First Work: My Head's Above the Rain and Roses id: 12922982
Previous Work: Unbroken id: 13150718
I HAVE NOT YET SEEN AVENGERS: ENDGAME! PLEASE DO NOT PUT SPOILERS IN YOUR REVIEW! Thank you.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any other related or recognizable characters and/or properties contained within. All rights go to Marvel Comics, Marvel Studios, and any other interested third party (I don't think I could name them all.)
The title of this fic comes from the Skylar Grey song "Coming Home (Part II.)" All credit goes to Holly Hafermann.
This fic is rated T. Use your own discretion to decide whether you can handle it.
Monday, September 5th, 2011
Being the wife of a spy had its ups and downs – certainly more downs than ups sometimes – but in the end Laura Barton wouldn't trade it for anything. She loved Clint and the family she made with him. They were the best things in her life. She couldn't imagine being without them. So, naturally, when she got a call from Phil Coulson at three in the morning warning her that her husband had been compromised and that the house needed to go under lockdown immediately, well, heartbroken and terrified wouldn't even begin to describe what she felt.
Despite the state of panic that call had thrown her into, Laura somehow managed to stay strong and follow the emergency lockdown procedure. She got the shotgun from the armored safe in the basement and went around not only locking all the doors and windows, but jamming them with slats of wood and other materials that would make it a lot harder for an intruder to open if they tried, and blocking them all out with blinding devices that would allow them to still be able to see out the window, but would not allow a sniper to see inside of the house. Once that was done, she waited crouched by one of the front windows and waited for May to show up.
Agent Melinda May was a close friend of Clint, Natasha, and Coulson. She had been Coulson's partner for several years before an incident in Bahrain left her traumatized. She was also one of the few people to know about the farm's existence along with the previously mentioned three and S.H.I.E.L.D. Director Nick Fury. Laura didn't know May as well as Natasha or Coulson, but Clint trusted the woman with not only his life but the lives of their children as well, so Laura felt confident that she'd protect them if it came down to that.
Luckily, it never came to that. From the time May arrived, things were quiet, and they stayed quiet. Although that should have relieved Laura, all it did was put her more on edge. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen, for danger to rear its ugly head, but it never did. She found herself thanking God for the kids. If she couldn't busy herself by distracting Cooper and Lila from the strange circumstances by playing Candyland and doing arts and crafts, she would have driven herself insane with worry.
May, for the most part, stayed out of the way. She offered to help with dinner and the like, but for the most part, she kept her distance and kept watch on the perimeter. Even though she didn't show it on her face, Laura kind of got the sense that May was uncomfortable around the kids. That was understandable, given what she knew of the Bahrain incident (which was just the bare essentials: May was put in a situation where she had to kill a child to save dozens, maybe hundreds of lives and she was having a hard time dealing with it) so she tried not to let Cooper and Lila bother her too much. For the most part, things worked out perfectly fine and Laura was able to make it through the weekend without incident.
By Monday, Laura was still worried, but she was still able to hide that worry from the kids. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep that up, though. They always said "no news is good news" but that wasn't easing her anxiety one bit. No news didn't tell her where Clint was, if he was safe or hurt, whether she and the kids were in danger if he was even alive… It was so bad she had to dip into the emergency bag of chocolate she kept hidden in the back of the fridge and sneak a Hershey's bar while Lila took a nap and Cooper was otherwise occupied (because sugar is only for special occasions, kids) just to take the edge off. She was about three-fourths of the way through the bar when she heard a voice speak up beside her.
"I just got a call from Romanoff; your husband is secured, and they're headed back to the nest. ETA: two hours." Laura's first reaction was to jump with eyes wide, considering she didn't hear May approach and she initially thought it was one of the children who caught her sneaking contraband sweets. Once she realized what was being said, a huge wave of relief washed over her.
"Oh, thank God," she said after swallowing down the rest of the bite that was in her mouth. "Is he okay?"
"A few bumps and scratches," May said. "But otherwise, physically he's no worse for wear." That word struck Laura hard.
