Disclaimer: I own no part of Stargate or its characters.
A/N: Reviews always welcome!
Set in season four, immediately following Beneath the Surface (with references to Divide and Conquer, and Window of Opportunity)
Intentions
Jack returned to the living room with two beers, a coke, and a tall glass of water, carefully unloading the drinks onto the coffee table already littered with chips, cake, and steaming hot pizza.
It had been another rough mission, and in Jack's mind, that meant another team night was in order to clear the air.
It had become something of a tradition, over the years. The more uncomfortable the mission, the more time was needed to recoup some sense of normalcy. And the best way the members of SG-1 had found for getting a head start on the whole getting-back-to-normal thing was to hunker down together somewhere off-base, eating and drinking and talking about anything and everything until everything just...settled.
Being enslaved on another planet with no memory of their true identities definitely qualified as one of their more...memorable...missions. Jack shook his head. Who was he kidding? He'd forgotten his best friend, and toed the line with his Major on multiple occasions. Not to mention finding himself opposite Daniel in more than one spat... He still had the bruises to show for it. The mission had been a complete disaster, and the fallout...well, it could get ugly if left to fester.
He glanced around, taking a quick inventory of his supplies. Food, check. Drinks, check. Extra cushions and throws for later in the evening, check. All that was missing were his team mates.
Any minute now, Jack thought, glancing impatiently toward the door.
Teal'c and Daniel were the first to arrive.
"You're late," Jack growled by way of greeting.
"Teal'c wanted donuts," Daniel shrugged, holding the box aloft.
"Oh. Come in," Jack said, somewhat mollified as he gestured his teammates inside.
"Has Major Carter yet to arrive?," Teal'c asked, poking his head into the living room.
"Not yet," Jack replied, scowling. "Remind me to send out a memo tomorrow addressing punctuality."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "The clock in Daniel Jackson's vehicle indicated that we arrived well within the time specified by your invitation, O'Neill."
Jack checked his watch. "You need to synchronize your clock to base time, Danny-boy. You're both five minutes late."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that," Daniel mumbled, heading for the couch.
"O'Neill. There is a matter I wish to address prior to the arrival of Major Carter," Teal'c said sotto voce, a large hand on Jack's arm to hold him where he stood.
Jack's brows knit together. "What's on your mind, T?"
Teal'c drew himself up to his full height, radiating an authority seldom directed Jack's way. For a moment, Jack saw the First Prime of Apophis in his friend's serious eyes, and had to stifle the urge to take a step back.
"Major Carter is both an admirable warrior and an honorable woman," Teal'c rumbled. "I believe it is time for you to state your intentions toward her."
"I'm sorry. What?," Jack replied, startled.
"I do not believe your plan to suppress your feelings for one another has been successful, O'Neill."
Jack blanched. Okay, so Teal'c had been in the room with them when they'd had to confess their feelings for one another...but the whole Za'tarc thing was still something he preferred not to think about, let alone mention. You just couldn't hold a team-night for that particular mess. Not that they hadn't tried.
"We have never let those feelings get in the way of our duty, T. And it's going to take time to...let go," he winced.
Teal'c inclined his head. "I understand the difficulty of your position, O'Neill. However, it has been my observation that whenever the opportunity presents itself, you break your word to Major Carter."
Jack frowned. "What do you mean?," he asked, racking his brain for any overt indiscretions he may have allowed. Apart from that business on the ice planet, of course. But that didn't count. It couldn't. They'd had no idea who they really were...
"You gave Major Carter your word that you would leave your feelings for her behind. Yet during the time loop, you gave your resignation in order to publicly declare those same feelings," Teal'c began. Jack cringed. Okay. That may have been crossing the line. "And while under the guise of Jonah and Thera, you and Major Carter entered into a personal relationship which benefitted you both immensely," Teal'c continued.
Jack shut his eyes. That man really did see everything. "Yeah," he sighed. "I know. But it's really not that simple. We're Air Force officers first." He shrugged. The explanation seemed weak, even to him.
Teal'c raised a dubious brow. Yeah, he didn't quite buy it, either.
