Huge trigger warning for a lot of things in this chapter :P Self harm, suicide attempt, drug use, drug overdose... yeah... So if you're not okay with that, I recommend you to not read this. But if you do, I hope you like it and it'd be awesome if you left a review, because I'm kinda lazy and that motivates me to update.

Everyone is human. Lapis is nearly 16 and she's polynesian :)

Laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Steadying her breathing after it was lost during a flashback. Its a chore just like everything is for her. The house is silent as it usually is. But in her head all she can hear is Jasper's voice. Taunting her. Making her wish she was dead, that what the other one had done had killed her. To her luck it didn't. And now she's here. In a new house, alone because her only family, her dad, is at work from seven in the morning to ten at night. They moved after what had happened. After Lapis had told him she couldn't be in that house, not with all the memories of what has happened there. But at least she had 'friends' there, if you could call them that. At least she had things to distract her at least a small amount. Now she's just left to her thoughts. Too tired to do anything or to even take care of herself. Her little energy is put into destroying herself. Cutting and burning and taking pills or smoking marijuana. Its all the same, everyday. Does anything in her will to try to end it all without straight up killing herself.

And lately, she's been desperate. Taking more of her medication than she needs. Cutting a little bit deeper. Finding random pills to take. Stealing cigarettes from her dad's stash. She stopped eating a long time ago. Only does it when her dad makes her sit down with him until she eats something. Its not entirely related to the way she thinks of her body, she knows that eventually, she will just die from lack of nutrition. That her internal organs will just fail on themselves, give up like she has. It's a terrible, slow, and painful way to die. Though, it's the next best thing besides suicide. But today… Today is different. The notion of it sounds tempting.

Lapis sits up from her bed and looks around the room. The same four walls that have been tempting her the months she has lived here. She's memorized where everything is by now, because she only moves a few things on occasion. Her desk is cluttered with notebooks that are full of her stories of self loathe. The dark blue curtains are closed and the room is pretty much dark. Just a small amount of light peeks out from the top and bottom where the curtains don't cover. The small table next to her bed has the same contents that it always has on it. A bottle of her medication, a pipe, a small bag of weed, a lighter, an old valentines heart shaped box full of different types of blades, and a pocket knife if those blades don't please her. She takes a deep breath and stands up, walks out into the main room of the house. The wooden floor is cold on her bare feet, so she moves fast across the house to her dad's bathroom, where all the bottles of pills are kept. She stops at the mirror to look at herself. Her blue dyed hair is fading a bit at the roots, the side of her head needs to be shaved again. Her tan skin is covered with cuts and scars and some burns and bruises. Its not easy to look at, but she resists the urge to smash the mirror with her fist and continues her mission. Lapis opens the medicine cabinet to reveal orange and white pill bottles lined up on the shelves. I don't even know what to get… Eventually she settles on some different bottles of who know what and takes them back to her room.

She drops the bottles on her bed then gets a water bottle from her desk. "Do… You really want to die?" She questions out loud. "Yes… Are you sure? Yes. I don't want to be here anymore… I don't want to think about her anymore." Sighing, she opens the first bottle and fills her hand full of the medication, shoves it in her mouth, washes it all down with water. She does the same with the other three bottles. By the time she's done, her throat hurts from the pills scrapping her throat. It doesn't matter though, it's not like the pain will last long. Lapis lays back against her headboard and takes out her pocket knife. Cutting had always relaxed her. And now, she supposes, she needs it the most.

Running the blade over the skin of her left wrist, just hard enough for it to leave behind a deep crimson color, Lapis bites her lip. Her chest is tight, there's a lump in her throat. She has tried to kill herself before, but not like this. She's never tried to do it this way. Not when there's no one to save her. "Its okay though…" She continues cutting over both her wrists and thighs. "It's not like anyone will miss you… Or even know you're gone. You'll just be doing Dad a favor. You're just a burden to him and everyone else." Lapis sets the knife back on her nightstand. She looks at her work. "Wow, you finally cut deep. I guess you can do something right…" She smiles for a moment, wiping some blood from her right thigh. Soon, the smile fades and tears are spilling on her cheeks. "You're such a fuck up. You fucking idiot. I'm glad you'll be gone soon." Her voice darkens. "You deserve this. No, you deserve the worst. You fucking whore. You fucking piece of shit. I hate you! I fucking hate you!" Lapis yells at herself like she were another person. But now it's on words into the void. No one will hear her, she can barely hear herself. These words will never be repeated. No one will ever know she said them. No one will know just how fucked up she is, how much she hates herself. Because she can feel herself dying. Her insides eating away at themselves and the drugs running through her bloodstream. How long has she been sitting here, staring at her legs while she cries? Long enough for the blood start to dry. She's tired, physically, mentally and as she looks around her room again, things smudge. They blur into each other, yet she can still see.

She stands and sweeps the bottles onto her floor before grabbing one of her notebooks and a pen. Quickly, she rips out a paper and scribbles a goodbye. Hardly anything is spelled right because her mind is slow and she loses track of what she's doing. But she manages to write a- I'm sorry, I love you- signed with her name and some tears that slip from her eyes.