Physically.
"Were those Natasha's exact words?" Laura asked.
"Yes," May said. "She said they'd fill you in once they got back." Laura nodded in acceptance. After all, there was nothing she could do about it now. Still, she felt an uneasy lurch in her stomach. To settle it, she decided the best course of action would be to keep herself busy. Popping the last bit of candy bar into her mouth (which ended up being more than she could chew) she turned to May and gestured to one of the kitchen windows.
"Mind helping me take these blinders off?" she asked. "I mean I know we probably shouldn't go all clear until Clint and Nat get back, but I just don't like having them on."
"Alright," May said. "Romanoff said it was safe to anyways." Laura nodded again, and the two women quickly and quietly set to work removing the blinding devices from the window. Once that was done, Lila had awoken from her nap and Cooper became bored with whatever toy or game he had been playing with, and Laura had to engage them in another game, just to keep them occupied until Clint came home.
When it came close to the ETA Natasha had given them, she gathered the kids on the front porch, telling them there was a surprise coming. When the Quinjet became visible on the horizon, both Cooper and Lila perked up. They tried to bolt to the designated landing area, but Laura held them in place to ensure their safety. It wasn't until Clint and Natasha were stepping off the jet that she let them go.
"Daddy!" They both squealed at the top of their lungs as they bounded towards Clint. From the porch, Laura could see him break out into a huge grin as he crouched down and held his arms out to catch them. Cooper reached him first, being the oldest and having the longest legs, and tackled him into a bear hug. Lila was a lot gentler as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Clint laughed, hugged them both tightly, and kissed the top of their heads. Laura could feel her heart melting at the sight. It was clear he missed them as much as they missed him.
While the kids kept Clint occupied, Natasha approached the house. Laura visibly flinched when she saw the damage on the other woman. She had stitches going up to her scalp, and more cuts and bruises than she dared even count. This mission was a tough one, there was no denying that. Hell, the fact that Clint had been compromised told her that much. However, seeing the damage on one of her closest friends – and not knowing whether her husband had inflicted that damage or not – made it more shockingly real to her. Nonetheless, Natasha seemed to be in good spirits and had her arms out to give her pseudo-sister-in-law a hug as she approached.
"Hey," she said as she wrapped her arms around Laura. "How've you been?"
"Alright, considering." Laura pulled back a bit. "What about you?" She gestured to the stitching at Natasha's forehead. "What happened? Are you alright?" Natasha shrugged.
"Not anything that won't be healed by tomorrow." Laura shot her a look. "I'm fine, alright. Just a few bumps and scratches, nothing too serious."
"Right," Laura said disbelievingly before patting her friend on the shoulder. "I'm looking at it later. No arguments."
"Okay, Mom," Natasha said with a fake eye-roll. Laura cracked a smile. At the same time, Clint started to walk back over, holding their giggling children in his arms. Her smile got wider as she walked over to meet them.
"Mommy," Lila called out when she saw her mother approaching. "Mommy, look! It's Daddy!"
"Yeah," Laura said. "I can see that, sweetie." She then turned her gaze to Clint "Anyway I can get in on this group hug?" He laughed.
"Come on," he said. "Join in. The more the merrier."
Laura couldn't quite get her arms to fully encircle Clint and the two kids, leaving her hands to rest awkwardly on Clint's shoulders. She didn't care, though. She was happy to have her husband close and safe.
"I missed you," she said softly. "We all did."
"Mm," Clint hummed. "I missed you guys, too. More than you can even imagine."
After another moment or two, Clint pulled back and set Lila and Cooper down on the ground.
"Alrighty," he said. "Daddy's back needs a break. My goodness, what has your mother been feeding you?"
"Oh, you know, the usual," Laura said. "Mostly just refuse and leafy greens." The kids laughed, even though they probably didn't know what refuse was. Clint's mouth dropped open in mock astonishment.