"Um, if I may..." Daniel interrupted. When he'd rejoined them in the hall, Jack couldn't say. But the interruption jolted him. He glared at the archaeologist. Undeterred, Daniel continued. "Isn't it only against the regs so long as you're in the same command?"
"What's your point, Daniel?," Jack growled, not at all pleased with the archaeologist's sudden involvement in this. "You want to decide which of us gets to stay on SG-1, and which of us leaves?"
"No," Daniel said slowly. "But I also don't want to see two of my best friends hurting, especially over something like this."
"Look, guys. I appreciate what you're trying to do here. Really. But fact of the matter is, I made a promise to Carter to leave things in that damned room, and I have every intention of keeping it."
"As I have previously stated, O'Neill, you have already broken your vow to Major Carter," Teal'c reminded.
"And would it really be so bad to find a way of making a new promise? Something along the lines of 'someday'?," Daniel asked softly.
Jack was about to respond when they heard a knock at the door.
Sam. Jack's heart clenched tight in his chest. She could never find out about this. "Just drop it, okay?," Jack hissed, USAF Colonel instantly knocking aside any emotion he may have been on the brink of revealing. Teal'c gave a subtle nod. Daniel too. Satisfied that they'd hold their peace for the moment, he reached over to open the door.
"Sorry I'm so late, Sir," Sam rushed. "I just wanted to pick up some extra treats."
"Don't worry about it Carter," Jack replied smiling, motioning her inside. "Just add whatever it is to the pile on the table."
Teal'c and Daniel exchanged amused looks, following their leader and second in command into the living room. Jack flinched, realizing what he'd just done. Damn. He was really going to have to watch it. The guys already had enough ammo against him as it was.
"I have pepperoni, meat-lovers, and vegetarian," Jack said, indicating the cooling pizzas stacked in the centre of the room.
"Ooh, donuts," Sam said, reaching for one.
"Ah!," Jack scolded. "No dessert before dinner! You know the rules." There. No favourites that time, he thought proudly.
"What difference does it make? You know there won't be anything left by the end of the night anyway," Daniel scoffed.
"A rule is a rule, Daniel," Jack retorted. "Besides, pizza is always better hot, so eat up!"
Everyone grabbed a seat, enthusiastically digging in to their ritual meal. Talk was sparse and banal as they ate their fill of pizza goodness, but Jack knew it wouldn't last. Sooner or later, someone would dredge up the mission. Sooner or later, the cards would all be on the table for everyone to see.
"So, has anyone else been having strange dreams?," Sam asked casually around a mouthful of pizza.
And there it was. Jack paused mid-bite, feeling almost as if he'd been winded. Dreams again. If they'd just left their dreams well enough alone, he and Thera could have had something in that god-forsaken place...
"No," said Daniel, surprised.
"I have not," added Teal'c.
"No offence, T, but the mind-stamp never worked on you in the first place," Jack pointed out rather gruffly.
"What about you, Sir?," Sam asked, eyeing him almost pleadingly. "Have you had any dreams?"
"None that I remember, Carter," Jack lied, draining his beer. He was no where near drunk enough for that conversation. Especially given the nature of his more recent dreams. "Want another?," he asked, waving the empty bottle in his hand.
"Yes, please," Sam said, curling up tighter on the couch. Crap. Jack hated lying to her, but what was he supposed to say? 'Yes, I've dreamed of Thera every night since getting home'? The guys would love that. And Sam... We'll, in light of recent conversations, he knew he was really going to have to watch what he said around her. The last thing he'd want to do is jeopardize her career over something as trivial as a few harmless dreams. Well, harmless to anyone other than himself. He really should have shot Caulder while he'd had the chance, the mind-stamping dirty rat-bastard...
Grabbing two new beers from the fridge, he made his way back to the living room in time to hear Daniel asking, "So, what were the dreams about?"
Sam chewed her pizza thoughtfully. "Some of them were the ideas I presented to Brenna," she said carefully. Others were...very mixed up."
