A Series of More Fortunate Endings
My 50th Fic Special
Disclaiment
A/N: This is officially my 50th fic and so I wanted to do something special. I just couldn't decide what to do, but I knew that it should probably be something to do with Merlin. Without finding this wonderful fandom I probably wouldn't have gotten into fanfiction like I did, it showed me that there was more in this genre of writing than self-inserts and romances that frankly had stuff that really made me uncomfortable at the time. I started this account in my freshman year of high school and now I'm in my freshman year of college. A lot has happened and a lot has changed, but I'm so glad that I did find this little corner of the internet.
I decided on this fic because, well, I'll never be over Merlin. The ending is still painful, even after almost two years. I had this idea when I saw the last episode but I just couldn't make myself write it because the emotions were still to raw. I just put it on the backburner.
But now, I've decided that this is special enough to be my special 50. I figure that if the idea has stuck around for two years then it must have something to it.
This is pretty much a series of alternative endings for Merlin. They all have a different feel to them (I'm still really surprised that four came out like it did!) and the first one is admittedly the angstiest while the others are considerably lighter. I hope you all enjoy this and I still can't believe that I've posted 50 fics as of now!
1. Refusal
Merlin just couldn't get up. He couldn't believe what had happened. He just couldn't deal.
He had spent a decade of his life living for this man. He had always thought that he was going to end up dying for him.
This though? This?
This was a nightmare.
This was failure.
This couldn't be.
He kept replaying the last few days in his head- so clearly that it seemed bizarre that he couldn't just step in and fix things. How had he been so stupid as to make the mistakes he did? Why couldn't he have done better.
In some ways, Merlin felt entirely unattached to his body, so caught up in his mind as he was. He just couldn't believe the physical world so he was trapped in the mental one.
In other ways, he knew the truth. He knew exactly whose body was in his arms. He knew that he couldn't really go back in time, that the past wasn't a malleable clay that was his to shape.
His magic waited.
Where was the Golden Age of Camelot? Arthur and Gwen had only a few scant years of ruling and magic was nowhere close to being recognized or even legal. When Merlin had spoken to the Great Dragon the first time, he had been promised that he and Arthur would return magic to Camelot. It was prophesized, it was supposed to happen!
Even if Merlin himself had lost hope for it all years ago, that didn't mean that it wasn't promised.
So Arthur being- Arthur lying down- what had happened, couldn't have happened. Not a chance. Everyone deserved so much more. They were all owed.
So much had been lost, some many others had paid a price. Merlin had lost a childhood friend, a love, a father, and so many friends along the way. Arthur had been betrayed so many times, the prophecies making a mess of his family and loved ones. From everyone innocent getting caught in the crossfire to those who jumped in like Alator of the Catha who knew exactly what they were fighting for, Camelot was owed its Golden Age.
And Arthur deserved to live.
There was so much that he couldn't do, that couldn't be changed, a part of him wondered what could be done.
It was the truth that Merlin couldn't imagine living without his best friend. Ten years was a long time to revolve around another, to be willing to give up more than life for someone. Merlin had no idea how he could go back to Camelot without Arthur, no idea how he could break Gwen like that, no idea how he could face anyone else.
And no, he wouldn't be blamed. He was nothing but a servant. No one could imagine all the hate he deserved for failing. He could probably confess all his sins in front of court and no one would even believe him, just write the fool off for completely losing his mind.
He didn't know how that made him feel worse.
But how could he live without his king? How could he deal with all this pain and wrongness for the rest of his life?
Merlin had known loss, but this was worse.
He just felt so useless. He felt like a monster.
He was supposed to be the most powerful warlock to ever live and here he hadn't been able to keep one man alive?
Morgause had raised immortal armies. Morgana had opened the veil and bought back a shade of Lancelot. Nimueh had created Arthur.
Even Arthur had brought his father's ghost to this plain and he was decidedly not even a sorcerer.
Why couldn't Merlin have saved Arthur?
He had been given all his magic for one purpose, one man. How dare it fail him now.
How dare it fail Arthur.
All of Merlin's raw emotions, a tidal wave of heartbreak and denial, channeled into anger.
Merlin had always had an instinctual grip on his magic. It was at a deep emotional level where his tie with magic lay- that place of his wanted and desires, his fears and drives. Before his scant book learning there had been no logic to his method, no knowledge of his limits or horizons. If he wanted something to happen, something would occur to produce the result.
Even though he had changed more to honor words and rituals, at a base level he'd never lost his emotional connection.
And Merlin needed Arthur back.
He refused to accept that his friend could be dead.
This wasn't a mere throwaway thought of "don't let that water spill!" or "I want that brought to me," it was overwhelming and desperate.
And the magic remembered.
