A/N: Maybe my last story here. This was actually meant to be the start of 'Mind Games' but I later changed it. Good? Bad? Do you like this style better or should I leave the back story hidden in Mind Games? This is a trial post. If people respond well to it then I will completely re-construct the Mind Games story with tons of new chapters with constant chapters and no jumping from month to month like in Mind Games. Well, here ya go.
It was cold.
She awoke with a start, bleary bloodshot eyes snapping open, trying their best to adjust to the dim lights of the stars sprayed across the blue-black sky, and she found herself shivering, found her face and hands and mouth dry from the frigid air that seeped through the cracks on the windshield and the rolled-down windows. It was cold and her exposed hands were numb and her fingers ached as she forced the frozen limbs to flex, pale knuckles creaking with effort like the rusty nuts and bolts cradled inside the engine of the old truck her brother had used to pick her up from her house that night.
She wore no coat to protect her from the bitter cold of the night, just the faded camisole she had donned to practice that afternoon, the pair of jeans with the five month-old tear at the knee that exposed a nasty cut she'd gotten after taking a tumble down to the rough asphalt as she'd walked home after getting kicked from the team she had been playing for during the past two years and a pair of well-worn sneakers that her parents had gifted her after her graduation from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It wasn't fit for traveling and she should've changed as soon as she had gotten home but she had been coherent for just a small amount of time after getting kicked from her team.
Instead of changing, she had gone right down to the kitchen and the cabinet there, searching for a remedy for the heartache that had plagued her and had found it in the shape of her trusty bottle of Firewhisky. She saw no harm in a drink or two. The first two glasses had been as effective as a strengthening potion and the few that had followed had steadied her nerves and the others had only served to harden her resolve along with her aching heart. A temporary cure, one she had been using for more than a year now. It was effective while it lasted and there were little side effects, even if she found herself a bit crippled by them sometimes.
But her brother hadn't been impressed by her homemade cure when he'd arrived.
Instead, he'd dragged her into the old car that was now legally hers and had basically shoved the two kids she was supposed to be taking care of inside before he'd started the rusty hunk of metal and had flown out of their neighborhood and into the dying sunset. She must've fallen asleep at some point, because her limbs felt heavy and sore. And she was really, really cold. She rubbed her hands together for long minutes, trying to infuse some warmth into the stiff limbs while she forced her eyes to work properly so she could squint at the inside of the car. She was jammed against the passenger's door of the pickup truck, head lolling on her shoulders as if her neck had been snapped in two with Ming Lee resting on her lap, her tired eyes smudged with dark shadows that were only getting darker as the night passed by, and Henry sat in the middle sucking on his thumb with the same tired expression his little cousin had on her face.
Her brother sat at the wheel of the truck, maneuvering the car easily even though the sky was dark, tall glass buildings jutted here and there and she could barely see past the faint light of the weathered headlights taped to the bent sockets at the end of the car's hood. She didn't like driving, much less flying in that car, but her brother could make his way through a mazy blindfolded so she wasn't very worried. His usually slicked dark hair was in complete disarray over his strong brow, meaning he hadn't had the time to comb through it before he had left his home in a hurry, and his face was set in hard, angry lines, his brow forced into a frown that creased the smooth tan skin on his forehead, making him look older than his thirty years. And she knew that the anger was directed at her. In his presence, she usually felt cocooned, safe and protected with him there and his daughter on her lap and his nephew between them, but this wasn't a normal family outing.
"How long have I been out?" She asked quietly so she didn't disturb the two children who were silently nodding off. When her brother didn't answer, she shifted to a topic that had been persistently nagging at her since she'd returned to the world of the living. "Mum is going to have a mild stroke when she finds out I'm not home."
"I don't think your leaving will surprise her." Her brother forced the words out. They sounded more like grunts than words but she understood them. She was used to him being irritated at her, since it had been a constant thing as of late. "Mama will rest easy knowing that I'll be taking care of the kids."
She sank back into the ragged leather seat of the car, squinting through the darkness at their surrounding, trying to make out shapes in the semi-darkness. "Where are we going?"
His fingers clenched around the steering wheel, his knuckles white from the force of his grip as he considered her question for quite a while before answering her. "To London. You can get a house there, get a job and a fresh start. Where you can get a life."
