Home and Reunion September, 1944

Cold autumn breeze blows through the quiet labor camp, bringing the taste of ocean and salt to our dull working life. I stretched my arms and legs, sitting on the edge of a big rock near the sea. It was midnight, the whole camp seemed to be sleeping, and I was almost certain that I was the only person awake. The summer in the Arctic seemed endless, with the never resting sun and the everlasting daylight. I couldn't sleep well on this kind of day, with nightmares constantly interrupting my sleep. Therefore, at some nights, I would take a long walk here to rest my mind. This was a cliff about three miles away from our camp, with a big rock slightly concealing me. The view of the cliff reaches out into nowhere, showing the whole vast, boundless Arctic Ocean. I found this place a few months ago while searching some logs in the nearby woods, and I immediately fell in love with its privacy and breathtaking view. It's a lucky thing that the NKVD never really care if we get several miles away from the camp. After all, no one would try to escape since doing so literally meant freezing or starving to death.

As usual, I couldn't sleep tonight, so I brought Dickens' Dombey and Son with me and slipped out my jurta in the middle of the night. Well, I referred it as "midnight", but the blazing sun was still high up in the sky, offering me enough light to read. I'd been half way through the book already, and I bet my Russian had definitely improved a lot, certainly not as good as Mother but maybe as fluent as Andrius already.

Mother, and Andrius.

I thought about them, the two people I'd missed most. It felt unfamiliar to recall memories of them. Since Mother's death, I'd kept myself occupied by taking Mother's previous responsibility of keeping Jonas and myself alive. I seldom thought about her because even the slight vision of her face made me choke, and I had to swallow my tears and be brave, since I did not want the NKVD to see me weak. And there was Andrius, I thought about him, reaching my hand into my pocket to feel the sparkling stone, and just the thought of his cyan blue eyes gave a twist in my stomach. I missed him. I had been longing to see him for months. In the coldest night of winter, I had wrapped Jonas and myself with rags and nets. In addition to hoping that the weather would warm up, I particularly imagined Andrius arms wrapping around me, his body radiating heat. This may seemed silly, but merely imagining him or even holding the stone he had given me secured me and rested my mind.

From time to time, ships with deportees came and descended more people to our camp. At first, we're all excited about it, but later on we gradually grew tired, since having more mouths demanding to eat just meant less food for everyone. In those days, I used to slip out of work and visit the nearby woods, trying to get as close to the harbor as I could without getting caught, eager to see a familiar face. As time passed by, however, my anticipation wore off and my disappointment grew with constant despair. I thought of the rafts I saw earlier yesterday, wondering if I had missed something, but quickly dismissed the thought since it was just impossible.

The tide beneath my feet had gotten so near to the edge of the rock I was sitting that I knew it was time to get back. Jonas would be worried about me, and I might get myself into trouble if the commander decided to have a morning stroll and eventually run into me. Just as I was about to stand up, I suddenly tensed when I heard a rustling sound about ten yards away from me. At first I thought it was a snake, or any wild animal, until the sound of shoes wading through the grass prove that I was encountering another human being. This almost scared me to death. I could be caught any moment, and I doubted any NKVD soldiers would be happy to see me leaving the camp so early in the morning. I posed myself for an attack, my muscles tensed as I dare not to move, half praying it was just an Arctic hunter wandering by. I tried to ease myself but was overwhelmed by anxiousness until suddenly a male voice about three feet away from me caught me off guard.

"It's been a while."

I was stunned the moment my ears caught the voice. The voice was too familiar, too real. Yet, how could it be possible? Or had I been too overwhelmed with my feelings that I was having an illusion? I couldn't bring myself to turn around. I just couldn't. It would be just too unbearable for me to find out that all of this is my own imagination.

"Lina! It's me."

I was almost certain that it was all the tricks of the winds until I heard my name. My name, coming out of the voice, sounded so distanced, yet so real, so near. I froze, my brain trying to make sense of what was happening. The way he called me, pronounced my name, it just couldn't be anyone else, although this whole thing seemed too good to be true. I made up my mind, turned around, and almost bumped into him.

Andrius Arvydas, the boy I had been dying to see, the boy who I had fallen in love with.

"Hey," He chuckled, as he seized me into his embrace. He didn't wear many clothes, literally, couldn't, but his body felt warm and cozy, radiating heat. I was just too shocked to say anything. I felt his hands running over my back, comforting me, and I could smell the scent of the woods from his overcoat. I didn't notice myself trembling until I felt his hands around me, circling my now skinny body. Acknowledging this, I tried to steady my breath, pulled myself away, and finally got a good look of him.

He hadn't changed a lot since I last saw him. He was still a head taller than me, his wavy brown hair dancing in the wind, and his hands half holding me felt strong and steady. I lifted my head, meeting his cyan blue eyes, feeling them pouring into me. I had always loved his eyes, loved the way they twinkled in the sunlight like two crystalline sapphires.

"How…? Why…?" I stammered. Thousands of questions were hovering in my mind, but when I finally found my voice, I could only get out two syllables. It sounded so stupid when the words reached my own ears. Lucky that Andrius got me almost immediately.

