So this is a one shot not checked for spelling it is almost 11.45 and i'm tired. One Shot.

'How did our Crazy ninja get her skills ' Tony had asked on a joke tone. Ziva thought of the moment that she had learned the lesson that had saved her life many times but also had ruined it a bit. But fast she pushed it away.

When she arrived at home she surched through some boxes and found what she needed. It was a diary, her only one. She remembered that it was more a way to talk to her mother. Everything she had written down was to her.

She flipped it open, she remembered it well she had been crying, and had learned for the first time that her dad did not really care about his children.

'Dear Ima,

It has been two years since I last saw you. I really miss you, sometimes more that others. Like now, Abba and I had got in a fight. I have told you that abba has let me train to be in mossad. But it is really hard to do. Most of the time I don't go to school because there is no time. He wanted Tali to begin this fall but she did not want to. I went to him and spoke to him about it, he got angry at me that it was something Tali should say.

I wonder if he doesn't sees that she is afraid to disappoint him, just as I am. I went against him told him that It was my task as her sister to tell him, and he hit me. It is still red, he said that that was for disobeying him but I haven't done anything wrong or have I,

I miss you,

She went a little bit further back she saw a word to her mother when her father had told her that she could train to be with Mossad.

'Dear Ima.

Abba has finally let me training in the gym instead of home. I really hope that I can join Mossad when I finished my training. Ari sais that I am better than him when he first started. It makes me feel good. He helps me a lot, with my training.

At my practice yesterday Abba came for the first time. I kicked some one unconscious, the first time. I think abba looked proud I really hope he is. If not I'll try harder,

Love you,'

How could she have ever believed that her father was kind to her, that he love his children. She found another one just after Tali's dying.

"Dear ima,

A week has it been since Tali her funeral, Ari is away on a mission, I am home alone. Abba hasn't talked about it, he did not even went to her funural. I hope she is save with you now. But how could abba not come, she is his daughter. I think I only see now what we are to him, just assassins, nothing more.

Already I have tried to talk to him but he refuses to speak about it. After she died I have taken al my energy and put it in my training, maybe he sees than that we did it for him, still doing. Maybe he sees than that I look up to him, even if he is like this

Hope your save Tali,"

And another went by

'Dear mom,

I had my first long term mission, I can't talk with you about it in case someone finds this book. But it was really hard, the only thing that pulled me through was that abba would be proud of me. That he would be waiting for my return. I was mistaken, when my plane landed he wasn't there.

I went home alone, I walked in his office to great him, he almost got angry when I did that because than he was my director not my abba he said. I told him how it went and he just said, tomorrow you will get your next assinment. It seems now Ari is with Hammas I get every thing the three of us used to get.

I now know my task, it is to go to America and join NCIS, well to find out all about the team of Agent Gibbs. From what I've heard he is hard to deal with. I have to stop Ari from killing people, every thing posible if it needs. With that is even kill him, I hope that he had not killed that woman Caitlin I believe her name was. But what if abba wants me to kill my own brother, I can not do that. I just hope that he trusts me with the job and trusts that I will bring Ari back alive. If I could only do that than I'm sure abba looks at me like I'm his daughter. I will do it, I will make him proud

goodbye'

that was her last note ever. She now knew that it had been a lie nothing more. Her father didn't care for her or Ari or Tali. She just wished it was different. She had given up since ari's dead to get her father to be proud at her she now knew that he would be.

Her phone rang she picked up 'David'

'Shalom Ziva' he father said on the other side 'I have an mission for you only for a week you have to leave NCIS. It is very important and I only trust my best on this one. '

'Okay director, I will flight in tomorrow than we will discus it. Shalom' she would get in that plain and get to her father, she would make him proud to call her his daugther.

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