"I have a job." She stated matter-of-factly, quite pleased with what she thought was an excellent answer to his not-so-subtle insult. "I'm a quidditch player."
"No, no you're not." He made a smooth right turn, the car shifting slightly to the side and making the contents of her stomach churn in and rise as bitter-tasting bile that burned her throat as she swallowed it down. "You got kicked out of the team. Gregory called me and told me he had to remove you and that, unless you stop drinking, you won't be playing anytime soon."
"I wasn't drunk today!" She gave a loud, offended sigh and then remembered the children nodding off inside and lowered her voice to a vicious but slurred hiss. "I'm not partying with the team anymore and I hardly drink as it is. Gregory can shove the seeker position up his stupid arse if he thinks I'm coming back after this."
"Like you were actually going to stop drinking." The hard, angry lines that had formed wrinkles on his handsome face were back again. "Look, I'm bloody irritated. Don't talk to me unless you have something important to say."
"Fine." She folded her arms over her chest, careful to avoid Ming's small head as the girl bobbed back and forth, side to side as she fought sleep. "Why are you driving this hunk of scrap metal? You don't have permission from the ministry to fly it, it's forbidden. Last idiot who flew a muggle car got slapped with a hefty fine and a magic misuse tag."
"I'm flying your heaping hunk of scrap metal because the children are too young to apparate and you were too drunk to help me by taking one and apparating. I didn't want to be responsible for a double homicide, so I just took this piece of crap out for a spin."
"Don't call it mine, I hate this car. I only kept it because I had no choice." And because she didn't want to insult or hurt anyone's feelings by sending the car off to be dismantled somewhere for a bit of gold and silver.
"Whatever." He forced the words out through clenched teeth, fingers digging into the flesh-colored cover on the steering wheel. "There's a bag with clothes and items you will probably need and I hid a pouch with enough coins to keep you alive for a few months."
Ming finally collapsed against her chest, momentarily muting her and cooling down the temper that had been steadily rising for a few minutes as she made sure her niece was comfortable and fast asleep before turning to her father. "Why would I need any of that?"
For once, she was only too happy to have both kids in the car with her. She was sure that if she had only been traveling with her older brother he would've reached out in an attempt at strangling her. "Because you're staying here."
""Here?" Oh, Dear God, he was dumping her somewhere. Panic rose in her chest at the same time she narrowed her eyes, trying to spot some kind of landmark or greeting sign in the dark. "And where is 'here' again?"
"London, Goddamn it!" Ah, yes. He'd already told that before at some point in their conversation but her memory was still hazy and her mind was just as numb as her fingers. "Shake that alcohol from your brain and pay attention to what I'm about to say to you."
"Does mum know you're leaving me stranded somewhere? I can hit you with some kidnapping charges, you know." It was no time to joke but she had to at least try and change his mind. To show him that she was still an adult and could make the best out of a bad situation, but her brother wasn't laughing. "I still can't believe you flew us from Scotland to London…"
"No, she doesn't know, no you won't and yes I did, so start believing!" The car slowly descended, the engine humming in content as the city lights grew stronger. "Call a friend. Or don't. Do whatever you want. Maybe someone will have pity and take you in for the night. You could try and find a place to stay with the coins I gave you, but you'll probably waste them on booze."
There was no point in arguing with him.
Arguing with him was as good as arguing with a brick wall at the moment. Everything she said to him was a cry to deaf ears, as easy as trying to find a blue book in a library full of red books while being blindfolded. The man's mind was set and he really thought he knew her inside-out, thought she was nothing more than a helpless alcoholic who often turned to drink when things didn't turn out her way. He was wrong, utterly and completely wrong, but she wasn't about to correct him or try to change something that was set in stone. Her brother didn't understand and he wouldn't try understanding because he was tired of her, of what she had become. If he was angry it was because he was hurt and confused and didn't know what else to do, so he just got upset and that made him pissed and defensive. She knew that because they shared the same blood, because she often did the same thing when she couldn't understand something.