"Refuse and leafy greens?" he repeated. "No wonder you guys are so much heavier than I remember if you've been filling up on refuse and leafy greens!" As he spoke, Clint reached out and started tickling both Lila and Cooper's bellies. The two children burst into shrill fits of laughter so contagious that Laura couldn't help but laugh, too. Once the laughter died down, Clint spoke up again. "Alright, so why don't you two go and say hi to your Aunt Natasha?
"Auntie Nat?" Cooper questioned. The two kids whipped their heads around to search for the woman in question. Their eyes went wide as they spotted her crouching down and giving them a wave.
"What?" she said. "I don't get a hello hug, too?" Immediately the kids rushed over and tackled her in much the same way they did Clint. Meanwhile, Clint got up off the ground and pressed a kiss to Laura's cheek.
"Hi," she said.
"Hey," Clint responded as he pulled back. At that point, Laura took note of the apprehensive look on his face. "Hate to cut this short, but I need to talk to May." Laura raised an eyebrow.
"Why?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
"Something happened…" Laura's heart clenched. "She can't be the last to know." Laura nodded and let Clint go.
Clint approached May and asked her to talk privately for a second. She obliged. Once they were out of earshot, Laura approached Natasha and asked in the lowest voice possible, so the kids wouldn't hear, "what happened?"
Natasha said nothing, just looked at Laura with a grim expression. Laura swallowed hard, understanding what that meant instantly.
Something went horribly wrong.
Clint never had to break this kind of news to anyone before. Both his and Laura's parents died long before the kids were born and everyone in their lives was healthy and alive. Well, that was until now, and sadly the kids weren't the ones he was breaking the news to. Not yet, anyway. At least with the kids, he had some idea of how they would react. With May, he didn't know what to expect.
Before Bahrain, May was a kind, outgoing, happy person. When he first started working with her and Coulson years ago, it hadn't taken long for her to earn his trust. Not only was she just a nice person, but she was smart and knew how to make the tough calls. He just wished she didn't have to make the toughest call of all.
After Bahrain, it was like May was a totally different person. She became cold and distant. She transferred from being an active duty agent to working in HR, and shortly afterward her marriage to Andrew fell apart. Clint and Natasha had made a point of visiting her anytime they were in D.C., and it was a good thing they did, too. Otherwise, they probably would have lost contact.
Her change in personality was somewhat understandable, given what she had to do and the trauma that inflicted. However, even though it had been four years since the incident, Clint still didn't feel like he knew this new May all that well. He knew the old May would be upset, crying over the news and there was no doubt that May wouldn't be upset, but how she'd show it was a complete mystery to Clint.
As they continued down the dirt outline of the driveway, Clint kept looking back at the house, both checking to make sure no one was following them, and to make sure that it was still there. It wasn't until the figures of Laura, Natasha, and the kids were specks in the distance that May finally spoke up.
"Alright Barton," she said. "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Clint's stomach gave a hard lurch. He thought he had prepared himself for this on the plane, but apparently, he didn't prepare himself well enough. Everything he prepared to say in his head was just gone. Now, he was looking May right in the eyes and everything in her expression was demanding answers. Clint swallowed hard and tapped into that seemingly endless well of determination deep inside of him. He could do this.
"May," he said. "Something happened during the mission."
"I figured that much out," she said. "How bad was it?"
"Very bad," was a complete understatement but Clint had no idea how else to phrase it. "This is going to sound crazy, but I swear on my life it's true and Nat, Fury, and Hill will back me up on this." He took a deep breath. "A Norse God kidnapped me and several other S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives and had us do his bidding before using an extraterrestrial object of unlimited power to open up a portal into space and start an alien invasion." Clint couldn't figure out the expression May had on her face, so he took it as her not believing him. "It really is the truth. It was on every major news network. You would've seen it if we actually had cable…"
"What about Coulson?" Clint's blood froze. "You said that Romanoff, Fury, and Hill would 'back you up on this.' Coulson was supposed to be on the mission to recover you, too. Why didn't you mention him?" For once, Clint found himself cursing how perceptive May was. He looked down for a second and took a deep breath before meeting May's eyes again.
