a laptop; one Garcia is not allowed near, one where he often deletes the history of his internet. Now none of this is that dirty, that's because the dirty bit is what he does, why he has to delete his history. The answer is simple. Spencer goes onto FanFiction and reads slash about himself and one very sexy Derek Morgan. These stories are a replacement for what he really wants but will never have-sex with Morgan. But not just sex, no he wants it all, Spencer wants Derek to love him like he loves Derek-truly and forever. Yes, Reid was in love with a man who could only be gay or even bisexual in his (and many crazy fangirls' [A/N: myself included]) dreams. His favourite are the stories that are so descriptive that when he masturbates that night he imagines whatever crazy scene was described and can actually feel Morgan's hands on him and screamed Morgan's name as he came. That was one benefit of eidetic memory. But he also loved the sweet stories where it was just Derek telling spencer he loved him because these were words spencer wanted desperately to hear in reality. But all of these hopes were delusions because despite the fact he and many fans wanted it Derek did not. This was Reid's sad, unrequited love story. His life went on like this for ages until one day calamity struck in the form of Garcia.

Spencer awoke to what he thought was going to be a regular day. He had a cup (or two) of coffee, Drove to work in his ancient car, Walked into work, his heart fluttering when Derek said hello, and then Garcia walked up to him.

"Reid," she called in a sing-song voice, "I need to see you in my lair." Spencer was surprised but he went to her office/lair as she had requested.

"I have recently discovered a very interesting site called FanFiction. I've also found out you go on it and read slash about you and Chocolate worshiper." Reid's face became redder and redder as she spoke and by the time she was done he'd hidden it in his hands. There was nothing he could say to deny this. He expected she would now be disgusted and was shocked when she threw her arms around him and squealed, "I knew it. I knew you two were perfect for each other. Thank god for FanFiction and its eye opening abilities, I've been on that site for years. You two will be sooo cute together!"

"Umm, Garcia," Spencer interrupts her, "One problem-Derek's straight."

"That's what you think. I on the other hand have confidential information on my Mocha Muffin and his sex life and happen to know he swings both ways."

"Fine. But even if he is bisexual I still have no chance. I want a serious relationship with him. Not only does Derek never settle down but he could have anyone-girl or guy-he'd never pick me."

"Sweetie, do you trust me?"

"No." Reid can tell this is the start to some crazy Garcia plan that he didn't want any part in.

"Wrong answer. Try again, this time saying yes." Spencer knew Garcia really wanted this and she always got what she wanted so he gave in, "Yes."

"Good. Now we can start step one-fix Spencer's clothing."

"There's nothing wrong with my clothing. I don't need my wardrobe 'fixed'."

"You dress like my grandfather. Do you want Derek or not?"

"I want him."

"So listen to the All-Knowing Goddess, she's always right."

}o{

That weekend was set aside for shopping. At about 2 in the afternoon on Saturday Prentiss and Garcia showed up for the 'fitting and brainstorming'. Prentiss had been sworn to secrecy and was now having the time of her life trying to decide what clothing what show off Reid to his best advantage.

"Something that's actually his size would be great," Prentiss suggested.

"Also something from this century," Garcia agreed.

"But nothing that screams 'gay'."

"Ya, that's not Morgan's type."

"So, good features?"

"His butt is cute."

"OK. One, jeans that aren't too tight but still hug his ass."

"Some T-shirts. But keep with the collared shirts and sweater vests."

"But better fitting. Cute and nerdy is definitely Reid's style."

"What else is there? I'd keep the mismatched socks, it's cute and it's a part of Reid."

"Does he have muscles? That could be important to buying a T-shirt." Prentiss also wanted an excuse to see the cute genius shirtless, gay or not.

"Reid. Shirt off," Garcia said, switching her attention from Prentiss to the young genius who'd been sitting become embarrassed and uncomfortable as the girls talked about him. "No." Reid was not taking his shirt off. Tighter clothing was bad enough he didn't need the girls to see him shirtless. But Garcia was not giving up, "Take it off or we'll have to peek when you're in the change room. Which would you prefer?" This was mortifying enough that Spencer took his shirt off nervously.

"OMG! I knew there was no way a guy could be in the FBI and not have muscles." Prentiss was right, while Reid did not have enormous muscles he was not just skin and bone beneath his ill-fitting outfits. Spencer suddenly found his feet extremely interesting.

"OOOH," Garcia squealed, "Jr. G-man, you are sexy with you shirt off. I think I'm going to faint."

"That's it, " Reid declared, putting on his shirt, "I'm not doing this."

"You're doing this. For yourself and for my Chocolate Sex God." Garcia was right of course.

}o{

The next day they went shopping. Joy, Spencer thought, more of Penelope and Emily dragging me around like I'm some kind of puppet. Which was exactly what happened, they went to what felt like a hundred stores, getting Reid new clothes.

That Monday he got a text from Garcia telling him to wear 'outfit #3'. Spencer did as Garcia wanted putting on a pair of dark-ish blue jeans, a white collared shirt and a forest green sweater vest both more fitted than he was used to. There were rules about how to wear everything, rules such as Reid not being allowed to button the top buttons of his shirt. Luckily for Spencer this was still better than some of the T-shirts. Glad for the small mercies of his mismatched, purple and black, socks and messenger bag he went to work (after fortifying himself with 2 cups of coffee).

Okay done chapter one (there will be more)