Andy was dead-set on leaving her there in London, anyways. Her family might be all attractive and elegant, but they had steel rods for spines and when they set their mind on doing something they did it or died trying. Maybe that had been the problem with her. She had too much of her father's blood in her and that had sent all of her priorities down the drain, had made her suffer harsh blows because of her damned pride. It was why she hadn't argued when her brother had first dragged her out of her home and into the car. Well, that and because she'd been four sheets to the wind…or was it five? She couldn't remember how that saying went, only that she'd been too drunk to care about him dumping her inside the car and she had lost consciousness soon after the car had taken off.
She actually felt like drinking again now that she was sobering up after a couple of hours asleep. She was actually proud of the fact that she still had a bit of a buzz from the bottle for Firewhisky she had drowned earlier. If her brother was simply going to toss her out like a dingy mutt whose affections he had outgrown she might as well be numb enough to have her heart cut open and still walk away like it meant nothing. She would need another bottle, maybe a bit of aged Scotch whiskey this time, after he left, that way she could face the cold and bitter truth about her situation: maybe her brother was right. Maybe she really was that big of a leech and deserved what he was doing to her. She would feel devastatingly incomplete without her family, but their happiness lay in Scotland, without her- and she wanted them to be happy, even if that meant she would have to tear herself from them for the rest of her pathetic existence.
They were already there, anyways. She doubted he would change his mind now, after driving for long hours even when he had no permission to fly the antique car from the ministry and the car had no protection from the watchful eyes of curious and mystified muggles. Andrew meant business. She could just sit there cursing the day she was born as the truck cut through bright grey clouds while it made its way down to the paved streets bellow. This was all cold stone and concrete, not the lush green landscapes of her homeland. The skies were grey, every day the brooding city got a little bit darker, people who you thought you knew showed you who they truly were, the smell of the city became stronger and a little more unbearable. She promised herself she would never return, that she wouldn't live in the dump that the newly constructed wizard community there had become, yet there she was, getting dropped off by a brother who wanted little to do with her.
She was still wishing she was half-comatose when she finally had the courage to quietly ask him about her well-deserved fate. "You're really leaving me here, in the middle of nowhere?"
"You're not 'nowhere', you're in London. It's the capital. Half of the working wizard community lives here." Yes, the liars, the gossipers, the cheaters, the traitors, the gamblers, the dirty players of the wizard world. She would fit right in with their filthy lot and that made her brother's betrayal ten times worse.
"Same difference." She grumbled the words under her breath, giving her brother a sharp and thorough glance. She would miss the playful nudges that they often gave each other when they joked around during family outings, miss the warmth in his eyes and the rasp of his voice, but he probably wouldn't miss her at all given his sudden distaste. "I have nowhere to go. I don't know anyone. You might as well leave me in somewhere in Asia."
"Don't tempt me." Andrew didn't look angry anymore, just sad and disappointed as the car's wheels touched the asphalt and slowly came to a halt in front of a flashy wand store. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was in a wizard district of the city, though she had no clue where that was. "Look, you have enough money to get yourself a cozy home but I recommend you get yourself a job and do it quick. If you need a little more coin, don't hesitate to send me a message but leave mum and dad out of this. I mean it about the job. I won't send you money forever. I suggest you avoid wasting it on alcohol at all costs."
Only the warm weights of the boy fast asleep at her side and the baby girl against her chest kept her from screaming at her brother demanding he take her back home. She threaded her fingers through her niece's dark hair and stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, drinking in the sight of her tousled dark locks. They felt soft beneath her fingers, feathery light and wispy as they curled here and there around her little head. Beautiful child, one of the few things that still brought her joy in life. She had never considered herself mother material, had no maternal instinct to guide her and little will and patience to have any children of her own, but she had always considered the boy sleeping next to her and her niece her own children. She nurtured them, spoiled them rotten and often spent long periods of time simply staring at them, watching the two as they ran through her parent's home.
She wouldn't see them again.
She didn't have the courage to show up at her parent's porch again after all the pain she had been causing them. Her brother had often thrown her defects at her face, adding more stress to a mind heavily burdened with the past and an uncertain future. She didn't blame him for being frustrated. He had his heart in the right place, even if he ended looking harsh and punishing. She was tearing her closely knit family apart with her habit of imbibing here and there almost every day. Her parents were so worried over her that they spent their days on the edge and often ended up arguing over stupid little things that had once made them laugh. The eldest of her brothers had been ignoring the wife he adored because he had been constantly trying to get her to quit her drinking binge and Andy had actually moved in with her so he could keep a close eye on what she did.