Lightning struck around him, setting fire to a few soaking trees. The wind picked up to thrash around more, sending embers between the harsh raindrops.
Merlin barely noticed, so wrapped in his rage and desperation. His magic would fix this.
Thunder boomed and Arthur's eyes shot open.
A life for a life.
…
2. Command
"I don't know why it won't work!" Merlin was growing hysterical and Arthur was actually kind of worried about him. Which wasn't good. Because he was another traitor. Because of lies- or well, magic.
And Arthur himself was dying so worrying more about the feelings of a sorcerer trying to heal him was a little ridiculous.
But Arthur had never been afraid of death. He did however currently worry about his best frien- manservant who was so fired, and habits apparently hard to break even when the former manservant was trying to illegally heal him with magic without his consent.
"Well it's not like you can control dragons, you idiot." Arthur couldn't help but snap. He'd been trying to give Merlin the silent treatment but since their whole relationship revolved around insulting banter it was pretty difficult not to say anything. As betrayed and broken as the king felt, he did still have a temper after all.
Here Merlin goes and reveals his magic and has the audacity to act all scared and try to heal him with spells that weren't going to work. You'd think that if Merlin was going to reveal his magic, he would have actually done it with something useful. But no, his stupid servant just had to bring drama to his dying moments.
Well Arthur would have much rather preferred dying thinking that he had one person in the world who'd never betrayed him. But Merlin just had to make his own death all about him! Why couldn't Arthur be contemplating mortality or something, making his goodbyes to his wife and friends, preparing for the next life? Why was he forced to suffer the worst betrayal of his life while a piece of sword was literally travelling towards his heart? Was the physical pain not enough? Was dying not enough? Did he really have to work through someone else's lies at a time like this?
Merlin was so inconsiderate.
"Why did you say that?" Merlin looked at him with shock, his big blue eyes widening almost comically.
"Isn't the problem that the sword was forged in dragon's breath?" Arthur rolled his eyes. How could this dimwit have ever kept a secret? "Maybe if you were a dragonlord then you could order the dragon magic to stop."
Merlin stared.
Arthur stared.
Merlin stared.
"Unless you are a dragonlord and we went on that quest for no reason because you thought your little lies were more important than Camelot itself." Arthur narrowed his eyes,
"I wasn't a dragonlord then!" Merlin protested,
"Then?" Arthur wasn't even sure how to process this tidbit of information. How does one even become a dragon lord? And why would someone even bother if they thought there wasn't any more dragons left?
At least this meant that Arthur didn't have to try and put together a man who thought his secret was more important than all the people living in Camelot to a man who protested at him hunting fuzzy woodland creatures. He didn't know how he could reconcile his already tainted view of Merlin with being a selfish schemer as well.
"Do you really think I could just… order it out?" Merlin looked at Arthur's chest somewhat skeptically.
"Merlin, I've never known what you're able to do."
Merlin looked hurt at this but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He tilted his head back so that he met Arthur's eyes.
"Are you fine with me trying this?"
"And now you ask for permission!" Arthur tried to give a sharp wave of his hand but it came out a little feebler than intended, "I'm only your king and all."
"Arthur…"
Arthur could have let angry words come out. He had so many and knew exactly how to hurt the traitor.
But he didn't want to.
Arthur didn't even really want magic used on him, especially done by a friend. He would enjoy not to be dying but if Merlin hadn't had this lie, if he hadn't had the power to potentially save his life, Arthur would have been content with just that.
Now Merlin was asking his opinion. No- he was asking permission. As desperate as this man was, as many times as he'd just tried to heal him without being asked, even as Arthur himself came up with the idea- Merlin felt he needed permission.
It showed that Merlin actually respected Arthur, trusted him to make decisions for himself at some level at least.
Merlin didn't know what this dragonlord magic or whatever was going to do and he trusted Arthur to decide if it was worth trying.
Trust. Respect.
Arthur knew it wasn't a lot. It just wasn't. But to his aching heart it felt like enough.
The king nodded and Merlin started bellowing in some guttural language that Arthur somehow knew was different than the flitting smooth syllables of the normal magical language.
It sounded like Merlin was demanding the dragon reaching for his heart to get out of his chest right now. Then it sounding like scolding, then cajoling, and begging. Arthur almost was going to write it off as a failure when Merlin suddenly Commanded it and the steel in his chest flew out, cutting through the bandages on his chest after a very strange and highly uncomfortable, stinging trip out of his body.
Both Merlin and Arthur stared at the tiny piece of metal hovering in the air.
…
3. Crystal
Merlin gasped at the crystal, vowing that would never be his future. This hadn't been glimpses so vague that they were nigh incomprehensible, nor warnings about future enemies without the knowledge that this vary suspicion would turn them to do it. This was forty two minutes that very clearly showed all that would happen if he acted in a certain way.