"To be honest, I have no idea what's really happening either." He let go of me, yet his eyes still fixing on mine. "Something seems to make the Soviets change their plans. They have been moving people from the south toward the barren lands in the Arctic since spring." He looked away, as if the ocean behind me could give him answers.

"And you? Mrs. Arvydas? Miss Grybas? Did…?" Did you all end up here? I wanted to know; concerns crept over me. The experience of living here for over two years made me felt so worried about them. After all, the conditions in Altai are way better in comparison to this place. I had always wished Andrius and all the others to be here with me, but when it really happened, I panicked.

"We're all here" Andrius looked me in the eyes. "Some weeks ago, the NKVD broke into our shacks and hauled us all out. They barked at us and forced us onto the train, the way they forced you two years ago. We had no idea where we'd be going, but I secretly hoped it would be where you were. At last, we all ended up here yesterday morning. And, Lina?" He sniffled, hands reaching out to hold mine. I let him. "If you can survive here, we all can. Don't worry."

He squeezed my hands, and I nodded, thinking he must have come on the rafts I saw yesterday. Andrius always had this secret power that could calm me down, regain my will for me, and strengthen my perseverance. We stayed like this for a moment, holding hands and looking out into the endless Arctic Ocean. I had imaged hundreds of ways that I could reunite with Andrius, but none of those made me as happy as this.

"So, you've still been reading this." After a few minutes of tranquility, he broke the silence and picked up the book. Dickens' Dombey and Son, the book he gave me on my birthday two years ago. I nodded again, watching him as he flipped through the book, and answered, "Yes. I haven't finished it, yet I've found some of your messages." He looked up, with inquiring eyes. I grinned. "Don't look at me with that face, Andrius. But yes," I winked, "I skipped ahead."

We both laughed heartily. It felt strange to laugh after so much sorrow, yet, it certainly felt good. I felt as if I was back in Lithuania, happy and naïve, and I was still a happy teenager, giggling for some silly school girls' gossips.

After the laugh, we both felt dizzy. He was still holding the book, and I was holding on him. I felt happy, genuinely happy until Andrius suddenly turned to me and carelessly asked a question. The question was simple, yet, it left me speechless.

"So, how's Mrs. Vilkas and Jonas?" He asked.

Hearing this, sorrow and depression all came back to me and overwhelmed me again. It was as if someone reached his hands into my heart, took away all my previous happiness and left a hollow hole. I must've shown all my emotions on my face because Andrius had sensed them. He squeezed my hands tightly and looked at me in concern." What's wrong?" He frowned.

I took a deep breath.

"She's…away." I gulped, trying not to sound so weak. His eyes widened. "About a year ago, in winter. Bad conditions and horrible sanitation got her." I couldn't utter any more words. For the first time in months, tears streamed down my cheeks. Andrius pulled me and held me to his chest, circling me, and I finally broke down. I hadn't cried for a long time, since I didn't want to be viewed as weak. However, feeling Andrius holding me make me feel secured, protected, and I just couldn't stop my tears. "I'm sorry." Andrius patted me on the back softly. I could feel his other hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears. His heartbeat is steady and strong, and listening to it finally calmed me down.

"Lina," he said, after finding me quietly learning on his chest. "Did you find out about the word?" I nodded. Krasivaya. It means beautiful, but with strength. Unique. I thought of Kretzsky, who taught me the word accidentally. I thought of Mother. "I used to hear that word from other deportees, complimenting your mother, and I've always respected her kindness and courage." He stopped for a second, looked me in the eyes, and continued, "She was beautiful, and so are you. You have her spirits in your heart. You've inherited her virtues and bravery. You have never lost her. She is always with you." The words reverberated in the cold air. I felt in a daze at first, but Andrius' strong heartbeat brought me back to reality. I thought of the words, and finally, I thought I finally understood.

We stayed like this for a long while—well, it felt like a long while to me, though I guess it was actually just a few minutes. With the sound of the ocean crashing beneath me, the cold autumn breeze brushing against my skin, I felt content. True happiness filled my heart, and I no longer felt hollow or numb with pain.

I could feel love again.

Finally, I pulled back from Andrius in order to see his face. We stood, looking into each other's eyes. He leaned toward me, his blue eyes still fixing on mine, and I cocked my head.

Before our lips touched, I silently whispered to him.

"Andrius, how did you know I'm here?" I asked

He smiled beautifully.

"I said I would see you, didn't I?" he answered, leaning in.

And so we kissed. Our lips touched, softly, tenderly, I felt as if I had been loved, been happy for the first time in forever, with my arms around him and his, mine. When we finally let go of each other, we held hands and decided to head back to the camp.

"Let's go home." He said, squeezing my hand. I thought of this for a moment. Of course we'd be going back home, back to Lithuania. Yet, for now, I guessed I'd just stick with this. I thought of Papa, remember him saying, the home is where the heart is.

I nodded.

"Yes, let's go home."