It didn't matter because she honestly didn't care about what her family thought anymore. She'd given up on herself a long time ago and she had tried to convince her family to do the same because she really was a lost cause. But they didn't want to let go of her and that only irritated her to the point where she didn't even come home sometimes. She left for days at a time, jumping from hotel to hotel and wasting the money she got from playing reserve seeker and future player replacement on the Tornadoes on alcohol and bets. And that was that. She didn't see a problem with the way she was living life but she did wish that the rest of the Changs would stay out of it. She wanted the freedom to do as she pleased and she had enough coin to feed her ugly habits and keep her alive. And if she strayed from home she kept the problems away from her wonderful family and focused on her, even if that made her seem selfish at times.
"So…" She brushed her thumb across Ming's cheek and turned to look at Henry, the shock of dirty blonde hair on his head in clear contrast with the long strands that slipped past her shoulder and spilled across his young face. She'd never see these two again, would never wake up and feel them curled next to her with their baby sleep-drunk looks on their beautiful faces. "This is it?"
"Mom and dad are under stress, constantly arguing with each other. Jason is sick with worry over you and I haven't slept well in months." She was shocked to see his dark eyes glittering under the streets light's faint glare, to see the trickle of tears as he stared at her and the children in turn. "Cho, you're breaking the family apart and I won't let you. I can't see you kill yourself anymore. If you're going to do it, do it far away from the family."
"Fair enough." She struggled to get her niece off her, tried her best to find a way to move the girl and ease her on her seat without waking her up. In the end, she had to open the door, slide out and gather the small sleeping body before placing her on the empty spot she had once occupied. "Thanks for the ride."
"I do love you, Cho. The house will feel terribly empty without you but you need this. This is me trying to force you into making something out of yourself." The vehicle wheezed to life again, the lights flickering with uncertainty as Cho reached past the window rolled half-way down to lock the door before patting the hollow outside, signaling for him to leave once the bag he had prepared to her hung from one of her shoulders. "Take care and get better. Stop drinking, get a new job and rebuild your life. I know you can do it, I believe in you, moppet."
It was sweet, how he was acting like his old self after practically kicking her out of his life.
"You have a touching but misplaced confidence in my self-control abilities." She patted the side of the car again and stepped away from the vehicle with a wry grin and a wave. "Take good care of the family and tell everyone I love them, Andy."
With one last curt nod her brother was off, the car slowly hitting the curve and making an 'u' turn before it sped past her and into the night sky. She watched silently and she found herself reaching out, her fingers spreading wide as her hand blocked the car from her view before she flexed and closed them wishing she could grab the truck and stop it, could bring it back down so she could get inside. But it was no use. The car kept going, drifting, drifting…until it was just a spec in the dark sky, a moving black spot against the sea of neon stars…then it was no more.
He's really gone.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. She cupped her face in her hands, the bag her brother had prepared for her sliding slowly down her arm until it rested on the indentation of her bent arm. Her eyeballs throbbed under the pressure; her face was hot under her touch, flushed with exertion from when she'd stepped out of the car and down to the dirty pavement. She was still drunk; most of the symptoms of over-enjoying her drink still hadn't surfaced, but they were starting to come out now that her mind was racing for explanations. The bile she had swallowed down shot up to her throat again, her stomach clenching and unclenching with disgust as the burning water she had been drinking earlier rose with a fury to match her panic.
Cho felt the blood drain from her head as she doubled over on a heave, swaying back and forth while she clung to a light pole for dear life. She wanted to be home with her family again. One of her siblings would've rushed to her side, steadying her as she heaved and emptied her stomach contents until she felt better. They would've made her feel better just by a touch, with their attention, just with their simple presence. She didn't have that anymore. No one was going to take care of her here, in the middle of a city she hadn't visited in more than five years. She tried to take it all in at once but very little made sense when her brain was still heavy and slow. If Andrew had thought it necessary to leave her there then he must've grown tired of comforting her.