"Your brain was manipulated, Carter. I'd be surprised if your dreams weren't mixed up," Jack retorted, handing her the beer. Even if he couldn't tell her the truth, he could at least reassure her that she wasn't losing her mind, right? Surely that wasn't crossing any boundaries...
"Jack's right," Daniel said. "The mind stamp affected us all differently. I mean, it didn't work on Teal'c at all, and I found holes in it after a while... Maybe it took a firmer hold on you, and it'll take a little longer to wear off."
"Or perhaps you have reason to wish you were still Thera," Teal'c observed.
Jack allowed a long stream of silent curses to fill his mind. What the hell were these guys thinking?
Sam took a swig of her beer.
"Don't let it bother you, Sam," Jack said softly. "They're just dreams. That's all. You'll shake them," he added, desperately hoping it was true. He wasn't entirely sure how many more nights of those dreams he'd be able to handle himself if he didn't catch a break soon.
"Yes, sir," she murmured, taking another sip of her drink.
"Look," Jack said, setting his own beer down on the table and perching on the arm of the couch, "You're not alone in this. We've all been messed with, here. And we'll all get through this."
"We crossed the line, Sir," Sam confessed softly, not meeting his eye.
For the second time that evening, Jack felt winded. He really wished his conscience would stop kicking him in the gut.
"You had no idea who you really were," Daniel reminded before Jack could recover enough to respond. "None of us did."
Sam shook her head. "You and Teal'c figured it out. It's not an excuse."
"Hey. I never guessed, and I've been trained to withstand all kinds of brainwashing," Jack replied earnestly, some semblance of oxygen intake returning to his body. "I don't know what their problem is," he added crossly, nodding across the room at Daniel and Teal'c, "but I do know that you have done nothing wrong."
"We...," Sam began.
"Thera and Jonah," Jack corrected. "For all we know, it was part of the memory stamp." Grasping at straws, Jack. But Sam looked almost hopeful at that. Plausible deniability. It had its perks.
Still, the look stung.
"Are you two seriously going to sit here and deny everything?," Daniel asked incredulously.
"I believe that is their intention, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c confirmed, disapproval heavy in his voice.
Jack shot the pair of them his best death glare.
"Have I missed something, here?," Sam asked, frowning around the room.
"No," Jack replied, a little too quickly even to his own ear.
"Daniel?," Sam pressed, ignoring him.
"It's really none of my business," Daniel replied cautiously, pressed as he was by Jack's baleful glare.
"Teal'c?," Sam asked, rounding on their alien teammate.
"I believe this matter rests between yourself and Colonel O'Neill," Teal'c replied with unruffled dignity. Sam did not look happy as she directed a glare of her own around the room at them.
"Teal'c, did we forget the cream soda in the car?," Daniel asked suddenly, wide blue eyes as innocent as a child's.
"I believe we did, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c replied knowingly, both men rising quickly from their seats. "We shall return shortly, O'Neill," Teal'c added, following Daniel from the room.
Sam's frown deepened as their teammates beat a hasty retreat. Jack groaned, rubbing his face roughly in disbelief.
If they'd been in the navy, this would be considered mutiny. He was so going to kill Daniel and Teal'c once he got out of this.
"Sir, what's going on?," Sam asked.
Jack stayed completely immobilized, mind racing. There was no plan B. He was going to have to tell her the truth, and hope it didn't tear his team apart. He cleared his throat. Once. Twice. Sam stared at him, waiting. Jack blew out the breath he'd been holding. "Teal'c seems to think there are things...personal things...that need to be said," he began slowly, awkwardly, "but which really can't be said given the current state of... things. Daniel agrees."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Daniel knows too?," she whispered, somehow understanding his suddenly Neanderthal vocabulary.
Jack smiled humourlessly. "What can I say? The kid's bright," he replied, shrugging. Eye contact was next to impossible. He stared at the floor instead, sweat beading along the back of his neck as if he were in some rat-hole interrogation room with a bunch of trigger-happy maniacs, all with their weapons trained squarely on him...
"We didn't leave it in the room," she said, looking down. He caught the motion in his peripheral vision, and chanced a glance.
"We didn't know who we were," Jack replied. "There's nothing incriminating here. Even Hammond agrees."
