Guan Ping Answer's Letters

Authors note:

#Letters in bold are sent from others, italics writing is Guan Ping's reply

#Thank you for the reviews! Also I will try to make the responses longer as an anon had requested, but I didn't want to bore you with a really long reply, I chose to do this answering letters a little different from the normal to make it a bit more open for everyone including the made up scenario ect. Do let me know if you have anymore suggestions dear mustard jars

#Guan Ping will try to answer letters asap

I will post the next letters as a new chapter and if you are following the story will get an automatic notification of this, to make it easier I am going to write how many letters have been answered in summary, so look at that number to find out if I have updated

#Feel free to bug me if I've forgotten or missed your letter out- I intend to answer all- and happy writing ^-^

One sunny day Guan Ping had been sent by his father to collect letters from their abandoned home. Abandoned not as in forgotten, but with the constant waging wars and the conquest to bring forth benevolence the Shu warriors had been kept more than occupied. After a long journey from the famed Jing province the older son of Guan Yu had reached the old house, the town was mostly empty as most of its civilians had moved to safer Shu territory where lord Liu Bei had guaranteed their safety. Guan Ping opened the door to their old home to find a pile of scrolls on the solid wooden floor. What could have been written inside? he wonders to himself...

1

Dear Guan Ping,
Why are you such a wuss? Why don't you just confess to Xing Cai already? Do you feel challenged by a mentally challenged midget emperor? Man up!

~Wuss Detector

Dear Lord Wuss... detector?

I do not feel mentally challenged in any way... Guan Ping huffed. I do not know what you speak off, but I assure you I and Lady Xing Cai are merely nothing but sparring partners. However I am curious to know the meaning of your name Lord Wuss...Detector..

~Signed Guan Ping

2

Dear Brother,
Bao Sanniang has been asking me lately if I want to have an intimate intercourse with her but I'm yet to answer her because I don't know how to do it. So could you please teach me how to do it?

~With love, Guan Suo.

Dear Suo

By honour, what are you asking brother?! I do not wish to know such personal detail about you and Lady Sanniang. Please don't ask me to teach you something I myself have no knowledge about...

~Your confused brother- Ping

3

Dear Big Brother,
I think Red Hare is getting lonely but I'm too busy practising martial arts to play with him. So can you babysit Red Hare the whole day, big brother? For me?
By the way, do you think that its about time for me to date boys now? They're so cute and funny!

~Love, Guan Yinping.

Dear sister Yinping,

I have enough tasks on my hands, father has given me plenty to keep me busy, please don't make me do this, hey wait... I hope you're not asking me to baby sit red hare so you can run off to date a peasant or two. Dear sister, dating is strictly forbidden for you, you are still young, do not let those grubby creatures fool you into their traps, believe me there is nothing cute or funny about them.

~Love your angry big brother

4

Dear Brother,
The men in my squad always told me that my weapons of choice looks like wings. So if I jump off the tallest mountain, do you think I can fly?

~Guan Xing.

Dear Xing,

I cannot guarantee, but if it does work, do be kind to notify me... I have been looking for new ways to impress father.

~Your curious older brother- Ping

5

Dear Guan Ping

I looooooooovveeeeeee yoooooouuuuuu~
Marry me!

PS : I will find you and...never...ever...leave...YOU

( Something was behind Guan Ping )

~Creepy fangirl

Guan Ping stared at the letter in confusion, he was sure he hadn't accomplished enough achievements to begin to receive fan mail, after all it was only the likes of Ma Chao the splendid, Or the sleeping dragon and warriors of that sort who received this kind of praise and fondness. His eyes scanned the letter again and fixed onto who it was address to, was there a mistake? But his name was printed clearly on the top of it. He paused as he felt the presence of someone or something behind him. He turned slowly to look but there was no one in sight... Could this be a trap set up by the enemy? Guan Ping tried to be cautious, there was no movement in the courtyard, for a few seconds anyway... until the bushes began to rustle... Who could be in there?