She wiped at her mouth and straightened as she caught a stir in one dark corner. Lamp posts were scattered across the streets, their light reflecting off the heavy tinted glass of the buildings that surrounded her, but she couldn't make out any shapes in the faint light. The hairs on the back of her head suddenly prickled, the unpleasant feeling of being watched by someone or something hiding in the shadows, waiting for her until she was close enough to reach and it could touch her crossing her mind. She had to get out of the dark streets and into the safety of a hotel or a tavern. At least she would have a roof and some decent illumination.
She had never been a really big fan of the night. You never knew what was hiding in one corner until it struck and she was sure no one would offer her some help…at least not the kind she wanted. She fixed the bag strap back on her shoulder and forced her clumsy legs to mechanically propel her forward. This was so stupid. If her brother thought he could fix everything that was wrong with her by tossing her on the empty streets he was wrong. It had taken her years to develop her habit and she wasn't about to go cold turkey on something that had been so routine in her life. Alcohol had really been the only constant thing in her life after graduation from Hogwarts and that wasn't about to change anytime soon.
Cho frankly didn't see what the fuss was about, since she wasn't doing anything extraordinary with her life anyways. She wasn't doing anyone harm by drinking herself into a vegetative state or by sleeping off her alcohol-induced trance for long hours. There was no point in worrying over the future when she had hers secure as an heir to her father's broom company. Everyone in her home rallied around her when she was piss drunk and she never had to lift a finger to get anything done around the house if she just steered clear of the rest of her family. So she was lazy and too drunk to be a decent quidditch player, so what? The only reason why she was there was because her brother had arrived at her house that day to find her slumped on the living room couch.
She guessed he had the right to be upset with her behaviors that day, since that hadn't been the first time she'd slacked off during baby-sitting duty. She was supposed to be keeping a close eye on the two angel-demons that were Ming and Henry but they were usually silent and well-behaved around her. She trusted her brother would take good care of the children- absolutely and without question- yet until she made sure that his temper had cooled down by more than a few degrees she couldn't go back to her home and check on her two darlings. She wouldn't, of course, be welcome right away, not at her house or at her parent's place; that was crystal clear now. When she put her problems in perspective like that, Cho had no choice but to follow his advice and seek refuge for what was left of the night.
"Ah, fuck sakes." She suddenly remembered an old crumpled cigarette that had been resting in one of her pockets for at least three weeks and pulled it free and into her mouth in one fluid movement, lighting it up and taking a long drag. She didn't usually smoke but she might as well do the damage now and she needed something to relieve her stress. "Stupid place."
Last time she had been in London she had been, what, seventeen? Yes, seventeen and on a shopping spree for her last year at Hogwarts. She remembered because the group of girls that usually followed her at school had been with her. And Marietta had been there too. She hadn't seen her friend in years. Their last outing had been the summer before the final war and almost everything in Diagon Alley had been closed because of the inner turmoil that the Ministry was faced then and the mysterious disappearance of store owners and workers. Those had been dark times and, admittedly, shopping back then hadn't been fun, but they had used the trip as an excuse to spend time after months apart. Thinking about that hazy summer afternoon reminded her that she had not always been the mess she now was. And that she missed her friend.
They had been communicating through letters for most of their adult life and Cho had refrained from mentioning her financial problems or her alcohol addiction, afraid of losing the only connection she had with her past and her best friend's affections, so she had just mentioned quidditch, how great her family was doing and how she kept herself busy by club hopping with her fellow quidditch players. She had attended her best friend's wedding as one of her maids but that had been years ago. She should've put some effort in their friendship, even if she did ignore every other aspect of her miserable life. Maybe it really was time to pay her best friend a visit. She had nothing better to do in London anyways.
But she needed to find some shelter first…and maybe a drink or two.
A/N: Eh, Harry's bit would've made it too long but like I said before, this is a trial chapter so meh. And yes, she's drunk, ignorant, careless and rude and lazy. That's what the story is for, telling you how she got to be like that little by little. Don't complain because everyone molds the char to what they think and for her to fit in my plot she can't be the same Cho from Hogwarts or the one from my story 'A Second Chance'. This is a tougher, more world-weary Cho who has given up on life. Deal with it. She'll get better but you need the story to find out how the why and the when. So yeah, review please.