"Sir..."
"Carter. We don't have to get into this if you don't want. I made a promise, and I'll stand by it." There. An out. That's what she wanted, right?
"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"
"Granted," he replied, barely managing to conceal the urge to flinch at her formality. Sometimes he really hated the Air Force.
"I've dreamed about Jonah every night since getting back," she confessed, looking away.
Jack shut his eyes. Crap. "You're not the only one," he murmured. "But they're still just dreams, Carter. And if we have this conversation now... things will change."
"And if we don't have this conversation now? Will things ever change?," she asked softly.
Jack's heart skipped a beat. Surely she wasn't having as much trouble leaving this in the room as he was? It'd been her idea in the first place...
"I don't know," Jack confessed. "But we still have a job to do. A damned important one, Carter."
"I know that, Sir. But this thing between us..."
"Keeps coming up. I know."
"So what do we do?," she whispered.
Jack picked up his beer and began to play with it.
"Sir?," Sam pressed.
Jack sighed, a deep, resonating sound in the quiet room. "I do the right thing, Carter."
"And what's the right thing?," Sam asked worriedly, searching his face for clues.
Jack forced his eyes to meet hers, holding her gaze. "Sam, I care about you. A lot. And I don't think that's ever going to change. But I'm not ready to give up SG-1 just yet, and I don't think you are either."
Sam shook her head in silent confirmation of his words, still waiting to see where he was going with this.
"The thing is, I know the day will come when one of us is ready," he continued carefully. "And when that day comes... Let's just say, I'll still care."
"Okay," she whispered uncertainly.
"Okay," he agreed, dropping her gaze. A hollow pit had just opened up somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach. Four years in and he knew this thing between them would haunt him until his dying day. And wasn't that just a dandy little tidbit to have to confess to his second-in-command? An officer who for all her experience and training now looked as if she might be sick at the very thought.
"Sir?," she asked tentatively, his silence dragging on into infinity.
"Yeah?," he said gruffly, his empty beer suddenly the most fascinating thing in the universe.
"I'll still care too."
A sudden warmth flooded through him with her admission, and Jack grinned in spite of himself, looking up to meet her dazzling blue eyes once more. No shadows. No barriers. No half-truths. She was serious. By some miracle, she really did feel the same way.
"I'll hold you to that, Major."
Sam smiled back, those same eyes sparkling with the promise.
Jack was finding it a little hard to breathe, lost in the intensity of her gaze. It wasn't a bad feeling.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Oh for cryin' out loud," Jack muttered, the moment lost as they both turned, startled, to the front hall.
"Is it safe to come back in?," Daniel asked, poking his head around Jack's front door.
"What if I said 'no'," Jack snapped, rounding on the archaeologist. To his credit, the man didn't even flinch.
"Sam?," Daniel asked, bypassing his host.
Sam's mouth opened, then closed. Nothing came out. She looked to Jack. If he'd thought for even a moment that he'd be able to get away with slamming the door in Daniel's face and spending the rest of the evening pledging his devotion to Sam, he would have. As it was...
"Yeah. It's safe," Jack grunted, casting one final glance toward Sam. She smiled, one of those radiant, heart-stopping, world-tilting-on-a-new-axis smiles she seemed to save just for him. This time, he didn't mind the winded feeling quite so much.
The Goa'uld were so going down. There was no way he was missing out on more of that smile.
And so what if Teal'c and Daniel's furtive looks, raised eyebrows, and silent smirks followed him and Carter for the rest of the night? What did he care, anyway?
Sam had adopted an air of absolute serenity that even Teal'c would be hard-pressed to surpass. And Jack...Jack felt like he could breathe again for the first time in months.
Reaching for one of the donuts, Sam took a huge bite, closing her eyes to savour the taste.
Jack grinned. It was nice to know Carter could look forward to something other than one of her doohickeys.
It was nicer still to know that one of those things was him.
Someday was looking better and better all the time. And maybe, if he was really lucky, it'd be Sam ghosting his subconscious thoughts tonight instead of Thera...
A man could only dream.