A/N: I don't own Street Fighter and please for the love of God DO NOT IMITATE WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS STORY! That out of the way, enjoy.
Dan Accidentally Staples his Ball-sack
*Some Random Tournament in Bangkok*
Having lost his Quintillionth tournament match, Dan had enough, gave up fighting, and decided to get a job:
First he tried Taco Bell, but was fired on his first day after sneaking a Taco he had stolen into the men's restroom, ate it with extra sauce and then shat all over the bathroom walls.
Then he got a job dressing up like Elmo for tourists, but lost that one after spewing a bunch of Anti-Semitic slurs to a bunch of Jewish people.
A week later, he became a coach for a little league team, but got fired after losing his first game to "The Sandlot" kids. (And I'm referring to the original Sandlot, not the shitty-ass sequels)
Next he worked at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but was fired for snorting crack on the job, wandering into a Quidditch match naked and throwing up on a bleacher filled with first-years.
Later he got a security job at Jurassic World, but was let go after he spilled his coffee onto a gate control monitor, freeing several dinosaurs that resulted in 20 deaths, 50 injuries and the dinosaurs involved having to be euthanized.
Low on options, Dan decided to give fighting another chance and joined Johnny's newly resurrected Cobra-Kai, but got fired after losing a match to a girl.
And after that, he tried to be an adult star, but quit because the only scenes he got involved getting fucked by ladyboys.
Dan finally caught a break by landing a community job of stapling ads to sturdy surfaces.
"YES THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" Dan thanked his Boss.
"No worries, just don't staple yourself." His boss advised.
Not wasting any time, Dan got to work like the desperate, pink Gi-wearing cuck/bitch that he is. To everyone's surprise (Dan's included) he was doing a great job: A "Woman's Club" poster here, a "#Me-To" Poster there, Dan was fire. All he had to do now was the train station.
Down to his last poster and staple, Dan couldn't help but daydream: "If only Sakura could see me now." Dan thought to himself as he closed his eyes. "Her voice, smile, and barley-legal body…"
(STAPLE/SQUISH)
Opening his eyes to a sharp disturbance, Dan slowly looked down and to his horror, not only did he staple his balls, but also stabled them to the back of a train that would be departing soon.
Needless to say, Dan really fucked himself over.
"AAAAAAAAGH MY NUTS! I STAPLED MY TINY, BOIL-COVERED, ALMOST FEMININE NUTS TO THE BACK OF A DEPARTING TRAIN! SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME! KEN, RYO, SAKURA, BLANKA…. HELL EVEN SAGAT! PLEASE HELP ME! I'LL GIVE YOU ALL RIM-JOBS IF YOU HELP ME! PLEEEEEAASE!" Dan begged.
Dan screamed, and screamed, and screamed, but to no avail since almost everyone was wearing headphones.
Just then, the train started to leave, pull his back-sack taught, ripping it and…
*Hospital, a few hours later*
Dan awoke in a hospital bed and was greeted by several doctors and other Street Fighters.
"…. Where am I…...and why do I feel…...different?" Dan asked as he realized his voice was higher.
"Oh hello there, well as it turns out you are alive but due to the damage, your private parts and anatomy had to be reconfigured. It's a good thing this happened in Bangkok because in here, gender-reassignment surgeries are the cheapest." The Doctor Explained.
Dan then looked at himself, only to find he had implants, a somewhat feminine body and make-up.
Ryu then walked up to Dan and said "Dan, I know we've had our differences, but I want you to know that everyone in this room including myself are sorry this happened to you…"
"YAY I'M A WOMAN!" Dan leapt up in the air, filled with joy while confusing everyone.
"SINCE I WAS A CHILD I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING A WOMAN BUT MY FATHER ALWAYS CALLED ME A FAG! NOW THAT I'M A WOMAN, I CAN FULLFIL MY DREAM OF STOMPING THE PATRIARCHY AND ALL CIS-STRAIGHT-WHITE-MEN!" Dan cheered.
Ken stepped in. "Uh…sorry but that's not what being trans is all about Dan…" Ken tried to explain.
(GASP) "DID YOU JUST ASSUMED MY GENDER?!" Dan roared.
Ken was defensive. "….No….Dan.…" Ken tried to explain again.
"I AM NO LONGER DAN, FROM NOW ON MY NAME IS DANIELLE!" The newly Danielle declared.
"Okay Danielle, wanting to stomp out cis-straight-white-men counts as reverse discrimination." Explained Ken.
"PFFFT PLEASE THAT DOESN'T EXIST!" Danielle roared.
Just then the entire room aside from Danielle, burst into laughter.
"Danielle, by denying it you proved my point!" Laughed Ken.
"I…..well…I'M GOING TO FIGHT FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE!" Danielle announced as he left the doctor's office.
"AHEM." The Doctor coughed while holding up a bill.
"Oh…..I'm a part of my Dad's insurance plan!" Said Danielle.
"Actually, your Dad stated in his will that his insurance plan "MUST NOT COVER" Dan if he attempts to change his gender." The doctor mentioned as he pulled up a copy of Danielle's Father's Will and showed it to Danielle.
"Oh…. well it shouldn't be THAT EXPENSIVE since Bangkok is supposed to have the cheapest sex change operations. (chuckles) Plus I still have some money left over from my other jobs! So Doc, how much do I owe?" Danielle asked.
"$15,000 and that's ¼ of the cost in America where it's $50,000." The Doctor explained.
"…..Oh….poopy." Was all Danielle could say.
Only having $3.00 to "her" name (one turned out to be a Monopoly dollar), Danielle had to work for the hospital by cleaning toilets, wiping patient's asses and taking out the trash. Fed up w/ what she thought was the patriarchy, Danielle started a Go-Fund-Me to cover her operation. But that only made it easier for her former employers to track the loser down and take him (or her) to court. Danielle would be found guilty for theft, drug use in front of minors, releasing dinosaurs that injured/killed co-workers, and failing to mention his criminal record during job interviews and was sentenced to Bangkok prison for 5 years. (Which compared to other prisons would be very bad and Danielle developed a bad habit of dropping the soap)
Upon being released, Danielle would set up a Tumblr account, bitch about how much of a failure she was and would e-beg her few fans.
Meanwhile Sagat would discover the cure for Cancer, introduce a bill that would end Article 13, whip Adon's ungrateful ass, become a billionaire, launch a school that taught Mauy Thai, kill M. Bison, marry a woman who was playmate of the year, film a award-winning documentary that would get PETA shut down, introduce business ideas that would result in CAPCOM absorbing KONAMI and defeated Ryu in a major Tournament.
The End.
A/N: Hey guys be sure to give a review and let me know what you liked/disliked. Anyway take care and protect your junk!