He had been serving destiny all his life but no longer.
He'd cut destiny high and dry any day to save his friends, to save Arthur.
His main goal was making sure Arthur wasn't stabbed in the first place. If that was really unpreventable then he needed to get him to Avalon before he died so he could actually heal him. He also figured he needed to stab Morgana sooner and make certain that Gwaine went nowhere near her.
Distractedly, he realized he now knew how Arthur and Gwen would react to his magic, that they'd accept him for who he really was. He tried to not allow the joy from that disturb the desperation to keep Arthur alive.
He had two dragons, recently recharged magic, and foreknowledge of where everyone would be.
Merlin would make sure that that would be enough.
He called up Kilgharrah and Aithusa, not taking any of their complaints, and rode the Great Dragon to Camlann. Kigharrah didn't enjoy being a horse, not as old as he was, and Aithusa didn't want to go against Morgana, but Merlin was saving his friend. He didn't bother trying to disguise his appearance. Morgana knew and Arthur would get over it. It would be much easier to not have to worry about old bones while saving Arthur's life.
He used his supersight ability to located Arthur quickly before setting the dragons on the Saxons. Merlin was pretty sure that two dragons could handle an unprepared army without him. He ran through the battle, tossing annoying 'obstacles' away with his magic on his run to Arthur.
Arthur locked eyes with Mordred and their swords tinged together. Then Arthur stared at the spot that Mordred used to be, and then the cliff wall that he had flown backwards and crashed into. Then he saw Merlin inexplicably running towards him with a look of triumph on his face.
Merlin noticed that Arthur had just now noticed the dragons eliminating the enemy army. Oh well, he'd always been an oblivious prat.
"Merlin?! Wha-"
"Did you really think I'd leave you on your own? You can't even dress your own royal backside, let alone keep out of trouble without me."
"Bu-"
"Yes, I have a lot to tell you but we'll get to that later. For now we have to find Morgana."
"Dra-"
"Come o-"
"Merlin-let-me-say-one-bloody-word!" Arthur interjected, growled out so quickly that the command might as well have been a single word.
"Fine."
"How-"
"Ok, that was a word. Now let's go find your sister!"
At least he wouldn't be trying that magnet method he'd thought up on the way. He was certain that Arthur would have objected to having a magical magnet placed in his chest. It still was an interesting idea from the future though. Maybe he'd at least try to enchant some armor up or something just to make sure Arthur stayed protected.
"Merlin!"
…
4. Flight
Kilgharrah knew that today was important. His link to the timestream had been building up to this day.
Today was the Death of the Once and Future King. Today was when he go to Avalon until the Day When He Was Needed.
He'd warned the young warlock several times about the destiny of Mordred, even if he knew that it was these warnings that turned Merlin suspicious of the druid and therefore unwilling to help him or Kara. That was the way of Destiny.
After all, if Merlin hadn't been told of Mordred's dark path then Mordred would have never felt alienated from the light path. Merlin would have helped his lady love, and told him the story of his beloved. Mordred would have been indebted to the Incarnation of Magic and would never strike out against the Once and Future King, even on the path in which Kara still died.
The future was a tricky web of strings and Kilgharrah had that of Emrys to play with.
The dragon was slightly disappointed that he hadn't worked out Camelot's Golden Age. If the witch hadn't taken Lancelot out of play then he could have encouraged the return of magic years ago. But there must be a Camlann and without Lancelot's string, the ban of magic was the only conflict that would make it happen.
The Once and Future King had to die by Mordred's hand at Camlann to return at Albion's greatest need.
It was a must.
Emrys wouldn't see it like that. He had been too young for all of this, too human. He wouldn't understand that Camelot didn't mean much in the scheme of the world, and that without Arthur being there in the future disaster that the whole earth would be doomed.
So Kilgharrah kept things on track and made sure to control as many variable as he could. Emrys really didn't understand just how useful of a tool he was.
Suddenly, he felt a compulsion come over him. He was being summoned.
It was a little early for Arthur to be dead, but humans weren't an exact science.
He flew as quickly as he could, unable to do anything else due to the power in the summoning. Merlin was pretty emphatic that he needed him there now.
To Kilgharrah's surprise, Arthur stared at him instead of being dead. Well that was a problem.
"Hey old friend, I'm sorry to call on you. I wasn't even sure you were still alive. But you have to fly us to the lake of Avalon. It's to save Arthur's life." Emrys explained, his eyes bright.
Kilgharrah gave Arthur another glance. He didn't even look moments away from death. He looked more angry than anything.
The dragon took a quick scan of the future which had grown frustratingly blurry. He did see that he had no choice in this. If he straight up refused than Merlin would force him to do it anyways.