6

Zhuge Liang: To the Eldest son of Guan Yu,
Without wasting time writing unnecessary pleasantries, I have heard that you are a capable young man who would be willing to do anything to honour his father. I have a job for you. Liu Shan needs a strike out bitch /strike retainer who can look after him while I am away. Would you be so kind and accompany him? Make sure that he takes his medicine and clean up after him. He eats six times a day and needs to have his nappy changed eight times... Minimum. Do your family name justice.

Not really sincere,
~Sleeping Dragon

Dear lord Zhuge Liang,

I have no objections against what you ask of me, but I am curious to know why lord Liu Shan would require to eat 6 meals a day, is it possible for one to die of over-feeding? It is of no question why he would require to be changed for at least 8 times a day. Should we not take him to see a doctor about this? As I worry for our young lord's health. I do not say this in an attempt to escape my duties, I solely ask as how is lord Liu Shan going to be able to train if we keep stuffing him up like a thanksgiving turkey, but my most curious question of all... why is it that lord Liu Shan resorts to diapers at 17...

The really sincere and curious

~Guan Ping

7

Dear Son,

Please be honest with me and answer my question truthfully: Were you the one who encouraged Xing to jump off the highest mountain and fly using his weapons? Because now your brother is somewhere out there and we couldn't find him! So help us find that flying monkey! Now!

Your father,
~Guan Yu.

Dear father,

I am afraid I have no knowledge of what you speak of father, but I do pray for his safety, I will begin a search right away, I have already deployed our troops to search the village and I and red hare will join the search also.

Your honest and truthful son,

~Guan Ping

8

Dear Cousin,

Dude, you're looking worse for wear! Xingcai also noticed it. So she wants to send these whitening and beauty products to which she bought from Zhang He's beauty store and here three bottles of hair gel that Xing and I got for you. Please use them on yourself every day. We pretty boys need to look pretty all the time or else the fangirls won't go crazy on us anymore.

~Your very supportive cousin, Zhang Bao.

Dear Zhang Bao,

I am glad that you have brought this to my attention, and I am also grateful that you and Xing have spent gold to help me out. I would like you to apologise to Lady Xing Cai for me, I did not mean to burn her eyes with my unsightly visage, I vow to try and do better next time. I had been running low on ideas and had little knowledge on what to use. However I am eager to know how do you come to trust these products, what if this Zhang He is plotting something against benevolence... Also I am unsure of why I have a few white strands after testing some of these products, do tell me cousin.

~Your disgraceful looking friend and cousin, Guan Ping

9

Dear Little Ping,

Congratulations! I, with the rest of our battalion, are very happy for you. For years we have anxiously waited for that day to come. Even your little sister is beside herself with joy. In fact, she was the one who informed of the great news.

Again, congratulations on having a lover.

~From your mentor and friend, Zhao Yun.

Dear Zhao Yun,

I do not know who you mean by the rest of our battalion, but I do hope the number of people you are referring to is a small one, I assure you whatever it was Yinping informed you off was nothing but lies, I am solely focused on aiding our lord Liu Bei on his quest for benevolence and nothing else, therefore please forget what you've heard and do not let more word spread around the camp.

~From your nothing but benevolent friend, Guan Ping

10

Dear Guan Ping
All you Guan Spawn Suck but you are the worst one please jump off a cliff

Signed, The Queen Bitch

Guan Ping furrowed his brows angrily, who could be behind this letter? Who ever it was, was obviously trying to taunt him, but it had worked, and Guan Ping was quick to grab his great sword and run to find out who was behind this ill will. Was the culprit from Wu? Were they from Wei...? All that mattered was he'd defend his family from this evil. After all they had stated they wanted him dead but the son of Guan Yu wouldn't have it without a fight.

Rules:

Send letters by reviews signed with the name of the DW character writing them and Pingu will reply via this thread! :D

Happy Writing!

Flower girly~