Land of the Lost
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on "Dinosaur Valley" by Andrew Helfer. A Ducktales picture book, by Disney, 19190, a Golden little look-look book.
Named in honor of ANOTHER cheesy old kids TV show I loved. (I ignored the movie.) Sing it with me everybody:
Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition, met the greatest earthquake ever known...high on the rapids, it shook their tiny raft,(AAAH!) and plunged them down a thousand feet below... To the Land of the LOST! To the Land of the LOST!
APOLOGIES (and please don't sue me!) to whoever owns the rights "Land of the Lost", whom I assume is NOT Sid and Marty Krofft, as that would make too much sense.
One day, in Duckburg, Mr. McDuck, the Trins and Webby were relaxing. Huey was reading the Duckburg Daily News.
"Hey, look at this! Some fisherduck, fishing far down south- near Antarctica- found a tiny dinosaur, frozen in ice! The article says that there's a legend that tiny dinos live someplace hidden far in Antarctica. Can you imagine finding tiny dinos, Uncle Scrooge? Kids love dinos. Imagine finding dinos small enough to be a good pet!" Huey said.
Mr. McDuck thought about that. Tiny dinos might make good pets. And part of the reason he decided to let the dinos in the Lost World live in peace was that they are HUGE, it would cost a fortune to feed them and keep them in a zoo. But tiny dinos would have tiny appetites and would be good for a zoo. And make good pets.
"Can we go look for those tiny dinos, Unca Scrooge?" Dewey wheedled.
"Please?" added Louie.
"Me, too!" added Webby!
"Why not? It sounds like I could make another fortune off of those tiny dinos! But Antarctica is cold and dangerous, we will need warm clothes, supplies and a way to get there. I'll buy a used plane from the army." Mr. McDuck said.
So Mr. McDuck looked into buying an army surplus plane to get to the Antarctica. But the fast talking salesdog made him nervous. Mr. McDuck did not want to get "taken" and tricked into buying a piece of junk.
Mr. McDuck hated to admit it, but he knew nothing about planes. How could he be sure the plane was suitable and was in good shape? Even a good plane might not get them there and back again safely if it was the wrong sort of plane.
For awhile, his pride and his stubbornness fought his need to save money, then he remembered that the kids were coming along... he called Launchpad and had him check out the plane before he bought it. No way was Mr. McDuck going to risk the kids' lives by NOT doing so.
"It's a good plane, Mr. McDee, and it'll get us to Antarctica and back safely, but it's too small. Heck, even an army cargo plane couldn't carry more than one dinosaur!" Launchpad said.
"These are tiny dinosaurs, Launchpad." Mr. McDuck said.
"Dinosaurs are huge!" Launchpad objected.
"Not all of them, some were the size of chickens!" Huey said.
"And some were the size of a small mountain!" Launchpad argued.
"This Land of the Lost must be tiny, to stay hidden so long. So the dinos who live there have to be tiny, to survive there!" Dewey said.
"We don't KNOW that!" Launchpad replied.
"The legends say the dinos there are tiny. And the one the fisherduck found was tiny." Louie added.
"But..." Launchpad said.
"Enough, Launchpad. We'll find out how big or small the dinos are when we get there." Mr. McDuck ordered.
I made my usual deal with Mrs. Beakly: I keep an eye on her kids, she keeps an eye on mine and I went along to take photos, relieve Launchpad at the helm (it's a long way to Antarctica, it's a long way to go...)and keep the kids in line.
So off we went. After a looong trip, we finally arrived at Antarctica and were flying over empty. Ice and snow, ice and snow. We looked and looked , but saw nothing unusual. Then we saw some penguins and one waved to us. She looked familiar to the others.
"It's Skiddles!"(1) said Webby, remembering her friend.
"Ya know, Mr. McDee, the penguins probably know Antarctica the way we know Duckburg. Maybe we should land and ask for directions? Maybe they know where this Land of the Lost is?" Launchpad suggested.
"Good idea. This flying around in circles is just wasting time and fuel. Land and we'll talk to Skiddles and find out if she or the other penguins know anything." Mr. McDuck replied.
So we landed and talked to Skiddles.
"Oh, I know where that place is, my grandfather taught me. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't go that way by accident. We penguins avoid that place, it's said that monsters dwell in that Land of the Lost. I can guide you there. It should be safe if I travel in that ...thing with you." Skiddles said.
So we talked with Skiddles parents and gained their permission for her to guide us.
"You must pay us in color. We want more color." Skiddles' mom said.
"Perhaps I could arrange to trade other things for color, too? Do you have anything besides fish?" Mr. McDuck asked.
He soon discovered the penguins had little besides fish and he did not want to take their food away from them...but THESE penguins hated caviar (2) and never ate it. So they gladly agreed to trade caviar for color.
After a trading agreement had been hammered out, Skiddles climbed on board our tank plane and Launchpad took off, following Skiddles' directions.
"The Land of the Lost is supposed to be in that area someplace, near that mountain. Penguins avoid that area, so I'm not sure exactly where." Skiddles said.
"That gives us someplace to start looking. Land, Launchpad." Mr. McDuck replied.
So Launchpad landed near the mountain. Since he had not seen anything unusual around the mountain, and neither had anybody else, he converted the plane to a tank and drove towards the mountain. Soon, we saw a large crack between one half of the mountain and the other half. Light was coming out from the crack, so Launchpad drove the tank thru the crevasse.
"Good thing this plane turns into a tank, I'd never get the wings thru this narrow crevasse! And the surface is too rough for a plane to taxi on!" Launchpad said.
Well, we got thru the crevasse between the mountain OK. On the other side was a huge valley that sloped down, down, down. It was as hot as summer in that valley and the valley was covered with green plants and trees. There was a large volcano sitting right smack down in the middle of the valley, spanning up from its lowermost point.