There had always been a risk of letting Merlin come into his dragonlord powers…
Arthur's voice was strong, no pathetic note of even dying within the next hour. "You attacked and killed innocent citizens of Camelot."
Yes, yes he had. It had been a plot to get Merlin his troublesome dragonlord powers. Not that he'd ever admit that.
"I am truly sorry, King Arthur of Camelot." And Kilgharrah truly was, for if he hadn't have taken those actions then Merlin wouldn't be able to force him to go to Avalon before Arthur died, "I was consumed with needless vengeance against your father. Uther killed all of my kin, my friends and family, and chained me up in the dark for over twenty years. I'm afraid I lashed out against the undeserving."
Well… Kilgharrah had some responsibility of that happening on his shoulders. After Emrys still hadn't been born and the Once and Future King was toddling he had taken some drastic measures.
He really wished that Hunith had been born around Gaius's time like she could have been so that he could have been dealing with a more mature Emrys.
"I will not forgive you." Arthur said and the dragon wanted to flame him to death. But that wasn't dying by Mordred's hand. Unfortunately.
Merlin still put Arthur on his back and Arthur didn't protest so much. The dragon did notice that the king was in pain and took a perverse pleasure in it. Maybe the flight would jostle the piece of sword into killing him quicker.
To the dragon's displeasure, they made it to Avalon without a snag. Then Merlin just had to get Arthur all healed up.
Honestly. He'd been working for years on this all and then Merlin uses him to destroy it all?!
He had failed. He had failed and he wondered if he could roast the two sides of the same annoying living coin before Merlin could stop him.
Bitterly he looked into the future and saw that everything still worked out. They even got the freaking Golden Age now and saved the planet in a few millennia. He saw happiness he'd never seen before and less deaths on the Day Where He Will Return.
"Thank you, my friend." The young warlock had tears of happiness in his eyes.
The Grump Dragon just shook his head, so glad that he wouldn't have to deal with this world for much longer.
…
5. Behind
The bus sped past Merlin, blowing his beard slightly. He couldn't help but look wistfully at the lake of Avalon.
"WOULD YOU HURRY UP, YOU IDIOT?!"
"Be respectful to your elders, young whippersnapper!" Merlin shouted in front of him,
"HA!" was the scoffing reply. And old, graying man in front of him was now walking towards him, obviously not content to wait for him any longer, "Physically we're the same age idiot."
"I'm still older."
"Merlin, I was born before you."
"Cabbagehead."
"Dumbledore wannabe!"
"Prat!"
A beautiful woman of around the same age caught up to the arguing pair. She put an arm around her husband and laughed at the two men.
"I'm glad you found him Arthur, even though I really don't think we needed to leave the restaurant to look for him when he was only five minutes late."
"A wizard is never late, nor is he early-"
"Stop it." Arthur drawled, "All this walking made my hip hurt."
"-he arrives precisely when he means to." Merlin smirked a decidedly Morgana-esque smile and Arthur wanted to throttle him.
"How come you didn't answer your phone?" Gwen asked, no doubt trying to break up the trouble before it got worse,
"It exploded on me again." Merlin looked down, his blue eyes still having the puppy dog effect of his youth. He looked so sad that Gwen couldn't help but give him a comforting hug.
"That's what you get for being the mighty wizard Merlin." Arthur chuckled,
Merlin raised an eyebrow, "Hey, I liked that phone. It actually lasted a few weeks."
"Well come on boys," Gwen commanded in her stately queenly like way, "Let's get back to the restaurant before the others send out search parties."
Merlin shot on last glance at the lake of Avalon before looking back to Arthur and Gwen. With a grin, he linked arms with Gwen, "Of course I will escort you to the restaurant, your majesty. Now if your clotpole husband will come along-"
"Merlin."
"Yes, Arthur?"
"Shut up."
A/N: And that's 50! Yay! Celebration! Maybe now I can actually gather enough focus to update all of my in-progress stuff... (Cult of Emrys people, I am still working on that. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out in a few weeks... so sorry for the wait)
But yeah, I hope you enjoyed that. #5 is actually my personal headcannon because I just can't accept that scene any other way. I'm still amazed that this is 50. That's just huge! So, what did you think about it all? What's your favorite of the five? For some reason I kind of like 2, but at the same time I'm still kinda 0.0 about 4 (I did not think it'd turn out like that! It's just been a big thing that Merlin should have called Kilgharrah so much earlier and then I didn't want it in Merlin's point of view to avoid it being like 3, so I thought I'd try to write from Kilgharrah's perspective... sorry 'bout that. As maybe you can tell, I maaaaybe haven't forgiven him for constantly giving Merlin advice that ends up turning beloved characters evil. So, I guess, a bit of alternate character interpretation. Yeah...) and yet think that imagining all the characters in 5 is pretty hilarious.
Thanks for reading this all. You rock!