"Coulson's dead." The words were just as much of a smack in the face to Clint as they were to May. Even saying them aloud himself he couldn't believe them. They burned through his soul and smashed his heart. One of his closest friends was dead, and yeah that might be just the name of the business, but it still didn't make the loss any less painful.
May, meanwhile, looked like she went somewhere else for a second. Her expression didn't change much, but for a second her eyes looked like a spark went out. When she came back, there was no hint of emotion in her voice.
"How?" Clint gave her a quizzical look. "How did it happen? Just tell me how."
"He was stabbed through the chest," Clint said. "The Norse God – Loki – he stabbed Coulson through the chest with his scepter. At least, that's what I heard. I wasn't there…" A pang of guilt ran through him.
I wasn't there. At the time, Clint had been brainwashed and fighting Natasha. If he had managed to break Loki's hold on him sooner… Hell, if he hadn't allowed himself to be brainwashed in the first place, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe Coulson would still be alive.
"Don't do that to yourself, Clint." Natasha's warning tone echoed through his thoughts and served as a reminder. It was Loki's fault, not his. Loki was responsible for this. Loki killed Coulson, not him.
Looking back at May, he saw her eyes had drifted to a downward direction. It was clear she was struggling to process the news. Clint wanted to put a hand on her shoulder, to comfort her in some way, but he wasn't sure how well that would be received. So instead, he asked her.
"Are you okay?" May nodded sharply.
"Yeah," she lied. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a moment to myself."
"You sure?" Clint was hesitant. He didn't feel right leaving May alone now. Still, she nodded in the affirmative.
"I just need a second," she said. "I'll be fine." Reluctantly, Clint nodded.
"Alright," he said. "Take all the time you need. Just come back and say goodbye before you leave." May nodded, but Clint waited for verbal confirmation.
"I will." At that point, Clint nodded, turned, and headed back towards the house.
The entire walk back Clint was haunted. Flashes of memories sped through his mind. In quick bursts, he saw Loki touching the scepter to his chest, Natasha searching the wreckage of what was once his house, the smile Coulson had on his face when Clint told him of the birth of his godson, shooting arrows into people's necks in Germany, the missile destroying the farm, taking out that engine, meeting Coulson for the first time, fighting Nat, the explosion that killed them both… All of it mixed and blurred in Clint's mind's eye. He knew some of it wasn't real; that it was a hallucination created by Loki, but he still couldn't help but be affected by it. After all, in the past few days his brain had been tampered with, smashed, and turned completely inside out. He's not even sure he recognizes it anymore.
It's only when he reaches the front door that he notices that Laura had been waiting for him. His heart sinks when he sees her expression – a mixture of concern and grief. He instantly crosses the threshold and pulls her into his arms.
"Nat tell you?" Laura nods.
"The kids don't know yet," she says. "Cooper's got Nat in a game of high-stakes Chutes and Ladders and Lila's showing her all the pictures she's drawn since the last time she visited." She tries to smile but fails miserably. "Oh my God, Clint…"
Clint tightens his hold on her as the sobs hit, both to comfort her and to anchor himself. The cacophony continues inside his head; memories swirling and swishing together. Every time he sees the house being blown to smithereens, his grip on Laura tightens a little more, reminding himself that she's still there; that she and the kids are still alive. Unfortunately, though, he can't say that about all the faces flashing through his mind.
Hi! So originally this was going to be a part of Live to Rise, but I realized I had no idea where I was going with the storyline and abandoned the whole fic for a new one that made a lot more sense. Don't worry, it's still called Live to Rise, I just cut off all the excess fat and condensed it down to the events that were imperative to the narrative. However, this whole chapter was a casualty of that and that made me sad because it's one of the few that actually made sense. So, I decided to salvage it and turn it into a one-shot! Let me know what you think, but PLEASE don't talk about Endgame in the reviews. I'm going to see it either tomorrow or Sunday. I don't know which yet. I need to figure out something with my mom and sister.
Remember kids, spoilers, spoilers are no fun. Spoilers, spoilers hurt someone.
Originally posted to FFN on 4/26/19.