A/N: Hey aca nerds. so I meantioned I was writing this on my tumblr, as a oneshot, but this will be a chapter fic. because A) I want to see how it's received and B) i have two equally great ideas on continuing but would like your opinion? anyway, I hope you guys like it :)
I do not own Pitch Perfect
She realizes that she's in love with her best friend while riding on a bus.
The retreat had been exhausting, helpful, and overall a little weird. If you had asked Beca Mitchell about Chloe before the retreat, she would have talked about how she was her best friend, who cared more about a cappella than any person should, but it was okay because she had a beautiful smile and really really red hair that everyone loved. If someone were to ask her now, well, she would probably stutter her way through some "uhs" and "ums" before changing the subject.
It wasn't weird until that night in the tent where Chloe dropped her experimentation hint, which Beca immediately avoided and ultimately denied to herself - because how crazy is that? - until an hour later when Beca found herself face to face with a sleeping Chloe, and the comment echoed through her ears, bounced around in her memories, and shook up everything Beca had ever thought about Chloe, shook up every interaction they've ever had. Beca didn't know what it meant; she just knew everything was different, and when she woke up the next morning with one of her hands tangled into Chloe's hair, she considered that this whole mess warranted an exploration and maybe, eventually, an explanation..
Her first thoughts revolved around blaming Chloe. It was her comment that stirred everything up, after all, but if being caught in that bear trap taught Beca anything, it was that most things with Chloe are her own fault because all Chloe wants is for Beca to be happy because she's so kind and selfless and, well, perfect. But Beca already knew that; hell, everyone knew that, but something about it felt more significant somehow and looking into Chloe's eyes across the campfire secured that significance somehow and looking at Chloe's face in the tent that night made falling asleep easier somehow. It wasn't until the next day on the bus ride home that she would find out exactly how.
After saying goodbye to Aubrey, Beca is the first on the bus, headphones on and car charger ready to go, and she's already listening to music, feigning sleep when Chloe climbs on the bus ten minutes later. Beca is entirely aware that no one has sat next to her as usual, but this time she wonders if it is because 'next to Beca' is Chloe's reserved spot. Why this has never occurred to Beca is beyond her.
Chloe sinks into the seat next to Beca, and despite Beca's eyes being closed, she knows that Chloe is smiling at her. Her suspicions are confirmed when she feels her headphones slide off her ears and fall into place around her neck causing her eyes to shoot open and become locked with Chloe's. "What d'ya want, Beale?"
"I'm bored, and I know you weren't actually sleeping." Chloe grins at Beca, who only groans and rolls her head to the side in response but jumps when she feels Chloe poke her in the side. "You're just being laaazzyyyy."
"Quit poking me, Chlo. Just because you know I'm ticklish doesn't mean the rest of these punks have to. Don't take advantage."
"Hmmm or what? You'll tickle me back?" That look is in Chloe's eyes. That look that Beca saw when she talked about experimenting. That look she saw across the campfire. That look that she sees every time she closes her eyes and tries to figure out exactly what that look means or why it strikes not just a chord in Beca but a whole orchestra.
She must have taken too long to answer because when she snaps back to reality, Chloe is making herself comfortable next to Beca, pulling out a blanket from her bag. "Ha, yeah you wish."
Chloe grins just inches from her face, making Beca look away to avoid that look in her eyes. "You know I do. Now move your headphones. They're in my snuggle space."
She goes to move them from around Beca's neck herself, but Beca beats her to it. "Woah, woah, woah, Chlo. You're great, but our relationship has not reached the level of 'headphone handling' just yet."
"Mmm. Okay, Becs, we'll just have to see about that," Chloe says with a wink as she nuzzles into Beca's neck, resting her head on Beca's shoulder. "But for now, naptime."
Beca groans. "But you were juuussstt making fun of me for napping."
"That doesn't count, Beca, you were faking it." Beca can feel Chloe smiling into her. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't smiling back.
"No, it totally counts. Maybe I actually was planning on sleeping, and then you came and ruined it." When Chloe doesn't respond, Beca groans again. "Seeeeee, you're faking it now. You're only making my point more valid." More silence. "Okay whatever, you win this time. G'night Chlo, have a good nap."
"Love you, Becs."
Beca feels her heart flip, hears her breath hitch, and she hopes Chloe doesn't notice. It occurs to Beca that she might already have the answer to why everything seems different, hidden here in her own heartbeat, but it's just out of reach, so instead she takes a deep breath and lets herself relax. All in good time, she supposes.
She checks her phone, a good excuse for an unnecessary distraction, and has nine new messages.
Jesse [9:23]: bec. hey. when r u getting back ?
Jesse [9:36]: let me know when u leave ok?
Jesse [9:37]: i could just ask benji, i bet he knows
Jesse [9:37]: sorry to bother u
Jesse [9:51]: benji doesnt kno and he thinks its weird tht i thought he'd know
Jesse [9:51]: he and em are a thing arent they?
