Chapter 1

Beyond the Wall

Months after killing Daenerys, Jon was still in pain. He had hoped Tyrion would be right, in time. He had hoped to freeze his hearth. He had thought that being free and living beyond the Wall, as before, was what he wanted. But he had not counted on the fact that he had fought wars in the meantime, he had loved and was loved, and he had found out his real identity. He was not the bastard that had gone to the Wall years before. He had a place in the world now, a place for which he was not ready before, he had tried to run away. Killing Daenerys Targaryen was also refusing himself and his new truth. But he had dreamt he was with her every single night. He would hold her every night, in his dreams.

One night he had started dreaming something else. Jon would dream in Drogon's skin, and a small white dragon was playing with him. After weeks of this, finally the small dragon had turned around and looked at Jon, showing him its grey eyes, Jon's eyes. Jon had woken up in tears.

He went hunting that morning, and was now lighting a fire to cook what he had captured. Ghost was eating his share next to him: unlike Drogon, Ghost liked his food raw. Jon could not stop thinking about his dream. Tormund sat next to him.

"What is it? You have been weird all day."

"I think this is all wrong. I am in the wrong place, but I do not know where I should be."

"You dreamt about her again."

"No. I dreamt her dragon with a small white dragon, that had my eyes.".

"It is not my place. But have you considered that maybe you feel so guilty also because you missed a part of the story?"

Jon looked at him confused.

"You missed her story, Jon. You killed her, and you know it was not fair. And you never really knew what journey she had made, to get to that point. Maybe you need to go to Essos, and do what she did to become who she was. Maybe you will see you were right, or maybe you will understand her. She was your woman. And you fucking killed her. Maybe knowing her will give you peace. Honor her memory."

Jon lowered his eyes, when they had started filling with tears.

"Look I am not saying what you did was not justified. I am saying, a part of her is still pulling you to her, and you can find a part of her where she lived. Maybe she has awoken the dragon that was sleeping under the ice. You are a Targaryen. You cannot run from that.".

"I did not know you were this deep."

"Oh fuck off." answered Tormund, while grabbing half of Jon's lunch.

"Maybe you are right."

"I know you should fuck off."

"I meant about going to Essos" said Jon, with a half smile.

"Yeah, you can fuck off to Essos if you want.".

"Now I recognise you." said Jon laughing.

Nearly three years later, in Mereen

After leaving Eastwatch, Jon had gone to Pentos, then to Vaes Dothrak, to Qarth, and had arrived in Yunkai weeks before then, with Ghost by his side. He had cut Ghost's fur short, to make him feel less warm. Jon had barely made it through, for the heat, the lack of food and water, having to persuade people not to kill him: he could not believe Daenerys had travelled in those lands when she was a little more than a child. How fierce and brave she was. In Yunkai, when he asked about Daenerys Targaryen, people eyes filled with tears of joy. The same thing happened in Astapor. The reply he had heard the most was Mhysa, Mother. Nobody seemed to realise she was gone. He was beginning to understand what she meant when she said she was loved in Essos. Everything that Missandei had said about her was true too. Everyday, he was realising more and more how wrong he had been, and what she meant when she said "Breaking the wheel": now he was in Mereen, outside what was once her palace, and he had not seen any beggar, children starving, or ill people. There was no filth on the street, and no stench. At a tavern the cook had explained to him that everybody was paid in Mereen, either in food, or clothing. People were paid to clean the streets, small houses were built for everybody, so nobody had to starve, or live on the street. If you were sick, you would be cured, if hungry fed, if cold you'd be given a house or a bed somewhere.

"Since when have you lived like this?"

"Since the Dragon Queen arrived."

Jon was speechless: he thought about Westeros, what it would have been with the two of them on the throne. He had heard that Bran was better than Cersei, but, not only things were not as in Mereen, also people were not happy, and odd things were happening in the city. The only consolation for killing the woman he loved had been that she was a tyrran, Tyrion had told him that. He now realised Tyrion had lied. He could see Mereen, he could see the people, the peace with which they were living. The journey that was supposed to give him peace, made him now truly inconsolable. He could have talked to her when she was in pain. He could have talked to her instead of killing her. He should have respected her story as well. He had been a coward. He saw now what ruling really meant. Yes he had been commander of the night's watch, yes he had been King in the North, but he had never actually stopped to think about what he wanted for his people and how to make it come true. Daenerys once told him one can help people, but only if one is in a position of power. "We will break the wheel, they will have no choice". Now he saw the world she wanted to build, the ruler she would have been. How terrible it must have felt for her that nobody would believe her, not even him. His view of life, his lack of faith in people, his close mind, had hurt her, the losses she had to endure for him broke her. And instead of understanding her, he had killed her. Jon wondered if that was only because of what Tyrion had said, or if it also was his fear of being king. She wanted to rule together, for him to embrace who he was, and he was not ready. He was still digesting not being a bastard, and she was asking him to be king, to love her. Jon did not know how to do all that. He had always been a bastard who had sworn to take no wife, to father no children, and to protect the realm of men. It was too much for him. And the fact that she slaughtered millions had been his way out, to hide again.

He had asked questions to a trader on the street, to understand his dream:

"Have you seen dragons recently?"

The trader seemed elusive "Not in years" he blabbed, and then left quickly.

Jon was now walking in an alley alongside Ghost, puzzled, when two guards caught him.

He ordered Ghost to stand down, as he did not want him to get hurt.

"Where are you taking me? I didn't do anything."

He received no answer.

He was taken behind the palace, in a back entrance, and dragged up the stairs. He had tried to reach for his sword, so the guards had taken his weapons away, and bagged his head. Until he was thrown on the floor, and he could see again.

He raised his head and saw an empty throne, and a man sitting next to it.

"We have been following you for a while. You are asking questions about Daenerys Targaryen and her dragons. Who are you?"

Jon hesitated and then answered "Jon Snow". He had still never used his Targaryen name.

The man raised from his chair, walked in front of Jon: he was really tall, and he was looking at him with hate. "He must know what I did" Jon thought "These were Daenerys' guards, they must know Grey Worm".

"I know who you are. I personally would cut you open, use your guts to hang you, and then burn you while you are still alive. Unfortunately, I must obey the orders I was given."

"What are the orders? Who are you? Who gave you orders?"

"I rule over Slaver's bay. My name is Daario Naaris, and I was ordered to let you go." Daario looked at the guards "Take him out of here."

The guards took Jon back on the same path, tossed him on the street, and threw his sword at him.

Ghost had waited there for him, and licked his face.

Still shaken, Jon looked at Ghost and said "Let's find somewhere to spend the night".

He had just managed to fall asleep in the stables of a tavern, when Ghost's barking woke him. He opened his eyes and he saw Daario Naaris.

"You will never know how much I hate this, but you have to come with me. I have to take you to somebody that can answer your questions. Now, tell your dog to shut up."

TO BE CONTINUED