"Wow!' we all chorused.
"That volcano must have been active once, long ago. Looks like it hasn't erupted in ages, but just radiates heat and warms this whole valley." Mr. McDuck declared.
"It's an awful big valley, Mr. McDee. That means if dinos live here, they could be big, too!" Launchpad cautioned.
"We'll see, Launchpad. Let's explore and find out, shall we?" Mr. McDuck replied.
"I better stay here inside. I can move this thing a little if something tries to attack it. Besides, we Antarctican penguins (3)are used to cold and ice, not heat and greenery." Skiddles said.
So leaving Skiddles behide to keep an eye on the tankplane, the rest of us went further down into the Land of the Lost.
We were soon deep in a jungle. for a long time, other than plants, we saw no sign of life. Then a Tyrannosaurus Rex came out of no place and snarled at us.
"Ut-oh! He looks Grumpy!"(4) Launchpad said.
"And hungry!" Huey added.
"Run!" Dewey said.
"Which way? That thing is a lot bigger than we are and can travel lots faster!" Louie asked.
"Head towards that volcano! There are bound to be caves in it formed when it was still active!' Mr. McDuck ordered.
"What if it's still active?" I asked.
"Then it's from the dino and into the fire!" Launchpad joked.
Luckily, the volcano had obliviously not erupted in a long, long time. But it did have a cave in its side and into the cave we ran. Grumpy was not far behide us. He tried to reach in to grab us, but Launchpad rolled a huge rock in front of the cave's entrance so that the t-rex couldn't reach in.
"Now what do we do? We're safe here, but we're trapped! How do we get out without Grumpy having duckaladuckburg for lunch?" Launchpad asked.
"There's a tunnel leading further into the mountain!" Huey said.
"And I can see light at the end of it!" Dewey added.
"Maybe it's a way out!" Louie finished.
So we followed the tunnel, but it led to a dead end. The light Dewey saw was caused by gold, reflecting sunlight. Gold covered a cavern at the end of the tunnel.
"Gold! Now I'm richer than ever!" Mr. McDuck chortled.
"Only if we can get out of here without getting eaten!" replied Launchpad.
"How'd the gold get in here, anyway? The tunnel is covered with moss!" Huey asked.
"It looks like there was a volcanic eruption long ago. The heat melted some gold underground and it bubbled up here, filling this cave." Dewey said.
"Then the gold cooled and is now covering this cave wall." Louie said.
"And the gold's peeling off the cave walls because it's so much heavier than the moss underneath and because the moss is slippery." Launchpad noticed.
"None of which gets us OUT of here!" Mr. McDuck snapped.
"Maybe it does. If we peel off the gold and make clothes out of them, maybe the dinos can't bite thru them?" Huey suggested.
"We can wrap the gold peel around us!" Dewey added.
"Like a toga or a kimono." Louie said.
Which we did. we stripped the walls bare of gold to make gold "suits". I noticed Launchpad took one large sheet of gold and carried it with him, like it was a shield. I figured he was up to something, but I said nothing.
We doubled back down the tunnel. Launchpad rolled the rock away slowly and quietly and cautiously peeked out. Grumpy was nearby. Launchpad stepped out of the cave, holding up the sheet of gold. He used it like a mirror and aimed the sun's rays right into the dino's eyes.
"RUN! And don't look back! Especially not you, Sharan!" Launchpad screamed.
I ran but looked back anyway.
Launchpad ran after us, doing his best to aim the mirror at the dino and run at the same time. I doubt he had to bother, the gold suit he was wearing reflected the sunlight ,too. And Grumpy didn't attack him, he was too confused and did not want more sun in his eyes. But I can't say I blame Launchpad for not taking chances.
Skiddles saw us running and moved the tankplane towards us as best she could. We climbed into the tankplane and made a hasty departure.
Launchpad grabbed the wheel of the tankplane as soon as he was on board.
"Excuse me, Skiddles..." he began.
"Please! You only had time to show be the basics, and besides, I'm too young to be driving!" Skiddles replied, GLAD to give up the responsibility.
Launchpad drove us thru the crevasse between mountains.
"Well, we didn't get any dinos, but we did get lots of gold." Mr. McDuck said.
"Maybe not, with all that gold this tankplane is too heavy to take off!" Launchpad said. "Wait a minute! Tankplane! That's it! We don't need the tank anymore, why don't I just eject it?" Launchpad asked.
"Can you do that and still land this thing safely? Without wheels?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"Sure, there is landing gear underneath the tank. The tankplane's made to eject the tank part in an emergency. And since we can't get home with the gold without doing so..." Launchpad said.
"I hereby declare an emergency. Eject the tank part." Mr. McDuck declared.
So Launchpad did so. He flew Skiddles home, then he flew us home.
"Mr. McDee, I left a special TV camera(5)in that cave...it should send TV pictures of the dinos to Duckburg..." Launchpad began.
Mr. McDuck was soon charging money to view the dinos. But he had to give Launchpad a piece of the pie.
"Or I'll go back and retrieve the camera." Launchpad said.
And since between the gold and the trading agreement with the penguins, Mr. McDuck had already made a fortune, Mr. McDuck agreed to give Launchpad a percentage of the dino viewing money.
The End.
(1)From "Treasure of the Golden Suns, Cold Ducks."
(2) My apologies if penguins love caviar or if there isn't any that far south.
(3) As opposed to the Fairy Blue penguins of Australia.
(4) Yes, I STILL remember the name of the T-rex from "Land of the Lost". Pathetic, ain't it?
(5) Where do you think Launchpad got it from? The local gadget guy, where else!