Jesse [9:52]: sry thats irrelevant. text me ok?
Jesse [10:28]: beca are u getting my txts? sry. its just important.
Jesse [10:35]: we need to talk
Beca's heart immediately begins flipping in the opposite direction at the words "we need to talk." But at the same time, she isn't worried.
Beca [10:53]: hey jesse sorry, i just got your messages. we left about 15 minutes ago. everything ok?
Jesse [10:54]: yeah sry. can we talk when u get back?
Beca [10:54]: sure, lunch?
Jesse [10:55]: sounds good. txt me
Beca tosses her phone into her bag, wondering but not caring about what Jesse needs to talk about. She probably should care. She probably should be worried. With all the movie watching Jesse put her through, Beca knows that the words "we need to talk" from one significant other to another usually leads to a less than positive situation. Beca knows this, but she doesn't care and she doesn't know why.
As if giving her the answer, Chloe shifts on her shoulder. Beca's thoughts return to Chloe's eyes when they burn into hers. Do her own eyes burn back? Does she want them to burn back? The thought makes her heart beat a little faster than it did before, and she suddenly realizes that Chloe's pulse point is pressed into her arm, finding its way there after Chloe had hugged Beca's arm like a teddy bear she needed in order to fall asleep. Her pulse is smooth and steady, unlike Beca's hastening and erratic pulse growing the more she thinks about Chloe and growing the more she realizes she thinks about Chloe. Does Chloe's heart beat like this when she thinks about Beca? Does she want Chloe's heart to beat like this when she thinks about Beca? Does she want Chloe to think about her? Obviously, because they're friends and Beca matters, but this is different. Why is this different? The answer flitters back up again, but Beca instinctively tries to choke it down.
This plan is foiled when Stacie goes from silently humming her music to singing it out loud, just loud enough for Beca to pick up on the words, leaving the idea hitting her all at once -
"-how to brave, how can i love
when I'm afraid to fall,
but watching you stand alone,
all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow,
one step closer -"
Beca becomes so overwhelmed by the realization that she doesn't have time to scoff at how cliche the song is for this moment. Everything occurs to her at once, all the memories of Chloe flooding back in their new light, only this time they aren't hidden behind a fog of Beca's own confusion and denial, rather, they are brighter than they have ever been. She imagines Chloe's eyes, Chloe's smile, Chloe's smell, Chloe's dorky laugh, Chloe's face when she gets angry that only ends up making Beca laugh and making Chloe pout, the way Chloe's skin feels when it brushes against Beca's, the way Chloe's voice can sometimes make Beca's heart skip a beat. It all appears all at once, and before Stacie can sing the next line, Beca is trying to stand. "Stop the bus! Stop! I have to- I have to get out."
"Wha? Becs?" Chloe's voice makes Beca jump.
"Stop the bus. Just- okay? Sorry to wake you up Chlo, just- uh, hold on. I have to-" Beca motions towards the door of the bus, now rolling to a stop on the side of the road. Avoiding Chloe's eyes, she moves as fast out the door as she can without actually running and begins pacing the length of the bus, her feet moving faster each time. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh my god, oh my god…"
"Beca, what the hell?"
"Are you okay?"
"Did Aubrey give you food poisoning? Are you going to make like Aubrey and vomit?"
"Amy, shut it, that's not funny!"
"Guys please shut up, okay? I just needed some air," Beca says, stopping to put her hands on her knees. She keeps her head down, eyes closed. "Oh my god, this isn't real. I can't breathe. I'm such an idiot. Oh god, oh god."
There are a couple of minutes of silence before Beca feels circles being rubbed on her back by a hand that she knows belongs to Chloe. "Shh, Becs. Whatever it is, it'll be okay." Beca lets Chloe continue to rub her back, the feeling leaving goosebumps all down her arms and on the back of her neck. She closes her eyes, imagining the possibility of "okay" where Chloe just knows, where Chloe just reciprocates, the only possibility Beca is really interested in. She shakes her head to get the idea out; she should be so lucky. But she takes a deep breath and instead of finding escape, the realization swallows her whole. She's in love with her best friend.
Slowly, Beca stands to face Chloe. Trying to remain calm, her eyes lock with Chloe's and she feels herself unravel, but she tries not to let it show. She wonders what her eyes look like as they stare into Chloe's endless gaze, full of soft comfort and bright reassurance. She imagines they are full of fear, not the horrified kind but the jittery nervous kind, like they might look at the top of a roller coaster or going on a hike and seeing a bear at a distance. Chloe smiles at her as if aiming to ease Beca, but Beca only sinks further, falling more into the realization than she even thought possible. These feelings wouldn't go away even if Beca tried.
"Chloe. I'm so screwed."
A/N 2: what do you guys think? let me know by reviewing or leaving me a message on my tumblr .com
question: should i continue and alternate perspectives between Beca and Chloe, or should I just stick with Beca? (also, Jesse's part in this won't be a needy boyfriend type, don't worry. I have big plans for him ;) )