She slams the paper on her nightstand and crawls under her covers, the color of the ocean. Pulls the blankets over her head like she used to when she was little during a thunderstorm. Closes her blue eyes and remembers things she'd rather forget. She thinks about Jasper, and her dad and her old friends that she can't remember the name of now. And she thinks about the ocean and the sky and the moon and all the stars that she had ever seen. They all looked so blue and it grew to be her favorite color. The color of her eyes and hair and the moon and the sky and the ocean and some stars. Her eyes that she will never see again and her hair that will be the same. She thinks about how she will never see those things again and she grows a bit sad. But it's okay because at least now she will be free. Maybe there's something out there, maybe she'll get to live in a castle in the sky after this. Maybe she'll live among the stars or in the ocean. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *

"Lapis, we need you to wake up, okay?"

"You need to drink this-"

"Take her off the oxygen for a second."

"Her eyes are dilated-"

"Lapis, can you wake up for a second?"

Her eyelids feel heavy. Someone opens one then flashes a flashlight into it. It's time to wake up. After some effort, she finally manages to open her eyes. Everything around her seems to be white. She's surrounded by people and the one closest to her is holding a small paper cup full of something dark. "Lapis, we need you to drink this. Or else, we'll have to pump your stomach at the hospital." Confused, Lapis takes the cup and sits up to drink the liquid. She gags, it tastes terrible. She wants to pull the cup away and stop drinking but, the person holds the cup to Lapis' lips while another person blows air in her face. Which, strangely enough, makes her swallow all of the contents. Lapis moans once the cup is gone, the liquid leaving behind a terrible taste in her mouth. They make her lay down again and they strap her down. She doesn't question what's happening or who these people are. She's too tired to care or even think about it. She's just so tired. So fucking tired.

Soon, she's in a long white hallway. Going fast down it, people on both her sides. Still, she doesn't care what's happening. All she cares about is how sick she feels.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *

What the fuck is that goddamn beeping?

Its not too hard to open her eyes now. But it's painful to, because it's rather bright in the room she's in. She covers her face with the back of her forearm and tries to think. What the fuck? Soon, she finally understands that she's not in her room, her house, or anywhere she knows. Removing her arm, she looks around. A machine next to her is beeping and she sighs in frustration at it for waking her up. Something about her arms feel different, so she stares at them next, then realizes that they're wrapped in gaws and that there's an IV in her right hand.

Oh my fucking god… No… Fuck… It didn't work…

I'm in the hospital. I'm in the fucking hospital and it didn't fucking work and I'm such a fucking idiot, I should have taken more and cut deeper-

"Oh, you're awake. Thats good. How are you feeling?" A nurse enters the small room.

Lapis rubs her eyes so she doesn't cry. She just shakes her head instead of responding, because she's sure she'll burst into tears if she started talking. The nurse seems to understand. "You're dad is in the waiting room, would you like to see him?" She asks with sympathy. Reluctantly, Lapis nods her head.

She hears the nurse leave and a moment later two pairs of footsteps come in again. "I'm just going to flush her IV real fast, then I'll leave you two alone if you want." The same voice rings in again.

Lapis removes her hands from her face and looks up to her dad. Immediately she regrets everything. He has bags under his eyes and the look on his face is something more than melancholy. The nurse does her job quick before asking Lapis if she's okay with being alone with him, which of course, she is, then she leaves.

Her dad sighs and pulls up a chair to the side of her bed. "I'm sorry." Lapis says quickly.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone for so long. I knew you were depressed but I had no idea you were still suicidal."

Lapis stares at her hands. "When did you find me?"

He sits still for a moment. "I got off at five, so I came home to check on you and… I saw your note and all the pill bottles and… I honestly thought you were gone. But… I called the ambulance and they took you…" Lapis can see him wipe his face from the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry. I'm so stupid… I'm sorry…"

"Hey, its fine. Its gonna be okay, so don't be sorry." He attempts a smile. "You're gonna go to UNI for a bit and they're gonna help you with all of this-"

"UNI?" Lapis snaps her head over to him. "I-I'm not going!"

"Lapis, listen, you've been through a lot of hard things that have left you scarred. Once you're there, they'll help you get better. There will be kids there like you and groups-"

"I don't want to meet kids like me! I don't want to go to the crazy hospital! I'm not crazy-"

"Lapis, stop." His tone is more strict. "I'm not going to let you go home so you can just rot away again. I'm not going through this again. I am not losing you. You're going to get help, even if you don't want it. I miss the days when you were happy. I miss the old Lapis that would smile at everything and dance whenever there was music and sing when you couldn't dance. I love you, and I hate seeing you in so much pain. It kills me to know that you were hurting so much that you thought you had to kill yourself to feel better." His voice cracks, threatening for him to cry. But by now, it's not him who is crying, but Lapis instead. "I'll come visit you when I can. I'll call you on my breaks and the moment the doctors say you can leave, I'll be there. Once you're out, I'll get you that ukulele you've been wanting for a while."

Lapis smiles a bit, but still hurting. "Thanks… I love you."

"I love you too." He smiles and kisses the top of her head. "Now that you're awake, they're probably going to take you over to UNI. And hey, they said since you're anorexic, they'll let you specially order all your food straight from the chef."

Lapis smiles, maybe feeling a bit better. "Thank you…"

Hope you like it! I'll try to update soon