This is just a one shot that popped into my head last night as I was listening to Linkin Park's "Leave Out All The Rest". My first songfic, so be nice but R&R please! :) If you recognize it, it's not mine. Just a fluffy brother fic. Enjoy!
Loki awoke with a start, sweat covering his brow and breathing heavily. He could see, all too clearly, the nightmare he had just awoken from. He fought tears as he lay there, before giving up and crawling out of bed and padding softly out the door. He hadn't gone to Thor's room after waking from a nightmare in centuries, and he felt like a baby doing it now, but he needed it tonight.
He knew the hallways and passages of the palace like the back of his hand, and let his mind wander as he made his way to Thor's room. He could see it all too clearly, he was falling from the Rainbow Bridge again, being swallowed by blackness, and his throat seemed to close. He may resent Thor sometimes, but their bond ran deep. Being raised as brothers for centuries upon centuries will do that to you, after all.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
He found Thor's door and silently opened it, breathing easier almost immediately. Thor slept soundly, sprawled out on his back like the oaf that he was. But nevertheless, Loki needed his older brother tonight, to chase away the memories of his fall. The moment he climbed in the bed, Thor stirred and opened his eyes blearily, followed by a look of mild confusion before he masked it.
"What brings you here tonight, my brother?"
"A nightmare," Loki answered softly. "About falling." He couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine, and Thor pulled him close. For once Loki welcomed the nearness, burying his face in Thor's broad chest. He had missed this.
"That was a terrible time for all of us. There were days I felt I could not breathe for the grief in my heart," Thor whispered.
But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared.
Loki curled farther into Thor in response, cherishing the burning heat of his brother's skin against his own.
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear.
"I thought I was going to die, when I let go. I thought I wanted to die."
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
"Oh Loki. I could not imagine life after your death. I experienced it once, or so I thought. I never wish to again."
So if you're asking me, I want you to know.
"But I should have. I should have died, for everything that I've done wrong Thor. I deserve it now, certainly. I wish I could make up for it."
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
Thor crushed Loki to him at those words. "Never Loki, I will never allow you to die for that. And you make up for it every day, simply by being here, as you always were."
"Why don't you hate me Thor? I tried to kill you, after all."
"Do you want me to?" Thor asked in a confused tone.
"Never," whispered Loki.
And don't resent me,
And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory.
Leave out all the rest,
Leave out all the rest.
"I'm so sorry," Loki choked out. "I'm so sorry for everything." Thor felt his brother's hot tears fall onto his chest.
"You have paid the price tenfold, brother. Never feel guilty. Please." Thor held Loki tightly though, understanding that he needed this.
Don't be afraid, I've taken my beating.
I've shared what I've made.
"Death was preferable to what I endured at the hands of the Chautari," Loki said. "I've never felt so much pain in my life. I could never bear to admit it, but damnit I can't hold it in anymore! I just can't, although I deserve to." Loki's voice was desperate, broken.
"I have done wrong as well brother, do not forget that. You do not deserve such things any more than I do."
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through.
I've never been perfect, but neither have you.
So if you're asking me, I want you to know.
"You have done nothing of the magnitude that I have Thor. But at the same time, I do not wish to be remembered for the wrong I've done. It's a selfish wish, but I can't bear it. I just don't know how to change it."
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty,
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest.
"I will do everything in my power to help you realize your wish, my brother. This I swear. Just promise me one thing."
Loki paused for a moment before replying. "What would that be?"
"Do not hide from me anymore, I cannot bear it," Thor said softly.
Forgetting all the hurt inside,
You've learned to hide so well.
Loki breathed a sigh of relief. "I promise, Thor. I promise."
Pretending someone else can come,
"Thank you. I love you, Loki," Thor said sincerely.
And save me from myself.
I can't be who you are.
"I love you as well, brother," Loki said after a moment's hesitation. And as Loki drifted off into a dreamless sleep, he thanked whatever deities cared to listen to him for giving him Thor as a brother. The man was truly, so much more than he deserved.
I can't be who you are.