A Matter for the Heart
By
Snivellus
A/N: Ok people we are going to try something totally new, and perhaps a bit crazy. I have decided to do a podcast reading of this story, so if you are visually impaired, have difficulty reading, or just want to hear the story read out loud, please visit my profile for a link to the story, as I don't think you can post a web address in the stories.
As I say, but must note here as well, I am America. I am an accountant, not an actress. I have no talent doing voices whatsoever, but it was still fun nonetheless trying. I think you need quicktime for it to work. It is a free program. Let me know what you guys think.
"Ah, Severus please sit down." Albus said cheerfully as he motioned to the chair in front of his mahogany desk.
"Headmaster." Severus responded. He walked slowly over to the chair, and tugged and arranged his robes before resting his elongated frame into the old wood back chair.
"Now, I have a matter of utmost importance to discuss with you." The Headmaster said, placing his fingertips together.
"Yes, sir." Severus said looking around his office.
"Now, we both know that the time is coming when Draco will be called upon to complete his task. And as you may have guessed from his many poor attempts in the past few months that he may fail." Dumbledore paused momentarily.
Severus snapped his head toward the Headmaster at this. In the distance the sound of the gargoyles, moving from their posts could be heard. Some one was coming up to see the Headmaster
"I have already told you, that I will not let it come to THAT." Severus said anger hidden beneath his words.
"Would you rather your godson become a murderer?" Albus asked quietly in return.
"I would rather none of it never happened." Severus hissed.
"You promised me Severus, to follow me." Albus said.
"I have had enough of this madness, I refuse to continue. I want, no I NEED out! I can't do this anymore!" Severus practically yelled.
"Oy Headmaster, so sorry I didn't think you had anyone in here. Hullo Professor." The visitor interrupted.
"It is all right Hagrid. Did you need anything?" Albus asked looking from Severus to Hagrid.
"Jus' brought you some of akia plant from my garden that you asked for." Hagrid said placing a bundle of the freshly cut plant on the Headmaster's desk.
"Thank you Hagrid! I could use some more." Albus said happily. Hagrid nodded to the Headmaster and then to Severus, and then made his leave. The two sat in silence for a while before the Headmaster spoke again.
"You have no choice Severus. I am afraid you backed yourself into a corner, one that I am willing to let you get out of." Albus said gently.
"If he fails, you know that means that in order to fulfill the vow, I will have to." He paused, closed his eyes and tried to force the words out of his mouth.
"I will have to kill you." Severus said more quietly now.
"Yes, I know this. This is why I have called you here today. There are a few things that we need to go over before I set off for my last great adventure." Albus said his voice still upbeat, which caused Severus to cringe.
"Yes, sir." Severus said now more composed, pushing down his inner turmoil.
"I wanted to apologize to you Severus." Albus said.
"Excuse me sir?" Severus asked incredulously, thinking that Albus would tell him how to carry on his duties after his death.
"I wanted to say that I am sorry, that it has taken me this long to truly see you. To truly understand you." Albus said his blue eyes glowing softly.
"I beg your pardon sir." Severus said still not understanding.
"All you have ever wanted Severus, was someone to notice you, some one to care enough about who you are and what you are capable of. Much like Tom Riddle, you came from a broken home. You, however so very unlike him sought out love constantly, but alas I failed you. I failed you and you joined the one thing that I knew would break you." Albus said, he eyes now filled with sadness.
Severus sat speechless, it was as if the man had looked not into his mind, but into his heart. This scared Severus and he stood quickly and turned away.
"Please Severus, I am not finished. I know I ask too much of you, just as your other master does the same, but understand this. I hope you see that I truly do care about you. I hope you understand that I love you like a son. I trust you, whether you choose to believe it is of course up to you." Albus said, also now standing walking towards him.
"If you love me, as you say you do, then you would not ask this of me." Severus hissed quietly.
Albus took a deep sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose, almost as if he saw this coming, he said.
"Severus, if it was in my power I would turn back time for you. I would have taken the time when you were a child to insure that you would not have to endure the trials that you have seen in your few short years. I ask you to do this because I am old Severus, I have lived my life. You have yet to know true happiness, I wish the world for you Severus." Albus said now placing his hand on Severus shoulder. This caused the taller man to flinch out of habit, another thing that tugged at Albus's heart.
"How can I know happiness, when the one person who knows the man behind the mask is dead? How will the other treat me when they find out? How will they ever forgive me?" Severus's voice now faltering from its usual silkiness.
"Your greatest journey will be learning to forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself for your past, then the others will forgive you in turn. Severus, you have become over the past fifteen years, a friend, a confidant, and like a son to me. I would not have asked this of you if I knew that you could not handle it. You are brave and strong, your past has ensured that you must be in order to survive. That is what you will survive. You will survive." Albus said softly.
"Yes sir, as you wish." Severus said as he slowly turned to leave.
Albus stopped him, and pulled him into a hug. Severus instantly tensed. The walls that he had spent so many years building up were crumbling as he struggled so desperately to build them back up. Severus's arms laid lankly by his side, as he struggled to get away. This only caused Albus to hold on tighter.
An almost inaudible catch in Severus's breath signaled to the Headmaster that he was starting to get through to the boy. Next, as if in slow motion, and even caught the Headmaster in somewhat surprise, Severus raised his arms and hugged back. Every second that passed, Severus seemed to grab on a little tighter.
"Headmaster, I can't do this." Severus said, sadness filled his voice.
"I will never truly leave you." Albus said now, tears flowing freely.
"Sir, you know I would never betray you."
"I know Severus, I know." Albus said patting his friend on his back.
"I will do this, but only because of you. I will continue to make sure Potter lives. I will, because you ask. After it is over, if I survive, I am not coming back." Severus pulled away. There was a faint shine to his black beetle eyes.
"I know. Severus, take care of yourself." Albus nodded his head as he said his final goodbye.
As the Headmaster watched as his friend made his way out of his office, he glanced down at his shoulder where Severus's head lay, and noticed that it was wet, wet with tears. Albus knew in his heart that he trusted Severus Snape.