My steps are loudly echoing, bouncing off the corridor walls. I can´t take it. I can´t take this anymore. Everything is just so fucked up. Life has never been kind to me. I did not expect that it would change. I don´t really know what I have expected. Not this for sure. Hope sucks, happiness sucks. There are thousands of thoughts running through my head, making havoc and fucking with my emotions. Strange that my breath is steady and calm anyway. Under all those painful emotions one old friend starts to stir and I smile. Turning right my steps quicken on my way to H3. I should have done it a long time ago. My fists start to clench on their own. I feel muscles tightening in my arms, my whole body is slowly becoming alive. All that triggered by anger and pure hatred. I turn around the corner and walk into the hall. Lucky me! There she is! Looking right into my face. Before she knew what has happened, she got my fist in her face making her step back. "What the…" she had no time to finish before the second punch landed. Kaz grunted and lifted her hands to cover her face. I grabbed her by the sleeves yanking her with force and making her fell on the ground. I want her dead, I really do. My knees hit the floor hard as I straddle her and start punching with all my strength. Seeing her bleeding is as much satisfying as the pain in my hand. I pull it far back and hit her with another powerful punch right into her jaw. Fucking lying bitch! Worthless self-centered cunt! I grab her neck with my both hands and starts squeezing as much as I can. She is struggling, trying to kick me off, but I have none of it. Clutching at her like a leech. My arms are on fire, my whole body on extreme alert. I will fucking kill her now. This is not a place for the weak. I should have done it as soon as she opened her fucking mouth for the first time. Fucking big mouth that she has, but that is all. She can´t back it up, no backbone no character. Just fucking talk! My grip tightens and her eyes go wider. They are shiny and she is gasping for air. Her skin is hot and I can feel the sweat and probably blood under my hands. I squeeze some more and smile at her, staring deeply into her eyes – enjoying the fear in them. The first thing I can hear is a scream and then I feel arms wrapping around me and pulling me away. I try to fight it, but the guard is stronger. Kaz is not moving, she is just lying there on the floor, bloody and gasping for air. She looks terrified, but that is not satisfying enough.
- "I will get you! We are not done! " - I yell before I´m showed away.
I step inside the governor´s office and quickly look around. She is standing in front of the window, slowly turning, when she hears the door closing. Vera Bennet is someone I can´t really get. I don´t know if she is naïve, stupid or probably both. Have no idea what her intentions are, if she means well or not. I don´t trust her, that is for sure.
- Do you want to kill Proctor? - Honestly, yes I want. I thought and stepped closer.
- This is how things will work from now on. – I say. - You will do as I say, you will get me everything I ask for. No questions asked! You will help me or we are done! I´m not willing to balance on the edge anymore. As you see this approach is not working.
-What do you want?
-Kaz in the slot for starters. – Vera nodded. – And extra protection for H1.
- What else?
-I want you to let me into the slot with Proctor.
-Are you going to kill her?
-No, I won´t. – She nods again.
-Are you not going to ask? - I shake my head.
-Not sure if I want to know. – The governor presses the button on her radio, calling mister Jackson in.
- She is out of the worst. They are still waiting for some results to decide what to do next, but she should be alright.
I feel strong relief wash all over my body, giving me chills and feeling like I just took a first breath since morning. Allie will be alright, we will be alright. I will have to step up and make sure everyone knows that it is not wise to mess with me, my AllieCat or the rest of my crew. I stepped down in the belief that I don´t want or need the position of the top dog. I have been looking forward quiet life with my friends and the woman I love. It has changed in few hours. Now, I have realized that "the position" is not for me. But I am the top dog. It is inside me and keeping it leashed is what brought me into this mess.
- I will let you know if they call me again. – Bennett says as the door opens with Will Jackson holding the handle. She looks at him. – Take Smith to see Proctor. – to his credit, he didn´t even flinch.
Will Jackson never said a thing or questioned what is going on. We walked quietly down the hallways until we arrived and he opened the slot door for me. Kaz is sitting on the bed, obviously, she heard the door open. I made few steps towards her and waited for the door to close behind me. Yeah. That is it. That terrified look on her face was back and I loved it.
- You can´t kill me in the slot. – she whispered and I laughed.
-But you can kill yourself, don´t you think?
Satisfaction. There is no better feeling than to see the blood draining from your enemy´s face.
- I´m the top dog. – I growled and looked down at her as I stepped closer. – The worst fucking rabid bitch you have ever seen. – Kaz was just staring. – You will keep your women in check. The Asian crew too. If Tina brings more gear inside I will kill you. Did you want to be the top dog and rule? Here is your chance. Women are yours to keep in check, you will do the dirty work. You kill her if you have to, I don´t give a fuck. But you will keep them in check. No, drugs! No bullshit! Any sign of trouble and you will hang or take way too many pills. Do you understand? – she nods and I have to think about how she helped Allie, have to remember Allie´s voice telling me she loved her, that she owed her life to this woman. I had to remember this, so now I can forget it. I gave her too much slack for this reason, but now it´s done.
- You made few very stupid mistakes! – I watch her scoot towards the back wall. - First of all, you did not take advantage of my relationship with Allie. You should have been happy that you had me off your chest. Second of all, you thought my love for her makes me weak, guess what – it makes me stronger. Third, you poked into me before you knew what I´m capable of. This will all cost you a lot. - Then I punched her, have even no idea why. Just watching her face made me sick. She wasn´t defending herself at all, but that didn´t stop me and I kept hitting her. Not so hard like before, because I didn´t want to make her bleed again. But seeing her lip open up made me smile. I don´t think that I punched her with the intention to hurt her, mostly it was for my sake – to feel better. - She loved you like a mother and for that, - I growled – for that, I will knock you around when you feel better. She loved you, looked up to you and trusted you. You will spend few weeks in medical for hurting her like this, count on it. – With the last final punch, I stepped back. The room is fairly dark, but I can see her trembling. The look in her eyes is like I have never seen before, she is genuinely scared to death. I take few steps back towards the door, knocking on it without taking my eyes off her. We are done here. I hear as the lock clicks and I slip out the door. It felt good, I feel good, very good, but not so good as the words I heard next. "The governor wants to see you, Smith," Jackson said leading me down the hallway. "I think someone is on the phone wanting to talk to you."
He smiled and I couldn´t help it, but smile back too, as I made quicker steps towards the hallway. Everything is fucked up and it won´t ever change. But I know what to do now. I know who to be. I have never wanted to be the top dog. I tried to fight it and I tried to make this hell a better place. Not anymore. This is hell, your worst nightmare. Wentworth is a prison and I´m in charge here. I´m the god damn top dog! A smile spreads on my face. Some sort of weird calmness washing over me. I have one very important call to make and then….then I will shake this place upside down.