Prompt based on:
(720):
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...
(303):
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Another part to my 'Texts From Last Night' string of fics. All of which end up slightly cracky, but oh well, lol.
No pairings here!
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It had already admittedly been a great night; this was something Dick was very sure of.
He had gone out drinking with Wally and Roy, something they had not done in ages, and had spent much of the night having an all and out good time laughing it up whilst drinking quite probably more than they should have while battling it out over a rather epic, acrobatics filled game of pool.
The entire bar had been cheering.
Admittedly, that probably hadn't been the smartest thing for him to do, but he was still pretty sure no one would ever connect him with his night job simply by going off of drunken birthday shenanigans.
Still it had been fun, more fun than he had had in a long time, and he fully enjoyed the gifts he had received from both men.
He had taken a taxi home, like a smart man, and had slipped through his front door, grin spread across his face as he stripped on the way to the bathroom for a nice hot shower.
He had only just crawled out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist when the knock at the door had come. He had slung a second towel around his shoulders, and had made his way to the door thinking nothing of it, as being his birthday, he was sure it would be one of his many friends or teammates.
He had been wrong. Very wrong.
He stood gaping in the doorway, mostly naked, still dripping from the shower, smack dab in front of a tall lanky redhead clad in the tightest spandex Nightwing suit replica he had ever seen, complete with lens-less domino. Speechless was an understatement.
"I- umm… wha?"
The woman only grinned, strutting past him into the apartment, swatting him on the rear as she went. She sat down on the arm of his couch, pouting at his shocked expression, before unzipping the front of her suit, and pulling a business card from between her bosom.
"You have some very loving friends Dick." She purred, handing him the card as he approached. "I've got your Birthday present. I'm your entertainment for the rest of the night, fully paid, and I must say… you have some interesting preferences hun." She giggled, sliding her hands down and across the spandex.
He could feel the flush spread across his face as he watched her.
"Umm… can you give me a sec?" He laughed nervously. "I'm kinda cold and wet…"
"I could warm you up?" She smirked, slipping down from her perch.
"No-no, I really need to dry my hair… I'll be just a moment…" he yelped, grabbing his cell off the counter before diving back into the safety of the bathroom.
"How cute… he's shy!" she laughed, watching him go.
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"Roy… have you done anything I should know about?"
"Can't be sure. What do you think I've done?" The redhead laughed on the other end of the line.
"Have you sent an unexpected, unannounced gift that I should have been forewarned about, so I could have killed you then?" Dick growled.
Roy began to laugh hysterically.
"No dude, I've done nothin', but I've very curious now, spill it."
"There is a prostitute-" Dick paused, glancing down at the business card. "Correction, stripper, in my living room."
"Oh? Do elaborate."
"Redhead, tall, knows my name, and is wearing a Nightwing suit."
"Fuckin' A!"
Dick groaned.
"No! No this is not something to celebrate over! I don't know who she is, who sent her, or what I'm supposed to do!"
Roy snorted.
"God works in mysterious ways my friend. You're supposed to be thrilled as hell, grateful to whoever sent you this wondrous gift, and sit back and watch the show. Wonder if she's as bendy as Nightwing?"
"I hate you Roy."
"Love you too Dickie!" And with that, the dial tone sounded.
Dick let out a pained whine, and dialed up Wally next, who also denied involvement wholeheartedly, but demanded that he take advantage of the situation.
Six additional calls later, with all parties denying their part in this situation, Dick was forced to handle the situation as best as he could. He quickly towel dried his hair, and slipped a pair of flannel pants on before he mustered up enough nerve to deal with the woman sitting in the next room.
All sense unfortunately went out the window as upon his return, he suddenly now had a pole erected in the center of the room, with the redhead wrapped around it seductively.
As it would turn out, yes, Ms. Nighty was in fact as bendy as he.
And after such a revelation, how could he turn down such a gift?
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Across the street up on the rooftop across from Dick's Blüdhaven apartment, a lone figure sat perched upon the stone parapet, gazing in through Dick's opened curtains with a pair of high-tech sight goggles, a large smirk upon his face.
He pulled his jacket in close around him, shivering as the wind blew through his shaggy hair, chuckling as Dick gaped in awe at the woman dancing in front of him.
Even if he was going to raise hell in Gotham shortly, mind-fucking the entire Bat-clan, it didn't mean he couldn't have fun as he made his preparations.
Jason snorted.
Everyone would be in for a world of a surprise when he made his presence known, pity that in the process he would be kicking their teeth in, all while they would be asking themselves 'how'?
Dick deserved a bit of rest and relaxation before then he supposed.
At the very least, he would never be able to claim he had never given him anything, never been thoughtful.
After all, Dick really did have a thing for those redheads; the spandex was just for bonus points.